Commission #36, Picture #1
For tehbrokenz

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'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

The big kids were crying; like a poor squealing mouse

Of Christmas stockings, the chimney was bare,

Instead there hung sissies; by long stretched underwear

The children were beaten, wedgied; now void of their cred

Blushing with visions of stars circling their heads;

Calling for mamma in vain, while I sat in my cap,

Though Radio had settled his brain for a long winter's nap.

They swung from the mantle, like festive shield wipers,

Awaiting their fate, three snugly taped diapers!

When out of my room, they planned a prank with a clatter

I sprang from my bed to wreck their plans with a splatter.

Away to the stairs I flew like a flash,

To trip and toss Arryn into the trash.

A punch to the breast of Gabe, felt like new-fallen snow,

While Radio was beaten and thrust against the window below,

And what to his wondering eyes did appear,

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,

With a little moan and a shiver, he passed out real quick.

I delivered the pain, like an Macho St. Nick.

I wedgied and beat him till he woke, crying in pain,

While he whined and shouted, I called them by name:

"Now, Arryn! now, Gabe! now Radio you loser!

Prepare your butts for a turnabout much cooler!

To the top of the fireplace! Hang off the wall!

Now cry away! blush away! flail away all!"

As I dress you in your footie pajamas and let your briefs fly,

You sissies tried for a prank, but were left mounted to the sky;

So big kids beware when the young generation’s askew

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,

I hung them up all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

Sat in my undies, all comfy and warm,

To read you a story, just after the storm.

You big kids have failed, your pride has been lost.

Twas quite the huge shame, to be unaware of the cost.

Losers and sissies don’t get to prank winners.

You’ll never win, ever! You’re as green as beginners.

So, I’ll simply exclaim, while I admire this sight—

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

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