Well here it is! What has been teased before, I will now make official.

It is strange. For me, the furry fandom started with the creation of my fursona, Karn, the wolf. That was in 2007, I was 14 years old. To me it was not like "Oh hey I'm going to create a character and be part of something." It was way more important than that. To that time, I didn't even know furries existed.
To me, it was passion. A deep feeling of confirmation, love, determination. It would change my entire life from this moment on, I knew it. And it absolutely did.
Since that day I was known as Karn, the wolf with the blue earring. And I was happy, feeling my new being.

I've started to find friends, other fellow wolves to play with. It was when I discovered some of my most important friends, some I still have to this day. And others that I still dearly miss.
I've seen all those wolves I've known disappear over the years. All of them eventually gave up on this thing, turned either towards their human lives or changed to something else.
Me, being stubborn as always, could not understand their intentions. I marked them off as unworthy of their past selves. That was a pretty big reason, as to why I ignored or denied every doubt in myself.
But sometimes, a small thought of doubt leaked through. "What about the fox?" Nope. I quickly struck that thought out of my mind and continued as ever. I did so, up until one year ago.

Life went changing a lot for me. Karn, the wolf, has been through a lot. I started to associate him with so much dirt I had to go through. Bad emotions, bad memories, bad relationships. That old wolf has gotten his marks. Literally even, I changed the eye's sclera to black, as a subtle yet defining mention of my own unhappiness, with all the pain I felt.
It was as if the time was just right then, to allow myself to think about that "what about", that passed my mind every so often.

I remembered my childhood, went as far back as I can go with my thoughts. I have always loved foxes, even before I knew wolves. Before I had dogs even. They were my heros, they were what I wanted to identify with, when I was a child. I was a fox in my games, I was a fox in my mind. But somehow there was this transition, when I forgot. I forgot it mattered to me at all. And the have years passed...

"What if the fox is a part of you? What would he look like? What do you feel? What..." I started to feel this passion again, as these questions piled up. A passion I have not felt for long. It felt right.
This picture is what emerged from these feelings. I feel really happy looking at it, it feels pure, like I could restart things, get on a new adventure. It made my heart beat again.
I accepted is as a part of a new me. It is what defines my past. It is what defines my future.

And... what about the wolf now?
My feelings about these two overlapped, but strangely enough, they did not collide. It took me some time to think about it, and I came to the conclusion that both can co-exist with each other. This mindset also helped me loosen up on the bad associations I've had with Karn the wolf. Ultimately, it was a positive outcome for all of "us".

You might be wondering why I refer to "Karn, the wolf" in this text all the time. The thing is, this fox is as much part me as Karn is me and me is me. So essentially, giving him a new name would kinda break the connection. So I guess, this is Karn too. Karn the fox. Karn the wolf. Karn the me. Everything works into each other.

I feel happy to introduce this world to my new, yet old, self. <3 Here's me again!
Thank you for reading <3

Fox & coloration by me.
Lineart by Kaylink from dA.

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