Vent - Hallucinations ~
Had a scary event happen the other night, those who follow me on social media might know what happened.
I struggle with psychosis and hallucinations to the point they are horrifically vivid, real and VERY scary.
4am, I was in bed and the front door banged about violently, almost as if someone was trying to break in - so I jumped out of bed and got dressed, checked the door inside and out - NOTHING. Scared the daylights out of my bf, who spent the next half hour trying to calm me down to no avail. So I sat on the sofa, bolt awake, scared out of my head and revisiting the scene pacing the halls, unsure what happened was real or in my head.
Its affected me to the point my mental state is at permanent burn-out, it feels horrible.
Last night it happened again, but at 9pm-ish, but not sure what it was and was terrified of moving in case our den had been invaded - my partner was out at the time, so had to handle it myself.
Its not the first time scary shit has happened like this...
My boyfriend,
is taking me out tomorrow to a huge arcade like place and i'm scared, but excited. Being agoraphobic and socially very anxious - i'm going to be a nervous wreck but going to try and turn that energy into excitement. :)
I struggle with psychosis and hallucinations to the point they are horrifically vivid, real and VERY scary.
4am, I was in bed and the front door banged about violently, almost as if someone was trying to break in - so I jumped out of bed and got dressed, checked the door inside and out - NOTHING. Scared the daylights out of my bf, who spent the next half hour trying to calm me down to no avail. So I sat on the sofa, bolt awake, scared out of my head and revisiting the scene pacing the halls, unsure what happened was real or in my head.
Its affected me to the point my mental state is at permanent burn-out, it feels horrible.
Last night it happened again, but at 9pm-ish, but not sure what it was and was terrified of moving in case our den had been invaded - my partner was out at the time, so had to handle it myself.
Its not the first time scary shit has happened like this...
My boyfriend,
is taking me out tomorrow to a huge arcade like place and i'm scared, but excited. Being agoraphobic and socially very anxious - i'm going to be a nervous wreck but going to try and turn that energy into excitement. :)
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Its amazing that there aren't many that understand, and doctors tend to look the other way when they are supposed to help. :/ Sometimes I just lock myself away in the bedroom and just keep to myself in case something bad happens when i'm around people. Its happened a few times, i've scared folks, even police. But I just don't know what to do anymore.
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