https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dNPulcbnSs8

A bit rushed again. There were several points that didn't quite add up. For example, you said he was a cat, and yet he had no tail to speak of, until you mentioned the pig tail twitching out his rear at the very end. Was his species tailless, or was the nature of the characters such that non-toons didn't have tails? You also focused a bit too heavily on just the smell of the pizza drawing our rapidly changing pig. No pun intended. There need to be other things that pull him in. And since it is toon physics that are being applied in this part of toon town, I would suggest the age-old trick of anthropomorphizing the vapors curling sinuously toward him and taking the shape of a hand to caress his nose and then lead him by the chin back to the source, either by levitating as he's in a hypnotic trance or simply leading him back of his own power. That was a cartoon classic, back when I was a kid, and it offers more imagery to pull a person into the story. True, it is scent based, but it doesn't rely so much on just telling. It gives a proper aspect of showing both the toony nature of the establishment and just how much toon physics are starting to apply to him as his changes push inexorably forward.

The changes in his hair probably could have been handled a little better as well. For example, you mentioned that the cat's hair was silver. You could easily use the imagery of corrosion to describe the encroaching green overtaking the silver as it shortened and spread into a short buzz cut. And since this is a toon-based story, it probably would have been better to show more toon-based antics, rather than just repeating toony over and over again. For example, the loud pops for every suckling of his fingers, that is a classic toon maneuver. But there are many others that can be utilized from classic cartoons, like the sudden wardrobe change, various slapstick comedy security gags to help him along, that sort of thing. You also failed to mention the heterochromia, until after you'd already had his eyes turn green. That's a key characteristic that you want to have established in the beginning, not after they've already changed.

I'd recommend you try a few other words related to pigs, like porcine, for example, as well. It's a great descriptor and makes it so you don't use the word Pig so often that it turns the reader off. Talk of developing a thick hide would be another possibility that would allow you to add a little variety to break up the talk of fur and fat, so it's not quite so repetitive. I'd also include a few mentions of grunts, not necessarily as sounds to break up his dialogue, but just as part of his descriptions for his voice. It is pretty natural for a pig to grunt, especially one of his size. :P There are other areas to improve, but I think these are good enough for criticism to put towards future documents for now. Keep up the good work, Firingwall.

To be fair, the story here is a bit limited in page length. Only 3 pages are allowed so I couldn't go TOO deep in the changes or descriptors. Could have definitely improved it with introducing elements earlier. Also, I never even heard of the word porcine before ^^; I did want to come up with a different word pig so that I wouldn't use it so much, but the only one I really knew of was swine annnnnnnnd I didn't feel like it worked well.

However, the smoky vapors idea luring the guy back was great and I'll definitely use it in the future. You're also right about using more cartoony word choices.

The snorts I personally think are fine. The dialogue of toon characters I write tend to be weird, energetic, have an accent, or have verbal ticks to them to make them. Helps them to stand out.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I wasn't criticising the choice to include snorts as part of the dialogue. It's a perfectly viable practice that's used by writers here on FA all the time. I've used it myself. I was just saying that should you also include grunting in the future, you don't necessarily have to include it as part of the dialogue. You can include it as part of the voice as it changes/gets more husky, etc.

Gotcha. I think I'll use a different font choice as well like I did with previous stories. Usually helps with showing how different voice changes become.

Anywho, thanks again for the criticism. I took your words to heart and included some more goofiness in another toon story I recently wrote to really make things stand out and capture that silly flavor they should have.

Glad I was able to help.