Geeze, 7 months without a proper post and you get this mess.

We've been addressing what I call my vulture. All those intrusive thoughts, or negative thoughts. The voice that says "You can skip to the end, you have a gun." that's my vulture. For years I've personified the thoughts as such. Not sure why.

He looks wispy and light but he weighs a ton. I always feel when he's there. He sounds like a man, except when it comes to social things and clothes shopping, then he takes on the voice of a woman. He's always there making sure I don't get too comfortable. If you're comfortable then it'll hurt that much worse when the other shoe drops.

And it is a given that'll happen. He judges, loudly. It's hard to enjoy much right now. I want to but he knows how to pick at everything, just the right nerve to grab.

I know exactly what he is, he's an overzealous defense mechanism. Knowing what it is doesn't make it easy to fix. I needed to give him a face. I needed others to know what he looks like.

My therapist said she was surprised at how confident and regal she found him because upon description she expected something more along the negative connotations of what one might expect of the term vulture. A scawny, mangy scavenger. No, he's been around for a long time, I didn't figure he was a problem for a long time.

He's well established and plenty confident in his abilities. I've tried ignoring him, shooing him away to no avail. I'm hoping to eventually quell him some. He has his uses he just need to learn when he's needed.