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Story / Fat Furs
Species Bear (Other)
Size 50 x 50
File Size 36.5 kB
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Alright, I've looked at it a few times, and I think I've gotten most of the quirks out. Thank you to Tolstoy and Truck for being so nice to let me include them in the story.
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Bear (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 36.5 kB
Just a passer-by who happened upon this story and registered to comment...
This was a pretty interesting story. You chose a nice way of introducing the scenario, and the way the reader gradually discovers the nature of the doctor's office is rather effective. I also particularly enjoyed the first paragraph on page 5, describing the protagonist's transformation.
Yes, you've definitely got some writing talent, but there are a couple of areas you could improve on. For example, I noticed a couple of grammar/punctuation mistakes, and you misspelled a couple of words, like Tylenol and Advil. There might also be a couple of minor style changes here and there that would improve the story.
Would you, by chance, like to discuss writing with me on MSN? I've written a couple of things myself, and I think we'd both benefit from it. If you're interested, just go ahead and add the.evilamoeba(at)gmail.com to your contact list. If you'd like to see a piece of writing of mine as proof that I'm a serious and competent writer, you need look no further than this piece: http://www.sheezyart.com/view/962403/
As I don't visit this site very frequently, I will probably not see your response if you simply reply to this post. Please send an e-mail to the address I mentioned earlier to insure my timely reading of it.
This was a pretty interesting story. You chose a nice way of introducing the scenario, and the way the reader gradually discovers the nature of the doctor's office is rather effective. I also particularly enjoyed the first paragraph on page 5, describing the protagonist's transformation.
Yes, you've definitely got some writing talent, but there are a couple of areas you could improve on. For example, I noticed a couple of grammar/punctuation mistakes, and you misspelled a couple of words, like Tylenol and Advil. There might also be a couple of minor style changes here and there that would improve the story.
Would you, by chance, like to discuss writing with me on MSN? I've written a couple of things myself, and I think we'd both benefit from it. If you're interested, just go ahead and add the.evilamoeba(at)gmail.com to your contact list. If you'd like to see a piece of writing of mine as proof that I'm a serious and competent writer, you need look no further than this piece: http://www.sheezyart.com/view/962403/
As I don't visit this site very frequently, I will probably not see your response if you simply reply to this post. Please send an e-mail to the address I mentioned earlier to insure my timely reading of it.
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