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A mad scientist cat transplants the brain of his pet feral cat into his head and turns into an adorable derp.
Introduction
This is a stupid story. A very stupid story.
The following is the tale of the plight of a peculiar Persian cat named Dylan Hux, or rather the plight of a particular Dr. Hux. Dylan is a cute, derpy cat in his current condition, and he constantly asks for tuna.
That is an understatement.
Seriously, this cat can single-handedly deplete the world’s tuna supply if given the means and funds necessary.
Salmon is an acceptable, but still flawed, alternative.
Dylan, or rather Dr. Hux, performed a brain transplant with the simplistic mind his pet cat on himself, resulting in his current condition. Just accept the fact that there are feral and anthropomorphic critters of the sae ‘species’ in this universe. It hurts less to not think about it. This is a tragedy of a mad scientist caught in his hubris and grandeur, and thus falls from his pedestal to be cursed with perpetual idiocy. It’s much less sophisticated I make it sound.
Beware thee who cross the dotted line
Part 1: The Obligatory Dialogue.
In a normally lit hallway that is painted with drab colors, a tan-colored Persian cat dressed in a cyan surgical scrubs is speaking to a rather impatient white rabbit in a lab coat. Or it’s the other way around, where the bun is talking to the cat…. bah. Either way, it starts off with the rabbit speaking first.
“Dr. Hux, are you certain you know, to an utmost certainty, absolutely one hundred percent, what you are doing?”
“Who the hell are you to judge me? I’m the owner of this medical laboratory and I get to determine what goes on in it!”
“Yes, but—er—you”
“Listen! This is just a simple brain transplant. Nothing’s wrong with that!”
“Doc, a simple brain—”
“Don’t call me doc! For the last time!”
“You told me to call you ‘doc’ just yesterday!”
“That was in front of the benefactors, Milton.”
“And look how swimmingly that we—hey! My name is Frank!”
“Stilton!”
“My last name is Gila”
“Wilton, listen! This operation is going to huge. Huge! I say. So huge that I’ve sold away half of the lab’s assets to market for this event!”
“You wot. You literally thought of this idea yest—”
“The entire third floor? ConTech owns it now! I’ve also fired all of the staff as well. Only true geniuses are allowed to work under my tutelage. Well, work with pay”
“Well that explains why the building is so empty…wait, ConTech?!! Are you mad?!!”
“Are you unemployed?”
“They stole half of our patents!”
“Relax, this is a genius idea! It’ll pay off in fame and exposure!! Trust me!”
“Pay off? Did they poison you?!! Hux! Please, think about it! Forget about what’s going to happen to the lab, what’s going to happen to you when after finish the transplant?!”
“Glorious praise and applause will be showered from the audie--!!”
“No! You, as in whatever fucks sake is going on your crazed brain! What’ll happen to it?!!”
“Don’t worry! I’ve ported the important parts of my memory to that feral cat brain right there.”
*meow
“Uh…you’re pointing at your pet feral cat, Dylan”
“Yes, I named his genius after myself! Oh, I will port the important parts of my memory to Dylan! In just a few minutes!”
“(Sigh) Oh my lord…and when is this ‘surgery’?”
“Tomorrow!”
“The hell?! Did you even invite anyone to come? Does anyone even know you’re doing this?”
“The ConTech people know.”
“Of course they know because you probably told them that when you sold half of the lab to them!”
“Well, they’re going to show up and see this masterpiece of a procedure!”
“Oh my… you do know that brain transplants have already been successfully before since…like two years ago…by ConTech, right? You do know that?”
“Yes!”
“Why are you doing this then? What exactly makes it any different if the method is to just open up the head and plop out the damn things?!! Why do you need to do this? Are you dying? Is that why?!!”
“Because I’m going to do it myself!!”
“You didn’t answer my—You wot.”
“You’re fired by the way.”
“The hell?! No, go back, What part of doing it yourself does—”
“Because that has never been done before! Self brain transplants!!”
“Honestly, I’m invested in what happens to you at this point because of how absolutely stupid your idea is. I might actually go see you mess this up.”
“It’s brilliant! Now leave before I call security on you!”
“I am fairly certain you fired them.”
“Security!!!”
“I told you.”
*slap
“Ow! The hell was that for!”
“The success of my operation!!”
“Ugh…fine. I won’t come to bear witness to your own self-brain transplant or whatever.”
“Geniuses only!”
“You are far from one.”
Part II: The Narrative Clustertruck
It was a dark, stormy night. Lightning flashed and the wind howled, making the trees look like an army of ghouls and skeletons marching on towards the fate of the innocent.
A couple thousand miles away, it was bright and sunny. The sun beamed happily down onto the city and not a single cloud to be seen.
The mad cat paced around the operating theater, stroking his pet while sitting in a chair. Besides him was a whole tray of saws, scalpels and other surgical tools. Honestly, it looked fairly standard, except for the noticeable lack of supporting staff. And it was a pretty big operating theatre as well, and it was absolutely empty. Picture a circular hall as big as a two-story house and imagine it devoid of life except for two cats in the middle of the it.
Dr. Hux raised the cat into the air, cooing at it. “Aren’t you a cutie cute. I’m gonna open your head up and plop that cutie brain of yours right into mine. In 2 minutes!”
“Mrrrowwl!!” the cat angrily tried to swat at its owner.
“Gotcha!!” He rubbed its belly, earning him a nick on the nose. “Ow!”
The two minutes were up.
“Wope. Okay, time to go!” Dr. Hux grabbed the cat and restrained it against an operating table amid thrashing claws. He turned around with his deepest voice, he bellowed, “Laaaaadies and Gentlemen!!!”
The theater was empty.
“I bring to you today, a revolutionary procedure! One that will shock the medical community and defy all standards set forth by the backwards medical community.”
The silence is deafening
“Today! I will perform a self brain transplant!!”
Well, we all know how this ends.
The Mad Doctor stepped back, savoring the attention he was receiving. Making a quick spin around, he turns to Dylan and lifts the bone saw, which glowed for some reason. He hollered out to the cavernous room. “This saw, and all associated tools, have been treated with a special solution developed by our lab that eliminates any potential blood loss and guarantees a clean, sanitary cut that can be easily attached later!”
“MRRRROOOWWLL!!!!”
“It’s basically magic! But that is the power of science!” he began to trace around his pet’s skull amid frantic thrashing, leaving clean red line in its wake. Soon, the whole top of its head popped off, revealing a frantically pulsing brain within. He left it alone, opting instead to do the same to his head. “But of course, this procedure cannot be done lest I do the same to myself!” He revealed a greyish brain, burnt out from overuse but still teeming and quivering with corrupted genius.
“Mew?”
Dr. Hux then gently separated Dylan’s brain and body, hands clasped onto the smaller brain and tugging on it until the stem came through and the feral cat’s body became drooly and mindless, constantly mewing.
“Mew. Mew. Mew. Mew. Mew….”
The cat held the brain up high like an Aztec priest offering a heart to the gods. “And behold! The final act to complete the procedure! The act that will solidify my name into the history books as the first surgeon to ever succeed at a self brain transplant! I give you!” he brought the brain down towards the side of his head, scooping downwards and pushing out his original brain, causing him to twitch and spasm. In the end, the brain of the Mad Doctor was sent flying out, landing so conveniently into a small waste bin that was placed besides a table that he must’ve practiced that shot. How exactly? No one knows.
Dr. Hux stopped spasming when the feral cat brain finally hooked in, causing him to blink. He still stands upright, though a little wobbly, and even ventures forward to take a few steps. He gets the hang of it really quickly, swishing his tail around with a stupid grin on his face. He opens and closes his mouth, expecting some purring and mewing, which he did do, but another thing surprised him.
“Me feel weird….”
The cat giggled even more, batting his hands to his face. He had never spoken before. “Me Dylan! Hehe!! Surgery for thinkies!” He pokes his brain a few times, causing his mouth to swing open, or an arm to jerk. His limited intelligence would have little to no effect by the sudden distortion of thoughts.
He looks down into the waste bin, drooling into it. At the bottom sat a still throbbing brain, grey, wrinkled and gnarled unlike his. It twitched beside a discarded water cup and a banana peel. Dylan wrenched his face trying to realize what it was, something telling him that it was probably important to some degree.
He shrugged, that train of thought having long since left the station and derailed two miles down the tracks. Dylan instead swished his tail around and finally spotting his misplaced skullcap on a nearby table. He reaches a hand up to feel for why it feels so light and airy and notices that the thing covering his brain wasn’t there after slapping his thinker with a palm. The cat giggled stupidly, forgetting what he was thinking earlier before picking up the skullcap playfully and licking the inside. It was a little metallic, tangy almost, but it certainly wasn’t fine dining. Almost by accident, Dylan raised up the top of his head and fitted it back onto his body, showing absolutely no mark from the cuts. It sticks tightly, as if it never happened in the first place. From the outside he looks like the normal Dr. Hux, the only thing is that Dr. Hux didn’t constantly drool, nor was he so boisterous, nor did he have trouble focusing on things longer than a minute. The new cat starts to wander around the hall, but more importantly, away from the surgery things. “Me feel hunger. Where tuna?” he’d ask no one as he practically abandons his ‘own’ brain in favor of more delicious entities.
Part Three: Combo Order
Dylan bumped into Frank, the rabbit, as he traveled down the hallway and into the offices. The white bunny would be startled, thinking that Dr. Hux was mad at him for coming back. “Oh! Dr. Hux! I’m…uh…so sorry! I just needed to get some things….from my…office….hehe.”
“Hi! What’s your name.”
“Uh…Frank….Frank Gila.” His nervousness faded and was replaced with utter confusion.
“Hi! I’m Dylan”
“Uh….hi Dylan….”
“Do you have tuna?”
“Why would I have tuna?!!” Frank asked, now absolutely confused.
“I like tuna!” the cat responded, swinging his arm to try to boop the rabbits nose.
Frank dodges, visibly perturbed. “Dr….wait a second….” a smile then crept up the rabbits face. “Did you do that brain transplant?”
“Do you have salmon?”
The rabbit grinned even more. “Do you want some salmon?”
The cat rapidly nods up and down and up and down and up and down and…
“I don’t have any!”
“HIISSSSSSS”
“Okay! Okay!! Calm down!” Frank nervously pet the cat, who instantly began to purr. The bunny had an epiphany as well. “Oh man…I totally missed that surgery,” the rabbit slapped his forehead. “Dangit! It must’ve been so hilarious!”
The cat giggled at the slap, slapping his own, only to hear a semi-hollow ‘thock.’
“Ugh…ssssooooo, Dr Hux…..how do you feel now?”
“Who’s Doctor? I’m Dylan!” the cat stuck his tongue out
“Huh.”
“Huh what?”
“You don’t remember you’re a doctor?”
“What’s doctor?” the cat asked inquisitively.
“…Never mind… Dylan. How do you feel?”
“Uhh…me forgots….what..oh!” the cat finally reacted to the question. “Is great! Me like two legs!” Dylan stuck out his tongue, a little bit of drool dripping down and hitting the carpet.
“So, where is the do—your old brain now?” Frank really caught himself there.
“I…uh…dunno! Forgots!”
The two stood there for an uncomfortably long time. At least uncomfortably close for the rabbit. The cat didn’t care. Frank Gila, deposed lab researcher, waved goodbye a final time. “Hehe, cool…now I’m going to go, okay? Have fun….Dylan!”
It wouldn’t exactly be a final time if the derpy cat just simply rushed up to cling onto the rabbit. “I has fun!!”
“Get off me!!” the bunny would wave his arm up and down, trying to get Dylan off of him. The cat would fling off and towards the wall, where all he’d do was get up, shake his head and bolt in the direction of the annoyed rabbit. “Will you stop it you!” Frank began to run as well, trying to make it past a corner so he could hide, hoping that it’d be too complex for the dumb cat to brave.
He was right.
Frank bolted to the right, and then to the right as well, hiding next the wall and a support beam. Dylan barely turns the corner without skidding and crashing into some dead potted plants before charging down the empty hallway, oblivious to the bamboozle.
The rabbit gave a sigh of relief, wiping his brow of sweat as he stepped forward and out of hiding.
“Heey!! Frankie!!” the cat leaps out from a side panel, landing right on top of Frank’s head, startling the poor guy.
“Wooaaah! Shit!” He falls over onto the ground, slamming his head onto the edge of the flowerpots.
Part Four: Is this a horror story?
Everything was spinning. From the perspective of Frank, of course.
“Ughh….hell?” he groaned, his voice bit thicker than usual. He tried to reach his hand to rub his head, but realized it was strapped down. His entire body was strapped down, as a matter of fact. “What the hell?”
The derp cat was busy sanitizing a few tools. “Oh haaai Fank!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
“Is okays! I just do little brain surgery on you?!!”
“The hell?!! You actually managed to transfer your skill to your fucking pet?!!” the rabbit desperately tried to get out of the bindings. “No! Stop! Get me out of here?!!”
“Yous all grumpy. Me make you a little happier!” the cat started to press one of those magic science saws against Frank’s head, tracing it around and leaving behind a thin red line.
“Aw hell no!! Get me out of here!! Someone!!!! Help!!!” the rabbit panicked, screaming, trying his best to thrash around and loosen the straps.
“Now all wes gots to do is to take off your thinky cap!” Dylan set the saw down and grabbed onto the side of the rabbit’s head, slowly lifting it up off his head. The cat giggled, feeling the floof on it and also feeling the slimy wetness on the inside, drooling a little onto it before suddenly remembering what he was supposed to do. Dylan set the skullcap down onto the side table.
The rabbit shivered in fear, nearly bawling as the center of his being was exposed to a derpy cat. “P-please! H-hux! D-dylan! Please stop!!” he lamented, right before a certain blankness washed over him.
Indeed, the cat was giggling and he pressed both hands over the quivering rabbit brain, constricting the thoughts. Both of the drooled, one of them onto his shirt, one of them onto the other’s brain. Dylan smiled and got out the scalpel, beginning to cut away into the throbbing pink flesh.
Frank twitched, his eyes rolled around and his mouth opened and closed. A lot of drool began to stream out of his mouth as the scalpel punctured the membrane of his brain and cut away with absolute precision. Yet at the same time, the rabbit could feel his anger boil off, his fear reduced. He stopped twitching, his muscles relaxed and he simply laid down in the chair and let the derpy cat do his thing with a smile on his face.
“There yous go! All betters!!” Dylan exclaimed, holding up a microscopic chunk of brain matter in his hand and showing it to the rabbit.
“H-h-wow….I…feel great!” he beamed. “Is….is that what you took out from me?”
“Yep!” Dylan replied, making sure to lick the chunk, accidentally eating it and swallowing it. “Oops hehe!”
“It’s okay.” Frank smiled, “you’re really good!”
“I knows! I gots all the smarts from my old brain!” the cat smiled back, grabbing the rabbits skullcap and slamming it back down onto his head.
“Wow! Tha—gurrk!!” he was cut off right as his brain was returned to its confinement within an enclosed skull, the red line immediately disappearing. “—uhh….super….uh…cool!!” and he quickly recovered.
Dylan undid the bindings for the rabbit, helping Frank up onto two feet. “Now yous be goods okay!”
“Yep! I’ll be great now! Thanks Dr. Hux!”
“Me is Dylan!”
“Thanks Dylan!” the rabbit cheerfully replied, yawning and stretching. After doing this, he managed to look down into the wastebin beside the table and noticed a peculiar throbbing grey organ sitting at the bottom of it. “Huh, was this yours?” he asked the cat.
“I dunno! I founds when I woke up.”
The rabbit reached down into it and lifted it out, giving it a pat. “It’s cute!”
“Me likes tuna!” the cat blurted out a non-sequitur.
The rabbit smiled, patting the cat on the head with one hand and holding the brain in the other. “C’mon Dylan. Follow me!”
Part Five: An Epilogue of Course
A tan cat wanders around town asking for tuna. Of course, no one would actually give him tuna, but he was generally liked and fed and admired by the locals for being cute. Honestly, because he had holed himself up for most of his life in the lab, the townsfolk didn’t really know him beforehand. So when a Persian cat the color of sand comes barging into the various establishments, people didn’t really know that he was the former mad scientist who directed the nearby laboratory that was sold to ConTech.
Dylan always had the brightest smile on, and no matter how dank or muddy the day, he always manages to keep himself clean, looking fairly spiffy with a cyan shirt he had nabbed while still in the laboratory.
He’d become some sort of a local celebrity, with everyone greeting him down the street in such numbers that on some occasions, one could see smoke rising from his ears. Always with a smile on his face, he’d help out shops and drool in front of seafood places. Still, the cat simply just pleased by many things, and most predominantly were packaged tuna cans.
Even though he had decades of experience in neurosurgery, the cat had simply forgot his home address, and being the crazed lunatic he was, it is a location known to absolutely no one except his old self. Dylan lived with Frank now. Not much can be said about him either, but the only thing that can certainly said is that he is definitely happier now than before. Honestly, both of them are happier than before.
A brain sits usually on the office of the rabbit, and Dylan often goes in to take it out and bat it around on the floor. Frank almost always has to clean up the mess left after, and almost always has to pick up the brain from some dusty corner and wash it. The greyish blob went missing for days once, and it was only after the rabbit went to throw out the garbage that he found the organ at the bottom of it. Of course he didn’t object. He just put on his usual cheery face, humming a happy song as he got back to work cleaning the damn thing for the millionth time. Of course, the next day, Dylan would fish it back out again and leave it laying on the ground, or behind the couch, or in the trash again.
This was the tale of Dr. ‘Dylan’ Hux, a loon in his own right. Not exactly a stringent tragedy of hubris and pride, but moreso of innate, legitimate insanity. The mad doctor had swapped brains with a feral cat, and in turned became outgoing and silly and outright stupid.
This was a stupid story.
A really stupid story.
Sorry.
Introduction
This is a stupid story. A very stupid story.
The following is the tale of the plight of a peculiar Persian cat named Dylan Hux, or rather the plight of a particular Dr. Hux. Dylan is a cute, derpy cat in his current condition, and he constantly asks for tuna.
That is an understatement.
Seriously, this cat can single-handedly deplete the world’s tuna supply if given the means and funds necessary.
Salmon is an acceptable, but still flawed, alternative.
Dylan, or rather Dr. Hux, performed a brain transplant with the simplistic mind his pet cat on himself, resulting in his current condition. Just accept the fact that there are feral and anthropomorphic critters of the sae ‘species’ in this universe. It hurts less to not think about it. This is a tragedy of a mad scientist caught in his hubris and grandeur, and thus falls from his pedestal to be cursed with perpetual idiocy. It’s much less sophisticated I make it sound.
Beware thee who cross the dotted line
Part 1: The Obligatory Dialogue.
In a normally lit hallway that is painted with drab colors, a tan-colored Persian cat dressed in a cyan surgical scrubs is speaking to a rather impatient white rabbit in a lab coat. Or it’s the other way around, where the bun is talking to the cat…. bah. Either way, it starts off with the rabbit speaking first.
“Dr. Hux, are you certain you know, to an utmost certainty, absolutely one hundred percent, what you are doing?”
“Who the hell are you to judge me? I’m the owner of this medical laboratory and I get to determine what goes on in it!”
“Yes, but—er—you”
“Listen! This is just a simple brain transplant. Nothing’s wrong with that!”
“Doc, a simple brain—”
“Don’t call me doc! For the last time!”
“You told me to call you ‘doc’ just yesterday!”
“That was in front of the benefactors, Milton.”
“And look how swimmingly that we—hey! My name is Frank!”
“Stilton!”
“My last name is Gila”
“Wilton, listen! This operation is going to huge. Huge! I say. So huge that I’ve sold away half of the lab’s assets to market for this event!”
“You wot. You literally thought of this idea yest—”
“The entire third floor? ConTech owns it now! I’ve also fired all of the staff as well. Only true geniuses are allowed to work under my tutelage. Well, work with pay”
“Well that explains why the building is so empty…wait, ConTech?!! Are you mad?!!”
“Are you unemployed?”
“They stole half of our patents!”
“Relax, this is a genius idea! It’ll pay off in fame and exposure!! Trust me!”
“Pay off? Did they poison you?!! Hux! Please, think about it! Forget about what’s going to happen to the lab, what’s going to happen to you when after finish the transplant?!”
“Glorious praise and applause will be showered from the audie--!!”
“No! You, as in whatever fucks sake is going on your crazed brain! What’ll happen to it?!!”
“Don’t worry! I’ve ported the important parts of my memory to that feral cat brain right there.”
*meow
“Uh…you’re pointing at your pet feral cat, Dylan”
“Yes, I named his genius after myself! Oh, I will port the important parts of my memory to Dylan! In just a few minutes!”
“(Sigh) Oh my lord…and when is this ‘surgery’?”
“Tomorrow!”
“The hell?! Did you even invite anyone to come? Does anyone even know you’re doing this?”
“The ConTech people know.”
“Of course they know because you probably told them that when you sold half of the lab to them!”
“Well, they’re going to show up and see this masterpiece of a procedure!”
“Oh my… you do know that brain transplants have already been successfully before since…like two years ago…by ConTech, right? You do know that?”
“Yes!”
“Why are you doing this then? What exactly makes it any different if the method is to just open up the head and plop out the damn things?!! Why do you need to do this? Are you dying? Is that why?!!”
“Because I’m going to do it myself!!”
“You didn’t answer my—You wot.”
“You’re fired by the way.”
“The hell?! No, go back, What part of doing it yourself does—”
“Because that has never been done before! Self brain transplants!!”
“Honestly, I’m invested in what happens to you at this point because of how absolutely stupid your idea is. I might actually go see you mess this up.”
“It’s brilliant! Now leave before I call security on you!”
“I am fairly certain you fired them.”
“Security!!!”
“I told you.”
*slap
“Ow! The hell was that for!”
“The success of my operation!!”
“Ugh…fine. I won’t come to bear witness to your own self-brain transplant or whatever.”
“Geniuses only!”
“You are far from one.”
Part II: The Narrative Clustertruck
It was a dark, stormy night. Lightning flashed and the wind howled, making the trees look like an army of ghouls and skeletons marching on towards the fate of the innocent.
A couple thousand miles away, it was bright and sunny. The sun beamed happily down onto the city and not a single cloud to be seen.
The mad cat paced around the operating theater, stroking his pet while sitting in a chair. Besides him was a whole tray of saws, scalpels and other surgical tools. Honestly, it looked fairly standard, except for the noticeable lack of supporting staff. And it was a pretty big operating theatre as well, and it was absolutely empty. Picture a circular hall as big as a two-story house and imagine it devoid of life except for two cats in the middle of the it.
Dr. Hux raised the cat into the air, cooing at it. “Aren’t you a cutie cute. I’m gonna open your head up and plop that cutie brain of yours right into mine. In 2 minutes!”
“Mrrrowwl!!” the cat angrily tried to swat at its owner.
“Gotcha!!” He rubbed its belly, earning him a nick on the nose. “Ow!”
The two minutes were up.
“Wope. Okay, time to go!” Dr. Hux grabbed the cat and restrained it against an operating table amid thrashing claws. He turned around with his deepest voice, he bellowed, “Laaaaadies and Gentlemen!!!”
The theater was empty.
“I bring to you today, a revolutionary procedure! One that will shock the medical community and defy all standards set forth by the backwards medical community.”
The silence is deafening
“Today! I will perform a self brain transplant!!”
Well, we all know how this ends.
The Mad Doctor stepped back, savoring the attention he was receiving. Making a quick spin around, he turns to Dylan and lifts the bone saw, which glowed for some reason. He hollered out to the cavernous room. “This saw, and all associated tools, have been treated with a special solution developed by our lab that eliminates any potential blood loss and guarantees a clean, sanitary cut that can be easily attached later!”
“MRRRROOOWWLL!!!!”
“It’s basically magic! But that is the power of science!” he began to trace around his pet’s skull amid frantic thrashing, leaving clean red line in its wake. Soon, the whole top of its head popped off, revealing a frantically pulsing brain within. He left it alone, opting instead to do the same to his head. “But of course, this procedure cannot be done lest I do the same to myself!” He revealed a greyish brain, burnt out from overuse but still teeming and quivering with corrupted genius.
“Mew?”
Dr. Hux then gently separated Dylan’s brain and body, hands clasped onto the smaller brain and tugging on it until the stem came through and the feral cat’s body became drooly and mindless, constantly mewing.
“Mew. Mew. Mew. Mew. Mew….”
The cat held the brain up high like an Aztec priest offering a heart to the gods. “And behold! The final act to complete the procedure! The act that will solidify my name into the history books as the first surgeon to ever succeed at a self brain transplant! I give you!” he brought the brain down towards the side of his head, scooping downwards and pushing out his original brain, causing him to twitch and spasm. In the end, the brain of the Mad Doctor was sent flying out, landing so conveniently into a small waste bin that was placed besides a table that he must’ve practiced that shot. How exactly? No one knows.
Dr. Hux stopped spasming when the feral cat brain finally hooked in, causing him to blink. He still stands upright, though a little wobbly, and even ventures forward to take a few steps. He gets the hang of it really quickly, swishing his tail around with a stupid grin on his face. He opens and closes his mouth, expecting some purring and mewing, which he did do, but another thing surprised him.
“Me feel weird….”
The cat giggled even more, batting his hands to his face. He had never spoken before. “Me Dylan! Hehe!! Surgery for thinkies!” He pokes his brain a few times, causing his mouth to swing open, or an arm to jerk. His limited intelligence would have little to no effect by the sudden distortion of thoughts.
He looks down into the waste bin, drooling into it. At the bottom sat a still throbbing brain, grey, wrinkled and gnarled unlike his. It twitched beside a discarded water cup and a banana peel. Dylan wrenched his face trying to realize what it was, something telling him that it was probably important to some degree.
He shrugged, that train of thought having long since left the station and derailed two miles down the tracks. Dylan instead swished his tail around and finally spotting his misplaced skullcap on a nearby table. He reaches a hand up to feel for why it feels so light and airy and notices that the thing covering his brain wasn’t there after slapping his thinker with a palm. The cat giggled stupidly, forgetting what he was thinking earlier before picking up the skullcap playfully and licking the inside. It was a little metallic, tangy almost, but it certainly wasn’t fine dining. Almost by accident, Dylan raised up the top of his head and fitted it back onto his body, showing absolutely no mark from the cuts. It sticks tightly, as if it never happened in the first place. From the outside he looks like the normal Dr. Hux, the only thing is that Dr. Hux didn’t constantly drool, nor was he so boisterous, nor did he have trouble focusing on things longer than a minute. The new cat starts to wander around the hall, but more importantly, away from the surgery things. “Me feel hunger. Where tuna?” he’d ask no one as he practically abandons his ‘own’ brain in favor of more delicious entities.
Part Three: Combo Order
Dylan bumped into Frank, the rabbit, as he traveled down the hallway and into the offices. The white bunny would be startled, thinking that Dr. Hux was mad at him for coming back. “Oh! Dr. Hux! I’m…uh…so sorry! I just needed to get some things….from my…office….hehe.”
“Hi! What’s your name.”
“Uh…Frank….Frank Gila.” His nervousness faded and was replaced with utter confusion.
“Hi! I’m Dylan”
“Uh….hi Dylan….”
“Do you have tuna?”
“Why would I have tuna?!!” Frank asked, now absolutely confused.
“I like tuna!” the cat responded, swinging his arm to try to boop the rabbits nose.
Frank dodges, visibly perturbed. “Dr….wait a second….” a smile then crept up the rabbits face. “Did you do that brain transplant?”
“Do you have salmon?”
The rabbit grinned even more. “Do you want some salmon?”
The cat rapidly nods up and down and up and down and up and down and…
“I don’t have any!”
“HIISSSSSSS”
“Okay! Okay!! Calm down!” Frank nervously pet the cat, who instantly began to purr. The bunny had an epiphany as well. “Oh man…I totally missed that surgery,” the rabbit slapped his forehead. “Dangit! It must’ve been so hilarious!”
The cat giggled at the slap, slapping his own, only to hear a semi-hollow ‘thock.’
“Ugh…ssssooooo, Dr Hux…..how do you feel now?”
“Who’s Doctor? I’m Dylan!” the cat stuck his tongue out
“Huh.”
“Huh what?”
“You don’t remember you’re a doctor?”
“What’s doctor?” the cat asked inquisitively.
“…Never mind… Dylan. How do you feel?”
“Uhh…me forgots….what..oh!” the cat finally reacted to the question. “Is great! Me like two legs!” Dylan stuck out his tongue, a little bit of drool dripping down and hitting the carpet.
“So, where is the do—your old brain now?” Frank really caught himself there.
“I…uh…dunno! Forgots!”
The two stood there for an uncomfortably long time. At least uncomfortably close for the rabbit. The cat didn’t care. Frank Gila, deposed lab researcher, waved goodbye a final time. “Hehe, cool…now I’m going to go, okay? Have fun….Dylan!”
It wouldn’t exactly be a final time if the derpy cat just simply rushed up to cling onto the rabbit. “I has fun!!”
“Get off me!!” the bunny would wave his arm up and down, trying to get Dylan off of him. The cat would fling off and towards the wall, where all he’d do was get up, shake his head and bolt in the direction of the annoyed rabbit. “Will you stop it you!” Frank began to run as well, trying to make it past a corner so he could hide, hoping that it’d be too complex for the dumb cat to brave.
He was right.
Frank bolted to the right, and then to the right as well, hiding next the wall and a support beam. Dylan barely turns the corner without skidding and crashing into some dead potted plants before charging down the empty hallway, oblivious to the bamboozle.
The rabbit gave a sigh of relief, wiping his brow of sweat as he stepped forward and out of hiding.
“Heey!! Frankie!!” the cat leaps out from a side panel, landing right on top of Frank’s head, startling the poor guy.
“Wooaaah! Shit!” He falls over onto the ground, slamming his head onto the edge of the flowerpots.
Part Four: Is this a horror story?
Everything was spinning. From the perspective of Frank, of course.
“Ughh….hell?” he groaned, his voice bit thicker than usual. He tried to reach his hand to rub his head, but realized it was strapped down. His entire body was strapped down, as a matter of fact. “What the hell?”
The derp cat was busy sanitizing a few tools. “Oh haaai Fank!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
“Is okays! I just do little brain surgery on you?!!”
“The hell?!! You actually managed to transfer your skill to your fucking pet?!!” the rabbit desperately tried to get out of the bindings. “No! Stop! Get me out of here?!!”
“Yous all grumpy. Me make you a little happier!” the cat started to press one of those magic science saws against Frank’s head, tracing it around and leaving behind a thin red line.
“Aw hell no!! Get me out of here!! Someone!!!! Help!!!” the rabbit panicked, screaming, trying his best to thrash around and loosen the straps.
“Now all wes gots to do is to take off your thinky cap!” Dylan set the saw down and grabbed onto the side of the rabbit’s head, slowly lifting it up off his head. The cat giggled, feeling the floof on it and also feeling the slimy wetness on the inside, drooling a little onto it before suddenly remembering what he was supposed to do. Dylan set the skullcap down onto the side table.
The rabbit shivered in fear, nearly bawling as the center of his being was exposed to a derpy cat. “P-please! H-hux! D-dylan! Please stop!!” he lamented, right before a certain blankness washed over him.
Indeed, the cat was giggling and he pressed both hands over the quivering rabbit brain, constricting the thoughts. Both of the drooled, one of them onto his shirt, one of them onto the other’s brain. Dylan smiled and got out the scalpel, beginning to cut away into the throbbing pink flesh.
Frank twitched, his eyes rolled around and his mouth opened and closed. A lot of drool began to stream out of his mouth as the scalpel punctured the membrane of his brain and cut away with absolute precision. Yet at the same time, the rabbit could feel his anger boil off, his fear reduced. He stopped twitching, his muscles relaxed and he simply laid down in the chair and let the derpy cat do his thing with a smile on his face.
“There yous go! All betters!!” Dylan exclaimed, holding up a microscopic chunk of brain matter in his hand and showing it to the rabbit.
“H-h-wow….I…feel great!” he beamed. “Is….is that what you took out from me?”
“Yep!” Dylan replied, making sure to lick the chunk, accidentally eating it and swallowing it. “Oops hehe!”
“It’s okay.” Frank smiled, “you’re really good!”
“I knows! I gots all the smarts from my old brain!” the cat smiled back, grabbing the rabbits skullcap and slamming it back down onto his head.
“Wow! Tha—gurrk!!” he was cut off right as his brain was returned to its confinement within an enclosed skull, the red line immediately disappearing. “—uhh….super….uh…cool!!” and he quickly recovered.
Dylan undid the bindings for the rabbit, helping Frank up onto two feet. “Now yous be goods okay!”
“Yep! I’ll be great now! Thanks Dr. Hux!”
“Me is Dylan!”
“Thanks Dylan!” the rabbit cheerfully replied, yawning and stretching. After doing this, he managed to look down into the wastebin beside the table and noticed a peculiar throbbing grey organ sitting at the bottom of it. “Huh, was this yours?” he asked the cat.
“I dunno! I founds when I woke up.”
The rabbit reached down into it and lifted it out, giving it a pat. “It’s cute!”
“Me likes tuna!” the cat blurted out a non-sequitur.
The rabbit smiled, patting the cat on the head with one hand and holding the brain in the other. “C’mon Dylan. Follow me!”
Part Five: An Epilogue of Course
A tan cat wanders around town asking for tuna. Of course, no one would actually give him tuna, but he was generally liked and fed and admired by the locals for being cute. Honestly, because he had holed himself up for most of his life in the lab, the townsfolk didn’t really know him beforehand. So when a Persian cat the color of sand comes barging into the various establishments, people didn’t really know that he was the former mad scientist who directed the nearby laboratory that was sold to ConTech.
Dylan always had the brightest smile on, and no matter how dank or muddy the day, he always manages to keep himself clean, looking fairly spiffy with a cyan shirt he had nabbed while still in the laboratory.
He’d become some sort of a local celebrity, with everyone greeting him down the street in such numbers that on some occasions, one could see smoke rising from his ears. Always with a smile on his face, he’d help out shops and drool in front of seafood places. Still, the cat simply just pleased by many things, and most predominantly were packaged tuna cans.
Even though he had decades of experience in neurosurgery, the cat had simply forgot his home address, and being the crazed lunatic he was, it is a location known to absolutely no one except his old self. Dylan lived with Frank now. Not much can be said about him either, but the only thing that can certainly said is that he is definitely happier now than before. Honestly, both of them are happier than before.
A brain sits usually on the office of the rabbit, and Dylan often goes in to take it out and bat it around on the floor. Frank almost always has to clean up the mess left after, and almost always has to pick up the brain from some dusty corner and wash it. The greyish blob went missing for days once, and it was only after the rabbit went to throw out the garbage that he found the organ at the bottom of it. Of course he didn’t object. He just put on his usual cheery face, humming a happy song as he got back to work cleaning the damn thing for the millionth time. Of course, the next day, Dylan would fish it back out again and leave it laying on the ground, or behind the couch, or in the trash again.
This was the tale of Dr. ‘Dylan’ Hux, a loon in his own right. Not exactly a stringent tragedy of hubris and pride, but moreso of innate, legitimate insanity. The mad doctor had swapped brains with a feral cat, and in turned became outgoing and silly and outright stupid.
This was a stupid story.
A really stupid story.
Sorry.
Category Story / All
Species Housecat
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 35.4 kB
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