i just wanted to say thank you to those who have been truly kind, patient and understanding these last few months.
this past month has been a very long, sorrow and stress filled timespan.
loosing my grandmother sept 22 of this year, it was hard - but i accepted it because i expected it for a long time.
but it still doesn't mean im not hurting or dealing with other things along with her being gone.
this past month alone, i've had to experience my first halloween, birthday, her birthday, veterans day and even thanksgiving without her.

it's why i've been so quiet most of october and november (july, i had a medical scare with meds,
Aug/Sept my grandmother was home with hospice - then oct/nov just... has been me trying to adapt to life);
but i read all your messages/comments and sweet words.

it's a very difficult time for myself and my family. i didn't want to cook this year -
it was something my mother, grandmother and myself did every year since i was a baby.
im incredibly thankful that my aunt decided to basically cook two meals and allow us to even have anything this year.
i slept most of today. things were just too painful to face head on today.
this is probably one of my most stressful weeks for a number of reasons.

but.

i think what im thankful for most, are people, my fans, my clients - people that are compassionate and understanding.
supportive, kind and wonderful in every way. patient and willing to work with me.
i am still on schedule with my work, and i intend to finish my queue as planned.
but if i can't, or if anything happens, i will let people know first thing.

my last therapy appointment on the 16th, i kinda was just... so overwhelmed i broke down in the session as soon as i sat down.
which, im thankful casey is such an understanding and professional person; she taught me a new method of calming myself down.
ive also been working on letting go of my past and letting things go and being more adaptive.
i try not to let people bother me anymore. even though sometimes people can be very hurtful and selfish.
but i think that's okay, people have emotions, that doesn't mean i have to have those same emotions or choose to let them hurt me.
i've created 36+ detailed commissions this past month and a half. ive done little to no personal work.
so, i've been playing in a traditional sketch book like my therapist suggested.
my hands shake really bad. but i've found that using a regular bic ink pen helps that.
which, is silly. it's what i learned to draw with as a child and then some. going back to my roots has refreshed me. frustrated me.
and made me realize i have so many ideas and options i have to explore sometime soon.
i posted a few pieces of annie, beatrice and mimosa in the last month, mostly sketches.
i really want to draw more in depth pieces of my characters. my story ideas. someday, of course.
but i hope my clients don't mind my doodles here and there.

anyway, im rambling. i just wanted to say that im thankful for everyone this year.
people that commissioned me. people that have given me a positive and negative experience.
life hitting me so hard and letting me finally have real happiness. my growth. my progress.

my future.

and i hope you all will be there as well. thank you.
stay safe, stay strong, stay open and grow as a person each day.
be brave, and live life in the now for yourself and those around you.

- mamaowl