A discussion kind of made me really face that this is something about my relationship with my family that has given me a massive complex. I mean tbf I have a LOT of complexes from my upbringing but this is one of them.

I’ve mentioned a thousand times that my father has been horrible and abusive to my mother for almost my entire life. So hearing stories from my mother about how he used to spoil her rotten and treat her like a queen really shook me. That’s how I try to be with the people I love and it was like hearing someone say “you may be like this now but you’re going to evolve into a monster too and hurt and abuse the people you care about and you’ll think you’re completely in the right just like he does because you’re going to turn into a delusional selfish bastard just like him”. That combined with how he STILL will talk about how much he loves and adores her while then going on to scream at her and say she’s a horrible wife ten minutes later...yeah. You could say I’m scared of intimate relationships because I’m afraid of turning into a monster without realizing it and hurting someone I love. I like to think I’m self aware and critical enough that I wouldn’t do that but I’m sure he felt that way too.