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Welcome again to another KatNee Movie Date. We finally get a brief break from the MCU to watch one of my movies, part of a Valentine's Day double-feature. Nee usually works all day on Saturdays so to have him for a Saturday Valentine's Day was special, and we decided to do a Movie Date double-feature of romantic movies. ... Although looking back I wouldn't say the first Captain America movie counts, but whatever, it was done. ^^ Today it's "Nee's Never Seen 'Romancing the Stone'."
Title Card: My first title card of the season! I remember I sketched much of this sitting in my car waiting for my mom to finish a doctor appointment last March or April. Other ideas included Katney reading a romance novel with a sultry grin on her face with some fantasy in a thought bubble and Katney sitting on a mine cart full of jewels while Nee pushes it. Ultimately I took inspiration from a line in the movie and shaped the stone itself into Nee's professional wrestler character Full Force (aka Cameron, my character Skylar's hubby). Nee also asked that the stone be red rather than green. XD Another change is that I'm actually putting an effort into and planning my backgrounds this season... even though I borrowed heavily from an old picture I did. >_> I do less recycling in my other cards, I promise.
Once again, Da Rulez!
1) We watch these movies from our respective countries. We log into our internet messenger of choice, choose a movie, count down to start, and type our reactions and commentary accordingly.
2) It has to be a movie only one of us has seen before. The only exception is if it's part of a film series and one of us wishes to watch it together, but it will still be added to their movie total tally. (Example: Katney's already seen Batman Forever, but Nee wants it included in the Movie Date entries.)
3) If neither of us has seen a particular movie one of us has to watch it first. Besides syncing issues leading to possible spoilers who would draw the title card? X3
4) Movies that we've seen before but haven't watched in several years and remember very little of may be included.
5) Movies that have only been seen in bits and pieces may be included as long as certain plot points/twists haven't been revealed. There may be some minor exceptions if it's included in a film series and/or heavily parodied.
6) TV and internet shows will be included. One disk/season will be considered one movie. 5 to 6 episodes maximum per viewing and marked as a completed movie by the end of the disk/season. Internet shows without a physical copy will be calculated either by episode run times or by season.
7) While Katney does her best to add movie descriptions these logs are from some time ago and some of our reactions may have to be taken out of context.
8) The logs will be posted as they were originally written, except self-corrected typos will be removed and some strong language will be censored. The censored word will usually be replaced with "(toast)" or some other variation depending on the situation. There may be some films where this rule will be ignored.
9) In the descriptions the actor's name may only be listed in regards to the character they play if we refer to them as such or as another character they've played in our commentary.
10) Movies are watched from beginning to end, so if you intend to watch these movies beware of spoilers.
11) More rules can be added at any time.
And now, we bring you Romancing the Stone.
February 14, 2015:
Nee: Okay ^^ready
Katney: On my go
Nee: on your go
Katney: ... GO
(The title is displayed on screen. A door is kicked in, and a woman turns as a gun-wielding man dressed in Western clothing enters. A female voiceover reveals that the man was Grogan, "the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River." He demands to know where "it" is, and the woman, Angelina, gestures towards a satchel. Grogan grabs it, and then orders Angelina to undress. She leans over and starts to untie something around her leg. We find she has a knife tied to the back of her thigh, which she grabs and flings at Grogan, hitting him in the heart and killing him. As Angelina collects her satchel from Grogan's corpse the voiceover reveals that Grogan killed her father, raped and murdered her sister, burned her ranch, shot her dog, AND STOLE HER BIBLE!!)
Katney: Pretty title
Katney: Boooooo, hiiiiiiiiiiss, Groban!
Nee: booooo hissssss no subtitles X3
Katney: Gah
Nee: leeeeeeeeg
Nee: Knife!
Katney: Good job girly ^^
Nee: pause on my count
Katney: ready
Nee: now
Katney: Paused
Katney: What kinda DVD has no subtitles? X3
Nee: I know right? okay... ready to resume
Katney: Alrighty
Nee: on my go
Nee: go
(Angelina runs out of the house and rides off on her horse. Though soon her escape is blocked off by three gunmen, Grogan's brothers. From a high point comes Angelina's lover Jesse on horseback. Grogan's brothers shoot at Jesse, who doesn't flinch in the slightest. He gets off three shots, and all three men fall off their horses. Jesse and Angelina ride off to meet, leaping off their horses to embrace each other and kiss deeply. He carries her onto his horse and rides off with her horse in tow, music swelling as if "THE END" was about to be displayed on screen.)
Katney: Jesse's a good shot XD
Nee: hugging and kissing
Katney: Smoochy smooch ^^
Nee: then end
Katney: ... Short movie, right? XD
("I knew then that we would spend the rest of our lives together." A typewriter writes the next word, "Forever." The whole scene was from a book being written by Joan Wilder, a modern woman who is tears over her own writing. She finishes it, sets the page aside and digs her hand into a tissue box... which is empty. She walks through her apartment searching for something to blow her nose with, but she's also out of toilet paper and paper towels. All she has are pieces of paper with reminders on them. ... She blows her nose with a piece of paper that reads "Buy tissue!" X3 The door opens behind her. "I finished, sweetheart. You wanna celebrate?" An orange and white cat stands by the door and meows. "So do I.")
Nee: now for cap? oh wait... there's more
Katney: The great hunt for tissues!
Nee: kitty!
Katney: He needs his own movie
(Joan lights a fireplace and a few candles over the mantle. She empties a can of tuna onto a plate and puts a garnish on it. "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?" The cat, Romeo, appears and eats from the plate he is served. Joan tells him that she spares no expenses when she celebrates. She grabs herself a small bottle of liquor from a cabinet and pours it into a cognac glass. She looks to a poster of one of her books and toasts to a silhouette picture of Jesse. "Here's lookin' at you, Jesse... whoever you are." She drinks the contents of the glass and then throws it into the fireplace. Once Romeo finishes his tuna she flings that plate into the fireplace. She cuddles with Romeo on the couch, still staring at Jesse's picture.)
Nee: ... do you dress up the cat food too?
Katney: Nah... I don't give them the wet stuff anymore
Nee: waste of glasses and plates
Katney: ... Really doesn't spare expenses does she?
(The next morning a man uses a payphone to call Joan's apartment. She had fallen asleep on her couch and wakes up to answer the phone, but the caller hangs up. Joan suddenly realizes she's late to meet with her publisher Gloria. She hurries to get dressed with her new book, passing by the elevator and rushing down the stairs. She meets with an elderly neighbor pulling a cart up the stairs and helps her. "Mrs. Irwin, why won't you take the elevator?" "Oh, pumpkin, I never get into an elevator alone. You know, rapists." Mrs. Irwin then gives Joan a large padded envelope that was too big for her mailbox. It is addressed to her brother-in-law Eduardo, sent from Colombia. Joan takes the envelope with her as she leaves, though she is bothered by a street vendor trying to sell her a monkey puppet and haggling the price. A man holding a hardcover book with Joan's picture on the back walks into the apartment building.)
Katney: ... Rude much?
Nee: you know... rapists
Katney: Indeed
Katney: Hagglers... myeh
Nee: Who doesn't need a monkey!
(Inside a janitor notices the man, wearing a dark trenchcoat, a dark fedora, and a mustache, in front of Joan's apartment. The janitor orders the man, named Zolo, away from the door, but he is stabbed by him.)
Katney: ... Boo hiss, obvious bad guy
Nee: O.O ... did the rapist escape the lift?
(Later Joan sits with her publisher Gloria in a restaurant, Gloria looking at various men there for Joan to date. Joan isn't interested; she knows there is someone out there for her, but she doesn't know where. Joan complains that she and Gloria have the same conversation every time they meet, and Gloria returns that she hates seeing Joan alone. Joan gives Gloria a thick box containing her latest book and starts to leave, but Gloria asks that she have another drink. "Come on, come on, stay. I'm your publisher, I'm ordering you to stay." She quickly apologizes, knowing Joan had been working hard recently and is upset about her sister Elaine in Colombia. "Have they... found her husband's body yet?" "Just the one piece." Joan then mentions that Elaine will be fine, she always manages.)
Katney: Thick book
Nee: I don't think as a publisher, you are allowed to order your writers to drink
Katney: Heehee
Katney: ... One piece... ew
(The scene shifts to Colombia where Joan's sister Elaine packs two picture frames into her purse, puts on a hat and sunglasses. She drives a convertible car out of a garage, where she must get out to close the door herself. A young boy nearby notices her, swinging a rope with a ball attached around. He flings it at Elaine as she gets back into her car and knocks her out. He moves her body aside and drives the car himself. He drives past a pool of crocodiles to a speedboat where grown men wait. A man named Ralph, played by Danny DeVito, watches as the men move Elaine into the speedboat and over to an offshore boat.)
Katney: Enter Elaine, the sister
Nee: that kid as a really great arm XD
Katney: I know right/
Katney: ... What they're teaching kids to do in Columbia these days!!
(Ralph walks over to his cousin Ira who is feeding some crocodiles through a grate in the floor. Ralph is uncomfortable with kidnapping but Ira knows that what they're looking for is no longer in the country. Ralph steps through the grate but recovers with his limbs intact. He reasons that they already have enough trinkets to live comfortably, but Ira insists they go for one more big one. Ira then muses watching an aggressive striped crocodile as he feeds it. Ralph still doesn't feel right, but Ira reassures him that he has never hurt him before.)
Nee: careful there Danny
Katney: Snappy snap
(Later Joan returns to her apartment and finds it completely ransacked. She wonders through the apartment horrified... and receives a scare when Romeo screeches and lands in her arms. She is scared a second time by the telephone ringing beside her and answers it. It's Elaine, who is now Ralph and Ira's prisoner. Elaine asks if Joan received a package from Eduardo, which Joan confirms and opens, revealing it to contain a map that reads "El Corazon." Elaine needs Joan come to the Hotel Cartagena in Cartagena with the map and gives her a phone number to call once she arrives. "Elaine... I can't go to Colombia." Ira flicks a switchblade in front of Elaine, who whimpers and begs Joan to come. The call ends.)
Katney: ... I ain't cleaning that mess
Nee: where's Romeo!
Katney: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Nee: Oh there he is!
Katney: Knife O_o
(Joan tells Gloria that Elaine has a domestic problem and needs Joan to be with her. Gloria tries to talk her out of going because Colombia is a dangerous place but Joan insists. Joan hands her a pet carrier with Romeo inside, the cat is heard yowling. Gloria reluctantly sees Joan off as she hails a cab. Zolo watches Joan get into the cab from his own car and follows her.)
Katney: Romeo is unhappy
Nee: ;_; poor Romeo
Katney: Booooo hiiiiiiss, bad guy
(Joan arrives in Colombia that night and walks past several of the locals, a small group of which get into a fist fight. Ralph arrives by the buses with one of Joan's books with her picture on it and tries to ask a security guard, who doesn't speak English, if her plane arrived yet. Joan walks right past him and over to a bus, asking the driver if it goes to Cartagena, first in English and then she attempts Spanish. Zolo steps up behind her and tells her that it's the Cartagena bus, but it actually goes to San Felipe Castle. Zolo notices the map peeking in Joan's oversized purse. Joan boards the bus and sits down, just in time for Ralph to notice. He yells after her as the bus pulls away. "Hey, you're on the wrong bus!")
Nee: FIGHT!
Katney: Danny no hable Espanol
Nee: booo hiiiiss badguy
Nee/Katney: wrong bus/Wrong bus!
(The next morning Joan wakes up on the traveling bus. She looks out her window to find acres of jungle and wildlife. Zolo is also on the bus and watches as Joan moves out of her seat towards the driver, stepping on a pig on a leash on the way. She sits behind the driver and asks, in English, if they're heading to Cartagena, but the driver doesn't understand her. He continues to look back at her as she repeats her question, still in English. This causes the driver to crash into a parked Jeep full of caged birds. The angry passengers exit the bus, many taking the caged birds, and walk back the way they came with their belongings.)
Katney: Wilderness
Nee: PIIIIIIIG!
Katney: Pet pig XD
Katney: .. Eyes on the road
Katney: ... Eyes on the road
Katney: .... EYES ON THE ROAD!!!
Nee: Don't distract the driver!
Katney: Those aren't yours!
Katney: Jerks! Those weren't yours!
(Joan finds her suitcase and meets with Zolo again, who tells her another bus will come soon. She sits on her suitcase while Zolo checks to make sure there are no witnesses. He draws his gun on her and demands her purse. Suddenly a whistling man starts to come down the hill and stops when he notices the pair. Zolo shoots his gun towards the man, puncturing a hole in his bota bag and causing water to pour out. The man, played by Michael Douglas, draws his shotgun and fires at Zolo, trading shots while Joan dives under the bus. Soon enough, Zolo runs away, though the man aims his gun after him until he's gone. The man then notices that his Jeep is now parked under a bus and that his birds are gone. He then kneels down to look at Joan under the bus and nods to her. "Hi." Because we go a while before he introduces himself I'll introduce him now: meet Jack T. Colton, everyone. ^^)
Katney: Gun!
Nee: HEY! He shot his water!
Katney: Bigger gun :3
Katney: ... Yeah, don't shoot him, Michael, we need him 9_9
Nee: hi ^^
(Zolo runs through the jungle until he happens upon Ralph driving in his car. He flashes a police badge and gets into the car, Ralph covers the side of his face with his hand as he drives on. "Don't I know you?" Zolo asks Ralph. "No comprendo," Ralph replies. "You are American." Ralph speaks in gibberish Spanish before he says, in English, "I hate Americanos! They're scumo!" Zolo then asks, in French, "Are you French?")
Katney: Don't let him get a good look, Danny ^^
Nee: are you french ^^
(Jack recovers a picture of a sailboat from his Jeep wreckage as Joan asks where she can find a phone, a town, another bus, anything, but they're pretty much out in the middle of nowhere. Jack gathers his supplies saying he has his own problems. Joan offers to pay him to escort her to a telephone, pleading that her sister needs her, and a deal is made for $375. She starts to walk ahead without her suitcase, then looks back at him. He picks it up, walks by her, and drops the suitcase at her feet as he continues forward.)
Nee: deal made ^^
Katney: Yay ^^
Katney: ... Makes the woman carry her own bag XD
(... The "T" must stand for "Toasthead." ¬¬ Ralph drives Zolo to a military compound. In the pouring rain Joan carries her purse and suitcase in high heels and trails behind Jack by several feet. He finally stops and asks if Joan has anything valuable in her suitcase, which only contains her clothes. She has no umbrella and all her shoes are high heels, so no good walking shoes. ... At the time I thought she said "They're on my feet" instead of "They're all like these." Jack nods, picking up the suitcase and hurling it over the hill never to be seen again. "You ba--!" Joan suddenly starts sliding down a mud slide down the side of the hill. Jack groans as he finds himself joining her. They slide down for a while until they land in a deep puddle... Jack landing with his head between Joan's legs. Dayum. XD Jack laughs as he recovers and helps Joan to her feet, finally asking for her name. "Joan Wilder, welcome to Colombia!")
Katney: ... High heels... walking shoes... right
Katney: Toss!
Nee: WEEEEEEEEE]
Nee: Mud Slide ^
Katney: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee
Katney: ... What a landing spot.
(Meanwhile Ralph calls Ira, addressing him as "Ma" and calling himself Irving as he is still at the compound. He leans away to talk normally, telling Ira that Joan got on the wrong bus and he himself is in a military compound with Zolo. Ralph then notices his wanted poster high on a bulletin board. He sits up on the counter to reach it, pulls it down, and falls over on the other side as Ira tells him to get the map. Ira hangs up and turns to Elaine, who is sitting across from him. "Little sister took the wrong road. And that third party I told you about... he's tagging along." "The man who killed my husband?" "The butcher who killed your husband." Ira describes him as a powerful man with his own army, but still just a butcher.)
Nee: LOL Danny fell down
Katney: He did ^^
Katney: The butcher who killed her husband
(Jack looks over at Joan, who is leaning over searching the ground. "I lost my button," she tells him as she adjusts a sleeve, which instantly rips from the shoulder. "You're gonna lose a lot more than that." He grabs her high heeled shoes, pulls out a machete, and hacks off the heels. "... These were Italian." "Now they're practical." Disgusted, Joan leans her head down to put the shoes on, just barely missing a gunshot to her head! TOAST! Zolo and some police officers shoot at them, Jack wondering why as they hide for cover... and he soon figures out that they're after Joan. The men start to climb down towards them, leading Jack and Joan to start running.)
Katney: Lost a button XD And a sleeve
Nee: and heels
Katney: Now they're practical
Katney: Close shot!
Nee: RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING
Katney: Run faster XD
(Jack uses the machete to hack through tall grass and foliage, until he finds a cliff hanging over a ravine. There is an old bridge nearby but Jack doesn't think it can be crossed. He prepares himself for another gunfight, telling Joan to stay behind him. He curses to himself, "I knew I should've listened to my mother." Joan decides to attempt crossing the bridge, carefully treading over the old boards and hanging onto overhanging vines. One board does give away under her and because she was holding onto a vine it causes her to swing across to the other side. Jack decides to follow suit. However he smacks into the rock face and has to climb up onto the ledge. They reunite and continue to run. Zolo and the police don't dare to cross the bridge and leave.)
Katney: Cliff!
Nee: dude shoulda listened to his mommy
Katney: Heeheehee
Katney: And she don't listen to him
Katney: Wheeeeeeeeeeee
Nee: not so easy when he does it
Katney: Well she was closer
(Later it's raining again and Jack uses the machete to cut a path. He allows Joan to take over as he catches his breath. Soon she cuts away some foliage and uncovers an old corpse wearing sunglasses and screams. Jack comforts her before they discover the corpse is the pilot of a crashed cargo plane that was carrying marijuana. They climb inside the cabin to dry off.)
Nee: AAAAAAARGH!
Katney: DEAD BODY
Nee: Who left that there!!!
Katney: That wasn't a gentle landing
(Jack takes the pilot's bag and digs through it, finding a Rolling Stones magazine, a jar of pickled something or other, and a bottle of liquor. "Oh, God, do I love those flyboys." They both share a drink, Joan mentioning that it's Elaine's favorite, but she chokes a bit after she swallows. Jack asks about her sister. "Her husband died, and-- and I've come down here to comfort her." Jack accepts it, digging through Joan's purse asking if she has any dry matches... and pulls out the map. Joan reacts too late to stop him. "I think you and I oughta have a talk." "... Alright.")
Nee: Gotta love those fly boys
Katney: Liquer :3
Katney: Must not be hers X3
Katney: Don't go rifling through a lady's bag!
(Later they've got a fire going inside the cabin, using the packages of marijuana as fuel. Jack inhales the smoke deeply and beams. "Yeah, that's what I call a campfire." He then studies the map, learning that Elaine is being ransomed for the "El Corazon", which is Spanish for "The Heart." He notices that El Corazon is hidden in the same province they are currently in and suggests that they search for it for an advantage. Joan sighs, disgusted at Jack. "You have no finesse, no style. (...) A real man, he's honest and forthright and trustworthy." She notices Jack looking away from her, angering her more... until Jack takes the machete and kills a bushmaster snake that was creeping up on her. Poisonous, but very tasty. ... BLEH! XP)
Katney: Theyre gonna get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
Nee: Weeeee ^^ killed it
Katney: SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE
Katney: Geeeeeeez, how doyou keep getting ahead?! X3 She was lecturing him and he was just starting to get distracted when he killed the bushmaster on your end XD
Nee: LOL!!!
(Zolo and the police return to the compound to find more men in jeeps and bigger guns waiting for them. We return to Jack and Joan. Joan is taking a drink as Jack explains the price of certain types of birds, learning that Jack lost $15,000 when the bus crashed into his Jeep. Joan then realizes that she doesn't know his name. "Well, you never asked me." After a long pause she begins to ask and he reveals it. Joan asks what he wants with the money, he reveals he wants to buy a boat and sail around the world by himself. Soon Joan plops over to the side on her face, asleep. Jack takes out the map again and studies a picture of "Tenedor del Diablo," translated as "The Devil's Fork.")
Katney: ... You mean his name isn't Lowlife? ^^
Nee: she's out like a light
Katney: Too much of a good thing
(In the morning Zolo and three Jeeps drive past Ralph's car parked out in the wilderness, waking Ralph. Elsewhere Jack and Joan arrive in a small town. As the two walk past people stare at them and then start to follow them. Jack tells her they're drug runners. One villager calls to them, making them stop. Jack prepares for another fight, but Joan asks them where they can get a car. She is told the only car in town belongs to the bell maker Juan and is directed to his house.)
Katney: Peaceful Joanie. ^^ Good call
Katney: They made it to a town. .... Friendly looking folks
(Jack and Joan head to Juan's, Jack suspecting that the cargo plane they slept in was one of Juan's lost shipments. They knock on Juan's door, who is able to speak English, and request the rent or buy his car to get to a town. "What do you call this I'm livin' in, a pigsty?" "Uh, no. No, no. This is lovely. It's--" Juan tells them to leave, pointing a gun in Jack's face. The pair then find the villagers from earlier with their own guns. "OK, Joan Wilder, write us out of this one." Juan lowers his gun. "Joan Wilder? Joan Wilder? THE Joan Wilder?" Juan steps outside, telling Joan that he reads all of her books, and he reads them to the villagers as well. The villagers become much friendlier and leave as Juan invites Joan and Jack inside.)
Nee: It is lovely ^^
Nee: THE Joan Wilder?!
Nee: LOL!!!
Katney: Heee
Katney: He likes romance novels. :3
Katney: Joanie as star power ^^
(Zolo arrives into the town wearing the new uniform. He speaks to an older woman who is rubbing dried corn kernels off the cob. He asks her about "gringos" and "Americanos" and pushes her out of sight. A young boy who witnesses it runs past a pair of llamas.)
Nee: BooooHiissss BadGuy
Katney: Booooooooooooooooo Zolo
Katney: He picks on old ladies!
Nee: LARMA
Katney: Que? X3
(Deeper into Juan's home he asks Jack if he's ever read Joan's books, handing him an extra copy of one when he says no. Juan wishes to show Joan around the village, but she only requests a phone which Juan doesn't have. Zolo and the Jeeps park outside of Juan's house. Joan asks Juan to take them to the nearest phone in his car. "Who told you I had a car?" "The men in the village." Juan chuckles, "They told you I had a car? (...) They meant my little mule Pepe." Soon Juan drives the pair in a '82 Ford Bronco XLT past Zolo and his men who fire upon them.)
Katney: Pepe!!!!
Nee: ... that's a mule?!!!
Katney: Well it's technically not a car ^^
(Juan drives Little Pepe through the street, but he stops and turns around before hitting a pig in the middle of the road. "I can't hurt my favorite pig." He drives back the way they came and causes one Jeep to drive into a fence. He drives them out of town with Zolo in pursuit down a steep hill. "This guy's crazier than I am," Jack remarks about Juan. "Gracias! Yeah!" Juan drives through a corn field knocking down several stalks in its path.)
Katney: My favorite pig!!!
Nee: I like this guy
Katney: Heeheehee
Katney: So much corn died XD
(Zolo and his men go around the field and are behind them again. "This guy who's following you, he's very persistent." They shoot at Pepe, hitting a canister of gas in the back and lighting it on fire. Pepe is fireproof though. ^^ Juan points out to the river they're driving towards. "What, the one without the bridge?" Juan pushes a button on a remote control, calling it Lupe's Escape. A ramp rises from the ground and they drive up and over the river onto the other side. He pushes the button again, turning the ramp into a blockade, which a pursuing Jeep drives into and crashes into the river. They drive off to safety, leaving Zolo on the other side of the uncrossable river.)
Nee: he's very persistant
Katney: GAH
Nee: LOL!!!!
Katney: The one without the bridge!!
Nee: I love this guy!
Katney: ::giggle cackle::
(They come to rest in a field, Joan picks flowers as Juan explains that the river is impossible to cross for 200 miles in either direction, Jack lays back reading some of Joan's book. Joan asks what became of Lupe of "Lupe's Escape." Juan explains that Lupe entered the priesthood and might have been hung from "El Tenedor del Diablo," a tree that is nearby. Jack recognizes it from the map and decides they need to get going. Juan can only take them to the next town, as he is a wanted man beyond it, but he says a bus in the morning will take them to Cartagena.)
Katney: Flowers ^^
Katney: Devil's Foooooork
(In the next town Ralph is speaking to Ira on a payphone, telling him that he lost Joan through the jungle. As he berates Ira Ralph turns to find Juan arriving with Joan and Jack exiting Pepe. He tells Ira, "She's here!" Juan drives away as Jack and Joan begin to walk towards Ralph and the phone. Ralph hangs up and steps away as Joan prepares to call Ira herself. As she does Jack steps into a nearby hotel and asks a question in Spanish, receiving a reply in English by the clerk. "You speak English, too. That's great." He checks in, asking if they have a Xerox machine that would fit a map size. They do. Jack steps back over to Joan who has finished her call. She spoke with Elaine and the kidnappers will wait for her to take the bus in the morning. Joan prepares to say goodbye to Jack as he did his part and pays him in traveler's cheques. He takes the payment, but he offers to buy her dinner, which she accepts. He tells her to go to his hotel room to clean up and he'll buy them both some new clothes.)
Nee: she's here!
Katney: See ya later Juan. <3 We had fun.
Katney: So many English speakers there XD
(That night some kind of party is going on. Jack waits downstairs in his new duds, and looks to find Joan wearing hers. He looks a little awestruck. ^^ Later they sit at a table eating dinner where Ralph starts to sneak towards them, seeing that Joan hung her purse on her chair. Jack leads a reluctant Joan into dancing. Meanwhile Ralph hides under a table across from theirs and reaches for the purse, but a woman sitting at the table drops a napkin on his arm and begins to attack him. Jack and Joan continue to dance, which soon ends with a deep kiss between them.)
Katney: Katney approves of that outfit ^^
Nee: As does the nee
Katney: Dance!
Nee: ::does::
Katney: I meant them but OK ^^ ::dances::
Katney: Danny can't catch a break XD
Katney: Smoooooooooooooooooch
Nee: ^^ heheeee
(Later they lay in bed naked, Joan asks why Jack hasn't taken the map away, knowing that they're very close to El Corazon. She admits she had been thinking about having more of a bargaining chip, and Jack agrees the best way to get Elaine back is to have the treasure for better leverage. "OK. Let's go for it." As they kiss Jack's hand reaches down under the mattress, pulling the map out from underneath it and dropping it back into Joan's purse beside the bed.)
Nee: naked time
Katney: Movie romances move so fast XD
Katney: Treasurehunt ^^
(The next morning Zolo and his men arrive into town. Jack and Joan sneak out of the hotel from the second story, sliding down a lamp post to the ground. Joan slips slightly and lands on her butt with a grunt. Zolo turns. The pair run over to Ralph's car and drop their gear inside before they climb in. The gear lands on top of a sleeping Ralph who peeks out over his blankets from the backseat. Jack begins to hotwire the car, but Joan points out that the key is in the ignition. Jack drives off.)
Nee: how did he hear that
Nee: try the key
Nee: DANNY!
Katney: Wrong car to steal
(They drive out to the countryside and follow the map, their location is noticed by a man on horseback who radios it in. They stop the car and step out to study the map. Upon folding the map a certain way they discover the treasure is in a cave behind a nearby waterfall.)
Katney: Map folding :3
(They continue on and find a stalactite dripping water into a pool of white mud, resembling the "Leche de la Madre" or "Mother's Milk" mentioned on the map. Jack begins to dig into the pool as Joan holds a light for him. "Jack? You're the best time I've ever had." "... I've never been anybody's best time before." Soon his shovel hits something. He digs into the water with his hands and pulls out something wrapped in a cloth. He unwraps it, revealing it to be an Easter Bunny statue. "Somebody out there's got a really sick sense of humor.")
Nee: Maaaaw the best time ^^
Katney: Sweet ^^
Katney: Thunk!
Katney: Bunny!
(Joan gets an idea: in her first book she hid the treasure inside the statue. Jack cracks the statue open and sure enough there is a large emerald within the statue. "(Son of Toast), we're in a lot of trouble." Ralph appears behind them with a gun and cocks it. "Understatement of the year, (toast)hole." Ralph orders the jewel be put into the bag he brought and for them to move out.)
Nee: GREEEEEN
Katney: Purty too ^^
Katney: ... Why isn't Danny as wet as they are?
(Ralph leads them back to his car, ordering Joan to drive him. Jack calls Ralph a creep, but Ralph retorts that he's not romancing the stone [roll credits XD] out from under Joan. Joan says going after the stone was her idea. "He made you think you needed it, you sap." He then orders Joan into the driver's seat, intending to leave Jack stranded. But then he sees something behind Jack and Joan and runs in the other direction. Several jeeps are approaching in the distance. Jack gets in as Joan drives after Ralph to recover the stone. In the opposite direction several men on horseback charge towards them. "Mounties!" Jack tackles Ralph and wrestles the bag from Ralph's hand, then jumps back into the car as Joan drives on.)
Nee: ... Danny You were by a car... don't try running
Katney: Joan was already in the driver's seat
Katney: Columbian Mounties! XD
(Zolo and his men chase after them as the mounties circle around Ralph. Joan drives the car into a raging river which carries them downstream. Joan tries to steer but gets nowhere, obviously. They approach a waterfall, and as the car goes down they both leap from the sunroof into the water, ending up on opposite sides of the rushing river. Jack has the stone, Joan has the map, and they're unable to cross over to each other's side. Joan accuses Jack of planning this, but Jack promises to meet her at the Hotel Cartagena. Since she still has the map she can still get Elaine back without revealing they dug it up. Zolo and his men begin to fire upon them and they are forced to run.)
Katney: ... That's not a car boat!!!
Nee: JUMP!
Katney: Whoooo, they're alive!
Nee: not for long if they don't run
Katney: Must move faster
(Joan finally arrives in Cartagena and makes her phone call to Ira. He directs Joan to go to the tower at the fort across the bay in two hours, alone. After the call ends Joan calls the front desk to learn Jack hasn't checked in yet.)
Katney: Look, Elaine's still in the movie
(That night there is a clap of thunder and lightning as Joan takes the water taxi to the fort. She walks towards a burning oil drum and follows Ira's voice. Joan asks to see Elaine before she shows the map. Elaine is pushed out into view, a hand gripping her arm. "Joanie?" Joan smiles and holds up the map. She drops it and backs away as instructed. Ira steps over to inspect it to make sure it's real. After a moment he looks up, glaring at Joan. "Joan Wilder... you... and your sister... ::smiles:: can go!" Elaine is released, she meets Joan and hugs her tightly. They start to walk away... until shots are fired in front of their feet. Jack steps out from behind a corner. "I missed you at the hotel." He steps out further with his hands up, showing that he is a being held at gunpoint by Zolo's men. "We all did.")
Katney: Thunder!
Nee: ELaine is okay!
Katney: You... and your sister...
Katney: CAN GO :3
(Zolo's men step in and hold everyone else at gunpoint. Zolo steps out of the shadows and takes the map from Ira and burns it, saying they already have the stone. Ralph is pushed into view, bruised and beaten.)
Nee: boooo hissss badguy
Katney: Booooooo hiiiiiiiiiiis
Katney: They beat up Danny
(Zolo asks Joan where the stone is, who replies that they dug but didn't find anything. Zolo leads them to a pool of crocodiles nearby. He grabs Joan's hand, cuts it to draw blood, and holds it out over the pool. The crocodiles begin to swim closer to the edge as blood drips into the water, Zolo again asking for the stone. Finally Jack admits that he has it. "Where is it?" There's a long pause. "It's in a safe place." One of the gunmen drives the hilt of his gun into Jack's groin, which makes a clanking sound upon impact. Jack recovers and gently swings his hips, a bulge travels down his pant leg and onto his boot, revealing El Corazon. "Choke on it." He kicks his foot, sending the stone flying into the air. Zolo catches it before it lands in the water. "Thank you." Suddenly the aggressive striped crocodile rises from the water and bites Zolo's hand, still holding the stone. It bites it completely off and swims away.)
Katney: ... Jack's hiding it in his chin. XD
Katney: ... OK, it's lower than that. XD
Nee: XDDD just a bot
Katney: Good catch
Nee: thank you ^^
Katney: ::covers eyes::
(In his pain Zolo drops his knife and drops down to his knees. Jack steals a gunman's gun and a gunfight ensues between Jack, Ira's men, and Zolo's men. Joan picks up Zolo's knife and runs away with Elaine up the tower. Zolo wraps his stump with his scarf and glares after the women, grabbing a piece of wood with nails sticking out and slowly pursues them. Meanwhile Jack keeps tabs on the stripped crocodile that ate the jewel. Ira and Ralph make their way to the boat, though Ira is faster than the wounded Ralph. Jack manages to slip away to pursue the striped croc. Ira takes a speedboat back to his boat, but Ralph doesn't make it in time before it speeds off. Ira promises to send the boat back for him soon. Jack catches the croc by the tail just as it prepares to jump into the bay and tries to drag it back up but it manages to hang halfway over.)
Katney: RUN Joanie
Katney: Go get that ugly stripped sucker Jack
Nee: Ira is a jerk XD Poor Danny
Katney: Yeah XD
Katney: Ira's a liar!
(Joan and Elaine are suddenly confronted by Zolo who starts to corner them. Joan, trying to imitate what she wrote in her latest novel, flings Zolo's knife at him, but Zolo uses the piece of wood to catch the knife before it becomes lodged in his throat. Elaine faints. XD Zolo reclaims his knife and tosses the wood aside. Joan calls out to Jack as Zolo corners her. Jack has a clear shot but he can't reach his gun unless he releases the croc. Joan avoids Zolo's slashing and wrestles against his grip. Finally Jack lets go of the croc's tail and grabs the gun. He has a clear, clean shot of Zolo... but he's out of ammo. TOAST! He starts to climb up the side of the tower.)
Katney: Boo hiss, Zolo
Katney: So close XD
Nee: Jack!
Katney: Jaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Katney: Damn it outta ammo!
(Zolo chases Joan towards the grated floor where crocodiles are and knocks her down, rolling her over the grate. Joan reaches for the piece of wood Zolo threw aside while also trying not to be stabbed. Soon she takes the burning cigar from his mouth and jams it into his cheek, causing him to back off. She then grabs the piece of wood and strikes Zolo with it, knocking him back into a lit lantern. The lantern catches fire onto his clothes. He stands to strike Joan, but she moves out of the way and he falls down through the grate and down to the crocodiles below. Supper time!)
Nee: hhit his stump!
Nee: O.O OW!
Katney: Cigar burn XD
Nee: what a way to die
Katney: Burning and eaten by crocks
(Jack finally arrives and sees Joan, shaken, but safe. Meanwhile the boat Ira is on starts to leave, but Ralph is left behind. Police sirens approach, and Ralph points them towards the departing boat. Meanwhile again Joan holds Elaine as she comes to, but Jack tenses as he hears the sirens. He tells Joan to go to the American consulate and explain everything, but not to mention his name. "Cartagena cops and I go way back." Joan rises to her feet, dropping Elaine's head back on the ground. "You're leaving me?" "You're gonna be alright, Joan Wilder." He kisses her. "You always were." He then runs and jumps off the tower and into the bay. Joan looks down into the water after him.)
Katney: You missed the action Jack
Nee: LOL dropped her sister
Katney: Hee
Katney: Guy knows how to make an exit
(We fade in to Joan in a similar pose as she looks out of a window in New York some time later. Gloria has just finished reading Joan's newest story based on her adventure and is in tears over it, declaring it her best book. "Joanie, you are now a world-class hopeless romantic." "No. Hopeful. Hopeful romantic." Later she walks through the street past the vendors. She then stops and stares... at a sailboat right in the middle of New York. It's on a trailer at least. She calls up to the man on the boat... who else can it be? ^^)
Nee: Boat!!!
Katney: ... Now THERE'S something you don't see in New York every day
(Jack lowers the rope ladder to her and she climbs up... and admires his crocodile-skinned boots. Jack recounts how the croc that swallowed the jewel died from indigestion. He admits he couldn't stop thinking about her... he even read one of her books. ^^ "Then you know how they all end." They share a kiss as the boat, called "Angelina", "sails" down the street into the distance. The credits roll and the film ends.)
Nee: LOL Croc skinned boots
Katney: Indeed ^^
Nee: Hi
Katney: Whoo
Nee: Is there a funny stinger on the end where Danny and Ira are in a cell together?
Katney: Nope
Katney: No stinger. We just watch the boat disappear into the horizon
Nee: ^^ That was fun
Katney: Yay ^^
It was fun, although I'm disappointed in my editing skills. This movie is about the same length as Thor and the time spent on it was about the same, if not a few hours faster, even though I've watched this one more. ... I was tired when I worked on it and had trouble deciding what kind of mule "Pepe" was. That's my excuse. Next time on the KatNee Movie Date, part two of our Valentines Day double feature, we return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe with "Katney's Never Seen 'Captain America: The First Avenger'". YEEAAAAAH, AMERICA! XD See ya soon!
TOTAL:
Katney's Movies: 9
Nee's Movies: 7
Title Card: My first title card of the season! I remember I sketched much of this sitting in my car waiting for my mom to finish a doctor appointment last March or April. Other ideas included Katney reading a romance novel with a sultry grin on her face with some fantasy in a thought bubble and Katney sitting on a mine cart full of jewels while Nee pushes it. Ultimately I took inspiration from a line in the movie and shaped the stone itself into Nee's professional wrestler character Full Force (aka Cameron, my character Skylar's hubby). Nee also asked that the stone be red rather than green. XD Another change is that I'm actually putting an effort into and planning my backgrounds this season... even though I borrowed heavily from an old picture I did. >_> I do less recycling in my other cards, I promise.
Once again, Da Rulez!
1) We watch these movies from our respective countries. We log into our internet messenger of choice, choose a movie, count down to start, and type our reactions and commentary accordingly.
2) It has to be a movie only one of us has seen before. The only exception is if it's part of a film series and one of us wishes to watch it together, but it will still be added to their movie total tally. (Example: Katney's already seen Batman Forever, but Nee wants it included in the Movie Date entries.)
3) If neither of us has seen a particular movie one of us has to watch it first. Besides syncing issues leading to possible spoilers who would draw the title card? X3
4) Movies that we've seen before but haven't watched in several years and remember very little of may be included.
5) Movies that have only been seen in bits and pieces may be included as long as certain plot points/twists haven't been revealed. There may be some minor exceptions if it's included in a film series and/or heavily parodied.
6) TV and internet shows will be included. One disk/season will be considered one movie. 5 to 6 episodes maximum per viewing and marked as a completed movie by the end of the disk/season. Internet shows without a physical copy will be calculated either by episode run times or by season.
7) While Katney does her best to add movie descriptions these logs are from some time ago and some of our reactions may have to be taken out of context.
8) The logs will be posted as they were originally written, except self-corrected typos will be removed and some strong language will be censored. The censored word will usually be replaced with "(toast)" or some other variation depending on the situation. There may be some films where this rule will be ignored.
9) In the descriptions the actor's name may only be listed in regards to the character they play if we refer to them as such or as another character they've played in our commentary.
10) Movies are watched from beginning to end, so if you intend to watch these movies beware of spoilers.
11) More rules can be added at any time.
And now, we bring you Romancing the Stone.
February 14, 2015:
Nee: Okay ^^ready
Katney: On my go
Nee: on your go
Katney: ... GO
(The title is displayed on screen. A door is kicked in, and a woman turns as a gun-wielding man dressed in Western clothing enters. A female voiceover reveals that the man was Grogan, "the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River." He demands to know where "it" is, and the woman, Angelina, gestures towards a satchel. Grogan grabs it, and then orders Angelina to undress. She leans over and starts to untie something around her leg. We find she has a knife tied to the back of her thigh, which she grabs and flings at Grogan, hitting him in the heart and killing him. As Angelina collects her satchel from Grogan's corpse the voiceover reveals that Grogan killed her father, raped and murdered her sister, burned her ranch, shot her dog, AND STOLE HER BIBLE!!)
Katney: Pretty title
Katney: Boooooo, hiiiiiiiiiiss, Groban!
Nee: booooo hissssss no subtitles X3
Katney: Gah
Nee: leeeeeeeeg
Nee: Knife!
Katney: Good job girly ^^
Nee: pause on my count
Katney: ready
Nee: now
Katney: Paused
Katney: What kinda DVD has no subtitles? X3
Nee: I know right? okay... ready to resume
Katney: Alrighty
Nee: on my go
Nee: go
(Angelina runs out of the house and rides off on her horse. Though soon her escape is blocked off by three gunmen, Grogan's brothers. From a high point comes Angelina's lover Jesse on horseback. Grogan's brothers shoot at Jesse, who doesn't flinch in the slightest. He gets off three shots, and all three men fall off their horses. Jesse and Angelina ride off to meet, leaping off their horses to embrace each other and kiss deeply. He carries her onto his horse and rides off with her horse in tow, music swelling as if "THE END" was about to be displayed on screen.)
Katney: Jesse's a good shot XD
Nee: hugging and kissing
Katney: Smoochy smooch ^^
Nee: then end
Katney: ... Short movie, right? XD
("I knew then that we would spend the rest of our lives together." A typewriter writes the next word, "Forever." The whole scene was from a book being written by Joan Wilder, a modern woman who is tears over her own writing. She finishes it, sets the page aside and digs her hand into a tissue box... which is empty. She walks through her apartment searching for something to blow her nose with, but she's also out of toilet paper and paper towels. All she has are pieces of paper with reminders on them. ... She blows her nose with a piece of paper that reads "Buy tissue!" X3 The door opens behind her. "I finished, sweetheart. You wanna celebrate?" An orange and white cat stands by the door and meows. "So do I.")
Nee: now for cap? oh wait... there's more
Katney: The great hunt for tissues!
Nee: kitty!
Katney: He needs his own movie
(Joan lights a fireplace and a few candles over the mantle. She empties a can of tuna onto a plate and puts a garnish on it. "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?" The cat, Romeo, appears and eats from the plate he is served. Joan tells him that she spares no expenses when she celebrates. She grabs herself a small bottle of liquor from a cabinet and pours it into a cognac glass. She looks to a poster of one of her books and toasts to a silhouette picture of Jesse. "Here's lookin' at you, Jesse... whoever you are." She drinks the contents of the glass and then throws it into the fireplace. Once Romeo finishes his tuna she flings that plate into the fireplace. She cuddles with Romeo on the couch, still staring at Jesse's picture.)
Nee: ... do you dress up the cat food too?
Katney: Nah... I don't give them the wet stuff anymore
Nee: waste of glasses and plates
Katney: ... Really doesn't spare expenses does she?
(The next morning a man uses a payphone to call Joan's apartment. She had fallen asleep on her couch and wakes up to answer the phone, but the caller hangs up. Joan suddenly realizes she's late to meet with her publisher Gloria. She hurries to get dressed with her new book, passing by the elevator and rushing down the stairs. She meets with an elderly neighbor pulling a cart up the stairs and helps her. "Mrs. Irwin, why won't you take the elevator?" "Oh, pumpkin, I never get into an elevator alone. You know, rapists." Mrs. Irwin then gives Joan a large padded envelope that was too big for her mailbox. It is addressed to her brother-in-law Eduardo, sent from Colombia. Joan takes the envelope with her as she leaves, though she is bothered by a street vendor trying to sell her a monkey puppet and haggling the price. A man holding a hardcover book with Joan's picture on the back walks into the apartment building.)
Katney: ... Rude much?
Nee: you know... rapists
Katney: Indeed
Katney: Hagglers... myeh
Nee: Who doesn't need a monkey!
(Inside a janitor notices the man, wearing a dark trenchcoat, a dark fedora, and a mustache, in front of Joan's apartment. The janitor orders the man, named Zolo, away from the door, but he is stabbed by him.)
Katney: ... Boo hiss, obvious bad guy
Nee: O.O ... did the rapist escape the lift?
(Later Joan sits with her publisher Gloria in a restaurant, Gloria looking at various men there for Joan to date. Joan isn't interested; she knows there is someone out there for her, but she doesn't know where. Joan complains that she and Gloria have the same conversation every time they meet, and Gloria returns that she hates seeing Joan alone. Joan gives Gloria a thick box containing her latest book and starts to leave, but Gloria asks that she have another drink. "Come on, come on, stay. I'm your publisher, I'm ordering you to stay." She quickly apologizes, knowing Joan had been working hard recently and is upset about her sister Elaine in Colombia. "Have they... found her husband's body yet?" "Just the one piece." Joan then mentions that Elaine will be fine, she always manages.)
Katney: Thick book
Nee: I don't think as a publisher, you are allowed to order your writers to drink
Katney: Heehee
Katney: ... One piece... ew
(The scene shifts to Colombia where Joan's sister Elaine packs two picture frames into her purse, puts on a hat and sunglasses. She drives a convertible car out of a garage, where she must get out to close the door herself. A young boy nearby notices her, swinging a rope with a ball attached around. He flings it at Elaine as she gets back into her car and knocks her out. He moves her body aside and drives the car himself. He drives past a pool of crocodiles to a speedboat where grown men wait. A man named Ralph, played by Danny DeVito, watches as the men move Elaine into the speedboat and over to an offshore boat.)
Katney: Enter Elaine, the sister
Nee: that kid as a really great arm XD
Katney: I know right/
Katney: ... What they're teaching kids to do in Columbia these days!!
(Ralph walks over to his cousin Ira who is feeding some crocodiles through a grate in the floor. Ralph is uncomfortable with kidnapping but Ira knows that what they're looking for is no longer in the country. Ralph steps through the grate but recovers with his limbs intact. He reasons that they already have enough trinkets to live comfortably, but Ira insists they go for one more big one. Ira then muses watching an aggressive striped crocodile as he feeds it. Ralph still doesn't feel right, but Ira reassures him that he has never hurt him before.)
Nee: careful there Danny
Katney: Snappy snap
(Later Joan returns to her apartment and finds it completely ransacked. She wonders through the apartment horrified... and receives a scare when Romeo screeches and lands in her arms. She is scared a second time by the telephone ringing beside her and answers it. It's Elaine, who is now Ralph and Ira's prisoner. Elaine asks if Joan received a package from Eduardo, which Joan confirms and opens, revealing it to contain a map that reads "El Corazon." Elaine needs Joan come to the Hotel Cartagena in Cartagena with the map and gives her a phone number to call once she arrives. "Elaine... I can't go to Colombia." Ira flicks a switchblade in front of Elaine, who whimpers and begs Joan to come. The call ends.)
Katney: ... I ain't cleaning that mess
Nee: where's Romeo!
Katney: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Nee: Oh there he is!
Katney: Knife O_o
(Joan tells Gloria that Elaine has a domestic problem and needs Joan to be with her. Gloria tries to talk her out of going because Colombia is a dangerous place but Joan insists. Joan hands her a pet carrier with Romeo inside, the cat is heard yowling. Gloria reluctantly sees Joan off as she hails a cab. Zolo watches Joan get into the cab from his own car and follows her.)
Katney: Romeo is unhappy
Nee: ;_; poor Romeo
Katney: Booooo hiiiiiiss, bad guy
(Joan arrives in Colombia that night and walks past several of the locals, a small group of which get into a fist fight. Ralph arrives by the buses with one of Joan's books with her picture on it and tries to ask a security guard, who doesn't speak English, if her plane arrived yet. Joan walks right past him and over to a bus, asking the driver if it goes to Cartagena, first in English and then she attempts Spanish. Zolo steps up behind her and tells her that it's the Cartagena bus, but it actually goes to San Felipe Castle. Zolo notices the map peeking in Joan's oversized purse. Joan boards the bus and sits down, just in time for Ralph to notice. He yells after her as the bus pulls away. "Hey, you're on the wrong bus!")
Nee: FIGHT!
Katney: Danny no hable Espanol
Nee: booo hiiiiss badguy
Nee/Katney: wrong bus/Wrong bus!
(The next morning Joan wakes up on the traveling bus. She looks out her window to find acres of jungle and wildlife. Zolo is also on the bus and watches as Joan moves out of her seat towards the driver, stepping on a pig on a leash on the way. She sits behind the driver and asks, in English, if they're heading to Cartagena, but the driver doesn't understand her. He continues to look back at her as she repeats her question, still in English. This causes the driver to crash into a parked Jeep full of caged birds. The angry passengers exit the bus, many taking the caged birds, and walk back the way they came with their belongings.)
Katney: Wilderness
Nee: PIIIIIIIG!
Katney: Pet pig XD
Katney: .. Eyes on the road
Katney: ... Eyes on the road
Katney: .... EYES ON THE ROAD!!!
Nee: Don't distract the driver!
Katney: Those aren't yours!
Katney: Jerks! Those weren't yours!
(Joan finds her suitcase and meets with Zolo again, who tells her another bus will come soon. She sits on her suitcase while Zolo checks to make sure there are no witnesses. He draws his gun on her and demands her purse. Suddenly a whistling man starts to come down the hill and stops when he notices the pair. Zolo shoots his gun towards the man, puncturing a hole in his bota bag and causing water to pour out. The man, played by Michael Douglas, draws his shotgun and fires at Zolo, trading shots while Joan dives under the bus. Soon enough, Zolo runs away, though the man aims his gun after him until he's gone. The man then notices that his Jeep is now parked under a bus and that his birds are gone. He then kneels down to look at Joan under the bus and nods to her. "Hi." Because we go a while before he introduces himself I'll introduce him now: meet Jack T. Colton, everyone. ^^)
Katney: Gun!
Nee: HEY! He shot his water!
Katney: Bigger gun :3
Katney: ... Yeah, don't shoot him, Michael, we need him 9_9
Nee: hi ^^
(Zolo runs through the jungle until he happens upon Ralph driving in his car. He flashes a police badge and gets into the car, Ralph covers the side of his face with his hand as he drives on. "Don't I know you?" Zolo asks Ralph. "No comprendo," Ralph replies. "You are American." Ralph speaks in gibberish Spanish before he says, in English, "I hate Americanos! They're scumo!" Zolo then asks, in French, "Are you French?")
Katney: Don't let him get a good look, Danny ^^
Nee: are you french ^^
(Jack recovers a picture of a sailboat from his Jeep wreckage as Joan asks where she can find a phone, a town, another bus, anything, but they're pretty much out in the middle of nowhere. Jack gathers his supplies saying he has his own problems. Joan offers to pay him to escort her to a telephone, pleading that her sister needs her, and a deal is made for $375. She starts to walk ahead without her suitcase, then looks back at him. He picks it up, walks by her, and drops the suitcase at her feet as he continues forward.)
Nee: deal made ^^
Katney: Yay ^^
Katney: ... Makes the woman carry her own bag XD
(... The "T" must stand for "Toasthead." ¬¬ Ralph drives Zolo to a military compound. In the pouring rain Joan carries her purse and suitcase in high heels and trails behind Jack by several feet. He finally stops and asks if Joan has anything valuable in her suitcase, which only contains her clothes. She has no umbrella and all her shoes are high heels, so no good walking shoes. ... At the time I thought she said "They're on my feet" instead of "They're all like these." Jack nods, picking up the suitcase and hurling it over the hill never to be seen again. "You ba--!" Joan suddenly starts sliding down a mud slide down the side of the hill. Jack groans as he finds himself joining her. They slide down for a while until they land in a deep puddle... Jack landing with his head between Joan's legs. Dayum. XD Jack laughs as he recovers and helps Joan to her feet, finally asking for her name. "Joan Wilder, welcome to Colombia!")
Katney: ... High heels... walking shoes... right
Katney: Toss!
Nee: WEEEEEEEEE]
Nee: Mud Slide ^
Katney: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee
Katney: ... What a landing spot.
(Meanwhile Ralph calls Ira, addressing him as "Ma" and calling himself Irving as he is still at the compound. He leans away to talk normally, telling Ira that Joan got on the wrong bus and he himself is in a military compound with Zolo. Ralph then notices his wanted poster high on a bulletin board. He sits up on the counter to reach it, pulls it down, and falls over on the other side as Ira tells him to get the map. Ira hangs up and turns to Elaine, who is sitting across from him. "Little sister took the wrong road. And that third party I told you about... he's tagging along." "The man who killed my husband?" "The butcher who killed your husband." Ira describes him as a powerful man with his own army, but still just a butcher.)
Nee: LOL Danny fell down
Katney: He did ^^
Katney: The butcher who killed her husband
(Jack looks over at Joan, who is leaning over searching the ground. "I lost my button," she tells him as she adjusts a sleeve, which instantly rips from the shoulder. "You're gonna lose a lot more than that." He grabs her high heeled shoes, pulls out a machete, and hacks off the heels. "... These were Italian." "Now they're practical." Disgusted, Joan leans her head down to put the shoes on, just barely missing a gunshot to her head! TOAST! Zolo and some police officers shoot at them, Jack wondering why as they hide for cover... and he soon figures out that they're after Joan. The men start to climb down towards them, leading Jack and Joan to start running.)
Katney: Lost a button XD And a sleeve
Nee: and heels
Katney: Now they're practical
Katney: Close shot!
Nee: RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING
Katney: Run faster XD
(Jack uses the machete to hack through tall grass and foliage, until he finds a cliff hanging over a ravine. There is an old bridge nearby but Jack doesn't think it can be crossed. He prepares himself for another gunfight, telling Joan to stay behind him. He curses to himself, "I knew I should've listened to my mother." Joan decides to attempt crossing the bridge, carefully treading over the old boards and hanging onto overhanging vines. One board does give away under her and because she was holding onto a vine it causes her to swing across to the other side. Jack decides to follow suit. However he smacks into the rock face and has to climb up onto the ledge. They reunite and continue to run. Zolo and the police don't dare to cross the bridge and leave.)
Katney: Cliff!
Nee: dude shoulda listened to his mommy
Katney: Heeheehee
Katney: And she don't listen to him
Katney: Wheeeeeeeeeeee
Nee: not so easy when he does it
Katney: Well she was closer
(Later it's raining again and Jack uses the machete to cut a path. He allows Joan to take over as he catches his breath. Soon she cuts away some foliage and uncovers an old corpse wearing sunglasses and screams. Jack comforts her before they discover the corpse is the pilot of a crashed cargo plane that was carrying marijuana. They climb inside the cabin to dry off.)
Nee: AAAAAAARGH!
Katney: DEAD BODY
Nee: Who left that there!!!
Katney: That wasn't a gentle landing
(Jack takes the pilot's bag and digs through it, finding a Rolling Stones magazine, a jar of pickled something or other, and a bottle of liquor. "Oh, God, do I love those flyboys." They both share a drink, Joan mentioning that it's Elaine's favorite, but she chokes a bit after she swallows. Jack asks about her sister. "Her husband died, and-- and I've come down here to comfort her." Jack accepts it, digging through Joan's purse asking if she has any dry matches... and pulls out the map. Joan reacts too late to stop him. "I think you and I oughta have a talk." "... Alright.")
Nee: Gotta love those fly boys
Katney: Liquer :3
Katney: Must not be hers X3
Katney: Don't go rifling through a lady's bag!
(Later they've got a fire going inside the cabin, using the packages of marijuana as fuel. Jack inhales the smoke deeply and beams. "Yeah, that's what I call a campfire." He then studies the map, learning that Elaine is being ransomed for the "El Corazon", which is Spanish for "The Heart." He notices that El Corazon is hidden in the same province they are currently in and suggests that they search for it for an advantage. Joan sighs, disgusted at Jack. "You have no finesse, no style. (...) A real man, he's honest and forthright and trustworthy." She notices Jack looking away from her, angering her more... until Jack takes the machete and kills a bushmaster snake that was creeping up on her. Poisonous, but very tasty. ... BLEH! XP)
Katney: Theyre gonna get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
Nee: Weeeee ^^ killed it
Katney: SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE
Katney: Geeeeeeez, how doyou keep getting ahead?! X3 She was lecturing him and he was just starting to get distracted when he killed the bushmaster on your end XD
Nee: LOL!!!
(Zolo and the police return to the compound to find more men in jeeps and bigger guns waiting for them. We return to Jack and Joan. Joan is taking a drink as Jack explains the price of certain types of birds, learning that Jack lost $15,000 when the bus crashed into his Jeep. Joan then realizes that she doesn't know his name. "Well, you never asked me." After a long pause she begins to ask and he reveals it. Joan asks what he wants with the money, he reveals he wants to buy a boat and sail around the world by himself. Soon Joan plops over to the side on her face, asleep. Jack takes out the map again and studies a picture of "Tenedor del Diablo," translated as "The Devil's Fork.")
Katney: ... You mean his name isn't Lowlife? ^^
Nee: she's out like a light
Katney: Too much of a good thing
(In the morning Zolo and three Jeeps drive past Ralph's car parked out in the wilderness, waking Ralph. Elsewhere Jack and Joan arrive in a small town. As the two walk past people stare at them and then start to follow them. Jack tells her they're drug runners. One villager calls to them, making them stop. Jack prepares for another fight, but Joan asks them where they can get a car. She is told the only car in town belongs to the bell maker Juan and is directed to his house.)
Katney: Peaceful Joanie. ^^ Good call
Katney: They made it to a town. .... Friendly looking folks
(Jack and Joan head to Juan's, Jack suspecting that the cargo plane they slept in was one of Juan's lost shipments. They knock on Juan's door, who is able to speak English, and request the rent or buy his car to get to a town. "What do you call this I'm livin' in, a pigsty?" "Uh, no. No, no. This is lovely. It's--" Juan tells them to leave, pointing a gun in Jack's face. The pair then find the villagers from earlier with their own guns. "OK, Joan Wilder, write us out of this one." Juan lowers his gun. "Joan Wilder? Joan Wilder? THE Joan Wilder?" Juan steps outside, telling Joan that he reads all of her books, and he reads them to the villagers as well. The villagers become much friendlier and leave as Juan invites Joan and Jack inside.)
Nee: It is lovely ^^
Nee: THE Joan Wilder?!
Nee: LOL!!!
Katney: Heee
Katney: He likes romance novels. :3
Katney: Joanie as star power ^^
(Zolo arrives into the town wearing the new uniform. He speaks to an older woman who is rubbing dried corn kernels off the cob. He asks her about "gringos" and "Americanos" and pushes her out of sight. A young boy who witnesses it runs past a pair of llamas.)
Nee: BooooHiissss BadGuy
Katney: Booooooooooooooooo Zolo
Katney: He picks on old ladies!
Nee: LARMA
Katney: Que? X3
(Deeper into Juan's home he asks Jack if he's ever read Joan's books, handing him an extra copy of one when he says no. Juan wishes to show Joan around the village, but she only requests a phone which Juan doesn't have. Zolo and the Jeeps park outside of Juan's house. Joan asks Juan to take them to the nearest phone in his car. "Who told you I had a car?" "The men in the village." Juan chuckles, "They told you I had a car? (...) They meant my little mule Pepe." Soon Juan drives the pair in a '82 Ford Bronco XLT past Zolo and his men who fire upon them.)
Katney: Pepe!!!!
Nee: ... that's a mule?!!!
Katney: Well it's technically not a car ^^
(Juan drives Little Pepe through the street, but he stops and turns around before hitting a pig in the middle of the road. "I can't hurt my favorite pig." He drives back the way they came and causes one Jeep to drive into a fence. He drives them out of town with Zolo in pursuit down a steep hill. "This guy's crazier than I am," Jack remarks about Juan. "Gracias! Yeah!" Juan drives through a corn field knocking down several stalks in its path.)
Katney: My favorite pig!!!
Nee: I like this guy
Katney: Heeheehee
Katney: So much corn died XD
(Zolo and his men go around the field and are behind them again. "This guy who's following you, he's very persistent." They shoot at Pepe, hitting a canister of gas in the back and lighting it on fire. Pepe is fireproof though. ^^ Juan points out to the river they're driving towards. "What, the one without the bridge?" Juan pushes a button on a remote control, calling it Lupe's Escape. A ramp rises from the ground and they drive up and over the river onto the other side. He pushes the button again, turning the ramp into a blockade, which a pursuing Jeep drives into and crashes into the river. They drive off to safety, leaving Zolo on the other side of the uncrossable river.)
Nee: he's very persistant
Katney: GAH
Nee: LOL!!!!
Katney: The one without the bridge!!
Nee: I love this guy!
Katney: ::giggle cackle::
(They come to rest in a field, Joan picks flowers as Juan explains that the river is impossible to cross for 200 miles in either direction, Jack lays back reading some of Joan's book. Joan asks what became of Lupe of "Lupe's Escape." Juan explains that Lupe entered the priesthood and might have been hung from "El Tenedor del Diablo," a tree that is nearby. Jack recognizes it from the map and decides they need to get going. Juan can only take them to the next town, as he is a wanted man beyond it, but he says a bus in the morning will take them to Cartagena.)
Katney: Flowers ^^
Katney: Devil's Foooooork
(In the next town Ralph is speaking to Ira on a payphone, telling him that he lost Joan through the jungle. As he berates Ira Ralph turns to find Juan arriving with Joan and Jack exiting Pepe. He tells Ira, "She's here!" Juan drives away as Jack and Joan begin to walk towards Ralph and the phone. Ralph hangs up and steps away as Joan prepares to call Ira herself. As she does Jack steps into a nearby hotel and asks a question in Spanish, receiving a reply in English by the clerk. "You speak English, too. That's great." He checks in, asking if they have a Xerox machine that would fit a map size. They do. Jack steps back over to Joan who has finished her call. She spoke with Elaine and the kidnappers will wait for her to take the bus in the morning. Joan prepares to say goodbye to Jack as he did his part and pays him in traveler's cheques. He takes the payment, but he offers to buy her dinner, which she accepts. He tells her to go to his hotel room to clean up and he'll buy them both some new clothes.)
Nee: she's here!
Katney: See ya later Juan. <3 We had fun.
Katney: So many English speakers there XD
(That night some kind of party is going on. Jack waits downstairs in his new duds, and looks to find Joan wearing hers. He looks a little awestruck. ^^ Later they sit at a table eating dinner where Ralph starts to sneak towards them, seeing that Joan hung her purse on her chair. Jack leads a reluctant Joan into dancing. Meanwhile Ralph hides under a table across from theirs and reaches for the purse, but a woman sitting at the table drops a napkin on his arm and begins to attack him. Jack and Joan continue to dance, which soon ends with a deep kiss between them.)
Katney: Katney approves of that outfit ^^
Nee: As does the nee
Katney: Dance!
Nee: ::does::
Katney: I meant them but OK ^^ ::dances::
Katney: Danny can't catch a break XD
Katney: Smoooooooooooooooooch
Nee: ^^ heheeee
(Later they lay in bed naked, Joan asks why Jack hasn't taken the map away, knowing that they're very close to El Corazon. She admits she had been thinking about having more of a bargaining chip, and Jack agrees the best way to get Elaine back is to have the treasure for better leverage. "OK. Let's go for it." As they kiss Jack's hand reaches down under the mattress, pulling the map out from underneath it and dropping it back into Joan's purse beside the bed.)
Nee: naked time
Katney: Movie romances move so fast XD
Katney: Treasurehunt ^^
(The next morning Zolo and his men arrive into town. Jack and Joan sneak out of the hotel from the second story, sliding down a lamp post to the ground. Joan slips slightly and lands on her butt with a grunt. Zolo turns. The pair run over to Ralph's car and drop their gear inside before they climb in. The gear lands on top of a sleeping Ralph who peeks out over his blankets from the backseat. Jack begins to hotwire the car, but Joan points out that the key is in the ignition. Jack drives off.)
Nee: how did he hear that
Nee: try the key
Nee: DANNY!
Katney: Wrong car to steal
(They drive out to the countryside and follow the map, their location is noticed by a man on horseback who radios it in. They stop the car and step out to study the map. Upon folding the map a certain way they discover the treasure is in a cave behind a nearby waterfall.)
Katney: Map folding :3
(They continue on and find a stalactite dripping water into a pool of white mud, resembling the "Leche de la Madre" or "Mother's Milk" mentioned on the map. Jack begins to dig into the pool as Joan holds a light for him. "Jack? You're the best time I've ever had." "... I've never been anybody's best time before." Soon his shovel hits something. He digs into the water with his hands and pulls out something wrapped in a cloth. He unwraps it, revealing it to be an Easter Bunny statue. "Somebody out there's got a really sick sense of humor.")
Nee: Maaaaw the best time ^^
Katney: Sweet ^^
Katney: Thunk!
Katney: Bunny!
(Joan gets an idea: in her first book she hid the treasure inside the statue. Jack cracks the statue open and sure enough there is a large emerald within the statue. "(Son of Toast), we're in a lot of trouble." Ralph appears behind them with a gun and cocks it. "Understatement of the year, (toast)hole." Ralph orders the jewel be put into the bag he brought and for them to move out.)
Nee: GREEEEEN
Katney: Purty too ^^
Katney: ... Why isn't Danny as wet as they are?
(Ralph leads them back to his car, ordering Joan to drive him. Jack calls Ralph a creep, but Ralph retorts that he's not romancing the stone [roll credits XD] out from under Joan. Joan says going after the stone was her idea. "He made you think you needed it, you sap." He then orders Joan into the driver's seat, intending to leave Jack stranded. But then he sees something behind Jack and Joan and runs in the other direction. Several jeeps are approaching in the distance. Jack gets in as Joan drives after Ralph to recover the stone. In the opposite direction several men on horseback charge towards them. "Mounties!" Jack tackles Ralph and wrestles the bag from Ralph's hand, then jumps back into the car as Joan drives on.)
Nee: ... Danny You were by a car... don't try running
Katney: Joan was already in the driver's seat
Katney: Columbian Mounties! XD
(Zolo and his men chase after them as the mounties circle around Ralph. Joan drives the car into a raging river which carries them downstream. Joan tries to steer but gets nowhere, obviously. They approach a waterfall, and as the car goes down they both leap from the sunroof into the water, ending up on opposite sides of the rushing river. Jack has the stone, Joan has the map, and they're unable to cross over to each other's side. Joan accuses Jack of planning this, but Jack promises to meet her at the Hotel Cartagena. Since she still has the map she can still get Elaine back without revealing they dug it up. Zolo and his men begin to fire upon them and they are forced to run.)
Katney: ... That's not a car boat!!!
Nee: JUMP!
Katney: Whoooo, they're alive!
Nee: not for long if they don't run
Katney: Must move faster
(Joan finally arrives in Cartagena and makes her phone call to Ira. He directs Joan to go to the tower at the fort across the bay in two hours, alone. After the call ends Joan calls the front desk to learn Jack hasn't checked in yet.)
Katney: Look, Elaine's still in the movie
(That night there is a clap of thunder and lightning as Joan takes the water taxi to the fort. She walks towards a burning oil drum and follows Ira's voice. Joan asks to see Elaine before she shows the map. Elaine is pushed out into view, a hand gripping her arm. "Joanie?" Joan smiles and holds up the map. She drops it and backs away as instructed. Ira steps over to inspect it to make sure it's real. After a moment he looks up, glaring at Joan. "Joan Wilder... you... and your sister... ::smiles:: can go!" Elaine is released, she meets Joan and hugs her tightly. They start to walk away... until shots are fired in front of their feet. Jack steps out from behind a corner. "I missed you at the hotel." He steps out further with his hands up, showing that he is a being held at gunpoint by Zolo's men. "We all did.")
Katney: Thunder!
Nee: ELaine is okay!
Katney: You... and your sister...
Katney: CAN GO :3
(Zolo's men step in and hold everyone else at gunpoint. Zolo steps out of the shadows and takes the map from Ira and burns it, saying they already have the stone. Ralph is pushed into view, bruised and beaten.)
Nee: boooo hissss badguy
Katney: Booooooo hiiiiiiiiiiis
Katney: They beat up Danny
(Zolo asks Joan where the stone is, who replies that they dug but didn't find anything. Zolo leads them to a pool of crocodiles nearby. He grabs Joan's hand, cuts it to draw blood, and holds it out over the pool. The crocodiles begin to swim closer to the edge as blood drips into the water, Zolo again asking for the stone. Finally Jack admits that he has it. "Where is it?" There's a long pause. "It's in a safe place." One of the gunmen drives the hilt of his gun into Jack's groin, which makes a clanking sound upon impact. Jack recovers and gently swings his hips, a bulge travels down his pant leg and onto his boot, revealing El Corazon. "Choke on it." He kicks his foot, sending the stone flying into the air. Zolo catches it before it lands in the water. "Thank you." Suddenly the aggressive striped crocodile rises from the water and bites Zolo's hand, still holding the stone. It bites it completely off and swims away.)
Katney: ... Jack's hiding it in his chin. XD
Katney: ... OK, it's lower than that. XD
Nee: XDDD just a bot
Katney: Good catch
Nee: thank you ^^
Katney: ::covers eyes::
(In his pain Zolo drops his knife and drops down to his knees. Jack steals a gunman's gun and a gunfight ensues between Jack, Ira's men, and Zolo's men. Joan picks up Zolo's knife and runs away with Elaine up the tower. Zolo wraps his stump with his scarf and glares after the women, grabbing a piece of wood with nails sticking out and slowly pursues them. Meanwhile Jack keeps tabs on the stripped crocodile that ate the jewel. Ira and Ralph make their way to the boat, though Ira is faster than the wounded Ralph. Jack manages to slip away to pursue the striped croc. Ira takes a speedboat back to his boat, but Ralph doesn't make it in time before it speeds off. Ira promises to send the boat back for him soon. Jack catches the croc by the tail just as it prepares to jump into the bay and tries to drag it back up but it manages to hang halfway over.)
Katney: RUN Joanie
Katney: Go get that ugly stripped sucker Jack
Nee: Ira is a jerk XD Poor Danny
Katney: Yeah XD
Katney: Ira's a liar!
(Joan and Elaine are suddenly confronted by Zolo who starts to corner them. Joan, trying to imitate what she wrote in her latest novel, flings Zolo's knife at him, but Zolo uses the piece of wood to catch the knife before it becomes lodged in his throat. Elaine faints. XD Zolo reclaims his knife and tosses the wood aside. Joan calls out to Jack as Zolo corners her. Jack has a clear shot but he can't reach his gun unless he releases the croc. Joan avoids Zolo's slashing and wrestles against his grip. Finally Jack lets go of the croc's tail and grabs the gun. He has a clear, clean shot of Zolo... but he's out of ammo. TOAST! He starts to climb up the side of the tower.)
Katney: Boo hiss, Zolo
Katney: So close XD
Nee: Jack!
Katney: Jaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Katney: Damn it outta ammo!
(Zolo chases Joan towards the grated floor where crocodiles are and knocks her down, rolling her over the grate. Joan reaches for the piece of wood Zolo threw aside while also trying not to be stabbed. Soon she takes the burning cigar from his mouth and jams it into his cheek, causing him to back off. She then grabs the piece of wood and strikes Zolo with it, knocking him back into a lit lantern. The lantern catches fire onto his clothes. He stands to strike Joan, but she moves out of the way and he falls down through the grate and down to the crocodiles below. Supper time!)
Nee: hhit his stump!
Nee: O.O OW!
Katney: Cigar burn XD
Nee: what a way to die
Katney: Burning and eaten by crocks
(Jack finally arrives and sees Joan, shaken, but safe. Meanwhile the boat Ira is on starts to leave, but Ralph is left behind. Police sirens approach, and Ralph points them towards the departing boat. Meanwhile again Joan holds Elaine as she comes to, but Jack tenses as he hears the sirens. He tells Joan to go to the American consulate and explain everything, but not to mention his name. "Cartagena cops and I go way back." Joan rises to her feet, dropping Elaine's head back on the ground. "You're leaving me?" "You're gonna be alright, Joan Wilder." He kisses her. "You always were." He then runs and jumps off the tower and into the bay. Joan looks down into the water after him.)
Katney: You missed the action Jack
Nee: LOL dropped her sister
Katney: Hee
Katney: Guy knows how to make an exit
(We fade in to Joan in a similar pose as she looks out of a window in New York some time later. Gloria has just finished reading Joan's newest story based on her adventure and is in tears over it, declaring it her best book. "Joanie, you are now a world-class hopeless romantic." "No. Hopeful. Hopeful romantic." Later she walks through the street past the vendors. She then stops and stares... at a sailboat right in the middle of New York. It's on a trailer at least. She calls up to the man on the boat... who else can it be? ^^)
Nee: Boat!!!
Katney: ... Now THERE'S something you don't see in New York every day
(Jack lowers the rope ladder to her and she climbs up... and admires his crocodile-skinned boots. Jack recounts how the croc that swallowed the jewel died from indigestion. He admits he couldn't stop thinking about her... he even read one of her books. ^^ "Then you know how they all end." They share a kiss as the boat, called "Angelina", "sails" down the street into the distance. The credits roll and the film ends.)
Nee: LOL Croc skinned boots
Katney: Indeed ^^
Nee: Hi
Katney: Whoo
Nee: Is there a funny stinger on the end where Danny and Ira are in a cell together?
Katney: Nope
Katney: No stinger. We just watch the boat disappear into the horizon
Nee: ^^ That was fun
Katney: Yay ^^
It was fun, although I'm disappointed in my editing skills. This movie is about the same length as Thor and the time spent on it was about the same, if not a few hours faster, even though I've watched this one more. ... I was tired when I worked on it and had trouble deciding what kind of mule "Pepe" was. That's my excuse. Next time on the KatNee Movie Date, part two of our Valentines Day double feature, we return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe with "Katney's Never Seen 'Captain America: The First Avenger'". YEEAAAAAH, AMERICA! XD See ya soon!
TOTAL:
Katney's Movies: 9
Nee's Movies: 7
Category Artwork (Digital) / Miscellaneous
Species Housecat
Size 933 x 700px
File Size 355.3 kB
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