An op-ed written by a fellow werewolf about the balancing act of living life as a werewolf and maintaining an understanding relationship.
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Jacob Hummer
1/20/2019 - OPINION

Why does my Boyfriend Have Difficulty Understanding I am a Werewolf?

So here's the thing: It's not like I'm a loner or antisocial. I'm really not. I'm as sane as a normal 22-year-old guy. I love playing sports, especially football. I'm an insane socializer at the bars or clubs, being able to strike up conversations with anyone who comes into my vicinity. I mean, watch me doing karaoke, doing a rendition of Backstreet Boy's Larger Than Life; I guarantee you the entire place will be dancing and singing with me. My one nuisance is the absolute refusal from a specific someone in my life when I need to be alone on one night, just one night. It's a night when the Moon enters a lunar phase that makes it completely clear. It's that one night that the blood in my veins begins to pump, my muscles begin to thicken, and I undergo a torment of sweat and excruciating pain, all in the process of becoming a feral werewolf.

James, my boyfriend, doesn't seem to understand that on full moon nights, I need to be shackled and locked far away from him or any other conception that is humanity. I need to be restrained and unable to hurt anyone. It's partially my fault cause I was pro-honesty when we first started dating. I figured if we were gonna be moving in together and taking this relationship to the next level, I'd rather him know I were a werewolf, opposed to thinking that I was sneaking out to cheat on him. My mistake.

But still, even with all the truth offered to him, he can't seem to understand that I am on a time crunch on these nights and my timetable cannot be tampered with.

He still wants me to clean the bathroom before I head out, or cuddle in bed, or finish a movie with him, or enjoy a romantic dinner before I'm getting go out and make my trek. Sorry, but I never know when precisely the transformation will take place. He knows this too, but it's as if he has short-term memory loss, cause every month he forgets this very necessary detail. And every month something happens that prevents me from heading out when I should have, and he's terrified as my fangs are growing or my thickening muscles are beginning to shred my clothes, or that my fur is growing at an alarming rate.

I'm grateful I have a partner who is very pro-let's-not-make-this-an-issue about my lycanthropy. I mean, he encourages me to be an open book and that's so a winner with me. But seriously, nothing is more nerve-wracking than your fingernails digging into the arm rest on the passenger side of the car as you're transforming, all the while praying your boyfriend, who is already a horrible driver, won't get in an accident, as he's driving 90-miles an hour to the rendezvous in the woods where I transform. It's just not really conducive.

I tried to explain it to him once, describing it being kinda sorta like 'foreplay.' People want to kiss and whatnot to stimulate before engaging in the act. It makes it that much smoother. It's kinda sorta the same with a werewolf transformation - you're relaxed, knowing you're shackled in advance, versus not knowing if you're going to complete the transformation before even one lock is clasped. Last time, I had to endure him seeing the embarrassing detail when my tail pushed out and tore through the back of my gym sweats and was wagging. OMG! My tail wouldn't stop wagging! It was humiliating. That was one detail I had hoped he'd never know about and because he was *so insistent* on finishing an episode of Game of Thrones before I left, he got to see that detail about my wolf inner self.

But hey, he's such a winner, and my annoyance is an unambiguous indication of my love for him. I mean, who else would tolerate a guy accidentally growling in his ear while making out. Or, dealing with fangs growing in his mouth as we're french kissing, risking the chance of him being hurt. On top of that, he doesn't treat me any differently cause I'm a werewolf. He makes sure I'm responsible, and of course, gives me chores to complete so that we aren't living in squalor.

He even knows how to shake me out of my depression when I have spurts of regretting what I am. He makes the most amazing cocktails, especially those he likes to make with gin, my favorite alcohol. Yet despite it all, he simply cannot understand for some incomprehensible reason that when my eyes melt into a red color and my black fur beings to sprout from my skin and my muscles begin to expand, that that means GOTTA GO NOW! It does *not* mean, "give me five minutes and I'll drive you." OMG! Seriously?! When your boyfriend has the urge to howl at the moon, with his wolf self already coming out, it means TIME TO FUCKING LEAVE!

I think he discretely loves seeing me transform and trying to resist it. He joked once that I'm both his boyfriend and his pet wolf. I wasn't amused then and he eventually apologized for the tasteless joke. But he loves me. I think he wants to see if I'd remember him after I transformed, if true love would prevail. What he doesn't understand is that what I *truly* am is a werewolf. My human self is the shell for my wolf self. What I really wanna do is slash with my growing claws, tear flesh with my muzzle and sharpened fangs, and wag my tail furiously in the excitement. Who he is would be irrelevant to me once I fully transformed. I've told James this, many, many times. Every time he responds, "Love always wins." Nice sentiment...but don't think it'll save you.

It's the same garbage I had to deal with concerning my ex-boyfriend, Jeremy. The circumstances were a little different. He was a total non-believer. I told him, almost immediately, and he actually thought 'werewolf' was a metaphor for being a beast in the sheets. "I bet you're an animal in bed!" He had exclaimed, and I tried to reason with him, going, "No, I really *am* a literal werewolf." He winked at me and thought I was only emphasizing how good I was in bed. Why is it that guys think I am constantly speaking in code?! 'Werewolf' means bloodthirsty, feral creature who will kill you almost immediately! It's seriously not that hard to comprehend!

Jeremy had his reality shook one night when he deliberately prevented me from leaving on the night of the full moon - He fucking hid my car keys! Well, the moment he saw my ears extend and shift to points and my molars sliding down into fangs, he was bolting out his home faster than I've ever seen anyone move. I didn't know someone could run, cry, AND piss themselves all at the same time?! Remarkable what a human can do in the midst of pure terror.

I keep reminding myself that James is the winner in my life and I'm trying to make this relationship work. I know that it's not easy for any guy to be dating a werewolf. It affects my mood and, Oh. My. God. does it make going to a restaurant a nightmare - I want my steak rare and he legit orders his steak well-done. Well-done!? That's like me killing an animal on the night I transform and then wait the next morning to eat it when it's cold and tasteless. He always rolls his eyes when I order my meat rare...he knows precisely why I like it that way.

But still, I need James to understand that on the night of the full moon, I can't share him with the moon. I think he feels like I'm prioritizing him with the moon, as if it's my boyfriend on the side. It's cute, but he doesn't have the capacity to make me transform, so I guess technically the moon is my "first love" - But James, my life, you're my VERY close second! At least with James I don't have to chain myself...well, we did try that once to spice things up and it was awkward when I semi wolfed out and broke through the leather restraints...But hey, can't say, we aren't willing to try out new things!

I'm considering a serious negotiation with James. Let's just say after 6 PM, on the nights of the full moon, I'm on my own. I think that's reasonable, right? I mean, it's much better than me shredding through my clothes and my feet bursting through my shoes in front of you. Being a werewolf is such a balancing act, and it's no wonder why so many of us are still in the closet.