Hi, it's-a me. :3 I told you I'd be here!

Prologue!

Now, I'm a stickler for openers, and this one doesn't quite hit me. I recommend starting with the skunk "doing what few of his race ever did". Get the point that he's running breathlessly across first, it conveys urgency and a sense of potential danger. That'll keep your audience riveted from word one. How he looks isn't important, we'll find out about the lowness of his rank later.

Also, cut that last paragraph in the first section. End it at "The general will get your message."

Good parts, I liked the discussion at the beginning of the skunk spray, it helps set the scene even if it does break the action a little. I'm also impressed by how you convey the situation of this outpost: they obviously haven't seen any action for a while, since bureaucratic complacency has crept in. They're not prepared for urgent reports, and you set this up quite nicely. :3

Finally, good job setting up the tension. The skunks (are they all skunks?) can get ready for the wolves, but with that many coming, weapons primitive or no, they're obviously a serious threat.

Chapter One!

About the opening: See, now that you've set our scene, you've gotten the action going, you can take this step back and do some describing. :) Descriptive openings are not in and of themselves bad, and this one is now properly placed.

"Son and child" is unweildy, reduce it to the latter.

The opening segment contrasts nicely with the war front we just came in from, and then you go and bring that prophesy-sounding song into and things get quite quite interesting. I'll admit, you only had my attention dubiously at best until that kid said that. Now I want to know what's going on. :D

Oltar the Older comes off as a charming character, the first that's really grabbed my attention. And then you go and give us the double whammy of why this girl's sick, and why the hell did the plaza just turn purple oh my god :O

The tale recounting is confusing. The font change marks it, but at the end, it's Maleck speaking. Given that he and his wife are mentioned in the middle as "Fenther's parents", it feels disjointed. I think I'd rather just see Maleck tell the entire thing.

I am truly enjoying the mysticism in the rituals being displayed here. And just an 8 year old! At least there's time for him to prepare. And if the wolves are trying to stop him, well, they must have a lot to fear from the skunks!

I'm also a little shocked by that Colonel's insubordinance. You'd think he'd know better (not that we really know anything about him).

I'm intrigued. I may go on and check out what else you've got of this, if there's any more up.

Thanks muchly for the critique. =) I'll be putting that to use shortly.

The colonel's actions are supposed to appear extreme. He's got a somewhat important literary role to play in chapter 2 and I didn't want there to be much mystery about it. He very much did not want Maleck to go to Banaar.

That said, I'm working on Chapter 2 now. I expect it to be done in the next few days.

I should also add that the flashback to the history is very much me being lazy. I cut and pasted it in from a previously discarded version of the story. Looks like my laziness showed. =P

Quite! :O You can't sneak that kind of thing past ol' Ironsides Walker! :D

This has the new prologue, but not the rewrite on the flashback yet. I'll be working on that soon.

By way of the critique thread:

Preface:

As a stickler for introductions I'm not sold. The introductory sentence isn't very fluid, a couple of re-reads finally pulled the point across that 'such conditions' refers directly to 'running for your life.' In fact, I'm entirely sure you could cut out 'were it not under such conditions.' and place 'actually' between 'would' and 'be'.

I'm also not particularly a fan of 'Hephis was a skunk', it drags that question into my mind 'if he WAS a skunk then what the hell is now?' The skunk detail matter, and part of Hesiph's very identity which means that detail should be more affirmative and direct, you could even tie in a second and third important detail in one fell swoop. "Hesiph, the skunk and a scout with the rank of corporal in the army...' by getting that out of the way you now have the opportunity to build some action, get that tension flowing again. You'll also need to pick at a way to get your details flowing in with your action. Take Walker was right about the skunk spray description breaking the flow.

What's more is that I picked up a conflicting signal in your details. In the beginning you paint the impression that Hesiph was very well on his way to sacrifice himself to deliver that message to the sergeant or the general. But when he arrives he only announces that he has the message before passing out. Call me out for being anal retentive, I suppose, but the sense of urgency and desire to complete something vital (to the point of death) should end with the completion of that objective. Having such a detail so early denotes/foreshadows in your central character (and possibly the skunk army/people) something I feel that you might not possibly have intended to communicate at this point: "even with it all on the line, they will not succeed in completing their overall objective". While I understand that ultimately the message is delivered, the incomplete act, I feel, sets that tone. However, that's up for interpretation and open for you and your artistic taste to decide.

I'm mixed on your military, on the one hand I thought the certain dialogue and procedures were out of step for me to consider the army that's presented early in this prologue is slightly better than a rag tag group of rebels but the command structure denotes that the army is more organized than the relaxed speech implies. But I loved the clever trick by the sergeant to use the skunk's training to get him to complete the message.

Hope some of this helps (mind you this is only over the preface), you've got a start and (judging by the fact that you've posted a second chapter) a direction you'd like to go. I hope that you're eager to come back and iron out some details and really get your voice and style set for the reader. Good luck.

Thanks. =)

So I personally thought that your first line was intriguing and tense without being overdramatic.

Anyway,

"His uniform, made of leather and sculpted to fit without restraining, was torn in multiple places and dried blood surrounded most of the tears."

I feel like this sentence is weird. Like, you have both "torn in multiple places" and then "surrounded most of the tears." Maybe the "torn in multiple places" and "surrounded most of the tears" could be combined somehow. I dunno, just a suggestion.

"Hasiph briefly lost his footing and dropped to one knee in a puddle, but it didn't slow him."

"...but it didn't slow him" seems kind of ... blah? Redundant? Unnecessary? You have details about how he recovered right after that, so you're basically telling us the same thing twice.

"The two lifted him, the sergeant at Hasiphs arms and the other soldier at his feet."

Typo. Hasiphs --> Hasiph's.

"The quick thinking soldier decided to rely on the habits that the military tried to ingrain into each of its soldiers."

I think this sentence has too many clauses/phrases. on the habits, that the military tried, into each, of its soldiers. It's a bit difficult to follow. Maybe tighten that up?

Anyway, that's all the line-editing I really have for the preface. I like the dialogue, personally. None of it really feels that useless, and none of it feels bland.

I really don't have that much to say about the preface, except that it seems solid and at least got me interested. Will read/crit the rest later.

Thank you.