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Okay my FIRST FURRY SHORT STORY!! Never done this before. I'm use to doing novels and all that jazz, not this >.> So if it stinks it does. This was a practice shot. So here it is!
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Hm, well, it was so-so in my view; I have a more detailed critique in the wings, but I thought that I'd just ask to see if you wanted it first. Honestly, this isn't the worst story I've read by far, but it's not the greatest one either; my largest problems were with the formatting, punctuation, and grammar. While there was promise in the beginning, I feel that you left the ending to be a bit malnourished, cut short from what it really could have been.
Of course, you shouldn't take my word for it, Gilian, considering that I'm a big stickler when it comes to details, I've yet to get a story out myself, and this is your first furry short story. My advice for the next one, eh, just write it as a short chapter for a potential novel; not that you should write a furry novel, I'm just saying that's the style you should put it in.
Of course, you shouldn't take my word for it, Gilian, considering that I'm a big stickler when it comes to details, I've yet to get a story out myself, and this is your first furry short story. My advice for the next one, eh, just write it as a short chapter for a potential novel; not that you should write a furry novel, I'm just saying that's the style you should put it in.
The thing is that this is my first "short story" I am more of a novelist then anything. That and I was rushing this since I didn't want to be on it for long when I'm busy trying to get my synopsis done and my autobiography for my novel done so I can send it to scholastic for the contest they are holding. So all in all this would just have invoked my OCD and I couldn't have that. Not now, and not when I'm trying to get published.
Also I might just do the chapter wise since it might fit me more. Though like I said. I didn't do the grammar since I was rushing, and I wont lie I was. Otherwise I would have my teachers proof read it. So as for the story in whole, it's as I said, practice on how to write a short story for furs. Not going all out on my first try.
Also I might just do the chapter wise since it might fit me more. Though like I said. I didn't do the grammar since I was rushing, and I wont lie I was. Otherwise I would have my teachers proof read it. So as for the story in whole, it's as I said, practice on how to write a short story for furs. Not going all out on my first try.
Well, I wish the best of luck to you Gilian, concerning getting published. I've yet to get anything of my own published, so I can't say that I understand the pressure you're going through, but good luck all the same.
Now, as for the proof reading, I honestly don't think letting your teachers do it would be your best bet. Maybe just find someone who you know is also into the fandom and has a good grasp of English. Also, for writing short stories for furs, another bit of advice; don't see the characters you're writing about as furries in particular, just see them as people (albiet, animalistic people), while substituting the terms for the proper equivalents. Honestly, it’ll add more content to what you write, but that’s kind of a given, isn’t it?
Um, here's what I mean;
Miya's skin shone in the morning sun, dark and rich as cocoa, her hair whipping side to side in the dually stern winds. She giggled as a wave overcame the boat's motor, the spray decorating her cheeks with tiny droplets of the sea, and as she brushed them away with a manicured hand, she turned to me with a blush on her cheeks. As she spoke, all I could see were her pink lips, and her perfect, white teeth, a smile etched into them no matter how far away her words sounded from a joke or happiness; "So, was it worth coming out here?"
And here's the furry version;
Miya's fur shone in the morning sun, calm yellow speckled like a wrapper of a rich, chocolate easter egg, the short strands whipping side to side in the dually stern winds. She giggled as a wave overcame the boat's motor, spray decorating her cheeks with tiny droplets of the sea, and as she brushed them away with a manicured paw, she turned to me with a blush visible on her cheeks. As she spoke, all I could see were her thin black lips, and her perfect, white teeth, a non-predatory smile etched into them no matter how far away her words sounded from a joke or happiness; "So, was it worth coming out here?"
But you probably already knew all that, didn't you? Heh, ignore what I just wrote if you did, then; I'm kinda redundant in my explanations.
Now, as for the proof reading, I honestly don't think letting your teachers do it would be your best bet. Maybe just find someone who you know is also into the fandom and has a good grasp of English. Also, for writing short stories for furs, another bit of advice; don't see the characters you're writing about as furries in particular, just see them as people (albiet, animalistic people), while substituting the terms for the proper equivalents. Honestly, it’ll add more content to what you write, but that’s kind of a given, isn’t it?
Um, here's what I mean;
Miya's skin shone in the morning sun, dark and rich as cocoa, her hair whipping side to side in the dually stern winds. She giggled as a wave overcame the boat's motor, the spray decorating her cheeks with tiny droplets of the sea, and as she brushed them away with a manicured hand, she turned to me with a blush on her cheeks. As she spoke, all I could see were her pink lips, and her perfect, white teeth, a smile etched into them no matter how far away her words sounded from a joke or happiness; "So, was it worth coming out here?"
And here's the furry version;
Miya's fur shone in the morning sun, calm yellow speckled like a wrapper of a rich, chocolate easter egg, the short strands whipping side to side in the dually stern winds. She giggled as a wave overcame the boat's motor, spray decorating her cheeks with tiny droplets of the sea, and as she brushed them away with a manicured paw, she turned to me with a blush visible on her cheeks. As she spoke, all I could see were her thin black lips, and her perfect, white teeth, a non-predatory smile etched into them no matter how far away her words sounded from a joke or happiness; "So, was it worth coming out here?"
But you probably already knew all that, didn't you? Heh, ignore what I just wrote if you did, then; I'm kinda redundant in my explanations.
Yeah I knew that XD And actually my teachers are extreamly STRICK on the whole details and my work. One is strick with grammar is on my ass like white on rice about it. Hes the one that convince me to try getting publish. My other teacher helps me know what to put in there and how not to bog shit down. With out here my writers block would never disappear. So I must say. The teachers part I will keep, just maybe not for anything with furries lol
Whoops. Well, I'm glad you have such thorough help on your side; it's not always easy to write stuff out, is it? Heh, even with sites like dictionary.com helping me out, I've been working on a single story of my own for a good month now, if not longer. Anyways, I hope your next story comes along better for you Gilian, and I'll be waiting patiently should you find a good enough idea for the story. Oh, and if you need any help, feel free to call me up; I may not be the best person for the job, but I'm an okay writer at the least, and I'm happy to help if I can.
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