So a few days ago, I talked to my psychiatrist about swapping my meds, mostly because they didn't seem to be working anymore and I couldn't really put up with the side effects anymore. I get my new stuff, but I opt to go a few days just totally unmedicated. Because I don't know, maybe I'll be fine? Maybe I don't need them? Felt pretty okay for those few days and thought "Yeah, I don't need these, I'll be fine!"

aaaaaand then all of today was spent as an absolute panicked wreck and acting on compulsions I haven't done in months.
I took the hint and started my new meds tonight, which have me kinda woozy and I'm still kinda high strung, but like.
goddamn, lesson learned. It's easy to think you want to return to your baseline, and then realize you kinda forgot how gnarly your actual baseline was before you started taking care of it.