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Once upon a time, there was a man named Kall. Now Kall was someone that you would call a pariah. This was mainly due to his size. Kall is about the size of a one-year-old, and yes I mean one year old. He has a rare disease called Falxacopia. Flaxacopia causes the infected to slowly start de-aging to the body size of a one-year-old starting once the infected hits the age of 30. Now as you have probably figured out, Kall did get married way before his infection and as a result, he had one very pretty daughter who may or may not also be infected with Flaxacopia. Now with all of that out of the way, it's time to tell a story of love, humiliation and a story of one man can be out through so much and still not come out on top. This is Kall The Regressed.
It all started on a day like any other, the sun was shining the birds were chirping and one man was again late for work.
“Beep.”
“Beep.”
“Beep.”
“Smash!” Kall’s hand flew from his bed to turn off that ridiculous beeping, I mean how many times could one person be late? Then with a turn of his head, he read his alarm clock. The time read 7:10 am, and to help clarify it to the readers he was scheduled to be at work at 7:30. “Shit it's already that late? Ohh the boss is going to shoot me this time for sure.” As Kall went through his normal routine he noticed that his pants seemed to be a little loose. But he just passed over it without a second thought. I mean how harmful could a little weight loss be.
Now I could tell you the exciting tale of how Kall got to work that morning, running almost every red light that he came across or how he literally almost ran over a flower shop but I think it's not too important. Anyway, Kall made it to work that morning with one minute to spare. Right on time. As Kall began his normal routine, helping people with their taxes he began to notice that he was getting shorter not too much shorter but at least a little right? Oh well, he would have the doctor look at it in the morning I mean what's the harm of calling in sick? That night he came home gave his wife a kiss and headed to bed.
As Kall woke up the next morning the first thing that he noticed was that his bed seemed very wet, so wet in fact that it covered his entire body. Now it could be that Kall has reverted back to bed wetting every now and again but this seemed different somehow. When Kall went to lift the sheets off of him they seemed very, very heavy. After a little bit of struggling Kall finally managed to get the sheets off of him but instead of seeing his 4’9ft brown eyes and blond hair staring back at him from the body length mirror attached to the side of his dresser. A one-year-old stared back.
Now at this point, most people would have screamed, cried or some other normal reaction. But instead of any of that, Kall just sat there. With his mouth wide open trying to trick himself into believing that it was all a dream and that if he went back to sleep he would wake up late for his job just like normal. But instead of any of that Kall just decided to roll with it and call his wife.
“Ring”
“Ring”
“Click ... Hello”
Now at this point, Kall could still abort this phone call and tell her he but dialed her or never talk to her again but that all flew out the window the moment his wife said the magic words. “Honey are you all right or is something wrong?” That's when he broke he began to speak in his new high pitched voice telling her all about how he woke up the size of an infant and how the sheets were covered in only what he could guess is pee. Now most wives would have called the police or just assumed that this was a prank call. But as for Kall’s wife she believed it or at the very least hoped it was true.
As Kall lay there waiting for his wife to rescue him from this predicament he began to wonder what this might mean for his everyday life. What would he do about his job? Would he be forced to relive the nightmare called school? What would happen to him? Then right in the middle of his self-reflection, the door slammed open and his wife stood there out of breath holding a couple of Walmart bags in her hands.
“Oh my god, honey are you alright?” She asked rushing over to me and examining my predicament.
“Yes honey I'm just peachy, you know this body has a lot of perks!” I said with more sarcasm than I had ever used in my life before.
“Hey, no reason to get snippy with me. The first thing that we need to do is get you into some protection and then to a doctors office.” She said with more of a voice meant for little kids and not her husband.
“Fine, fine let's get to a doctor, wait did you say protection?” As Kall said this his already super high pitched voice went even higher. But his wife didn't even respond instead she reached into her Walmart sack and pulled out a pack of pampers size two. Now I would tell you the story about how Kall screamed bloody murder trying to escape his impending doom but then again I think you can pretty much imagine how that one went down.
Now after Kall was properly diapered his wife continued the humiliation by pulling out a onesie that read “Prince of Stinkers”. Now if the diapers already weren’t bad enough, he was being forced to wear this ridiculous onesie and he had yet to even poop himself yet. But after that was all over Kall’s wife drove him to the doctor and all was peachy they gave him some magic shot and poof he turned back into a 30-year-old man. Or at least that's how that would have gone down if there was a magic shot, to begin with. Instead, the doctors pretty much told him that he would be reliving his childhood.
Now you can understand how distraught Kall was after hearing this news. I mean this was essentially a death sentence. His life was now and forever would be changed. Now his wife, on the other hand, was having a blast with Kall’s predicament. As you probably already guessed Kall’s relationship with his wife had been growing stagnant. So stagnant that his wife had even considered cheating on Kall just to spruce things up a little. But before she ever had the chance this happened.
Now instead of cheating on him, she was taking Kall to the nearest baby clothing store. When she walked in with Kall acting the way you would expect after hearing the news. One of the store workers came up to her and started talking about all the options and help that they could give for her “new baby.” And while this was all helpful it still didn't wake Kall up from his unawareness. It wasn’t until Kall’s wife had him on a changing table putting him in a black and blue onesie with white frills covering it.
“Umm, what the hell are you doing?” Kall asked the moment his unawareness went away.
“What does it look like? I’m getting you a more appropriate wardrobe for someone your age.” The major problem with Kall wasn’t what she said, it was how she said it. Most wives would have been crying for trying to figure things out with their husbands. But his wife? Nope, she was dressing him up in baby girl clothes.
“No, I get what you're doing I’m more worried about how you’re going to pay for this, how you plan to have us live a normal life now that we have very little income.” Now if anyone was near him to hear this you would have heard a very high-pitched statement with way too much confidence.
“Oh, honey didn't you hear? The doctor said the insurance company would pay for all the expenses of raising you like any other child. We are set on money for a long time.” This was the last straw for Kall, but instead of yelling in anger or trying to deny what was going on. All Kall could do was cry. Cry like no there was tomorrow.