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Species Western Dragon
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Outbelching a God?
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“BHHWWWUUWWRRRROHHHP!” The greasy, gravelly belch of the dragon swept the turf up into a low tide, conically slapping clumps of grass and muck for yards and yards until his scaly black cheeks stopped rippling. A purple haze of miasma enshrouded the frontmost audience of rabbits, hedgehogs, birds and squirrels encircling him, and skated through the oaks beyond the small clearing. Beasts in the audience cringed with expressions of repulsed admiration, and a hedgehog turned green in his swelling cheeks and put a paw to his lips, stifling the urge to vomit. The ring of beasts recoiled from the sour gas, broadening to cover half the breadth of the clearing. Some of the beasts sniffed the close-creeping fumes one time too many, and sprawled unconscious. Sini’s sporous blackberry-carrion belly stench has that effect on the light of heart.
The dragon chuckled the chuckle of a gay wood nymph. “That was just a warm up,” he said to them.
He lowered himself on buckling lithe legs, placing stress on his plum colored belly to compress the gases inside. That first belch had sparked his stomach’s toxic gas creation, and so his food sac began to pulsate, bloating with too much gas for its fleshy constraints. Sini would now share the first true lyrics of his song. “BRRRUUUUUUUUUUAWWWWWHHGH! BRRAAAAAAAaaaEHHP! BRREHAACK BRAAP BRAPAP OWAAAAWWRRPP URRRRRUUUUHHHHWARRRRRRGH!” Pride and delight crinkled the corners of his purple eyes and flapping lips. His belches were evolving, each burp not simply dwarfing but humiliating every predecessor belch, rearing greater size, stench and brawn. Meanwhile, his paunch churned and ballooned, housing voluminous gases faster than it could evict.
Sini’s odious concert, which had once delighted his audience, now frightened them because the earth beneath their paws wouldn’t stop skipping; the fumes wouldn’t stop apart shrubs ripping; the spit wouldn’t stop flying; the greenery wouldn’t stop dying. Petals of flowers and leaves of bushes dried up and curled into crunchy shucks, developing gold and black skin with purple freckles of illness. Shrieking, the audience disbanded and disappeared into the gloom, which continued to fatten. Now only Sini remained, revolving in ecstasy as he ejaculated one gargantuan belch after another. Only the gastric vociferations of his repugnant solo and the blubbery smokescreen of those deathly eructions dared keep him company. “BRAAP! URRAAPURCH HURRRGH, HURROOOGH~!”
Suddenly, what felt like a smashing blow from a titan’s hammer over a great anvil boomed over Sini. Although whatever-it-was was silent, Sini’s ears rang and vision blurred. He stopped burping. A sensation of static and bad signals filled his head.
The aftershock landed harder than the initial whatever-it-was. The aftershock heralded the gusts of a belch from a Sini thrice Sini’s size but had the pureness of the woodland air untouched by his miasma. The howling gusts purified the air around him, slicked back the trees of the clearing, and careened the dragon off his paws. With a yelp he flapped his wings in strokes as wide as he could make to add drag, but ultimately a tree clobbered his head and back. He slid down the bole of it, dazed. When he blinked open his eyes, a circle of trees about 60 feet in diameter ahead of him blinked too. It was a glitchy sort of blink. The circle’s trees vanished. A second clearing appeared where the trees once stood, and one edge of the clearing grinded against one edge of Sini’s so that both clearings composed a peanut shape, should you look at them from overhead.
Over the center of the second clearing, a starry void in space and time tore open. A deity clawed his way out of it. He was a black, gooey taur who stood at least 10 times as tall as Sini. He had a short lapine snout and magenta hair cropped to the length of his shoulders. A venom green leaflet of hair shaded his temple above eyes of the same shade. Ears as long as dragon horns crowned his head. The insides of them were white, like erased realities. That same white swept his underbelly and glutes, a streak of it. Behind him writhed twelve mawed tails. Each of them was black and their temples marked by a lightning splash. For each tail the splash color differed. Each tail was as thick as Sini was tall.
Four paws of magenta digit tips levitated down. “You impress me.” Save his own, Sini had never heard a voice so imposingly hypnotic.
He readied himself. He was a wise dragon: not to be intimidated, nor to lower his guard in the face of a dragon’s greatness weakness: flattery. “Care to elaborate, god?”
“Your belches,” said the god. “Tales of them travel throughout the multiverse. But no spoken hyperbole can compare with yours truly. Connoisseur of Belches, Sini, you stand in the presence of Twister of Realities, Eater of Gods, Dolor. I have adoration and humility enough to admit that you can belch almost as well as I can.”
Sini curtseyed with his nose. Rose enflamed his cheeks. But the double-edge of Dolor’s compliment had him nervously scratching behind his long ear with a wing claw. “It’s an honor, Dolor. Forgive me. I don’t want to correct you. Nothing personal. But no one can belch better than me, not even the gods. Other gods have challenged me. They just don’t have the belly for it.”
Dolor stayed quiet.
Then shedded his kindness.
“You would insult me …” A shrill white noise rose in volume around him and Sini as rose his wrath. “You would mock me when I gift you my favor … You fool—ungrateful fool—how many mortals would die for my favor—how many mortals would murder for my praise—”
Dolor’s reality-twisting bile made the grass around him turn into eldritch octopus tendrils that hissed and oozed acid; the flowers around him into mad, sentient dancers that shot hazardous spores from their pistils. And Sini felt his divine wrath beginning to choke his throat. “Gr-gr—I’m grateful … Dolor, pl-please … I wish only t-to speak the truth in a god’s presence.”
Dolor unlocked his jaws, took a breath; and the reality-twisting ended. Sini fell, gasping with gullet free. “A single one of my tails can outbelch you,” said the god, trembling, with a choked voice. “The effort of a yawn would be too much. I can dwarf your biggest of belches with my weakest of tails.”
That last comment not only raised Sini to his feet but resurrected his ambition. He smirked a fanged smile and murmured, “Forget the hypotheticals, god … You’ll eat your words. Your belches’ll get swallowed up in a sea of sound as soon as I start singing my practise burps~”
Reality-twisting energy boiled the god’s area, but Dolor forgot the bait and controlled himself. One of his giant mawed tails descended to Sini’s level. “I challenge you with this tail to a belching competition,” he said. “If you win, I award you all of my godly power. If I win, I swallow you and digest you and absorb your powers, and add them to those of the gods I’ve eaten. Then I will be the poison-bellied. I will be—without a debate—the Best Belcher in the Multiverse!”
Sini sneered. “That’ll be me, once your god powers are mine.”
Dolor ignored Sini. He snapped his fingers, summoning from a void of space and time a three-eyed eagle, whose feathery mane of wisdom fell beneath his buttocks. The eagle landed in the cleft of both clearings.
“Alias is his name,” Dolor said. “He is the eldest of the Unaligned who have sworn bias to no faction, nor any idea, except neutrality.”
“Aye,” Alias said. “Whoever has the most long, loud, destructive and odorous belches wins. Three rounds. Three belches from each of you.” He took out a coin and flipped it. “Sini, I believe your name is? I draw heads for mortals, so you go first.”
Sini barked a dragon bark in reply, wiggling his butt confidently. He squeezed his belly muscles to condense and excite the poison gases within. The gas-concentrated tummy slowly flopped down between his knees. Sini sucked in breath with the focus of a meditator, and when he held it he was tweaked this way and that by the heavy gurgles of miasmic deeply massaging his depths. Some of the gas slipped out of his belly’s sphincter. He trapped it in his gullet to bloat it into a squirming gas pipe so that his paunch and throat combined hoarded more gas than most dragons hoard treasure in their lifetimes. His face blued, cheeks ballooned and eyes squinted shut. His lips revealed grinding, snarling teeth. Terse whines and chin-tucks accompanied his continued belly bloat.
Suddenly:
“BWWWWWWWWAAAaaaHHHOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOWWWWWWWwwwooOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRPPP!”
Bursting from his blimps for cheeks came an aural bellow of putrescent stench: a baritone purge of poison gas. 5 seconds. 15 seconds. 25 seconds. Longer. The jumbo-sized belch recklessly squiggled his thick black lips as the space between them accumulated. The belch struck the god’s tail like an invisible backhand, and the tail flailed like a rag against the gales. Acrid, meaty-smelling winds disintegrated the leaves of trees and peeled their bark into thick curls for acres and acres, permanently crooking and putrefying the trees. Malodorous purple doom steamed over the treetops. Birds suddenly spiraled from the sky, curled up on the ground and quit moving. Cadavers riddled the foliage on Dolor’s easterly side of the woods, which looked and smelled like it had just suffered the eruption of some great geyser of violet sulfur.
The fumes climbed to the nose of Dolor, who stood ten levels higher than Sini. Dolor tried not to cringe, but failed. “You … disappoint me, Connoisseur of Belches.” Dolor’s tail snapped out of a hypnotic grip the poisons had put on it, then Dolor snapped his fingers to cleanse the air of Sini’s smog, to reset the playing field. His tail inhaled a maelstrom of air, ballooning to 1 ½ times its original size.
Then:
“GWWWRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAWWWAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOHHHRRRRRPPP!”
5 seconds.
10.
15.
The belch sounded like the roar of some kaiju having awoken and risen from the hadalpelagic zone of the sea. It had that same sonorous, supernatural, echolocational character. Not poisonous but musky, corrosive reality-twisting winds of mint green, peppered with magenta spores, blitzed over Sini’s westerly side of the woods. The winds launched Sini like a barrel out of his clearing into groups of oak trees. These trees, the magenta spores of the god’s gas began eroding and dissolving—along with the freshly-made corpses of beasts around them—particle by particle. Getting up, Sini saw and dropped his jaw. All the flora and fauna around him—it was being erased … So horrific was the sight, he felt his shock wrench him away from the ache of his wings—an ache that flapping against the brutish gale of the belch of Dolor’s tail had caused.
Alias, who stood perfectly poised in the same place after both belches, looked around. He licked the roof of his beak, sampling the air like a connoisseur. “Sini, you’re in poor shape.” The dragon trembled. “But your injuries do not deduct points from you. You devastated the woods for a good mile, and although Dolor did more damage to each individual organism, I believe you edged him with acreage. Your belch, I still smell, even after Dolor’s 17-second one. Bravo, Sini. Round one is yours.”
Sini processed this, before suddenly prancing about, flicking his wings at Dolor boastfully. “Haha! Whassup, god? Getting beat by a—BURRRRRRAP!—mortal?”
The god was so angry, he couldn’t even blink. Then, the ground began to sizzle and the world stutter like a fizzling electronic. Sini cried out, tumbling to the ground. Was his head going to split into two?
“Help, Alias—help me!”
Sini sobbed violently.
Alias turned to Dolor with poise, then said, “Dolor, dear, you cannot win against Sini if you destroy him and the planet included. Does that sound fair?”
Dolor’s fists unballed. The world returned to normal. His tails, which had started snarling, sheathed their teeth and tried very hard to stop shaking.
“It’s my turn to belch first,” he said.
Alias opened his beak to object, but saw Sini stand shakily.
The dragon boomeranged back to teasing Dolor. “First or second, your burps aren’t strong enough to stand up against my big, slamming eruptions~ Are you sure that you’re the god~?”
Dolor thrust a fiendish glare at him.
“Sini,” Alias said, “enough.”
Dolor calmed down. Then he willed the atmosphere to be clean and clear. And so it became.
The tail inhaled, and the strength of the inhalation intimidated Sini. He felt the tail’s newborn gurgles disturb his skeleton as the length of the tail bottomed out with gas. The tail looked like a snake engorged from front to back with round, struggling meals. The tail spasmed as it struggled to contain all of the air. It groaned and jerked as it metabolized the air into pungent gas. Its lips sealed tighter and tighter, fighting the pressure, until finally, they popped open with an obscene howl of belch:
“HAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAOOOWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOP …”
Sonic rings of destructive sound cannonaded out of the tail’s maw with a rush of magenta and green gas. The trees of the westerly woods prostrated backwards. The mighty belch drew on for not 5 seconds, not 15, not 25 like Sini’s last—and lesser—belch, but a whole 33 seconds. It drove a nightmarish trench across the westerly woods. And ¾ of a mile out, where the last belch of Dolor’s tail ended, this superior belch combed over the trees and creatures and vaporized them with the gastric musk of several digested gods. The belch’s radiation X-rayed does and bears. Afterward, what remained of them were piles of bones on beds of dust.
“… OPOPOPOPAAAARUUUUUUUURRRRPPP!”
The tail concluded with a smug look. Dolor high-fived the head of it. Sini lay on his back a few miles away, gagging—pretending to, anyway.
“Please Dolor, no more … You’re too raunchy for me!” Sini sprung up, chuckled then flew back to Dolor. When he thumped down his plum purple belly wobbled and droned a garbled, gas-saturated noise. “Rmmf. It’s coming on … I feel so much GAS … more th-than a g-god could make … urrrrr-rrrghhh …” Bloating up like a great ripe plum, his belly cramped up between his shins and distanced his legs. He moaned and pounded a forepaw on the ground as he goaded on his gut to produce more gas under his breath. His whole body began to steam from the pores an excess of hazardous gas. And he turned a blueberry shade in his cheeks, puffing air and hiccuping as he struggled to keep all the gas inside. That was until
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMPHHPHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM
URRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAHHHRRRRRRRPPP!!”
Twenty years worth of belly expansion, venison breakdown and festering swamp odors hyperextended Sini’s lips. Suddenly, the abyss of his belching mouth was grotesquely launching web after web of venomous spit. The surge of heat and smells catapulted the tail of Dolor behind the god, ripping trees to shreds with rancid shockwaves for miles and miles. 10 seconds. 20 seconds. 30. Dolor stumbled a little as the belch evolved into an even grosser monster after 35 seconds. Skunk-terrifying stink axed trees and eradicated them before they could fall, charging over the lands of the east and destroying them and purpling them for 8 miles. Even as these lands turned into toxic wastelands, Sini moaned in agony because his oval shaped gut had inflated faster than it had deflated and now shoved against his ankles, threatening to BWOMP down to the ground.
“Ough g-god. T-too much pressure … Let me b-belch o-one more time.”
“No,” Alias told him. “I’ll disqualify you if you belch again before Dolor.”
“Uoooggghhh. Hurry up, Dolor …”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” Dolor was fuming. “Alias, what do you score us?”
“Your belch ruined a good 5 miles. But clearly Sini’s belch covered more mileage, more acreage, was overall more foul, more loud.” Alias’ feathers puffed out and shivered. “Just reminiscing about it—”
“You swore an oath.” Dolor’s hard eyes bore down on Alias.
The mohawk of the eagle’s white mane flared up a bit. Alias did not blink any of his three eyes. “I intend to keep it, Dolor.”
Sini chimed in: “He intends to—BRRAAAAAP—keep it, Dolor.”
Alias spun on Sini hummingbird-wing-quick. “Disqualified!”
“Dammit, Alias. He did a short burp after the first round and you didn’t DQ him.”
“I err,” Alias said. “He has been disqualified since then, then.”
“Better not be,” Dolor said to him. “Let me beat him without DQing him, or I’ll feed you to the interdimensional kraken.”
Alias glared at Sini. “Do both parties agree?”
“Ye—URRUUUUHHHHHP—yes,” Sini said. “BURRP URHRRHRP URAAAP URP URP URRGGGH GRRAP, BUWAAAARP—aaah~ much better~”
Dolor stabbed a spiteful glare at Sini and stared, then exhaled slowly. He willed the air to be clean and clear, then blinked. And so it became. His tail reared its head over the desolated lands where woodlands once were, then begun to inhale a giant glut of air.
8 miles out—where treetops still stood and the beasts now fled from the rim of the woods that was nearest to the destroyed lands—the beasts suddenly felt a divine force rip the wind from their lungs. They spat it up, fainted and abruptly fell deceased, while the tail of Dolor sucked up every ounce of air within 12 miles. The tail shook like a withdrawing junkie from the sheer volume it was ingesting and expanded to twice its innate girth. It became twice Sini’s size. Sini and Alias miraculously seemed immune to the air harvest, as though an invisible air bubble podded each of them.
All of that air mutated in the tail’s leviathan stomach. It got transmogrified into the god’s vulgar pastel gas. Sini meeped as the tail grew even more massive from converting its air to gas. Panting with lust, the tail started making rubbery creaks like some horrific balloon animal and inflated to 2 ½ times Sini’s size, overshadowing Sini worse than before. The sheer heat of the gas trapped within created viscous dribbles of goo from the tail, and the borborygmi of gas drummed over the desolate lands and then pressure pried apart those lips in a godly
“UUUUBBUBUBUBBBWWWWWWRRRRRUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BBHBHBHBHBHBHUUUUBBBBBBBRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBBMBMBMBMBMBM
BUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPHH!”
Before Sini could process that the great void in time and space that had torn open before him was actually the tail’s eructing maw, a maelstrom of belch blew him away and hounded the forest. Layers and echoes of chthonic noise haunted the lands. Storms of magenta and green burst with humidity and the smell of digested planets, ripping forks through the face of this planet for 20 miles around. Distant rivers steamed and turned the belch’s murky colors and dehydrated halfway; mountains shuddered and collapsed partway, stooping hundreds of feet lower. Any beast within the radius of the belch was by its ghastly heat terminated, save for a few skeletal parts that withstood the heat.
Somehow, Sini had only been launched a quarter of a mile by the belch. Apparently, while Dolor’s tail had been burping, Sini’s belly bloat had risen to a woolly level of discomfort, so the weight of his gas anchored him to the ground. The sensation of tightness inside his paunch completely diverted Sini’s attention away from the previous belch.
Gradually, the resonance of the god’s belch subsided, falling beneath the deep, bubbly croons and cries of gases that were expanding Sini’s food sac. The dragon began sweating a fiery haze of poisons and driving his talons into his paw pads determinedly.
Give me the strength to hold in this belch, he thought, chomping his front teeth between panting with flops of his sweat-weighted ears. Not you, Dolor—some other god.
As Dolor watched Sini’s reaction (or lack thereof) to his belch, he turned uncannily white. Specifically, he saw Sini’s belly expand to a plethoric hill size that could potentially crush the dragon himself. Dolor heard the belly’s crude borborygmi level up and felt the ground start to shift with shortening intervals of stagnancy, all from the gurgling of the gut of the huffing, whinnying Sini.
“This m-might be the biggest belch I’ll have in months,” Sini groaned. “Uorgh … auuugh … j-just for you, Dolor!” His belly stretched to twice the length of his legs. Then, his sphincter failed against the strain, and out of his gullet burst a
“BWRRRUUUUAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWAAAAAAAARRRARARARAAARWRRRRRRPAAAAAPAAAAPAAAPP
AAAAAAPAAAAAAAAAUUUUUWWWRRRRRAWWRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHRRRRRRAHRAHRAHRA
HRAHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOAAAGHHHRRRRRRRRHHHRRRUGGGGHHHRUGHUGHUGGHHHHHHHHHGHGHHHHHGHGHGHGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
UUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWHHHHWWWWWHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRPPP … !!!!”
The purple belch made volcano eruptions seem tame. It easily sent the god staggering. The muscular and malevolent gale flashed over trees and digested them with a metabolism beyond hyper. It vaporized the rivers that the belch of Dolor’s tail had only drained and corrupted. Blow after blow of belch shockwaves beat against the mountainsides, hacking the mountains away until they sloughed down rocks and forestry and wildlife, burying villages that had lain on their opposite side in a truly mountainous grave.
Earthquakes rent deeper and bigger forks through the earth than Dolor’s tail could dream of producing. Everything the burp touched steamed from the raunchy heat of Sini’s malodorous filth. His stomach song began to cause booms and eruptions of flames from the forks in the earth. Whereas the belch of Dolor’s tail had turned beasts to bones, Sini’s belch rumbled too powerfully to even leave bone: only a fine, marrowy ash that lost itself in the god-dethroning miasma, just as Alias lost his composure and began to sweat and fan himself with his wing-arms.
“ … PPPPPPUUWWWWWRRRWRWRWRWRWW! …”
35 seconds.
Nothing could close the hellish gate that was Sini’s maw, his lips blurred by the noise of his belch. The rumbles and quakes only catalyzed more gas creation in his gut. The steaming earth broke into fissured fractions. Fractions which moved with more volatility than a sheet of bread crumbs floating atop boiling water in a pot.
“ … WWWRRRRRAAAAPAPAPAPAPARPURRRR! …”
55 seconds.
The god muffled his ears with his paws and yelled in agony, suffering because he had no free paw to cover his nostrils.
“ … RRRPRPRPRURRUPRURPRUPRURRORPP! …”
2 minutes.
Even Alias, who had showed no discomfort before—not even from threatening gazes of the god—sweated and gagged and hurled expectant glances at Dolor, wishing that the god would just kill Sini. He might have asked, if only the volume of Sini’s belch wasn’t so high; wasn’t rising again and again just like Sini’s belly size.
“ … RAPABRAPOURRGAAAAGRRRGRHGHGH! …”
3 minutes.
4 minutes.
5.
6.
7.
“ … URRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!”
When Sini sealed the gates of hell he did so only to gasp for breath. Doing so puffed his stomach up to the height of 2 Sinis. “T-t-too, nngh … too much … gotta keep going … gotta …”
Alias leaped up and intervened. “Sini, stop! Stop, you purple devil! Stop before you kill us all. 75 miles of desolation—does this not satisfy you?”
“I … I can’t help it.” Sini was hyperventilating. “You guys—you made my belly do it. You peer pressured me. Now all this pressure—now the production won’t stop—”
“Well, obviously you win the competition,” Alias said. “Dolor, your tail put up a wondrous display. But Sini—his power is beyond the gods. No offense, Dolor. I must speak truth in your presence. Now go on, Dolor. Live up to your word and award him all of your godly power, so that he might have the power to control his gas before he demolishes this world!”
“All of it?” Dolor hesitated. “All of it? Is that what you want, Sini? Very well. You will have all of my godly power—aimed directly at you.”
Alias started to summon his god-governing magic to intervene. But he lacked the reflexes of a god who has absorbed creature after creature, god after god and added their senses to his. Alias had failed the Unaligned. He had failed Sini. And now, Dolor would have his way.
The god opened his own maw.
“BWWWWOOOOOOAAAAWWWUUWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWRRHRRGRGHWGHRGWHRHGHWGHWRWRRGHGHGHGHGHGḢ̵̦̜̺̲͖̣̯̮̩̰̅͌̎̃͒̅̑̆ͅǦ̸̨̼̞͓͈̣̲̣̘̺̥͋͋͋̃̉̎̑̚Ḧ̸͎͚̲̀̊̿̊̃̋̎͘G̶̛̤̦̠͕̼̹͖̥̜͉̯̝͓̝͔͆̄̇̑̀́͆͑̈́̈́͘͠͝H̷̢̹̣̥̹̺͔͖̗̦̒̆̄̂̽͛͝G̵̡̥̬͖̩̪̼͉̘̬̘̭̈́́͆̐̅̊͗͠H̵̨̛͇̺̹̞͉͉̲̠̏̾͗̾͛̌̑̕̚Ǵ̵̨̨̭͕̘͕̖̙̰̥͑̿͂͋̌̋͊͜ͅH̶̺̖̥̱̟̤̟̣̞̘̰̽̾̈̓̅̅̔̐̄̓́̓͝G̴̬͖̱̙̈́̽̋̒̌͂͐̊̉̈͋͌̆͠H̶̨̧̢̘̜̍̋̒̾ͅM̵̪̘̟̳̈́͐̊̈͛̌̆̔̇͗̀͝ͅM̸͍̌̀̈̀̎͑̐͋̀R̵̢͎͚̺̞̬̫̯͖͍̙̰̂̾M̸̨͖̭̹̳̺̭͎̮͆̀͐̿̄̄͑̆͛Ṁ̵̧̡͖͕̘̒̈́̋̃͆͌̈́̏̓͂̽̕͘͝B̷̨̥̱̱̰͈̥̰̣̦͕̐̃̅̊͜B̸̨̖̮͖̫̱̦̘̊̽̀̈́͂M̵̡̪͉̹̻͔̓̓͗̍̂̆̉̇̏͝R̷̝̦̻̙̦̠͍̜͋̉͌̅͛̇́ͅM̷̧̨̢̜̫͇̝͌͐̓̓̆͐̕͝B̵̨̛̠͔͉̳̄̐̈́͛̾͛͐͘͘͠M̷̨̮͔̥͕̟̠̦͎͎̗͌̐́̐B̴͇̆̈́̃̇̉͝M̸̧̧̛̹̞͓̠͍͖͓̍̒̅͒̅͗̇̈͆̐̀̚͝B̷̨̮͈̲͉̗̗̻̩͈͛̔͜M̵̯̜̹͎̃̓̀̅͘Ḧ̴̝̳̠̘͈́͒H̶̡̜͖̙̲̍̌̀͂̌̕̚͘͠ ̶̢̻͎͕͙̟͇̝͔́͜…̸̢̦̤̦̲͕̦̺͉̼̬̯̲̀̎͒̃̅͐͋̄̏̃̊͘͝͠ͅ”̵̓̾̌̔͐́
“Bhhwwwuuwwrrrrohhhp!” The teeny, tinny belch of the 8 inch tall lizard conically swept the grass with a heavy breeze for a few yards until his scaly black cheeks stopped rippling. The purple haze of miasma crept over his audience of rabbits, hedgehogs, birds and squirrels and wilted all of the grass and flowers nearby. Beasts in the audience cringed with expressions of repulsed admiration. A hedgehog turned green in his swelling cheeks and put a paw to his lips, stifling the urge to vomit. The ring of beasts recoiled from the sour gas, broadening to cover half the breadth of the clearing. Some of the beasts sniffed the close-creeping fumes one time too many and became lightheaded. Sini’s sporous blackberry-carrion belly stench has that effect on the light of heart.
The lizard chuckled the chuckle of a gay wood nymph. “That was just a warm up,” he said to them.
He lowered himself on buckling lithe legs, placing stress on his plum colored belly to compress the gases inside. That first belch had sparked his stomach’s toxic gas creation, and so his food sac began to pulsate, bloating with too much gas for its fleshy constraints. Sini would now share the first true lyrics of his song. “Brrruwwaalllallllwwgghh!” Brreeaaaaaeeaaap! Brreaaaack! Brap brapap urrooaghrrrrrwraaaaaaaaaaaagghhckkk!” Pride and delight crinkled the corners of his purple eyes and flapping lips. His belches were evolving, each burp not simply dwarfing but humiliating every predecessor belch, rearing greater size, stench and brawn. Meanwhile, his paunch churned and ballooned, housing voluminous gases faster than it could evict.
Sini’s odious concert, which had once delighted his audience, now frightened them because the fumes ripped apart flowers and blades of grass. And the belch sounded as harsh as brass. The audience disbanded and disappeared into the woods. Now only Sini remained, revolving in ecstasy as he ejaculated one relatively large belch after another. Only the gastric vociferations of his repugnant solo and the soft violet mists of those sickly eructions dared keep him company. “Braap! Urraapurch hurrrgh, hurrooogh~!”
Suddenly, what felt like a meteoric blow from a titan’s hammer over a great anvil catapulted the lizard over the clearing. The silent explosion filled his head with eerie, nauseating static.
The aftershock landed harder than the initial whatever-it-was. The aftershock heralded the gusts of a belch from a Sini 300 times Sini’s size but had the pureness of the woodland air untouched by his miasma. The howling gusts purified the air around him, slicked back the trees of the clearing. A yelp got lost in the violent noise of winds. Why did Sini try to open up wings to add drag and resist the storm? He hadn’t any wings—he never did.
He hit the bole of a tree then slid down it, dazed. When he blinked open his eyes, a circle of trees about 60 feet in diameter ahead of him blinked too. It was a glitchy sort of blink. The circle’s trees vanished. A second clearing appeared where the trees once stood, and one edge of the clearing grinded against one edge of Sini’s so that both clearings composed a peanut shape, should you look at them from overhead.
Over the center of the second clearing, a starry void in space and time tore open. A deity clawed his way out of it. He was a black, gooey taur who stood at least one hundred times as tall as Sini. He had a short lapine snout and magenta hair cropped to the length of his shoulders. A venom green leaflet of hair shaded his temple above eyes of the same shade. Ears as long as dragon horns crowned his head. The insides of them were white, like erased realities. That same white swept his underbelly and glutes, a streak of it. Behind him writhed twelve mawed tails. Each of them was black and their temples marked by a lightning splash. For each tail the splash color differed. Each tail was over 10 times taller than Sini.
Four paws of magenta digit tips levitated down. “You impress me.” Save his own, Sini had never heard a voice so imposingly hypnotic.
“Care to elaborate, god?”
“Your belches,” said the god. “Tales of them travel throughout the multiverse. But no spoken hyperbole can compare with yours truly. Connoisseur of Belches, Sini, you stand in the presence of Twister of Realities, Eater of Gods, Dolor. I have adoration and humility enough to admit that you can belch almost as well as I can.”
Sini curtseyed with his nose. Rose enflamed his cheeks. But the double-edge of Dolor’s compliment had him nervously scratching behind his long ear with a claw. “It’s an honor, Dolor. Forgive me. I don’t want to correct you. Nothing personal. But no one can belch better than me, not even the gods. Other gods have challenged me. They just don’t have the belly for it.”
Dolor stayed quiet.
Then shedded his kindness.
“You would insult me …” A shrill white noise rose in volume around him and Sini as rose his wrath. “You would mock me when I gift you my favor … You fool—ungrateful fool—how many mortals would die for my favor—how many mortals would murder for my praise—”
Dolor’s reality-twisting bile made the grass around him turn into eldritch octopus tendrils that hissed and oozed acid; the flowers around him into mad, sentient dancers that shot hazardous spores from their pistils. And Sini felt his divine wrath beginning to choke his throat. “Do-loh … Do-lor … p-please …”
Dolor unlocked his jaws, took a breath; and the reality-twisting ended. Sini fell, gasping with gullet free. “A single one of my tails can outbelch you,” said the god, trembling, with a choked voice. “The effort of a yawn would be too much. I can dwarf your biggest of belches with my weakest of tails.”
That last comment not only raised Sini to his feet but resurrected his ambition. He smirked a toothy smile and murmured, “Forget the hypotheticals, god … You’ll eat your words. Your belches’ll get swallowed up in a sea of sound as soon as I start singing my practise burps~”
Reality-twisting energy boiled the god’s area, but Dolor forgot the bait and controlled himself. One of his giant mawed tails descended to Sini’s level. “I challenge you with this tail to a belching competition,” he said. “If you win, I award you all of my godly power. If I win, I swallow you and digest you and absorb your powers, and add them to those of the gods I’ve eaten. Then I will be the poison-bellied. I will be—without a debate—the Best Belcher in the Multiverse!”
Sini sneered. “That’ll be me, once your god powers are mine.”
Dolor ignored Sini. He snapped his fingers, summoning from a void of space and time a three-eyed eagle, whose feathery mane of wisdom fell beneath his buttocks. The eagle landed in the cleft of both clearings.
“Alias is his name,” Dolor said. “He is the eldest of the Unaligned who have sworn bias to no faction, nor any idea, except neutrality.”
“Aye,” Alias said. “Whoever has the most long, loud, destructive and odorous belches wins. Three rounds. Three belches from each of you.” He took out a coin and flipped it. “Sini, I believe your name is? I draw heads for mortals, so you go first.”
Sini barked a reptile noise in reply, wiggling his butt confidently. He squeezed his belly muscles to condense and excite the poison gases within. The gas-concentrated tummy slowly flopped down between his knees. Sini sucked in breath with the focus of a meditator, and when he held it he was tweaked this way and that by the heavy gurgles of miasmic deeply massaging his depths. Some of the gas slipped out of his belly’s sphincter. He trapped it in his gullet to bloat it into a squirming gas pipe. His face blued, cheeks ballooned and eyes squinted shut. His lips revealed grinding, snarling teeth. Terse whines and chin-tucks accompanied his continued belly bloat.
Suddenly:
“Bwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghhhhrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhrp!”
Bursting from his blimps for cheeks came an aural bellow of nasty stench: a high-pitched purge of poison gas. 5 seconds, 10 seconds, 15 seconds. The decently sized belch squiggled his thick black lips as the space between them accumulated. The force of the belch tickled the god’s tail. For yards and yards, grass breezed and bushes swayed and flowers somewhat wilted. A haze spread into the god’s clearing, killing insects and fatiguing a couple of other lizards who had been roaming about in the grass. They curled up on the ground and stopped moving. Dolor’s easterly side of the woods looked and smelled pretty awful.
The fumes failed to reach the nose of Dolor, who stood ten levels higher than Sini. Dolor did not cringe in the slightest. He simply smiled a knowing smile. “You … disappoint me, Connoisseur of Belches.” Dolor snapped his fingers to cleanse the air of Sini’s smog, to reset the playing field. His tail inhaled a maelstrom of air, ballooning to 1 ½ times its original size.
Then:
“BOOOOOORRRRRHHHHWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHWWHHWWW
AAAAAAAAAWWOOOOAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWPPPPP!”
5. 15. 25. 35 seconds.
To Sini the belch sounded like 300 kaijus waking up from the depths of the sea. The sheer power—power he could never fathom unleashing—erupted out of the tail’s maw and swallowed Sini’s world in a muskier, fouler gas of green and magenta than his burps could ever hope to match. The lizard cried out in mix of horror and pain as the burp flung him out of the clearing.
Was he dead?
Sometime later, he lay wheezing in a crater. Fog cloaked his world: a world that had been obliterated as far as his itty lizard eyes could see by a burp too toxic for his poison lizard lungs to breathe.
The puny reptile would have died if Alias had not teleported him back to the clearing and healed him in his embrace. The eagle looked down at him glumly, said, “Mortal, I would advise that you forfeit.”
Sini was shivering. The memory of the god’s power left him very afraid, yet so very envious. And ashamed. And when he heard Alias’ words, he felt the envy and shame burn hotter. He could not go out this way—had to show the god—had to burp bigger.
“Awwww,” Dolor said. “Is the little guy sniffling?”
“Fuck you,” Sini said. He hopped out of Alias’ arms, assuming a territorial stance. “I’m not forfeiting. I’m gonna be a god, and you’re gonna be blown away by my next two burps.”
As Sini ruffled his wings, preparing to burp, Dolor reset the air. Then Sini flicked his throat, pocketing as much gas in it as he could to puff it up, and then:
“Gwrrrrrooooouuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrwwwwwllllllllllmmmmmnnuuugggghhhhwwwwrrrrrggggghhhlllppphh!”
15 seconds worth of belly bloat, lizard breakdown and moderate malodor made Sini’s tiny lips flap. Tiny webs of venomous spit flew, and the leaves of a few trees fluttered as violet perfume blew past them. After the burp Sini panted and quietly collapsed; making those leaves flutter had utterly depleted his belly of gas and fatigued him.
No, he thought, that was the second burp—that couldn’t have been.
Why did he feel like such a worthless belcher? Had he only been a good burper compared with the other forest creatures? Or had he been burping badly just today?
Sini screwed the lines on his head, but when he tried to remember a jolt repelled his mind from his memory. Then he was sweating and hurting, and he didn’t want to remember anymore.
“That’s the best burp you can manage?” Dolor laughed. “What a cute little squeak. I bet my tail could dwarf that pitiful belch with the sound of its burbles if it swallowed enough air …”
“Could not—”
“Nnnnnngh, w-watch me!”
“What are you—”
What cut him off was a humongous BLORP from Dolor’s tail. The tail’s lips flopped like the lips of a fish as it expanded with so much gas. The burbles rattled the trees. They had more power than Sini had in his loudest of belches. And they only got huger and grosser.
“Rmmf, here it comes, Sini mini. Here comes s-so much GAS … more th-than a m-mere mortal could ever dream of having, M-MMMFFF …”
Dolor’s tail belly bloated up like a long black blimp, filling up with enough belch fuel to wipe little Sini clean from existence if the god allowed it. Dolor, grabbing his tail, groped and fondled it, moaning to his own godly gas production until the tail ballooned to be even wider than his torso. The obese black appendage turned a bruised blueberry shade, huffing and puffing and panting, and then:
“BOOOORRRUUUUUUWWWRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRAARARAWRRRAAAOOORRRRRWWRROPOPOPOPORRWWWWORRRWRRWRR
OOWWWRRRROAARRRRGHGHGHGHOUGHHHHHHGUGHUGHAGHAGHAWAWAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP~!!”
Years of Dolor eating gods and absorbing their powers manifested as a detonation of belch from the tail maw. 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds, 40 seconds … The belch outclassed Sini’s and evolved every second into a more enormous horror. Forestry cycloned in the belch’s gaseous storm of neon green and purple. Bodies of bears and deer swirled in the storm, the beasts having perished upon smelling the egregious smell. 7 miles, 9 miles, 13 miles, 20 miles. The belch tore over mountains and shaved their skin of their forestry and wildlife. The very earth began to tear open and buckle about, like a bunch of miniature continental plates separating around Sini. And yet the tail of the god seemed unable to rid itself of its bloat, and kept eructing for a whole 2 minutes of vehement destruction. Dolor’s tail only stopped in order to take a breath.
“Like that smell, Sini? That’s the smell of the best belcher. And I can still belch again, and again, and again, and my burps will only grow in size while yours get smaller.”
Sini was turning red. “Shut up! Shut up, shut up!”
“Awww. Did I hit a nerve, inferior belcher?”
“Your belch has ruined a good 30 miles,” Alias told Dolor, “while I don’t think that Sini’s belch has done so much as wilt a few trees. Dolor, your belches are clearly the superior. At least, in this round.”
Pride wounded, the dragon did not speak. His confidence had been reduced to a speck of what it was.
“You get one more try,” Dolor teased. “But you’re so far behind me in points, it’s like you’re dying to meet the inside of my stomach.”
Sini inhaled for his final belch. But he held back tears and lacked faith, and so he couldn’t hold his breath for long.
“Bwrrruuuuaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwaaaaaaaarrrarararaaarwrrrrrrpaaaaapaaaapaaappaaaaaapaaaaaaaaauuuuuwwwrrrrrawwrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhrrrrrrahrahrahrahrah
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooaaaghhhrrrrrrrrhhhrrrugggghhhrughughugghhhhhpppp!!!”
Although he performed his longest burp yet (20 seconds), it lacked any of the charisma his last burps had. Not like his charisma had any use to begin with.
The god didn’t even blink at the microcosmic flood of purple. The fog of the belch flashed over trees and wilted the leaves, but no more than that. It sifted a few pebbles and vibrated the skeletons of a few passerby birds, but no more than that.
The resonance of Sini’s belch presently faded beneath stormy cacophony of a gigantic inhale, which robbed the breath from all living creatures for 25 miles. This sound was soon coupled by the deep bubbling noise of gases spoiling and spreading the belly walls of Dolor’s tail, which grew to not 2 ½ times, not 3 or 4, but 5 times its original size, looming over 50 feet tall, almost half the height of Dolor himself. Dolor began sweating and panting, begging for his release and laughing under his breath.
“You had one last shot at becoming a god …” Dolor moaned loudly to the pressure building in his tail. “And you wasted it with that PATHETIC belch. And now, Sini, I’m gonna destroy your whole forest with all of my gas with one single burp.”
The god Dolor blinked, and in the sky a void ripped open. This void would amplify the sounds of the area and broadcast them to the most populated planets of the multiverse, but Sini did not know this.
The multiverse heard Sini sob hard, heard Sini that he would do anything.
“But since you’re down on your knees like a good little subordinate,” Dolor continued, “I’m gonna hold this gas in my tail, IF you do what I say.”
“Anything.”
“Say you’re not the Best Belcher Ever. I’m the Best Belcher Ever. Say it. Say I’m the gassiest, the muskiest, the Best Belcher of the Multiverse. Say that, and I’ll spare you and your forest and forget that you ever insulted me with your stupid claim.”
“I’m not the Best Belcher Ever. Dolor, you’re the gassiest, the muskiest—”
“What was that?”
“You’re the g—”
“What are you saying? Your voice is getting so much smaller, the gurgles of my tail so much bigger!”
All of what Sini was saying got drowned out by the moans of the god and the gassy expansion of his tail.
“Guess you’re not gonna say anything, huh Sini? Guess I’ll have to destroy your forest after all! J-just for you, Sini!” His tail continued to gulp air until it grew 7 times its original size, almost 100 feet tall. The sphincter of his tail failed under the pressure. The result was instantaneous.
“BUUUWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAWWWHHHHHWWWWWW
OOOOOOOWWWOOOOOWWWWOOOOOOWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW
WWWWOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAWWWHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRWWWRRRWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HHHHRRRRRRHHHRRRRHRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!!!”
The radioactive heat wave of magenta and green belch incinerated entire armies of trees and stretches of river, vaporizing 30 miles of forest in a few heartbeats. After severely fissuring the earth and bulldozing over the region, it slammed against the mountains, vaporizing whatever vegetation the last belch had missed.
35 seconds.
55 seconds.
2 minutes.
3.
4.
Dolor’s tail gasped, for it had deplenished its stomach of gas and deflated to its original size.
“Dolor wins the competition,” Alias said. “Sini, your tail put up a wondrous display, but Dolor simply has too much power. Now Sini, he gets to eat you and absorb you.”
I haven’t won yet, Dolor thought. Although his last belch had shamed Sini in the hearing of most of the multiverse, he knew what neither Sini nor the multiverse would ever know: dragon Sini had completely collapsed the mountains. A feat Dolor’s tail failed to do with either of his final belches.
But I will have my prize, now, and with Sini’s powers combined with mine—not his lizard ones, his true ones—I will have more power in a single urp than any god in their entire bodies. And I will collapse more than the mountains.
Sini screeched in fear and darted away, but the barren belch-destroyed lands gave him nowhere to run. A gigantic, gooey paw of black engulfed him and raised him above a maw which spread stickily below two hellish green eyes. Sini could not forget those eyes, even though he had forgotten his own identity as a dragon. He did not forget them, not even as he plunged through the abysmal throat for what felt like hours. Eventually an ocean of green stomach acids evaporated him with a splash, but not before Dolor snapped his fingers, reversing time around Sini—and Sini only—to revert the lizard to his all-powerful dragon form.
Not that Sini stayed conscious long enough to experience this transformation: to die with the dignity of his memories and accomplishments. In this moment, the last person who remembered that Universe 94’s Sini had triumphed over Dolor in a belching competition melted away, that person being Universe 94’s Sini himself.
What followed was a superabundant sensation of gaseous bloating in the god’s underbelly. Even the villagers of the villages beyond the belch-ravaged mountains heard the blissful howl of Dolor as the broken down poison dragon combusted into naught but toxic gas. In seconds purple miasma not only rounded his middle but made it pound and gurgle against his legs in the shape of a great, white egg.
All of Sini’s poison and belching powers—they surged through Dolor’s body and pulsated it with incursions of energy and poison. The goo of the taur god began to shimmer and melt and dribble as musky, toxic fumes poured in excess up from his sweating frame. All the while his belly bloat crescendoed beyond any Sini himself had suffered before—so much bloat, Dolor transferred some of the gas into the tail which had been competing against Sini.
This tail, however, bloated up until its mere gurgles quaked the lands with volcanic strength and volcanic heat pressurized within its depths. The tail flailed in the manner of an unmanned hose and turned blue over its preexisting blue shades from all of its swelling (this seemed to blacken it beyond black—a void black).
And then, what bashed open the tail’s lips was a
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
RRRRRRRWWWWRRRRAAAARRAAAARRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHWWWRRRRRRRRRRROOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRO
OOOOOORRRUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAH
HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHWWWWWAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!”
Vortexing out of the tail maw came a slew of crude vowels and consonants pronounced to all the region: a tornado of poisonous doom, whose musk burned as hot as the core of the planet. Mountains that dragon Sini had avalanched simply evaporated as the belch vaporized everything in its path, including villages and neighboring regions. Layers of earth dissolved pixel by pixel as the underground crumbled away, leaving Dolor’s levitating feet farther above the planet every second.
As the tail belched, the tail’s lips and cheeks peeled farther back in an expression of self-disgust and nausea because the stomach of the tail would not stop bloating up bigger. Steaming purple waves of the belch sliced through the planet’s crust as waves of belch obliterated the very surface of the planet in rippling waves that ran for hundred and hundreds of miles, melting the grass off the surface of the northern hemisphere. Waters of the ocean began to sizzle and evaporate. Soon the sunlight zone and the twilight zone of the ocean completely evaporated, and Dolor’s poison-powered belch began roasting the bathypelagic and abyssopelagic zones of the ocean and charring the lantern fish and alien organisms that had there swum. Last to evaporate were the waters of the hadal zone, which dried the world of ocean water while a purple fog smothered the troposphere and stratosphere, swallowing stratus, cirrus and cumulus clouds and swallowing all view of the shrinking sphere from the orbit.
Dolor’s tail suddenly exploded with more bloat like an airbag. He used his paws to shove the gas-laden appendage away to keep it from suffocating him. Once the first belch ended 15 minutes later, belches that varied anywhere from half a second long to hours long combusted out of those gassy lips. Sounds like the following ones motored into the outer core of the planet with punch after punch of musky, purple murder before drilling into the inner core:
“UURRRRRRWWWWWWWWWUUUPPP!!!! BROP! BROPOPOPOPOPOPOAAAWWWHHHHHHRRPHHHH! BRAAAAAAAHHHHHHGHH! OOORAAAAAAUGHHH! BRAAAAWWWCCCCCHHHH GGGGUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRBBBMMMBBMMMMBBBMMMMPPHH GGRRUUUUUOOOOUGHHH RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOORRRRRGGG AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPP RRRROOOOOOAP!!!!”
After these belches, the stratosphere, mesosphere and thermosphere didn’t get enveloped with poison smog because by then the planet did not exist; the fiery core of the planet exploded against the might of his belch onslaught like some mini supernova. A cosmic firework of delicious energy sprayed through outer space before being sucked and absorbed into Dolor’s body, multiplying his belching power to such an extreme, hypothetically, just a polite burp from him could destroy the crust and mantle of Sini’s pathetic planet if he recreated it.
Shaking uneasily from all of the power flowing through him now, the taur god glowed purple from absorbing Sini and orange from absorbing the planet’s core. His stomach rounded out until finally he had to belch from his main maw, not his tail maw.
“BWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
AAAAGGHGHGHGGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHHGHGHGHHGGHGHGHGHHGHGHHHGH
UURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBURRRRRRRRBURRRRRRRRRBRRRRWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUURRRRBRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BAAAAAAAAAAABBBBAAAAAAAAAABAAAAAAAAAAARRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUURRRRRRPPP
HHHHHHHHHHHHUU
UURRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!”
All the rest of the planets in the universe felt a ripple along their surfaces, and in a blink they cracked from the deific shockwave of the belch like jawbreakers, exploding one after the other in fanfares of plasma as their conflagrating bodies vanished under flurries of musky purple miasmas. Presently, the shockwaves of this 3-hour-long belch resonated throughout the galaxy, destroying stars and constellations. Whispers of the belch would bleed out of the cosmic local group into other superclusters of the universe. After that, Dolor felt cured of his poisonous gas bloat, and he would later learn to control it, just how he would learn to control his new poison powers even better than Sini could.
Which is one of the reasons why the new Best Belcher Ever would never be dethroned. As for the main reason, Dolor was simply a way better belcher.
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“BHHWWWUUWWRRRROHHHP!” The greasy, gravelly belch of the dragon swept the turf up into a low tide, conically slapping clumps of grass and muck for yards and yards until his scaly black cheeks stopped rippling. A purple haze of miasma enshrouded the frontmost audience of rabbits, hedgehogs, birds and squirrels encircling him, and skated through the oaks beyond the small clearing. Beasts in the audience cringed with expressions of repulsed admiration, and a hedgehog turned green in his swelling cheeks and put a paw to his lips, stifling the urge to vomit. The ring of beasts recoiled from the sour gas, broadening to cover half the breadth of the clearing. Some of the beasts sniffed the close-creeping fumes one time too many, and sprawled unconscious. Sini’s sporous blackberry-carrion belly stench has that effect on the light of heart.
The dragon chuckled the chuckle of a gay wood nymph. “That was just a warm up,” he said to them.
He lowered himself on buckling lithe legs, placing stress on his plum colored belly to compress the gases inside. That first belch had sparked his stomach’s toxic gas creation, and so his food sac began to pulsate, bloating with too much gas for its fleshy constraints. Sini would now share the first true lyrics of his song. “BRRRUUUUUUUUUUAWWWWWHHGH! BRRAAAAAAAaaaEHHP! BRREHAACK BRAAP BRAPAP OWAAAAWWRRPP URRRRRUUUUHHHHWARRRRRRGH!” Pride and delight crinkled the corners of his purple eyes and flapping lips. His belches were evolving, each burp not simply dwarfing but humiliating every predecessor belch, rearing greater size, stench and brawn. Meanwhile, his paunch churned and ballooned, housing voluminous gases faster than it could evict.
Sini’s odious concert, which had once delighted his audience, now frightened them because the earth beneath their paws wouldn’t stop skipping; the fumes wouldn’t stop apart shrubs ripping; the spit wouldn’t stop flying; the greenery wouldn’t stop dying. Petals of flowers and leaves of bushes dried up and curled into crunchy shucks, developing gold and black skin with purple freckles of illness. Shrieking, the audience disbanded and disappeared into the gloom, which continued to fatten. Now only Sini remained, revolving in ecstasy as he ejaculated one gargantuan belch after another. Only the gastric vociferations of his repugnant solo and the blubbery smokescreen of those deathly eructions dared keep him company. “BRAAP! URRAAPURCH HURRRGH, HURROOOGH~!”
Suddenly, what felt like a smashing blow from a titan’s hammer over a great anvil boomed over Sini. Although whatever-it-was was silent, Sini’s ears rang and vision blurred. He stopped burping. A sensation of static and bad signals filled his head.
The aftershock landed harder than the initial whatever-it-was. The aftershock heralded the gusts of a belch from a Sini thrice Sini’s size but had the pureness of the woodland air untouched by his miasma. The howling gusts purified the air around him, slicked back the trees of the clearing, and careened the dragon off his paws. With a yelp he flapped his wings in strokes as wide as he could make to add drag, but ultimately a tree clobbered his head and back. He slid down the bole of it, dazed. When he blinked open his eyes, a circle of trees about 60 feet in diameter ahead of him blinked too. It was a glitchy sort of blink. The circle’s trees vanished. A second clearing appeared where the trees once stood, and one edge of the clearing grinded against one edge of Sini’s so that both clearings composed a peanut shape, should you look at them from overhead.
Over the center of the second clearing, a starry void in space and time tore open. A deity clawed his way out of it. He was a black, gooey taur who stood at least 10 times as tall as Sini. He had a short lapine snout and magenta hair cropped to the length of his shoulders. A venom green leaflet of hair shaded his temple above eyes of the same shade. Ears as long as dragon horns crowned his head. The insides of them were white, like erased realities. That same white swept his underbelly and glutes, a streak of it. Behind him writhed twelve mawed tails. Each of them was black and their temples marked by a lightning splash. For each tail the splash color differed. Each tail was as thick as Sini was tall.
Four paws of magenta digit tips levitated down. “You impress me.” Save his own, Sini had never heard a voice so imposingly hypnotic.
He readied himself. He was a wise dragon: not to be intimidated, nor to lower his guard in the face of a dragon’s greatness weakness: flattery. “Care to elaborate, god?”
“Your belches,” said the god. “Tales of them travel throughout the multiverse. But no spoken hyperbole can compare with yours truly. Connoisseur of Belches, Sini, you stand in the presence of Twister of Realities, Eater of Gods, Dolor. I have adoration and humility enough to admit that you can belch almost as well as I can.”
Sini curtseyed with his nose. Rose enflamed his cheeks. But the double-edge of Dolor’s compliment had him nervously scratching behind his long ear with a wing claw. “It’s an honor, Dolor. Forgive me. I don’t want to correct you. Nothing personal. But no one can belch better than me, not even the gods. Other gods have challenged me. They just don’t have the belly for it.”
Dolor stayed quiet.
Then shedded his kindness.
“You would insult me …” A shrill white noise rose in volume around him and Sini as rose his wrath. “You would mock me when I gift you my favor … You fool—ungrateful fool—how many mortals would die for my favor—how many mortals would murder for my praise—”
Dolor’s reality-twisting bile made the grass around him turn into eldritch octopus tendrils that hissed and oozed acid; the flowers around him into mad, sentient dancers that shot hazardous spores from their pistils. And Sini felt his divine wrath beginning to choke his throat. “Gr-gr—I’m grateful … Dolor, pl-please … I wish only t-to speak the truth in a god’s presence.”
Dolor unlocked his jaws, took a breath; and the reality-twisting ended. Sini fell, gasping with gullet free. “A single one of my tails can outbelch you,” said the god, trembling, with a choked voice. “The effort of a yawn would be too much. I can dwarf your biggest of belches with my weakest of tails.”
That last comment not only raised Sini to his feet but resurrected his ambition. He smirked a fanged smile and murmured, “Forget the hypotheticals, god … You’ll eat your words. Your belches’ll get swallowed up in a sea of sound as soon as I start singing my practise burps~”
Reality-twisting energy boiled the god’s area, but Dolor forgot the bait and controlled himself. One of his giant mawed tails descended to Sini’s level. “I challenge you with this tail to a belching competition,” he said. “If you win, I award you all of my godly power. If I win, I swallow you and digest you and absorb your powers, and add them to those of the gods I’ve eaten. Then I will be the poison-bellied. I will be—without a debate—the Best Belcher in the Multiverse!”
Sini sneered. “That’ll be me, once your god powers are mine.”
Dolor ignored Sini. He snapped his fingers, summoning from a void of space and time a three-eyed eagle, whose feathery mane of wisdom fell beneath his buttocks. The eagle landed in the cleft of both clearings.
“Alias is his name,” Dolor said. “He is the eldest of the Unaligned who have sworn bias to no faction, nor any idea, except neutrality.”
“Aye,” Alias said. “Whoever has the most long, loud, destructive and odorous belches wins. Three rounds. Three belches from each of you.” He took out a coin and flipped it. “Sini, I believe your name is? I draw heads for mortals, so you go first.”
Sini barked a dragon bark in reply, wiggling his butt confidently. He squeezed his belly muscles to condense and excite the poison gases within. The gas-concentrated tummy slowly flopped down between his knees. Sini sucked in breath with the focus of a meditator, and when he held it he was tweaked this way and that by the heavy gurgles of miasmic deeply massaging his depths. Some of the gas slipped out of his belly’s sphincter. He trapped it in his gullet to bloat it into a squirming gas pipe so that his paunch and throat combined hoarded more gas than most dragons hoard treasure in their lifetimes. His face blued, cheeks ballooned and eyes squinted shut. His lips revealed grinding, snarling teeth. Terse whines and chin-tucks accompanied his continued belly bloat.
Suddenly:
“BWWWWWWWWAAAaaaHHHOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOWWWWWWWwwwooOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRPPP!”
Bursting from his blimps for cheeks came an aural bellow of putrescent stench: a baritone purge of poison gas. 5 seconds. 15 seconds. 25 seconds. Longer. The jumbo-sized belch recklessly squiggled his thick black lips as the space between them accumulated. The belch struck the god’s tail like an invisible backhand, and the tail flailed like a rag against the gales. Acrid, meaty-smelling winds disintegrated the leaves of trees and peeled their bark into thick curls for acres and acres, permanently crooking and putrefying the trees. Malodorous purple doom steamed over the treetops. Birds suddenly spiraled from the sky, curled up on the ground and quit moving. Cadavers riddled the foliage on Dolor’s easterly side of the woods, which looked and smelled like it had just suffered the eruption of some great geyser of violet sulfur.
The fumes climbed to the nose of Dolor, who stood ten levels higher than Sini. Dolor tried not to cringe, but failed. “You … disappoint me, Connoisseur of Belches.” Dolor’s tail snapped out of a hypnotic grip the poisons had put on it, then Dolor snapped his fingers to cleanse the air of Sini’s smog, to reset the playing field. His tail inhaled a maelstrom of air, ballooning to 1 ½ times its original size.
Then:
“GWWWRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAWWWAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOHHHRRRRRPPP!”
5 seconds.
10.
15.
The belch sounded like the roar of some kaiju having awoken and risen from the hadalpelagic zone of the sea. It had that same sonorous, supernatural, echolocational character. Not poisonous but musky, corrosive reality-twisting winds of mint green, peppered with magenta spores, blitzed over Sini’s westerly side of the woods. The winds launched Sini like a barrel out of his clearing into groups of oak trees. These trees, the magenta spores of the god’s gas began eroding and dissolving—along with the freshly-made corpses of beasts around them—particle by particle. Getting up, Sini saw and dropped his jaw. All the flora and fauna around him—it was being erased … So horrific was the sight, he felt his shock wrench him away from the ache of his wings—an ache that flapping against the brutish gale of the belch of Dolor’s tail had caused.
Alias, who stood perfectly poised in the same place after both belches, looked around. He licked the roof of his beak, sampling the air like a connoisseur. “Sini, you’re in poor shape.” The dragon trembled. “But your injuries do not deduct points from you. You devastated the woods for a good mile, and although Dolor did more damage to each individual organism, I believe you edged him with acreage. Your belch, I still smell, even after Dolor’s 17-second one. Bravo, Sini. Round one is yours.”
Sini processed this, before suddenly prancing about, flicking his wings at Dolor boastfully. “Haha! Whassup, god? Getting beat by a—BURRRRRRAP!—mortal?”
The god was so angry, he couldn’t even blink. Then, the ground began to sizzle and the world stutter like a fizzling electronic. Sini cried out, tumbling to the ground. Was his head going to split into two?
“Help, Alias—help me!”
Sini sobbed violently.
Alias turned to Dolor with poise, then said, “Dolor, dear, you cannot win against Sini if you destroy him and the planet included. Does that sound fair?”
Dolor’s fists unballed. The world returned to normal. His tails, which had started snarling, sheathed their teeth and tried very hard to stop shaking.
“It’s my turn to belch first,” he said.
Alias opened his beak to object, but saw Sini stand shakily.
The dragon boomeranged back to teasing Dolor. “First or second, your burps aren’t strong enough to stand up against my big, slamming eruptions~ Are you sure that you’re the god~?”
Dolor thrust a fiendish glare at him.
“Sini,” Alias said, “enough.”
Dolor calmed down. Then he willed the atmosphere to be clean and clear. And so it became.
The tail inhaled, and the strength of the inhalation intimidated Sini. He felt the tail’s newborn gurgles disturb his skeleton as the length of the tail bottomed out with gas. The tail looked like a snake engorged from front to back with round, struggling meals. The tail spasmed as it struggled to contain all of the air. It groaned and jerked as it metabolized the air into pungent gas. Its lips sealed tighter and tighter, fighting the pressure, until finally, they popped open with an obscene howl of belch:
“HAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAOOOWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOP …”
Sonic rings of destructive sound cannonaded out of the tail’s maw with a rush of magenta and green gas. The trees of the westerly woods prostrated backwards. The mighty belch drew on for not 5 seconds, not 15, not 25 like Sini’s last—and lesser—belch, but a whole 33 seconds. It drove a nightmarish trench across the westerly woods. And ¾ of a mile out, where the last belch of Dolor’s tail ended, this superior belch combed over the trees and creatures and vaporized them with the gastric musk of several digested gods. The belch’s radiation X-rayed does and bears. Afterward, what remained of them were piles of bones on beds of dust.
“… OPOPOPOPAAAARUUUUUUUURRRRPPP!”
The tail concluded with a smug look. Dolor high-fived the head of it. Sini lay on his back a few miles away, gagging—pretending to, anyway.
“Please Dolor, no more … You’re too raunchy for me!” Sini sprung up, chuckled then flew back to Dolor. When he thumped down his plum purple belly wobbled and droned a garbled, gas-saturated noise. “Rmmf. It’s coming on … I feel so much GAS … more th-than a g-god could make … urrrrr-rrrghhh …” Bloating up like a great ripe plum, his belly cramped up between his shins and distanced his legs. He moaned and pounded a forepaw on the ground as he goaded on his gut to produce more gas under his breath. His whole body began to steam from the pores an excess of hazardous gas. And he turned a blueberry shade in his cheeks, puffing air and hiccuping as he struggled to keep all the gas inside. That was until
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMPHHPHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM
URRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAHHHRRRRRRRPPP!!”
Twenty years worth of belly expansion, venison breakdown and festering swamp odors hyperextended Sini’s lips. Suddenly, the abyss of his belching mouth was grotesquely launching web after web of venomous spit. The surge of heat and smells catapulted the tail of Dolor behind the god, ripping trees to shreds with rancid shockwaves for miles and miles. 10 seconds. 20 seconds. 30. Dolor stumbled a little as the belch evolved into an even grosser monster after 35 seconds. Skunk-terrifying stink axed trees and eradicated them before they could fall, charging over the lands of the east and destroying them and purpling them for 8 miles. Even as these lands turned into toxic wastelands, Sini moaned in agony because his oval shaped gut had inflated faster than it had deflated and now shoved against his ankles, threatening to BWOMP down to the ground.
“Ough g-god. T-too much pressure … Let me b-belch o-one more time.”
“No,” Alias told him. “I’ll disqualify you if you belch again before Dolor.”
“Uoooggghhh. Hurry up, Dolor …”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” Dolor was fuming. “Alias, what do you score us?”
“Your belch ruined a good 5 miles. But clearly Sini’s belch covered more mileage, more acreage, was overall more foul, more loud.” Alias’ feathers puffed out and shivered. “Just reminiscing about it—”
“You swore an oath.” Dolor’s hard eyes bore down on Alias.
The mohawk of the eagle’s white mane flared up a bit. Alias did not blink any of his three eyes. “I intend to keep it, Dolor.”
Sini chimed in: “He intends to—BRRAAAAAP—keep it, Dolor.”
Alias spun on Sini hummingbird-wing-quick. “Disqualified!”
“Dammit, Alias. He did a short burp after the first round and you didn’t DQ him.”
“I err,” Alias said. “He has been disqualified since then, then.”
“Better not be,” Dolor said to him. “Let me beat him without DQing him, or I’ll feed you to the interdimensional kraken.”
Alias glared at Sini. “Do both parties agree?”
“Ye—URRUUUUHHHHHP—yes,” Sini said. “BURRP URHRRHRP URAAAP URP URP URRGGGH GRRAP, BUWAAAARP—aaah~ much better~”
Dolor stabbed a spiteful glare at Sini and stared, then exhaled slowly. He willed the air to be clean and clear, then blinked. And so it became. His tail reared its head over the desolated lands where woodlands once were, then begun to inhale a giant glut of air.
8 miles out—where treetops still stood and the beasts now fled from the rim of the woods that was nearest to the destroyed lands—the beasts suddenly felt a divine force rip the wind from their lungs. They spat it up, fainted and abruptly fell deceased, while the tail of Dolor sucked up every ounce of air within 12 miles. The tail shook like a withdrawing junkie from the sheer volume it was ingesting and expanded to twice its innate girth. It became twice Sini’s size. Sini and Alias miraculously seemed immune to the air harvest, as though an invisible air bubble podded each of them.
All of that air mutated in the tail’s leviathan stomach. It got transmogrified into the god’s vulgar pastel gas. Sini meeped as the tail grew even more massive from converting its air to gas. Panting with lust, the tail started making rubbery creaks like some horrific balloon animal and inflated to 2 ½ times Sini’s size, overshadowing Sini worse than before. The sheer heat of the gas trapped within created viscous dribbles of goo from the tail, and the borborygmi of gas drummed over the desolate lands and then pressure pried apart those lips in a godly
“UUUUBBUBUBUBBBWWWWWWRRRRRUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BBHBHBHBHBHBHUUUUBBBBBBBRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBBMBMBMBMBMBM
BUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPHH!”
Before Sini could process that the great void in time and space that had torn open before him was actually the tail’s eructing maw, a maelstrom of belch blew him away and hounded the forest. Layers and echoes of chthonic noise haunted the lands. Storms of magenta and green burst with humidity and the smell of digested planets, ripping forks through the face of this planet for 20 miles around. Distant rivers steamed and turned the belch’s murky colors and dehydrated halfway; mountains shuddered and collapsed partway, stooping hundreds of feet lower. Any beast within the radius of the belch was by its ghastly heat terminated, save for a few skeletal parts that withstood the heat.
Somehow, Sini had only been launched a quarter of a mile by the belch. Apparently, while Dolor’s tail had been burping, Sini’s belly bloat had risen to a woolly level of discomfort, so the weight of his gas anchored him to the ground. The sensation of tightness inside his paunch completely diverted Sini’s attention away from the previous belch.
Gradually, the resonance of the god’s belch subsided, falling beneath the deep, bubbly croons and cries of gases that were expanding Sini’s food sac. The dragon began sweating a fiery haze of poisons and driving his talons into his paw pads determinedly.
Give me the strength to hold in this belch, he thought, chomping his front teeth between panting with flops of his sweat-weighted ears. Not you, Dolor—some other god.
As Dolor watched Sini’s reaction (or lack thereof) to his belch, he turned uncannily white. Specifically, he saw Sini’s belly expand to a plethoric hill size that could potentially crush the dragon himself. Dolor heard the belly’s crude borborygmi level up and felt the ground start to shift with shortening intervals of stagnancy, all from the gurgling of the gut of the huffing, whinnying Sini.
“This m-might be the biggest belch I’ll have in months,” Sini groaned. “Uorgh … auuugh … j-just for you, Dolor!” His belly stretched to twice the length of his legs. Then, his sphincter failed against the strain, and out of his gullet burst a
“BWRRRUUUUAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWAAAAAAAARRRARARARAAARWRRRRRRPAAAAAPAAAAPAAAPP
AAAAAAPAAAAAAAAAUUUUUWWWRRRRRAWWRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHRRRRRRAHRAHRAHRA
HRAHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOAAAGHHHRRRRRRRRHHHRRRUGGGGHHHRUGHUGHUGGHHHHHHHHHGHGHHHHHGHGHGHGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
UUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWHHHHWWWWWHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRPPP … !!!!”
The purple belch made volcano eruptions seem tame. It easily sent the god staggering. The muscular and malevolent gale flashed over trees and digested them with a metabolism beyond hyper. It vaporized the rivers that the belch of Dolor’s tail had only drained and corrupted. Blow after blow of belch shockwaves beat against the mountainsides, hacking the mountains away until they sloughed down rocks and forestry and wildlife, burying villages that had lain on their opposite side in a truly mountainous grave.
Earthquakes rent deeper and bigger forks through the earth than Dolor’s tail could dream of producing. Everything the burp touched steamed from the raunchy heat of Sini’s malodorous filth. His stomach song began to cause booms and eruptions of flames from the forks in the earth. Whereas the belch of Dolor’s tail had turned beasts to bones, Sini’s belch rumbled too powerfully to even leave bone: only a fine, marrowy ash that lost itself in the god-dethroning miasma, just as Alias lost his composure and began to sweat and fan himself with his wing-arms.
“ … PPPPPPUUWWWWWRRRWRWRWRWRWW! …”
35 seconds.
Nothing could close the hellish gate that was Sini’s maw, his lips blurred by the noise of his belch. The rumbles and quakes only catalyzed more gas creation in his gut. The steaming earth broke into fissured fractions. Fractions which moved with more volatility than a sheet of bread crumbs floating atop boiling water in a pot.
“ … WWWRRRRRAAAAPAPAPAPAPARPURRRR! …”
55 seconds.
The god muffled his ears with his paws and yelled in agony, suffering because he had no free paw to cover his nostrils.
“ … RRRPRPRPRURRUPRURPRUPRURRORPP! …”
2 minutes.
Even Alias, who had showed no discomfort before—not even from threatening gazes of the god—sweated and gagged and hurled expectant glances at Dolor, wishing that the god would just kill Sini. He might have asked, if only the volume of Sini’s belch wasn’t so high; wasn’t rising again and again just like Sini’s belly size.
“ … RAPABRAPOURRGAAAAGRRRGRHGHGH! …”
3 minutes.
4 minutes.
5.
6.
7.
“ … URRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!”
When Sini sealed the gates of hell he did so only to gasp for breath. Doing so puffed his stomach up to the height of 2 Sinis. “T-t-too, nngh … too much … gotta keep going … gotta …”
Alias leaped up and intervened. “Sini, stop! Stop, you purple devil! Stop before you kill us all. 75 miles of desolation—does this not satisfy you?”
“I … I can’t help it.” Sini was hyperventilating. “You guys—you made my belly do it. You peer pressured me. Now all this pressure—now the production won’t stop—”
“Well, obviously you win the competition,” Alias said. “Dolor, your tail put up a wondrous display. But Sini—his power is beyond the gods. No offense, Dolor. I must speak truth in your presence. Now go on, Dolor. Live up to your word and award him all of your godly power, so that he might have the power to control his gas before he demolishes this world!”
“All of it?” Dolor hesitated. “All of it? Is that what you want, Sini? Very well. You will have all of my godly power—aimed directly at you.”
Alias started to summon his god-governing magic to intervene. But he lacked the reflexes of a god who has absorbed creature after creature, god after god and added their senses to his. Alias had failed the Unaligned. He had failed Sini. And now, Dolor would have his way.
The god opened his own maw.
“BWWWWOOOOOOAAAAWWWUUWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWRRHRRGRGHWGHRGWHRHGHWGHWRWRRGHGHGHGHGHGḢ̵̦̜̺̲͖̣̯̮̩̰̅͌̎̃͒̅̑̆ͅǦ̸̨̼̞͓͈̣̲̣̘̺̥͋͋͋̃̉̎̑̚Ḧ̸͎͚̲̀̊̿̊̃̋̎͘G̶̛̤̦̠͕̼̹͖̥̜͉̯̝͓̝͔͆̄̇̑̀́͆͑̈́̈́͘͠͝H̷̢̹̣̥̹̺͔͖̗̦̒̆̄̂̽͛͝G̵̡̥̬͖̩̪̼͉̘̬̘̭̈́́͆̐̅̊͗͠H̵̨̛͇̺̹̞͉͉̲̠̏̾͗̾͛̌̑̕̚Ǵ̵̨̨̭͕̘͕̖̙̰̥͑̿͂͋̌̋͊͜ͅH̶̺̖̥̱̟̤̟̣̞̘̰̽̾̈̓̅̅̔̐̄̓́̓͝G̴̬͖̱̙̈́̽̋̒̌͂͐̊̉̈͋͌̆͠H̶̨̧̢̘̜̍̋̒̾ͅM̵̪̘̟̳̈́͐̊̈͛̌̆̔̇͗̀͝ͅM̸͍̌̀̈̀̎͑̐͋̀R̵̢͎͚̺̞̬̫̯͖͍̙̰̂̾M̸̨͖̭̹̳̺̭͎̮͆̀͐̿̄̄͑̆͛Ṁ̵̧̡͖͕̘̒̈́̋̃͆͌̈́̏̓͂̽̕͘͝B̷̨̥̱̱̰͈̥̰̣̦͕̐̃̅̊͜B̸̨̖̮͖̫̱̦̘̊̽̀̈́͂M̵̡̪͉̹̻͔̓̓͗̍̂̆̉̇̏͝R̷̝̦̻̙̦̠͍̜͋̉͌̅͛̇́ͅM̷̧̨̢̜̫͇̝͌͐̓̓̆͐̕͝B̵̨̛̠͔͉̳̄̐̈́͛̾͛͐͘͘͠M̷̨̮͔̥͕̟̠̦͎͎̗͌̐́̐B̴͇̆̈́̃̇̉͝M̸̧̧̛̹̞͓̠͍͖͓̍̒̅͒̅͗̇̈͆̐̀̚͝B̷̨̮͈̲͉̗̗̻̩͈͛̔͜M̵̯̜̹͎̃̓̀̅͘Ḧ̴̝̳̠̘͈́͒H̶̡̜͖̙̲̍̌̀͂̌̕̚͘͠ ̶̢̻͎͕͙̟͇̝͔́͜…̸̢̦̤̦̲͕̦̺͉̼̬̯̲̀̎͒̃̅͐͋̄̏̃̊͘͝͠ͅ”̵̓̾̌̔͐́
“Bhhwwwuuwwrrrrohhhp!” The teeny, tinny belch of the 8 inch tall lizard conically swept the grass with a heavy breeze for a few yards until his scaly black cheeks stopped rippling. The purple haze of miasma crept over his audience of rabbits, hedgehogs, birds and squirrels and wilted all of the grass and flowers nearby. Beasts in the audience cringed with expressions of repulsed admiration. A hedgehog turned green in his swelling cheeks and put a paw to his lips, stifling the urge to vomit. The ring of beasts recoiled from the sour gas, broadening to cover half the breadth of the clearing. Some of the beasts sniffed the close-creeping fumes one time too many and became lightheaded. Sini’s sporous blackberry-carrion belly stench has that effect on the light of heart.
The lizard chuckled the chuckle of a gay wood nymph. “That was just a warm up,” he said to them.
He lowered himself on buckling lithe legs, placing stress on his plum colored belly to compress the gases inside. That first belch had sparked his stomach’s toxic gas creation, and so his food sac began to pulsate, bloating with too much gas for its fleshy constraints. Sini would now share the first true lyrics of his song. “Brrruwwaalllallllwwgghh!” Brreeaaaaaeeaaap! Brreaaaack! Brap brapap urrooaghrrrrrwraaaaaaaaaaaagghhckkk!” Pride and delight crinkled the corners of his purple eyes and flapping lips. His belches were evolving, each burp not simply dwarfing but humiliating every predecessor belch, rearing greater size, stench and brawn. Meanwhile, his paunch churned and ballooned, housing voluminous gases faster than it could evict.
Sini’s odious concert, which had once delighted his audience, now frightened them because the fumes ripped apart flowers and blades of grass. And the belch sounded as harsh as brass. The audience disbanded and disappeared into the woods. Now only Sini remained, revolving in ecstasy as he ejaculated one relatively large belch after another. Only the gastric vociferations of his repugnant solo and the soft violet mists of those sickly eructions dared keep him company. “Braap! Urraapurch hurrrgh, hurrooogh~!”
Suddenly, what felt like a meteoric blow from a titan’s hammer over a great anvil catapulted the lizard over the clearing. The silent explosion filled his head with eerie, nauseating static.
The aftershock landed harder than the initial whatever-it-was. The aftershock heralded the gusts of a belch from a Sini 300 times Sini’s size but had the pureness of the woodland air untouched by his miasma. The howling gusts purified the air around him, slicked back the trees of the clearing. A yelp got lost in the violent noise of winds. Why did Sini try to open up wings to add drag and resist the storm? He hadn’t any wings—he never did.
He hit the bole of a tree then slid down it, dazed. When he blinked open his eyes, a circle of trees about 60 feet in diameter ahead of him blinked too. It was a glitchy sort of blink. The circle’s trees vanished. A second clearing appeared where the trees once stood, and one edge of the clearing grinded against one edge of Sini’s so that both clearings composed a peanut shape, should you look at them from overhead.
Over the center of the second clearing, a starry void in space and time tore open. A deity clawed his way out of it. He was a black, gooey taur who stood at least one hundred times as tall as Sini. He had a short lapine snout and magenta hair cropped to the length of his shoulders. A venom green leaflet of hair shaded his temple above eyes of the same shade. Ears as long as dragon horns crowned his head. The insides of them were white, like erased realities. That same white swept his underbelly and glutes, a streak of it. Behind him writhed twelve mawed tails. Each of them was black and their temples marked by a lightning splash. For each tail the splash color differed. Each tail was over 10 times taller than Sini.
Four paws of magenta digit tips levitated down. “You impress me.” Save his own, Sini had never heard a voice so imposingly hypnotic.
“Care to elaborate, god?”
“Your belches,” said the god. “Tales of them travel throughout the multiverse. But no spoken hyperbole can compare with yours truly. Connoisseur of Belches, Sini, you stand in the presence of Twister of Realities, Eater of Gods, Dolor. I have adoration and humility enough to admit that you can belch almost as well as I can.”
Sini curtseyed with his nose. Rose enflamed his cheeks. But the double-edge of Dolor’s compliment had him nervously scratching behind his long ear with a claw. “It’s an honor, Dolor. Forgive me. I don’t want to correct you. Nothing personal. But no one can belch better than me, not even the gods. Other gods have challenged me. They just don’t have the belly for it.”
Dolor stayed quiet.
Then shedded his kindness.
“You would insult me …” A shrill white noise rose in volume around him and Sini as rose his wrath. “You would mock me when I gift you my favor … You fool—ungrateful fool—how many mortals would die for my favor—how many mortals would murder for my praise—”
Dolor’s reality-twisting bile made the grass around him turn into eldritch octopus tendrils that hissed and oozed acid; the flowers around him into mad, sentient dancers that shot hazardous spores from their pistils. And Sini felt his divine wrath beginning to choke his throat. “Do-loh … Do-lor … p-please …”
Dolor unlocked his jaws, took a breath; and the reality-twisting ended. Sini fell, gasping with gullet free. “A single one of my tails can outbelch you,” said the god, trembling, with a choked voice. “The effort of a yawn would be too much. I can dwarf your biggest of belches with my weakest of tails.”
That last comment not only raised Sini to his feet but resurrected his ambition. He smirked a toothy smile and murmured, “Forget the hypotheticals, god … You’ll eat your words. Your belches’ll get swallowed up in a sea of sound as soon as I start singing my practise burps~”
Reality-twisting energy boiled the god’s area, but Dolor forgot the bait and controlled himself. One of his giant mawed tails descended to Sini’s level. “I challenge you with this tail to a belching competition,” he said. “If you win, I award you all of my godly power. If I win, I swallow you and digest you and absorb your powers, and add them to those of the gods I’ve eaten. Then I will be the poison-bellied. I will be—without a debate—the Best Belcher in the Multiverse!”
Sini sneered. “That’ll be me, once your god powers are mine.”
Dolor ignored Sini. He snapped his fingers, summoning from a void of space and time a three-eyed eagle, whose feathery mane of wisdom fell beneath his buttocks. The eagle landed in the cleft of both clearings.
“Alias is his name,” Dolor said. “He is the eldest of the Unaligned who have sworn bias to no faction, nor any idea, except neutrality.”
“Aye,” Alias said. “Whoever has the most long, loud, destructive and odorous belches wins. Three rounds. Three belches from each of you.” He took out a coin and flipped it. “Sini, I believe your name is? I draw heads for mortals, so you go first.”
Sini barked a reptile noise in reply, wiggling his butt confidently. He squeezed his belly muscles to condense and excite the poison gases within. The gas-concentrated tummy slowly flopped down between his knees. Sini sucked in breath with the focus of a meditator, and when he held it he was tweaked this way and that by the heavy gurgles of miasmic deeply massaging his depths. Some of the gas slipped out of his belly’s sphincter. He trapped it in his gullet to bloat it into a squirming gas pipe. His face blued, cheeks ballooned and eyes squinted shut. His lips revealed grinding, snarling teeth. Terse whines and chin-tucks accompanied his continued belly bloat.
Suddenly:
“Bwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghhhhrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhrp!”
Bursting from his blimps for cheeks came an aural bellow of nasty stench: a high-pitched purge of poison gas. 5 seconds, 10 seconds, 15 seconds. The decently sized belch squiggled his thick black lips as the space between them accumulated. The force of the belch tickled the god’s tail. For yards and yards, grass breezed and bushes swayed and flowers somewhat wilted. A haze spread into the god’s clearing, killing insects and fatiguing a couple of other lizards who had been roaming about in the grass. They curled up on the ground and stopped moving. Dolor’s easterly side of the woods looked and smelled pretty awful.
The fumes failed to reach the nose of Dolor, who stood ten levels higher than Sini. Dolor did not cringe in the slightest. He simply smiled a knowing smile. “You … disappoint me, Connoisseur of Belches.” Dolor snapped his fingers to cleanse the air of Sini’s smog, to reset the playing field. His tail inhaled a maelstrom of air, ballooning to 1 ½ times its original size.
Then:
“BOOOOOORRRRRHHHHWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHWWHHWWW
AAAAAAAAAWWOOOOAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWPPPPP!”
5. 15. 25. 35 seconds.
To Sini the belch sounded like 300 kaijus waking up from the depths of the sea. The sheer power—power he could never fathom unleashing—erupted out of the tail’s maw and swallowed Sini’s world in a muskier, fouler gas of green and magenta than his burps could ever hope to match. The lizard cried out in mix of horror and pain as the burp flung him out of the clearing.
Was he dead?
Sometime later, he lay wheezing in a crater. Fog cloaked his world: a world that had been obliterated as far as his itty lizard eyes could see by a burp too toxic for his poison lizard lungs to breathe.
The puny reptile would have died if Alias had not teleported him back to the clearing and healed him in his embrace. The eagle looked down at him glumly, said, “Mortal, I would advise that you forfeit.”
Sini was shivering. The memory of the god’s power left him very afraid, yet so very envious. And ashamed. And when he heard Alias’ words, he felt the envy and shame burn hotter. He could not go out this way—had to show the god—had to burp bigger.
“Awwww,” Dolor said. “Is the little guy sniffling?”
“Fuck you,” Sini said. He hopped out of Alias’ arms, assuming a territorial stance. “I’m not forfeiting. I’m gonna be a god, and you’re gonna be blown away by my next two burps.”
As Sini ruffled his wings, preparing to burp, Dolor reset the air. Then Sini flicked his throat, pocketing as much gas in it as he could to puff it up, and then:
“Gwrrrrrooooouuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrwwwwwllllllllllmmmmmnnuuugggghhhhwwwwrrrrrggggghhhlllppphh!”
15 seconds worth of belly bloat, lizard breakdown and moderate malodor made Sini’s tiny lips flap. Tiny webs of venomous spit flew, and the leaves of a few trees fluttered as violet perfume blew past them. After the burp Sini panted and quietly collapsed; making those leaves flutter had utterly depleted his belly of gas and fatigued him.
No, he thought, that was the second burp—that couldn’t have been.
Why did he feel like such a worthless belcher? Had he only been a good burper compared with the other forest creatures? Or had he been burping badly just today?
Sini screwed the lines on his head, but when he tried to remember a jolt repelled his mind from his memory. Then he was sweating and hurting, and he didn’t want to remember anymore.
“That’s the best burp you can manage?” Dolor laughed. “What a cute little squeak. I bet my tail could dwarf that pitiful belch with the sound of its burbles if it swallowed enough air …”
“Could not—”
“Nnnnnngh, w-watch me!”
“What are you—”
What cut him off was a humongous BLORP from Dolor’s tail. The tail’s lips flopped like the lips of a fish as it expanded with so much gas. The burbles rattled the trees. They had more power than Sini had in his loudest of belches. And they only got huger and grosser.
“Rmmf, here it comes, Sini mini. Here comes s-so much GAS … more th-than a m-mere mortal could ever dream of having, M-MMMFFF …”
Dolor’s tail belly bloated up like a long black blimp, filling up with enough belch fuel to wipe little Sini clean from existence if the god allowed it. Dolor, grabbing his tail, groped and fondled it, moaning to his own godly gas production until the tail ballooned to be even wider than his torso. The obese black appendage turned a bruised blueberry shade, huffing and puffing and panting, and then:
“BOOOORRRUUUUUUWWWRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRAARARAWRRRAAAOOORRRRRWWRROPOPOPOPORRWWWWORRRWRRWRR
OOWWWRRRROAARRRRGHGHGHGHOUGHHHHHHGUGHUGHAGHAGHAWAWAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP~!!”
Years of Dolor eating gods and absorbing their powers manifested as a detonation of belch from the tail maw. 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds, 40 seconds … The belch outclassed Sini’s and evolved every second into a more enormous horror. Forestry cycloned in the belch’s gaseous storm of neon green and purple. Bodies of bears and deer swirled in the storm, the beasts having perished upon smelling the egregious smell. 7 miles, 9 miles, 13 miles, 20 miles. The belch tore over mountains and shaved their skin of their forestry and wildlife. The very earth began to tear open and buckle about, like a bunch of miniature continental plates separating around Sini. And yet the tail of the god seemed unable to rid itself of its bloat, and kept eructing for a whole 2 minutes of vehement destruction. Dolor’s tail only stopped in order to take a breath.
“Like that smell, Sini? That’s the smell of the best belcher. And I can still belch again, and again, and again, and my burps will only grow in size while yours get smaller.”
Sini was turning red. “Shut up! Shut up, shut up!”
“Awww. Did I hit a nerve, inferior belcher?”
“Your belch has ruined a good 30 miles,” Alias told Dolor, “while I don’t think that Sini’s belch has done so much as wilt a few trees. Dolor, your belches are clearly the superior. At least, in this round.”
Pride wounded, the dragon did not speak. His confidence had been reduced to a speck of what it was.
“You get one more try,” Dolor teased. “But you’re so far behind me in points, it’s like you’re dying to meet the inside of my stomach.”
Sini inhaled for his final belch. But he held back tears and lacked faith, and so he couldn’t hold his breath for long.
“Bwrrruuuuaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwaaaaaaaarrrarararaaarwrrrrrrpaaaaapaaaapaaappaaaaaapaaaaaaaaauuuuuwwwrrrrrawwrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhrrrrrrahrahrahrahrah
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooaaaghhhrrrrrrrrhhhrrrugggghhhrughughugghhhhhpppp!!!”
Although he performed his longest burp yet (20 seconds), it lacked any of the charisma his last burps had. Not like his charisma had any use to begin with.
The god didn’t even blink at the microcosmic flood of purple. The fog of the belch flashed over trees and wilted the leaves, but no more than that. It sifted a few pebbles and vibrated the skeletons of a few passerby birds, but no more than that.
The resonance of Sini’s belch presently faded beneath stormy cacophony of a gigantic inhale, which robbed the breath from all living creatures for 25 miles. This sound was soon coupled by the deep bubbling noise of gases spoiling and spreading the belly walls of Dolor’s tail, which grew to not 2 ½ times, not 3 or 4, but 5 times its original size, looming over 50 feet tall, almost half the height of Dolor himself. Dolor began sweating and panting, begging for his release and laughing under his breath.
“You had one last shot at becoming a god …” Dolor moaned loudly to the pressure building in his tail. “And you wasted it with that PATHETIC belch. And now, Sini, I’m gonna destroy your whole forest with all of my gas with one single burp.”
The god Dolor blinked, and in the sky a void ripped open. This void would amplify the sounds of the area and broadcast them to the most populated planets of the multiverse, but Sini did not know this.
The multiverse heard Sini sob hard, heard Sini that he would do anything.
“But since you’re down on your knees like a good little subordinate,” Dolor continued, “I’m gonna hold this gas in my tail, IF you do what I say.”
“Anything.”
“Say you’re not the Best Belcher Ever. I’m the Best Belcher Ever. Say it. Say I’m the gassiest, the muskiest, the Best Belcher of the Multiverse. Say that, and I’ll spare you and your forest and forget that you ever insulted me with your stupid claim.”
“I’m not the Best Belcher Ever. Dolor, you’re the gassiest, the muskiest—”
“What was that?”
“You’re the g—”
“What are you saying? Your voice is getting so much smaller, the gurgles of my tail so much bigger!”
All of what Sini was saying got drowned out by the moans of the god and the gassy expansion of his tail.
“Guess you’re not gonna say anything, huh Sini? Guess I’ll have to destroy your forest after all! J-just for you, Sini!” His tail continued to gulp air until it grew 7 times its original size, almost 100 feet tall. The sphincter of his tail failed under the pressure. The result was instantaneous.
“BUUUWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAWWWHHHHHWWWWWW
OOOOOOOWWWOOOOOWWWWOOOOOOWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW
WWWWOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAWWWHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRWWWRRRWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HHHHRRRRRRHHHRRRRHRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!!!”
The radioactive heat wave of magenta and green belch incinerated entire armies of trees and stretches of river, vaporizing 30 miles of forest in a few heartbeats. After severely fissuring the earth and bulldozing over the region, it slammed against the mountains, vaporizing whatever vegetation the last belch had missed.
35 seconds.
55 seconds.
2 minutes.
3.
4.
Dolor’s tail gasped, for it had deplenished its stomach of gas and deflated to its original size.
“Dolor wins the competition,” Alias said. “Sini, your tail put up a wondrous display, but Dolor simply has too much power. Now Sini, he gets to eat you and absorb you.”
I haven’t won yet, Dolor thought. Although his last belch had shamed Sini in the hearing of most of the multiverse, he knew what neither Sini nor the multiverse would ever know: dragon Sini had completely collapsed the mountains. A feat Dolor’s tail failed to do with either of his final belches.
But I will have my prize, now, and with Sini’s powers combined with mine—not his lizard ones, his true ones—I will have more power in a single urp than any god in their entire bodies. And I will collapse more than the mountains.
Sini screeched in fear and darted away, but the barren belch-destroyed lands gave him nowhere to run. A gigantic, gooey paw of black engulfed him and raised him above a maw which spread stickily below two hellish green eyes. Sini could not forget those eyes, even though he had forgotten his own identity as a dragon. He did not forget them, not even as he plunged through the abysmal throat for what felt like hours. Eventually an ocean of green stomach acids evaporated him with a splash, but not before Dolor snapped his fingers, reversing time around Sini—and Sini only—to revert the lizard to his all-powerful dragon form.
Not that Sini stayed conscious long enough to experience this transformation: to die with the dignity of his memories and accomplishments. In this moment, the last person who remembered that Universe 94’s Sini had triumphed over Dolor in a belching competition melted away, that person being Universe 94’s Sini himself.
What followed was a superabundant sensation of gaseous bloating in the god’s underbelly. Even the villagers of the villages beyond the belch-ravaged mountains heard the blissful howl of Dolor as the broken down poison dragon combusted into naught but toxic gas. In seconds purple miasma not only rounded his middle but made it pound and gurgle against his legs in the shape of a great, white egg.
All of Sini’s poison and belching powers—they surged through Dolor’s body and pulsated it with incursions of energy and poison. The goo of the taur god began to shimmer and melt and dribble as musky, toxic fumes poured in excess up from his sweating frame. All the while his belly bloat crescendoed beyond any Sini himself had suffered before—so much bloat, Dolor transferred some of the gas into the tail which had been competing against Sini.
This tail, however, bloated up until its mere gurgles quaked the lands with volcanic strength and volcanic heat pressurized within its depths. The tail flailed in the manner of an unmanned hose and turned blue over its preexisting blue shades from all of its swelling (this seemed to blacken it beyond black—a void black).
And then, what bashed open the tail’s lips was a
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
RRRRRRRWWWWRRRRAAAARRAAAARRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHWWWRRRRRRRRRRROOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRO
OOOOOORRRUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAH
HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHWWWWWAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!”
Vortexing out of the tail maw came a slew of crude vowels and consonants pronounced to all the region: a tornado of poisonous doom, whose musk burned as hot as the core of the planet. Mountains that dragon Sini had avalanched simply evaporated as the belch vaporized everything in its path, including villages and neighboring regions. Layers of earth dissolved pixel by pixel as the underground crumbled away, leaving Dolor’s levitating feet farther above the planet every second.
As the tail belched, the tail’s lips and cheeks peeled farther back in an expression of self-disgust and nausea because the stomach of the tail would not stop bloating up bigger. Steaming purple waves of the belch sliced through the planet’s crust as waves of belch obliterated the very surface of the planet in rippling waves that ran for hundred and hundreds of miles, melting the grass off the surface of the northern hemisphere. Waters of the ocean began to sizzle and evaporate. Soon the sunlight zone and the twilight zone of the ocean completely evaporated, and Dolor’s poison-powered belch began roasting the bathypelagic and abyssopelagic zones of the ocean and charring the lantern fish and alien organisms that had there swum. Last to evaporate were the waters of the hadal zone, which dried the world of ocean water while a purple fog smothered the troposphere and stratosphere, swallowing stratus, cirrus and cumulus clouds and swallowing all view of the shrinking sphere from the orbit.
Dolor’s tail suddenly exploded with more bloat like an airbag. He used his paws to shove the gas-laden appendage away to keep it from suffocating him. Once the first belch ended 15 minutes later, belches that varied anywhere from half a second long to hours long combusted out of those gassy lips. Sounds like the following ones motored into the outer core of the planet with punch after punch of musky, purple murder before drilling into the inner core:
“UURRRRRRWWWWWWWWWUUUPPP!!!! BROP! BROPOPOPOPOPOPOAAAWWWHHHHHHRRPHHHH! BRAAAAAAAHHHHHHGHH! OOORAAAAAAUGHHH! BRAAAAWWWCCCCCHHHH GGGGUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRBBBMMMBBMMMMBBBMMMMPPHH GGRRUUUUUOOOOUGHHH RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOORRRRRGGG AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPP RRRROOOOOOAP!!!!”
After these belches, the stratosphere, mesosphere and thermosphere didn’t get enveloped with poison smog because by then the planet did not exist; the fiery core of the planet exploded against the might of his belch onslaught like some mini supernova. A cosmic firework of delicious energy sprayed through outer space before being sucked and absorbed into Dolor’s body, multiplying his belching power to such an extreme, hypothetically, just a polite burp from him could destroy the crust and mantle of Sini’s pathetic planet if he recreated it.
Shaking uneasily from all of the power flowing through him now, the taur god glowed purple from absorbing Sini and orange from absorbing the planet’s core. His stomach rounded out until finally he had to belch from his main maw, not his tail maw.
“BWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
AAAAGGHGHGHGGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHHGHGHGHHGGHGHGHGHHGHGHHHGH
UURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBURRRRRRRRBURRRRRRRRRBRRRRWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUURRRRBRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BAAAAAAAAAAABBBBAAAAAAAAAABAAAAAAAAAAARRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUURRRRRRPPP
HHHHHHHHHHHHUU
UURRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!”
All the rest of the planets in the universe felt a ripple along their surfaces, and in a blink they cracked from the deific shockwave of the belch like jawbreakers, exploding one after the other in fanfares of plasma as their conflagrating bodies vanished under flurries of musky purple miasmas. Presently, the shockwaves of this 3-hour-long belch resonated throughout the galaxy, destroying stars and constellations. Whispers of the belch would bleed out of the cosmic local group into other superclusters of the universe. After that, Dolor felt cured of his poisonous gas bloat, and he would later learn to control it, just how he would learn to control his new poison powers even better than Sini could.
Which is one of the reasons why the new Best Belcher Ever would never be dethroned. As for the main reason, Dolor was simply a way better belcher.
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Category Story / Vore
Species Western Dragon
Size 120 x 120px
So, if I understand this right, this story happens *twice* but in the same universe, right? Universe 94?
So the first time Sini won, but like the sore loser and nasty cheater that he is, Dolor rewinded time AND warped reality so that he could beat and eat him, which is what happened, correct?
Man it was a great story but it was kinda frustrating that Sini lost in such an unfair way, I wanted him to become a god...
Anyway, amazing! I know this is 4 yrs old but your stories are great!
So the first time Sini won, but like the sore loser and nasty cheater that he is, Dolor rewinded time AND warped reality so that he could beat and eat him, which is what happened, correct?
Man it was a great story but it was kinda frustrating that Sini lost in such an unfair way, I wanted him to become a god...
Anyway, amazing! I know this is 4 yrs old but your stories are great!
You understood correctly, yeah.
And I can understand how that could have been a bit of a bummer, since it was unexpected! I should have tagged the thumbnail better.
But... Sini will have other opportunities to ascend to Godhood. >:)
Anyway, thanks so much! ^^
And I can understand how that could have been a bit of a bummer, since it was unexpected! I should have tagged the thumbnail better.
But... Sini will have other opportunities to ascend to Godhood. >:)
Anyway, thanks so much! ^^
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