Thanks for the quite timely updates. I had forgotten about this story for the longest of time.

urm.. np

I read it from the begining I thought it was great ^^

thanks =D im trying to update it more XD

More awesomeness. I bet the lion is just going to be a chubby lil' cub. hehe And where ish da voar, tho! D8 I started reading the story cause it said weight gain and vore in the tags!

there might be some later lol, im not really into vore though XD

meh. I'm a vore addict, but I'm even more addicted to being big and eating. lol Wether being fed food or others I'm happy. Needs to be a balance in my diet though so to speak. lol

:3

Well now that I've read this I'm going to comment on a few things as best i can.

First off, this story so far is a fun read because it just sounds as innocent as it is a good read.

Now onto the stuff you want to hear,

I see lots of structural things you could work on like:

Michael trotted along the creek trying to find foot prints left by the lion who took Benny's fox friend. As he trotted along his quite rotund belly gently swayed from side to side like a clock pendulum as he continued to track along the creek as daylight was slowly dwindling.

Do you notice how much more bit of sense that makes?

Here is another one:

Sleep slowly took over the stuffed duo as the satisfaction from their feast setting deep within their full bellies made them drift off into a deep sleep dreaming about the friendship they shared.

The next morning came and as soon as Michael and Shaun opened their eyes a rustling in the grass startled them as they shot up off the ground with ears drawn forward at full attention.

"Who goes there?" Micheal shouted as he and Shaun stood rigid ready to fight or flight.

"I say who goes there?" Micheal again asked as the noise of the rustling got louder.

Out of nowhere the form of a small animal shot out of the grass like a bullet from the grass causing the two stallions to bolt backwards.

The animal stopped just inches from the scared stallions. "Just joking" the sly voice said with a bit of a giggle to it. "How I love it when herbivores react to my antics" the voice said with a laugh.

Both Michael and Shaun were flabbergasted to find a quite chubby red fox was behind this trickery.

"Pff.. A fox, we should of known" the two stallions grunted in unison. "You should be lucky we didn't try to kill you or run away" Micheal snorted in disgust at the fox's antics.

See how that makes your story that much more worth the read and more like a mature story?

Hope all of this helps you out .

You have word errors and other things I'm just too tired right now to get to but overall I'd call this a good starting point on becoming a better writer.

As you write more you'll get the hang of it.

I hope all of that helped you out!

SWSP

thanks alot, this story line is pretty old now, my new story is considerably better written, i only write for fun anyways, not seriously :3

Good for you

:p writing is pretty poor... i didnt plan any of this story out, just kept writing and didnt check it over before submitting either, so lots of mistakes n stuff :O

I wright but I don't post it it is for me only plus I need a scanner to do so

why do you need a scanner? (i meant the writing in this story, not writing in general :3)

I use a type wrighter (ok :) )

:3

Maybe when I get a job I will get a new comp or get old one fixed till then I am happy with my hobby

well good :3