Solving a Conundrum

© 2018 by Walter Reimer



The Kith had docked at Station NZh-304 to give the crew a brief rest. The news they were getting over the infonets was uniformly good, with the Ichoniik home planet sporting several new craters where one of that world’s largest cities used to be and the Ichoniik themselves asking the Terran Confederacy to broker a peace with the Empire. One news item held that the Terran president was meeting with the Imperial Ambassador on the subject.

Military briefings maintained that the Fleet was roaming largely unchallenged through Ichoniik space.

“Gorwan g’Raf?” Varan blinked as a small window popped open in a corner of her quarters' monitor screen. She had been studying the latest letter from home. “May I speak with you, please?” The vir obligingly gestured with her tail and the window enlarged to fill the screen.

It was a kam wearing a mud-brown Army uniform, with a red stripe running down the tunic sleeves and a lieutenant’s rank insignia. “I am Gorwan Keshif Norvim, part of the station’s intelligence office. May I please invite you to my office for a brief conversation?”

Of course, he probably already knew her duty schedule. “I accept your invitation,” she said. If he could be formally polite, so could she. “Allow me time to dress, and I will be there.” She had been clad only in her fur.

“Yes, Lieutenant.” The window closed, and Varan got up to get dressed. She hoped nothing had happened to Meredith.

The military section of the station was located just off the docking area, and the Intelligence offices were openly displayed on the directory. There was none of what Meredith called “cloak and dagger” about it. Varan announced herself to the receptionist, and the kam directed her to Norvim’s office.

“Narchak, Gorwan,” the kam said as she walked in. “Please have a seat. Would you like something to drink?” Varan’s tail gestured and he smiled. “Very well then. I’ve been asked to talk to you about your last communication with Meredith d’Estcourt.” Varan’s ears perked and he asked, “Ulnt?”

“Has anything happened to her?” she asked, trying to keep the worry out of her tail.

He smiled and gestured negatively. “Nothing that we’re aware of, no. But there were certain elements in your communication that I was asked to talk about with you.” He glanced at his padd and asked, “What is a ‘box grater?’” His ears perked as Varan started to chuckle. “What?”

“It’s an ancient Terran kitchen utensil. Is the Shērdyatz aware that Lieutenant d’Estcourt brought a computer game with her when she began the officer exchange program?”

The kam gestured affirmatively. “It was approved by the department, of course, or she wouldn’t have been allowed to have it. It’s a multi-level roleplaying game?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve been playing it with her?”

Varan gestured. “Yes, I saw her playing it and asked her to teach me.” She smiled. “It’s how our relationship began. We were at level ten before she had to return to her ship.”

“I understand. Level ten?” he asked.

“We were collecting items in an effort to get past an . . . obstruction that was barring our way to the next level.” Varan explained, but not in too much detail, about the Hentai Emperor and the difficulties in getting past the beast. She smiled as the kam blinked at her. “My conclusion is that the game designers are completely insane.”

“Aka, I think you may be correct. So, this ‘box grater.’”

“It took me quite a while to find it.” That was the truth; it had taken several cycles for her to collect the grater (from a metal clockwork warrior), a clay pot (from a potter that her kobold mage character had saved from blood-sucking umpires), and a spell for creating water (found amid the moldering ribs of a dead paladin, who complained all the time she was trying to unlock the combination to the rib cage to extract the scroll), and longer to figure out how all the pieces fit together. “The key was the bar of soap.”

“Ernh?” The kam looked partly interested and completely mystified.

“Ulnt. I had to go back to the baseball field and find another one.” She scratched at her neckfur with one hand. “The fungo bats were waiting in ambush, and it took me quite a bit of time in the game to get past them.”

“I can imagine. Would you like something to drink?”

“Thank you. Some henal would be welcome.” He served them both, and after taking a sip Varan said, “The trick was in combining the various items.”

“How so?”

Varan almost caught herself shaking her head like a Terran. “I had to conjure water to fill the pot, and use the grater to render the soap into very small fragments. Heating the water took another entire turn, but I threw it at the Hentai Emperor.”

The Intelligence officer asked, “And the effect?”

The vir smiled. “The creature melted, and left the portal clear for me to advance. Since I wanted Meredith to advance as well, I told her how I managed it. There was no code or hidden meaning involved.”

Lieutenant Norvim looked a bit bewildered by her description of events in the game. “So you defeated a level ten creature – with hot water and soap?”

“Yes.”

He took a drink of his beer. “I think you’re right. The game designers are insane,” and the two of them laughed. After a few moments he added, “There was no malicious code in the message, and from your explanation there were coded words. The game has been seen along parts of the border, where Terran and Imperial outposts are close to one another.” He smiled at her. “This concludes my questioning.”

“Thank you.” There was a silence as the two finished drinking their henal, and Varan placed her empty glass on the desk. “Will the communication be sent on to Lieutenant d’Estcourt, or should I send it again?”

“It will be sent on, Gorwan,” and the kam smiled as the vir got to her feet and left the office.


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A crewmember aboard the Rani Anitra cocked his ears as he walked past Meredith’s quarters, and frowned briefly as he heard the mare shout, “Oh, you have got to be KIDDING me . . . “