Please leave comments about this story as to where I can improve on the story line. This story is the beginning of the teaser that I posted last year.
All comment, critiques, and suggestions are greatly welcome.
~Prologue~
So you want to hear a tale, do you?
YES!!!
What tale shall I tell you today? A tale of romance?
NO!!!
A tale of heartbreak?
NO!!!
A tale of a life lost and a life found?
NO!!!
A tale of adventure?
N—MAYBE!!!
OK, how about a tale of high adventure, romance, and heartbreak. A tale of lives lost and found, a voyage of self-discovery and most importantly a journey of hope?
YES!!!
Great! Now gather round my cubs and I will tell you a true story about a young fur who experienced all of that and much, much more.
Now our story begins in a far off land in the Frozen Northern Wastes, in a once prosperous country by the name of Frinlaire. Back then the country was ruled by the High King Taulein Ironrose Slayer of the Tyrant Ice Dragon Adok, he was a large, fierce and imposing black dire-wolf who was wise beyond his years and by his side was the lovely black cheetah Xanederia Savior of the Gryphons. Between them, they have one son, whom this story is about, and two half children. Our story begins the day young Prince Ironrose’s life is forever changed…
~Chapter One: The Beginning Of The End~
The young Prince nervously looked around him as he rode through the forest with his father’s closest friend and advisor G’Derash. Ever since he woke that morning, he had a feeling that something terrible was going to happen soon. Whatever it was he didn’t like the feelings. SNAP The sound of a branch breaking in the unnatural silence to his left nearly made him yelp in fright. Looking in the direction of the noise, he caught sight of the stag that they had been hunting since, shortly after the sun rose over the horizon that morning. “There it is!” He yelled as he drew his bow, and notching an arrow before firing it at the stunned animal. The stag squealed in pain as the shaft buried itself deep into it’s flank, before running off deeper into the woods. “Don’t let it get away! It will grace the King’s table tonight!” At that the young prince charged off in pursuit of the wounded stag. “Come on G’Derash! I want to be the one to make the kill and to present the stag to father!” He said, urging the pale yellow leopard to follow behind him.
“Yes Sire, as you wish.” He muttered darkly, before thinking ‘enjoy your last day of freedom while it lasts my prince.’
A few hours before the sun was to drop below the horizon, the prince and his father’s advisor finally cornered the stag in a box canyon. Panting for breath, the prince drew his bow readying it for the killing shot, when he felt something sharp pierce him in his neck. Turning around quickly, he saw that G’Derash was holding what appeared to be a blow dart in his paw.
“Wha-wha-wha did you do to me?” He asked as his limbs began to feel heavy and his head started swimming.
“What I did to you my former prince is putting you to sleep for the next few hours until some friends of mine come to collect you.” G’Derash said sadly. “Unfortunately, I am unable to kill you as your father would know who killed you. But I plan on using you to dethrone your parents and taking their place as the high ruler of this here land.”
“W-w-why?” Slurred the prince as the dugs began to take over his body. “They have never harmed you in any way. They have done nothing but gave you everything you needed after your family was slaughtered by the Tyrant Adok.”
“Your father only treated me with kindness, because he wasn’t sure were my loyalties were. He never knew that I sold out my friends and family to Adok to become one of his elite servants. The day that your father killed my Master, I swore that one day I would avenge his death. And today is the day that my revenge will begin. Unfortunately my former prince you will never see your parents alive again, for the next time you wake, your father and mother will be dead. Oh, and one more thing my prince, your half brother and sister will be joining you on your journey to you new homes.”
The last thing the prince heard and saw as everything around him faded away to nothing was G’Derash leaning over him and removing his clothing and jewels and laughing the whole time.
All comment, critiques, and suggestions are greatly welcome.
~Prologue~
So you want to hear a tale, do you?
YES!!!
What tale shall I tell you today? A tale of romance?
NO!!!
A tale of heartbreak?
NO!!!
A tale of a life lost and a life found?
NO!!!
A tale of adventure?
N—MAYBE!!!
OK, how about a tale of high adventure, romance, and heartbreak. A tale of lives lost and found, a voyage of self-discovery and most importantly a journey of hope?
YES!!!
Great! Now gather round my cubs and I will tell you a true story about a young fur who experienced all of that and much, much more.
Now our story begins in a far off land in the Frozen Northern Wastes, in a once prosperous country by the name of Frinlaire. Back then the country was ruled by the High King Taulein Ironrose Slayer of the Tyrant Ice Dragon Adok, he was a large, fierce and imposing black dire-wolf who was wise beyond his years and by his side was the lovely black cheetah Xanederia Savior of the Gryphons. Between them, they have one son, whom this story is about, and two half children. Our story begins the day young Prince Ironrose’s life is forever changed…
~Chapter One: The Beginning Of The End~
The young Prince nervously looked around him as he rode through the forest with his father’s closest friend and advisor G’Derash. Ever since he woke that morning, he had a feeling that something terrible was going to happen soon. Whatever it was he didn’t like the feelings. SNAP The sound of a branch breaking in the unnatural silence to his left nearly made him yelp in fright. Looking in the direction of the noise, he caught sight of the stag that they had been hunting since, shortly after the sun rose over the horizon that morning. “There it is!” He yelled as he drew his bow, and notching an arrow before firing it at the stunned animal. The stag squealed in pain as the shaft buried itself deep into it’s flank, before running off deeper into the woods. “Don’t let it get away! It will grace the King’s table tonight!” At that the young prince charged off in pursuit of the wounded stag. “Come on G’Derash! I want to be the one to make the kill and to present the stag to father!” He said, urging the pale yellow leopard to follow behind him.
“Yes Sire, as you wish.” He muttered darkly, before thinking ‘enjoy your last day of freedom while it lasts my prince.’
A few hours before the sun was to drop below the horizon, the prince and his father’s advisor finally cornered the stag in a box canyon. Panting for breath, the prince drew his bow readying it for the killing shot, when he felt something sharp pierce him in his neck. Turning around quickly, he saw that G’Derash was holding what appeared to be a blow dart in his paw.
“Wha-wha-wha did you do to me?” He asked as his limbs began to feel heavy and his head started swimming.
“What I did to you my former prince is putting you to sleep for the next few hours until some friends of mine come to collect you.” G’Derash said sadly. “Unfortunately, I am unable to kill you as your father would know who killed you. But I plan on using you to dethrone your parents and taking their place as the high ruler of this here land.”
“W-w-why?” Slurred the prince as the dugs began to take over his body. “They have never harmed you in any way. They have done nothing but gave you everything you needed after your family was slaughtered by the Tyrant Adok.”
“Your father only treated me with kindness, because he wasn’t sure were my loyalties were. He never knew that I sold out my friends and family to Adok to become one of his elite servants. The day that your father killed my Master, I swore that one day I would avenge his death. And today is the day that my revenge will begin. Unfortunately my former prince you will never see your parents alive again, for the next time you wake, your father and mother will be dead. Oh, and one more thing my prince, your half brother and sister will be joining you on your journey to you new homes.”
The last thing the prince heard and saw as everything around him faded away to nothing was G’Derash leaning over him and removing his clothing and jewels and laughing the whole time.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 70 x 120px
File Size 30.5 kB
Here is a teaser of things to come... http://www.furaffinity.net/view/816480/
Just to warn ya, this is not for the faint of heart
Just to warn ya, this is not for the faint of heart
I am debating whether or not to have AInoko's parents killed or thrown into the dungeon by G'Deresh, or die in the dungeon not knowing the fate of their children (time to consult the random number generator), but I do have a good plot that I am working on that will take place after the teaser I linked you to
Here is a taste of things to come later in the story... http://www.furaffinity.net/view/816480/
It will get crueler in the future, here is a taste of things to come... http://www.furaffinity.net/view/816480/ Hope your word program opens this
Adok! That's so close to my name that it is almost scary! XD
Although if I ruled an ancient land.... Frozen Northern Wastes----Alaska----do i see a connection?
*ponders at how crazed a ruler he could really be...*
But anyhow...I love the opening to this story. Looks very promising and I believe you have a solid storyline that you can build on and really make interesting and entertaining. I hope to see another installment of this story!
~Adrik
Although if I ruled an ancient land.... Frozen Northern Wastes----Alaska----do i see a connection?
*ponders at how crazed a ruler he could really be...*
But anyhow...I love the opening to this story. Looks very promising and I believe you have a solid storyline that you can build on and really make interesting and entertaining. I hope to see another installment of this story!
~Adrik
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