Cross my heart and hope to die -
Burn my lungs and curse my eyes,
I've lost control and I don't want it back.
I'm going numb, I've been hijacked - It's a fucking drag.

[[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpCl0SZk_hw ]]

---

The flames ascended higher and higher until they consumed the entire tree that housed the tunnel to the deep caverns
of the coven's hidden hovel. A solemn look overtook Annie's face as the warmth touched her chilled skin.
Everything she'd worked for, everything she'd fought for - gone. She could feel the stares of the gathering behind her,
but her mind was lingering on the feelings of her world crumbling before her.

She knew she'd have to face the issue of using the demon male she'd cultivated as a host for her soulmate and lover;
the epitome of a body that could survive and flourish beside her enough to wipe out her entire clan.
But that was now a fleeting fancy. Beatrice was gone. Permanently. But Amaimon was still very much present.
So was Mephisto. And now she had to face their wrath on top of her anguish of loosing the only thing through the centuries that kept her sane.

The only reason she needed her clan's grimoire was for the body transferring spell that she intended to use to exorcise
Amaimon's body and initiate a take over. It was useless to her - but still powerful for some who got hold of it. She wasn't going
to risk anything from what was hidden in its aged pages. Her fingers gripped the grimoire in her hand tightly, before they
loosened and she drew her arm back, tossing the tattered and aged book into the roaring flames in front of her. She'd deal
with reprocussions from her demonic companions and the humans surrounding her later. It wouldn't be the first time she had
to smooth things over. But it would be the first time she had to without her.

"It was a hell of a fight Bea. You would have liked it."

---

Little excerpt from my fan novel. Yeah, the whole thing between my persona/me and Amai/Meph is a lot darker than
what I post about because there's a lot of dark and extremely taboo/disturbing elements to it.
Including heavy manipulation on BOTH ends (named via Annie/me and Mephisto) of the spectrum.
It's a constant battle. And the most part of the mass story/plot up until the elimination of
Annie's clan is Annie "grooming" Amaimon and making him believe she's "in love" with him and is easily used
when in the entire situation she's trying to get close enough to evict him from his host and let her lovers spirit (Beatrice)
overtake it. Beatrice is demon of Egyn's kin (water). But because she was beheaded by a ceremonial axe that was enchanted,
not only was she killed, but her demonic soul was destroyed.

But, in the end after it's all said and done, she tells Mephisto and Amaimon to kill her for good if that's what they wish.
Mephisto won't allow it, and she's surprised by that. He says that
"she's good for you Amaimon - you're perfect for each other ~ " to his brother in an almost teasing manner,
and she cringes, backing up a bit at that. But she recounts that her entire being didn't exactly
feel repulsed at being with him. Perhaps because she knows he's not human and though his appearance is male,
and he goes by male pronouns, the demons of Ba'al are really manifestations of egos created by humans.
So technically she never saw him as a man - but as a demonic entity like Beatrice.
She realizes the entire time she was letting him use her, she was using him.
But - it didn't "feel" like using him. It felt like when she was with Beatrice (but the roles were reversed from their relationship -
Annie was the seemingly emotionless and curious character, Bea was experienced and fun loving and encouraging;
with Amaimon, he was like her before she was with Bea, and she was like Bea when they were together).

In the whole, she apologizes and promises to make it up to him. It takes a long time to do so,
and through a jumping course of a back and forth with him and Mephisto, it comes to Amaimon fighting
with his brother at one point because he actively watched her get abused in quite a few manners he disapproved
of to the point of him literally saying "That's enough, she belongs to me, back off" -
but since a contract was made between her and Mephisto for several reasons unknown to Amaimon,
rules were set and thought she "belongs" to Amai, she still has to bend over backwards to
please Mephisto to the point he leaves them alone.

It's a messed up family. But it's mine. (And it makes for interesting disassociation days, really. lol)

---

[[ Character - http://www.furaffinity.net/user/mamaowl/ ]]
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