Here is Earl, with my dolly.

Yes, MY dolly. And no I’m not gay.

This is my Official New Kids On the Block Donnie Wahlberg doll. A little bit of history; I’m very close friends with  lilifox whom most of you know as Babs Bunny. We’ve known each other for years. And although I never really listened to them when they came out; she’s a huge New Kids On The Block fan, and she turned me onto their music, which I’ll admit, I love. Even if you don’t like their previous stuff; check out their last album The Block; and Donnie’s solo stuff; it’s just as good if not better then most of the mainstream stuff on the radio. And Babs and I talk a lot, and she found this little guy on Ebay. And I bought him; he was pretty inexpensive, and he reminds me of both Babs and her newest friend,  Cheeto

Babs neglected to tell me however, that she has these magical powers, and is able to bestow life and personality on these dolls…she has one who is very very gay, who is called, oddly enough, Gay Donnie. So, I get this doll, and I take him to MFF, and she brings him to life. As a psychotic serial killer.
I have no idea why this is the personality he’s got; Babs has told me that she didn’t pick the character, and whenever I complain, she just says, hey, he’s your doll. But the voice he’s got and what he threatens to do…remember Chucky from Child’s Play? Evil Donnie, as he’s called, would make Chucky piss himself in sheer, stark terror! Those of you who saw her at MFF with him know exactly what I mean. He truly frightens me. So far, he has terrorized my cat, he sneaks out in the middle of the night and when I get up the shower has bloodstains in it, and he raided my liquor cabinet, got drunk, and wrecked the apartment. Which surprised me, because I don’t HAVE a liquor cabinet! I don’t drink. Although at this rate, I’m thinking about starting again. Especially since he keeps threatening to go in through my urethra and steal my soul and come out the other side and give it to Satan!

This is when his hat is turned around normally. When he wears his hat backwards, he becomes extremely straight, and questions my sanity and exactly what I’ve been doing spreading all these vicious rumors about him. And when his hat comes off, he loses all personality and becomes just a doll again. Like Frosty the Snowman, except that Frosty never decapitated a small dog, at least to my knowledge. I’m currently typing this from my bathroom, where I’ve locked myself in, since Donnie is drunk again and is on a rampage in the other roo…

<Evil Donnie kicks in the bathroom door and takes the keyboard away while brandishing a broken liquor bottle>

"I STEAL YOUR SOUL NOW AND SACRIFICE TO GOATSHEAD GOD BIKUSHNU!!!!"

JR - *whimper!*

Evil Donnie - DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE I LOVE YOU