Hey man, just wanted to let you know, .odt despite being uploaded here can’t be read by most folks: FA readable formats: .doc, .rtf, .pdf, or .txt encoded in UTF-8.

Thanks boss

If anything, I will say this as it is something I don’t throw around willy nilly, and that it is you have talent, talent with the real and every day. You make modernity, the boring every day leap to life and reflect in the reader and takes us to days that have been, our fears, and our trepidations.

Stories are important to people, they inspire people, give clear vision into the lives of others, reinforce or break perceptions of reality. There are stories needing to be told and things people need to see and hear because they often don’t get that dose. I think you have good aptitude for expressing the real in this regard.

I know how it feels coming back to writing after a long hiatus, and your like huh? How did I write this great stuff in the past. Pacing is something to definitely figure out again that’s for certain. Only thing we can do is practice though.

I wouldn’t say your dialogue is bad persay. It is actually very real and grounded. Its weakness is tied to the pacing really, think of ways to connect that real dialogue into a continue with scene may help. Your dialogue tags are fine, it just kind of happens and then cuts off free floating though. Its better dialogue then I can write, a severe weakness of mine.

The only big thing I’d really pick a bone to work on is repetitive sentence/paragraph structure where you fall into patents of character name did X. Its hard to catch in a first draft, but stepping back its kind of like Oh! So looking through and thinking on new ways to approach something is something to work on.

Well, more personnel writing is more personnel writing, your choice if you want to continue this or not. Nothing is wrong with rewriting however; it’s the greatest tool in the writers bag.

I think though you’re a fantastic writer, just need some time sharpening the skills a bit.