Welp. 🤷 Your girl ain't crazy. First off thank you all so much for your sweet words and thoughts!
I appreciate everyone's kindness, I unfortunately have to ask for further patience and support from you all until I'm stable if that's okay?

Bottom line, I was right and I have been right since September. I finally got treated for my thyroid disease last year in April.
I have hypothyroidism. I'm going to talk medical for a moment to explain what it is to people
who have never heard or have heard but just don't know what it is, bare with me!

Hypothyroidism is a thyroid disease in which your thyroid (a butterfly shaped gland at the base of your neck above the dip in
your collar bone) does not make enough thyroid hormone. Your thyroid regulates a lot in your body, from hormones,
to energy, to metabolism, to mental health function. The higher your TSH the worse your thyroid is. The lower your TSH,
the more your thyroid is working or being overactive.

My symptoms (this time are extremely bad) include: fatigue/exteme weakness (it takes everything I have some days
to get out of bed and go to the bathroom), excessive weight gain (I've gained 12 pounds since December -
I have an eating disorder; yes, I am fat/obese, but it is not by choice ((my hypothyroidism has kept me losing
weight for 12 years; that's a whole other story)), I starve myself excessively and have to struggle to keep a
decent calorie intake; you can imagine how badly my ED flaired to see me gain so much in so little time,
so not only is it physically, but also mentally taxing). I am suffering from extremely high BP spikes and a
resting heart rate of 100 bpm. Which, for me, is not normal. My high BP isn't normal. I am so stiff, it's hard for me
to do anything with my hands. My joints are hurting. My muscles are constantly cramping and spasming.
My hand tremors are worse. My anxiety and paranoia is through the roof. My depression is slinking back.
My throat is swelled, it makes it hard for me to swallow and breath deeper than just short intakes. My neck hurts.
My whole body hurts and feels weighted. I'm suffering from memory loss and forgetfulness (to the point where
I'm loosing days/time - I cannot comprehend it, it's very hard to explain). My GI is slow (and TMI)
and I haven't gone #2 I'm several days at a time (I have to take laxatives daily). It's hard to focus, keep interest in anything.
I'm excessively cold, even under two blankets with socks - it makes my joints hurt immensely bad,
especially in my hands and knees. I'm basically tired, weak, irritable, aggressive, paranoid, completely out of my head
and absolutely exhausted 24/7. And I have been for months.
But this past month has been such a heavy decline all at once it scared me and made me absolutely wrecked.

As you can imagine, that's why I've been so slow to put out any work and contact people.
I either forget outright and can't remember why I logged into a site or I am in so much pain and
can't focus that I have to work in short bursts. My hardest issue right now is lineart because of my stiffness in my shoulder,
my joint pain in my hands and how tired and out of focus I am. To summarize the last 6 months:

My Dr originally had me on 75mg of levothyroxine during the months of June-August.
In August she told me to half the tablet because my thyroid was oversurpressed. So I've been taking like 37mg for 6 months.
But, I called the clinic and got ahold of the nurse during September, when I was in Walmart getting my meds
(because I was told to take half the tablet still). I told the nurse that I felt awful and that I thought the dose was too low.
This was a month since I'd started taking the half. She sent me to get labs (I did it the same day because I was concerned -
spoiler alert, I should have been and was right 🙃). I got my labs back the same day I think and she said my thyroid was
still oversurpressed, and I should just take a multivitamin, because it's probably my b12 or another deficiency (spoiler alert - it was not).

I was supposed to go to the clinic December 6th, but they cancelled my appointment (I'd had it for 3 months).
I could not get an appointment until the 18th of this month. I've felt like I've been going insane.
Luckily I have the best mental Dr and therapist. They assured me they would help me get to the bottom of whatever was
causing me physical and mental turmoil. I got my blood work done last week, and went on the 18th
(you haven't seen me in like 2 days - it completely wore me out; by the end of the day, I had to run around a lot and get 4
vials of blood taken for my mental Dr to do more extensive look into my thyroid T3s; I've been sleeping and laying in bed,
I'm sorry about that).

Apparently my thyroid is as worse as it's ever been. 🙃 And I've been right since September. I'm not crazy.
Turns out, my clinic Dr over treated my thyroid back when I first started getting treated
(which is a good thing because of how fast it's declining). She over treated it into suppression,
but apparently I'm weird medically. The September labs were an overlap of my thyroid in steady
decline and my body still having my TSH at a oversurpressed level.
That's why I felt bad mentally and was tired but wasn't extremely bad physically. It hadn't hit its rock bottom yet and wasn't
done crapping itself. My thyroid is as worse as it has ever been. Originally little over a 2, to a 3.01, to now, a 4.44.
I don't know if it is done declining yet. But I start taking a 100mg tablet today and my Dr said she was going to
schedule an ultrasound of my neck. Then she just walked out of the room. 😔 Like she usually does.
Before anyone asks or says anything. No, I cannot change Drs. I go to a free clinic because I do not have health insurance
and I can't afford a family doctor. However, I do have a wonderful mental Dr who is helping me get the clinic on a roll.
I'm very thankful for her, my nurse there and my therapist for being there for me these last few months.

So, bottom line is idk when I'll feel better. But, hopefully, I will feel better in a few weeks, maybe a month or two. 😊
If not, at least maybe I'll be able to draw again at a quicker pace. I appreciate everyone's patience over the last few months,
and I hope that everyone will still be supportive of me even after learning about my medical issues.
I've been untreated for this disease for a long time, so it'll be a bit of trial and error until things are
sorted completely. Hopefully sooner than later.

Thank you all so much for reading and I will be in touch with everyone soon! Hopefully I can get some work done!

- MamaOwl 💜🦉🌟