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Three out of seven for Halloweek.
This poem is straight forward, or so I'd hope. The rhythm was made with metal in mind. This is a little test of different rhythms and structures, as well as attempting to create interesting simplicity.
This poem is straight forward, or so I'd hope. The rhythm was made with metal in mind. This is a little test of different rhythms and structures, as well as attempting to create interesting simplicity.
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 582 B
It definitely does have that thrashy metal feel; a bit of tweaking and they could easily be turned into lyrics, lol.
The rhythm is very distinct and easily recognizable, which is often what can make or break a poem entirely. I like how each specific line follows a set pattern, i.e. the first line in each stanza has two short, simple sentences; it makes for a brutal sense of impact, rather like a gory slasher movie. I could easily hear this chanted out loud.
The only possible critique I'd give would be the last line in the first stanza; its great, and the sentence is evocative, but (to me at least) the rhythm seems to stutter slightly from the extra syllables. But even if you left the sentence as is, it doesn't really detract from the rest of the piece. I'd say you pulled off what you wanted to accomplish quite well.
The rhythm is very distinct and easily recognizable, which is often what can make or break a poem entirely. I like how each specific line follows a set pattern, i.e. the first line in each stanza has two short, simple sentences; it makes for a brutal sense of impact, rather like a gory slasher movie. I could easily hear this chanted out loud.
The only possible critique I'd give would be the last line in the first stanza; its great, and the sentence is evocative, but (to me at least) the rhythm seems to stutter slightly from the extra syllables. But even if you left the sentence as is, it doesn't really detract from the rest of the piece. I'd say you pulled off what you wanted to accomplish quite well.
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