by https://www.deviantart.com/curseoftheradio

*Disclaimer* all copywritten characters mentioned in following belong to their respective studios.

...

The streets of Zootopia were always majestic at first sight. That’s just how it was always meant to be. The stores, the music, the culture. All of it was so breathtaking whenever anyone would feast their eyes on it for the first time in their lives. The third visit, however, not so much. The third visit was when you took extreme notice of the scumbag politicians, the rude and conniving swindlers that riddled the streets, and of course, the otherwise unsanitary lower districts that most common mammals lived in today. The only way it’d be any worse than to look at it, is if you were actually walking on it yourself. Something that she was, unfortunately, doing right now.

The nameless cheetah that everyone called ‘Angel Eyes’ was walking through the city, thinking back to how things were before; back when she had a car. She had a hot rod, she had a cool outfit, and she had the most egotistical personality anyone could see. The kind of mammal who’d think herself untouchable, and had the skills to prove it.
She knew it, the city’s criminals knew it, and more than anyone else, the cops knew it; and goddamn, if she didn’t get respect for that.

Nowadays, she still knew that by heart, but she didn’t express it like she usually did. Not since what happened to her car.

“Ricardo?!”

Not that she cared about any of that right now.

“Ricardo?!” she shouted again.

The cheetah’s trusty companion/shamshir sword, the shapeshifter she called Ricardo, had gone missing. It was anyone’s guess where exactly he’d run off to, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t be too far away. After all, that worm was well-known for his fascinating ability to speak in recorded sounds and voices. He could sing any song he wanted, from old blues to techno-house; he could imitate each and every ‘Boomerang’ cartoon flawlessly, and most of all, he could turn himself into any one of those characters he chose, provided he still keep his pink color.

He was also known for his appetite. Angel Eyes could still remember the first time she saw him eat the metal right off a car. The way he ate right through it, she could tell that that he was just as casual as eating a sandwich for him. And the bite marks he left behind? She was certain that animators used it for inspiration in their cartoons.

This all made her situation worse because the longer he was out and about on his own, the more likely he was to end up doing something stupid, which meant that she’d be the one getting into trouble.

The angel eyed cheetah groaned and walked past a porcupine texting on his phone.

“Hey mister; ya’ll see an oddly large worm walkin’ round here?” she asked.

The porcupine looked up at her through his sunglasses. “It’s broad daylight, miss.” He replied. “Pretty sure the worms don’t come out ‘till nightfall.”

He turned around and went back to his texting. Despite that being fruitless, she couldn’t help but snicker a little bit. She knew all too well how right he was about that comment, the many times she had to deal with them when going out drinking.

Unfortunately, she had no time to dwell on that now. She hurried down the sidewalk and squinted across the street for any sign of the shapeshifter.

“RICARDO!!” she called out. “Dammit; where is he?!”

…

“Hungry…need food.” It said, in the voice of Ling Yao.

Slowly slithering across the street, the oddly large worm looked down at the cold pavement with a saddened look on his face.

“Is that a worm?” one of them said, watching him slither on by.

“Uh…don't go near it, honey.” Another commented. “We don’t know if it’s clean.”

At this, Ricardo looked up grumpily.

“I resent that!” he said in the voice of one of those old sitcom characters; not that he remembered which one. They were honestly all the same to him; all sex-talk, no actual taste. Not like the original cartoon shows, which brought him and his best friend ever nothing but happiness and joy.

Speaking of, he still couldn’t see any sight of her as he continued on his way. It wasn’t the first time they got separated, and he had a feeling that it wouldn’t be the last time either. But, they’d come back to each other; they always did.

*Gurr-rr-rgl-ll-e-le*

“Foooooooooooooodd…” he groaned in the voice of that one 2000s cartoon; the one about the summer camp, he was pretty sure. He didn’t remember the newer ones. They were mostly hot garbage nowadays.

As far as Ricardo was concerned, classics were the way to go. They would always end up being ten-times funnier, and they usually did a much better job of expressing his true feelings. Unfortunately, he was so hungry, he didn’t care what cartoon he was referencing off of. He just wanted to…

*Sniff*

…eat?

*Sniff*

*Sniff-Sniff*

Ricardo sniffed the air and closed his eyes as a happy smile took his pink toony face. He knew that smell; he knew that smell, and he loved that smell. He turned himself into a tiny pink butterfly, and let his newly morphed wings take him towards the origin of that wonderful smell, and only turned back into a worm when he reached it.

“YUM…” he stated in the voice of Patrick Star.

It was a hot dog cart, with freshly cooked dogs, and soda pop, and a red and yellow umbrella, and a cool black and white checkered pattern. It also had a picture menu showing that they even had big pretzels.

“FOOD!!” he confirmed in the voice of Ed.

He put his tail in his mouth and blew as hard as he could, inflating himself to a much larger size, getting the attention of both the vendor and the couple getting lunch.

As little as Ricardo cared for newer cartoons, he had to admit that ‘Ed Edd n Eddy’ had some pretty good material. He slithered over to the cart, and then…

“I AM A MONSTER!! BLLLLLAUUUUUUUUURRRRRGHHHHHHAAAAA!!!”

At this, the vendor, the couple, and everyone else around them screamed in horror and ran away as fast as they could possibly run. Ricardo meanwhile, wrapped his limbless body around the cart, crushing it in the process, and took a large bite out of the umbrella. Then another, and then another, and then another. Then he moved down to the pole, and then he ate all the soda cans in one bite. Then, he picked up the condiments with his teeth, opened the food compartment, and squirted everything inside of them. Once done, he shoved his head into the compartment and shoved everything inside right into his mouth, and began chewing.

As soon as everything was in his mouth, he took his head out of the compartment, not caring how much ketchup and mustard was stuck on his face. As soon as he swallowed, he took a big bite out of the cart and closed his eyes in satisfaction.

This is what he was missing all day; a chance to just pig out, go to town, get it on, and eat to his heart’s desire, without any worry of any cops, or bad guys, or weirdoes, or…

Across the street, she was standing there, and she saw everything.

…Angel Eyes?

He stopped dead in his tracks, and he started to shiver to the point his whole body was vibrating. His cheetah owner was starting to shake uncontrollably, squeezing her head as she tried to keep herself under control. Unfortunately, it didn’t work for long, and she looked right at him and let out a big, loud, angry, and unmistakable:

“RICAAAAAARDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

Fully aware of the danger he was in, he transformed himself into Courage the Cowardly Dog and went:

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Then he took off and ran down the street until taking a left into the nearest alleyway, shifting into a pink Jerry Mouse to get under the brick wall up ahead. Hot on his tail, the cheetah sprinted after him at full speed.

“GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID LITTLE GLUTTON!! RICARDO!! RICAR—“

“HEY!!” another voice shouted.

Angel Eyes stopped as quickly as she could and turned around, coming face to face with a hyena in an apron and paper food hat. He looked like he was just scared half to death.

The cheetah looked at him for the briefest moment and shrugged her shoulders.

“…what?”

“Somebody’s gonna have to pay for that!” he declared, pointing at his cart.

The wheels were all bent and busted, the umbrella, sodas, condiments, and food were all gone, the main body was completely crushed and twisted, and to top it all off, there was a massive bite mark right on the right side of it, with fresh drool leaking onto the already filthy sidewalk.

The cheetah looked at both it, and the vendor with a deadpan stare.

“The fuck do I look like? A bank?”

Without so much as another word, she took off down the alleyway and leaped over the brick wall at top speed. The vendor, on the other hand, looked back to his ruined cart as the young couple got out of hiding from under the bushes.

“Is…is it over…?” the male said.

“It is…” the vendor started. “…and so is my job.”

He slowly took off his hat, slammed it on the ground, and stomped on it until it was flattened. The couple looked at him with worry as he continued this for at least ten minutes, and watched as he took off his apron, and nametag, and threw them both into the massive bite mark. Once that was all done, he put his paws in his pockets and started to cross the street.

“’Go to Zootopia’ they said. ‘It’s where anyone can be anything’ they said.”