That was not bad for your first story. I personally love popping, so this really appeals to me. I'm glad to see that the Biyomon is still okay. I was hoping she's still try to find her love in the end.

Anyway, it was a pretty good story, although some of your diction was sort of bland. The worst was your sentence structure. Near the end, most of your sentences were pretty much the same length and all started with either the word "her" or "she." You have to keep variety in your sentences and vocabulary, or it'll sound boring when read out loud. Even if you have the best hook, you have to keep your line in good quality or you'll lose your readers in a snap. (Excuse the pun-filled metaphor. I couldn't think of a more creative way to explain that.)

It was still a great story though. The story has structure, legibility, and a plot to follow. It just needs a bit of a revision. Don't give up though! This was just your first story after all!

Well technically it isn't my first story, but it just has been a good long while since I have worked on a story ^_^ Thanks for the critique too. I'll have to skim over it and make the necessary revisions, hopefully patching it up ^.^

Ah, I didn't meant to say "first." I don't know why that I did. Good like with your revisions though!

Very nice, yes very nive indeed. *nods* Hey, how bout getting Renamon popped next XD

Seconded!

I like how it just wasn't a slime inflation; how you incorporated air was very clever. ^^

That was a pretty good story and a very unique way of using slime in inflation^^

This was a good first try at writing a story bro ^^ You did quite well with the content and also conveying all that was happening within it. I like your methods and also how you incorporated water and slime inflations into one. Also I like how you lead Biyomon to the slime, since most stories just put you right then and there without much lead up to it.
A very nice start to writing stories like these bro ^^

This was pretty good! The only real issue I saw was that a number of your sentences were sentence fragments. You would be well advised to watch out for those next time. Try combining them with conjunctions and the like. Your stories will read much easier if you do. Other than that, I thought it was great. I'd like to see more writing from you soon!

im not usulay one for reading text but this one is very entertaining to read i like how you did this one