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Edit: Apparently, it won't let me submit it as a text document, and so I have to put this in as a comment. Hopefully you all won't mind?
~~~
Sonnet for the Jobless Tailors
You weave throughout the labarynthian rows
Hoping to realize your beauty here.
Are there any friends closer than your clothes?
Is living without friends your greatest fear?
The cloth protects your from all vicious eyes.
Is there a cloak designed to hide your shame?
I will not be the one to first chastise
Is there not virtue in one's slender frame?
In Fact! Do vestments save us any stress?
What service do we recieve from attire?
Let us be free from bondage to our dress
And thread the sky with flares from demin fire!
With open thoughts; Wardrobe options acute
Who can resist the lure of birthday suits?!
~~~
This is the first sonnet I've written with attempted Meter! (So, I suppose you could say it's the first real sonnet I've ever written)
The over abundance of questions was intentional, and added to the over-all feel of the poem. In the end, you might actually question the worth of clothing, which would be a pretty sweet feat to accomplish.
Inspired by a friend looking for a homecoming outfit that was not meant to be. Had a bunch of fun with this... =D
Criticism is accepted and appreciated.
Praise is accepted and appreciated and adored.
Thank you for reading.
((No, I myself am not a nudist))
~~~
Sonnet for the Jobless Tailors
You weave throughout the labarynthian rows
Hoping to realize your beauty here.
Are there any friends closer than your clothes?
Is living without friends your greatest fear?
The cloth protects your from all vicious eyes.
Is there a cloak designed to hide your shame?
I will not be the one to first chastise
Is there not virtue in one's slender frame?
In Fact! Do vestments save us any stress?
What service do we recieve from attire?
Let us be free from bondage to our dress
And thread the sky with flares from demin fire!
With open thoughts; Wardrobe options acute
Who can resist the lure of birthday suits?!
~~~
This is the first sonnet I've written with attempted Meter! (So, I suppose you could say it's the first real sonnet I've ever written)
The over abundance of questions was intentional, and added to the over-all feel of the poem. In the end, you might actually question the worth of clothing, which would be a pretty sweet feat to accomplish.
Inspired by a friend looking for a homecoming outfit that was not meant to be. Had a bunch of fun with this... =D
Criticism is accepted and appreciated.
Praise is accepted and appreciated and adored.
Thank you for reading.
((No, I myself am not a nudist))
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 87 x 120px
File Size 677 B
NOT bad; I must say! :3
The concept is interesting and humorous if ANYthing! xD
For your first attempt at meter/sonnet, I'd say you did quite well. You definitely kept the form of the sonnet in terms of rhyme scheme; the meter is a TAD bit rough in certain places, but nothing that can't be fixed (and the content can remain intact too). \(^o^)/
If I may try my hand:
"You weave throughout the labyrinthian rows (line 1 = good)
(In hopes) to realize your beauty here. (line 2 = "hoping" breaks the iambic meter)
(Do you have friends much closer than your clothes?) (line 3 = "any" breaks the meter ~needs revision~)
Is living without friends your greatest fear? (line 4 = good)
The cloth protects (you) from all vicious eyes. (line 5 = good, but I think you wanted "you") x3
Is there a cloak designed to hide your shame? (line 6 = good)
I will not be the one to first chastise (line 7 = good)
Is there not virtue in one's slender frame? (line 8 = good)
In Fact! Do vestments save us any stress? (line 9 = good)
What service do we (gather) from attire? (line 10 = "receive" breaks the iambic meter)
Let us be free from bondage to our dress (line 11 = good)
And thread the sky with flares from (denim) fire! (line 12 = good, but you wanted "denim") x3
With open thoughts; our clothing choice acute (line 13 = "Wardrobe"/"option" break meter)
Who can resist the lure of birthday suits?!" (line 14 = good)
Well, there y'go! I hope I was able to retain your overall meaning with the few lines that I revised for meter! ^^
You really did a splendid job, Sazmotaz; I really didn't have to do much. You have a fairly firm understanding of meter. =)
I've been working on a VERY long poem project called "Reflection": human conflict with a mirror. Though, I recently got inspired to write a quickee sonnet as an intermission, for I have not posted anything in quite some time due to that project. =D
Anyhoo, it's late for me; I best be off. Take care now you, and keep writing! =P
The concept is interesting and humorous if ANYthing! xD
For your first attempt at meter/sonnet, I'd say you did quite well. You definitely kept the form of the sonnet in terms of rhyme scheme; the meter is a TAD bit rough in certain places, but nothing that can't be fixed (and the content can remain intact too). \(^o^)/
If I may try my hand:
"You weave throughout the labyrinthian rows (line 1 = good)
(In hopes) to realize your beauty here. (line 2 = "hoping" breaks the iambic meter)
(Do you have friends much closer than your clothes?) (line 3 = "any" breaks the meter ~needs revision~)
Is living without friends your greatest fear? (line 4 = good)
The cloth protects (you) from all vicious eyes. (line 5 = good, but I think you wanted "you") x3
Is there a cloak designed to hide your shame? (line 6 = good)
I will not be the one to first chastise (line 7 = good)
Is there not virtue in one's slender frame? (line 8 = good)
In Fact! Do vestments save us any stress? (line 9 = good)
What service do we (gather) from attire? (line 10 = "receive" breaks the iambic meter)
Let us be free from bondage to our dress (line 11 = good)
And thread the sky with flares from (denim) fire! (line 12 = good, but you wanted "denim") x3
With open thoughts; our clothing choice acute (line 13 = "Wardrobe"/"option" break meter)
Who can resist the lure of birthday suits?!" (line 14 = good)
Well, there y'go! I hope I was able to retain your overall meaning with the few lines that I revised for meter! ^^
You really did a splendid job, Sazmotaz; I really didn't have to do much. You have a fairly firm understanding of meter. =)
I've been working on a VERY long poem project called "Reflection": human conflict with a mirror. Though, I recently got inspired to write a quickee sonnet as an intermission, for I have not posted anything in quite some time due to that project. =D
Anyhoo, it's late for me; I best be off. Take care now you, and keep writing! =P
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