This was awesome! I love the idea that the park itself hypnotises people.

You should do more with Kingdom Hearts, you write Sora amazingly

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I really enjoy Sora. He's a fun character to write for.

I hope you make a sequel

We'll see how things pan out in the future :)

There are two problems of this text:
1. There are no chance for heroes to win, ever. The right story setting has to allow both win and lose, depending of character actions. Of course, they could skip goot turn ot get a random victory, but without it reader can't make his own scenarios and all is for one read only.

Perfect story has to be like a chess game when all legal moves are known, but because of combinatory complexity, there are a sequence of twists happens. Not like "and then villian|hero used the SUDDEN UNLIMATE WEAPON and destroyed his opponent"

2. This is a fanfic crossover, to understand it reader has to be familiar with both KH and Disney Pinccchio. And it is non-canon, because computer player can't lose.

What would be done? To show there were a right path to beat Coachman easy, but heroes skipped them all.

1. Not every story needs a win condition for the protagonist. The entire Lovecraft / Elder Ones genre is about the futile struggle of insignificant humans against powers far beyond themselves. Applying this kind of reading to Pleasure Island as some sort of unknowable Elder entity lends itself to a hopeless outcome. It's why there is no answer at the end when Riku demands to know why; whatever motivation there is is either incomprehensible to Riku or the entity believes it is beyond human comprehension. This view is motivated by the large canon of Pinocchio stories; Pleasure Island is never actually defeated, or even understood. In the Disney version, Pinocchio escapes from the island, but this is toned down from the original story in which Toyland turns every child there into donkeys and it's never implied the Coachman is even punished for what he's doing.

While it's fair to have a preference for narratives in which the protagonists can, or do, win, it's not an indicator of a problem with that narrative when that was the intended view of the author and that hopelessness is explored in the text. Focusing on Sora losing hope, one of his strongest traits, and Riku demanding answers but receiving none, is a way to focus on these narrative concepts.

The Coachman intentionally doesn't appear in this story. The introduction alludes to him vanishing some time ago, and instead focuses on the power inherent in the land itself. Even in Disney's Pinocchio and the original book, the Coachman as a character doesn't control Pleasure Island / Toyland, he simply takes advantage of it for his own personal gain. In both narratives, no attempt is made to explain how this place works, only that adults are aware of the outcome of being there.

2. The story was a request from FezMangaka as an art trade, so the setting and characters were fixed by them. As far as familiarity, most people have a good deal of familiarity with Pinocchio due to cultural osmosis; for example, you referenced the Coachman as a character, even though he's not mentioned by name in this story. As far as Kingdom Hearts, familiarity with the extended and convoluted story of the franchise isn't necessary to this narrative, as the larger plot isn't really touched on, and the characters who do come up have their motivations and goals explained within the story for clarity; Riku is the stern on, Sora is the goof off, they are good friends, etc.

Yes, you are right. It' just because there are too many Pleasure Island stoties now.

That's fair. It is a common theme for TF stories, largely because it's source material for what got a lot of people into TF. It's not ground I would normally cover, but the story was a request as part of a trade, so it was picked by the requester.

Imma be honest, this is the best pleasure island story ive read. Truly unique in how you slowly break down both characters in different ways.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. It was really fun to write and I enjoy all the characters involved; Sora, Riku, and the Park.

I like to think of Pleasure Island itself as something beyond even the coachman or whoever is controlling it at the time. You've touched on that in some of your stories, that there's something beyond comprehension about Pleasure Island and its motives are something beyond human comprehension.

Well yeah. It is magic. Coachman wasn't magic. He just took advantage of it

You are one of the best TF writers out there <3 <3

Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment, I'm very glad you enjoy my work.