Ugh, this year, the year i should be happy I seem to have everything i ever wanted but its not everything I wanted, nor the way i wanted it. Its like the shit of nightmares constantly feeling like I am living in the past I tried to run away from.

The double standerns, the outburst, i know your 'trying' to change but I just cant take the world where my word no longer matters. Where you seem so willing to throw everything we have done under the bus to just better yourself, i thought this was a journey together yet your so willing to leave me behind I thought i matterd yet again but seems I was wrong.

But thats okay, im use to this abuse, im use to this treatment. Go on have your thrill and throw me away, its the comfort I want to have to know yet again another person ripped everything they needed out of me. Everytime I smile...you make it fade. I so badly want it to stay but it seems that can never be.