So IM one of us, dude, and we will talk you out of the oblivion. The surplus population of the internet is all in your head. How many views do you get? Those are the people you pass. Everything else is illusion. Insignificant, unreal, white noise. Grab hold of something. Stability's worth getting kicked in the face a few more times. Someone's gotta take it.

A few months ago, I was feeling exactly what you were. This site is far too large to make any close-knit social groups; a bunch of group accounts like the gay furries group are being taken down by the admins. I don't have many friends in my real life, too.

I eventually got to the point where art was no longer about popularity or even being noticed. I just wanted to get better. I made some friends online, and I started to appreciate their company much more.

I really hope you can work out those feelings. It makes life very much easier to live without them. There are sure to be many out there - including myself - who envy and enjoy your talent :)

Also, the very bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy contains sex? Yeesh, that's bad.

Yes... That one surprised me. Makes me think i'm fucked... In this context - in a bad way, paradoxically.

Thanks.
I wish I'd find some way out.

If only someone envying and/or enjoying my talent would matter to me personally... Now it just ends up being another outside pressure I have to slave to.

Why do I make and post art?.. I don't know. Maybe I secretly hope it'll give me atleast a bit of self-esteem, but it doesn't work, because if anyone has anything positive to say, I just shrug it off as "well, maybe it looks good to them, but it's still shit, obviously". Mostly I just vent and hope someone would find the result amusing.

It's easyer said than done, but I have to say it anyway; cheer up, mate.

Actually I really really like this one. Your pictures tend to make me think for more than a minute and I usually don't impusively favorite things but this is definitely something I enjoyed viewing. And I'll be reading about those things in Wikipedia now.

oh I remember sugesting this. I think.

I hate when people feel that way, if only because I know how it feels like, and I know how easily it could be to hurt you by not acting exactly the right way. I spent the first 18 years of my life in an essentially endless depressive state with only some few, short peaceful episodes that possibly just made it all worse by giving me ground for comparison, and I remember just how easily I would get hurt even by people trying to help me. Your mind's just warped and screwed that way when you're feeling THAT rejected and isolated and it's terrifyingly easy to take things the wrong way.

So... I know I could only be making things worse by saying this, but here goes :

Things can improve very quickly, I've come to find out. It takes just a few months to go from obliterating despair to feeling all fine and dandy, and that even if you spent your entire life feeling awful because things just kept on sucking, for any reason. I personally believe everyone has their own answer to their inner demon and that there is no uniform miracle cure - of course that means you'll have to address some of your problems yourself (why do you think you are unworthy of anything? When did you start thinking this and why? Does it make any sense - most likely not? etc, etc...). Still, I think it's difficult for one to really fix themselves on their own. If you can make your introspection yourself, good, then you won't need a shrink - they're good for tracing a path, but they often/usually bumble and fail if they feel obligated to help you along it. That's a role for friends and loved ones (and that's the point where I'm afraid I could only hurt you further).

It's good and all to change your way of thinking, but outside confirmation remains the only way to really clear destructive self-doubts, unless you're some monument of willpower. And how to attract people to you as friends? By acting like a magnet and doing things that actively could bring people to you, for absolutely whatever reason. That includes joining already-existing groups and just blending in, getting in touch with old acquaintances again or... posting on the internet. Distance doesn't prevent the birth of a friendship and can be overcome more easily than one would think, so yes, even internet friends can be a huge help.

You're a good artist and by having an art site you show off your talent. That attracts people to your page, and through time some will be tempted to contact you, for whatever reason. That's a common reaction - encourage it. Publicly post your IM addressed, post journals to request IM buddies, etc. Of course that kind of contact is possibly not as good as direct human contact, but nothing says you can't do many things at once. I know for one that even though I developped many friendships in everyday life, I'm very loyal to my internet friends because damn, they are people, too, and they are awesome people. 3 years ago none of them were friends and now they're pretty much the best safety net I could imagine in times of trouble (among many, many others).

In short... ain't over yet - just try to push things to happen, and within weeks or months at most they are certain to indeed happen. We'll see from there. If you get better you'll do like me and look down on your past feelings, wondering how in the world you could think in patterns that simply seem ridiculous to you now (that awful and generalized negativity is truly a staple of a depressive mindset, but it's among the first to go away - that and the pleasure derived from self-pity).

Also, Harry Harlow was a monster.

Thanks. And many thanks for writing such a long thoughtful reply, really appreciated.

Yeah, I'm still in that state... 23 y/o and counting. Almost got used to it and can't imagine it differently, despite how much i try to get out of it. Yes, I'm familliar just how subjectively biased towards bad things stuff becomes in this state, I try to warn myself about it, don't worry about hurting stuff. And you sure haven't. Good advice, I just need to work on it. Thanks.

Take it easy if you can - best of luck to you either way. I'll stay in touch myself. :)

I guess someone will have to venture into that pit and find you.

People are too busy with things. Going anyplace called "pit" and doing stuff for some pathetic apathetic ungrateful bastard bugger they don't know is the last thing anyone would want to do.

Sitting there waiting might not be a productive way of fixing things.

Well, someone sitting there waiting for you to show up may not be the most productive thing, but an apathetic bugger is more than likely to show up eventually. I mean, where else do they have to go? Hence, productive.

Very cool picture even if its sad. I really hope you cheer up and get better somehow

Me too. :(

Especially this, ugh. "Such a person will lose confidence and will become reluctant to attempt to change or too scared to try new things for fear of further social rejection".

I identify with this so much. It's nice to see such thought going into art on a site full of mostly empty cartoons (I'm guilty of that myself.)

By societal standards, I probably shouldn't be 'lonely'. I am well educated, responsive and creative and there are people who will talk to me readily. But I still go through this dispair on a regular basis. The older I get, the harder it seems it's harder to find peers and confidants in a crowd, regardless of how much attention one can get or not get.
They have attempted to tell me this is my fault, that in expecting someone to want to share talks in art and humanity that I've gotten too picky and should throw myself into nightclubs and social scenes I'm uncomfortable with. I refuse. It's the price of the individual to pay I suppose.

If you do ever want to talk to someone in at least a similar sphere, even though internet conversation isn't always the same, you're more than willing to contact me. I have the time.

"Welcome", not "willing", sorry >.<.

Yeah, the "by standards, I shouldn't be feeling lonely" part is familliar, I think that one often, aswell... Throwing oneself into random social circles (especially those one isn't comfortable with) doesn't work, I noticed. In a crowd one feels the loneliest. (I don't think I've felt anywhere as shitty as in a night club of some sort.)

Knock knock?

WHAT?!! WHATDOYOUWANT? YOU WANT ART?!! ART?!! I'LL GIVE YOU BLOODY ART!

(Yes... That may be one of the reasons I have no friends.)

NO I WON'T ACCEPT IT, MANY MANY MAKE ART BUT THEY'RE NOT TRAGELAPHUS. Relax.

I'm just trying to see if you will let somebody through?
I mean, look around, how many people have come knocking? So many opportunities?

Yeah, good point. But usually the knock startles me and I run away... =/

Why, what are you really running from?

Hard to pinpoint...
1. social anxiety
2. to me socializing is work... it completely drains me,
3. I try so hard, but in the end I still feel like I dissapoint people... or offend them.... or just end up being an egoistic jerk.
4. fear of trusting people
5. I can't remember what more... I'm not that good at introspection, I just feel like avoiding people at all costs =/

Probably also in circles.
See how many offer to tame and be tamed (yes, Exupéry fox :P), you might keep on trying to take those opportunities, resolution will not be found within, don't keep on looking deeper and deeper. Like the picture, it's a house of mirrors, it doesn't lead anywhere, you know that.
I hope you'll learn to live with all of this eventually. Just...go on, take a step, and some more, out of the circle, even if you return you will never return to the very same place.

Well I don't want to keep on sounding like some pushy smartass, I just felt I had to say something. Something that some time ago was attempted to be punched into my thick skull as well.

This all makes a lot of sense to me.

You referenced Maslow. This makes me extremely happy, as do most humanistic psychologists in general. Harlow, however... not so much.

Heh... and you tried to say a few days ago that your art has no meaning.

Well, once one thinks about it... most behaviourists were somewhat despotic in their methods. Cold and brutal moral indifference seems to be part of their philosophy.

1 out of 20 pieces... That's inadequate.

When I consider all the joy that your art has given to me, I can only believe that you, as a person, must have greater worth, greater spirit, than you realize.

I can only add that many of us fail to see ourselves objectively, and therefore, we see ourselves as less interesting, less loveable, than we are. For obvious reasons, we consider our self-perception definitive... but it's not.

Over the course of many decades, that lesson has been brought home to me with force: I am not the best judge of my attractiveness or of my achievements.

And, perhaps, neither are you. :)




Mark

I have never seen depression illustrated quite this eloquently. I've not even seen someone come close.

Wow. Just … wow.

"the sheer number of random people that one comes into contact with daily in a city, even if only briefly, may raise barriers to actually interacting more deeply with them and increase the feeling of being cut off and alone."
I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
I even think I feel more alone overall now that I have a roommate, but that could just be the days shortening.
Sorry for the useless comment. I saw this in somebody-or-other's favorites, but I don't have anything worth saying about it.

This just happened to me a few hours ago. I've been fighting this occurrence for years, since I broke my self-defeating depression.

It feels more like a distant thought, now, since I talked myself out of it. That's part of it, of course. I don't have a whole lot of people I can fall back on.

Just know that you're not alone. This happens to a startlingly large amount of people I know, and I make sure I'm there for them. A lot of people already offered to talk to you, so I'm guessing I'm late to that party. Just know that the offer is there.

Besides that, being able to relate to people is one way to help yourself out of this, so if you don't feel the need to talk to me, I'm glad that there's others to take my place.

I am sure everyone has already said what I could even possibly communicate. But this is amazing, both technically and emotionally. Amazing.

i do appreciate that the state is represented in a hall of mirrors because that's more or less what it feels like, as dull and uninsightful as this remark is.

You've moved me to tears...it's almost like you're trapped in a closed coffin, but coming out into the light can breath in you a whole new meaning. It moved me deeply...never has any art really actually made me cry. You should take that leap, just be you, and go out into the world...regardless of what may happen. JUST GO! <3

For some strange reason, this nostalgically reminds me of watching fireflies at night from my veranda...

Eerie, amazing, and really fills me with a haunting sense of despair. Amazing work...it really speaks to me.

Neat drawing.

Despite the fact that the song isn't all too great, this immediately reminded me of a video that appeared on Sleepwatching, Vol. 1.