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More from Ryusukanku
Wednesday was considered ‘Hump-Day’ by most mammals in Zootopia. A term coined by the camel population, ironically because they saw it as the midpoint goal of the working week and NOT as a reference to their signature body feature.
In the case of Traffic Officer Felicia Briggs’, Wednesday was LIMP-day. An unfortunate result of getting kicked in the shin by a guy who rather than take a parking ticket, decided to make a run for it. Seriously? What made ANYONE think that kicking a duly recognized officer of the law was a better option than getting a ticket that would still exist no matter if they ran all the way to the north pole.
“This is officer Briggs.” she barked into her radio. “I have a runner heading south down Palm Street. I am in pursuit on foot.”
“Felicia, this is Clawhauser.” Her radio crackled “You know you’re not supposed to do that sort of thing, right?”
The kick to her shin was surprisingly painful, causing her to instinctively limp as she ran. It was putting her in a bad mood.
“I am aware of this, but the stubby little jerk kicked me before running off.”
“Oh! Oh, ok. Right. Wait… stubby?”
“Suspect is a slate-gray Munchkin Cat, wearing blue jeans and a red hoodie.”
“OK. But if he’s a Munchkin Cat how is he keeping ahead of you?”
“He… KICKED me in the SHIN! I’m limping as fast as I can, here.”
“Right, Right.” Clawhauser quickly acknowledged. “I’m sending backup but it may take a few minutes. The current mayor diverted a lot of cops to her rally.”
“Oh, of COURSE she did. Just do your best, Clawhauser.” Briggs growled refocusing on the chase at hand. “STOP! In the name of the law!”
"No mere Meter Maid can catch Lenny P. Guilder!"
"I may be a Meter Maid to you but in the eyes of the law I AM STILL A POLICE OFFICER!"
"Lenny P. Guilder will never surrender! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
"Cheese and crackers, for a little guy he can sure move." she growled to herself as he took an abrupt left into a MacGregor’s restaurant forcing her to follow.
The MacGregor’s was busy, as usual. People in lines at the counter, every table had someone eating and a veritable forest of legs moved back and forth in front of her, obscuring her vision. At first it seemed pointless to search the area, Guilder could easily double-back past her and out the door behind her without her noticing. Then she heard a sharp “HEY! Get outta there! I was PLAYING that!” from a child to her left. Her attention now caught, she dashed over to the source and arrived in time to see a small Zebra foal in front of a Claw Machine, and inside the box full of plush the Munchkin Cat in question had reached to top of the prize-chute and did a dramatic swan dive into the plush, disappearing from view. She patted the foal on the shoulder and displayed her badge to him.
“ZPD. It’s ok, kid. I’ll get him out of there for you.”
“Oh, cool! I didn’t know that the police had game-cops!” the foal said as Felicia lifted the flap leading into the machine.
“If you don’t respect the small rules, then they won’t respect the big ones.” She said before glancing back at him. “Could you do me a favor and tell one of the managers what’s going on over here?”
“You can count on me!”
She watched as the excited child saluted and then scurried off to talk to one of the MacGregor’s staff. She then clicked her radio on and spoke clearly.
“Dispatch, this is Felicia Briggs. Suspect is in the MacGregor’s on Palm Street. Let me know when my backup is coming.”
“I read you loud and clear, Briggs.” Clawhauser replied, then after a pause he continued. “While you’re there… can you pick me up a Fishburger supremeo meal with extra tartar?”
“IF you’re good.” she sighed, crawling inside.
The squarish plastic prize chute was slick but not impossible to scale. Once she vaulted into the main area of the machine did she realize just how spacious and deep it was. She immediately sank up to her hips in colourful ‘happy’ dolls and stuffed critters. If she were a kitten again this would have been as close to heaven as imaginable, but seeing as she was a grown up and a cop, she had to ignore the instinct to pounce about at random in the soft mass.
“Mister Guilder! I KNOW you’re in here. Please come along quietly.”
“I don't wanna!” Came the voice from somewhere to her left. “Besides, why are you picking on me, anyways?”
“You kicked me over a parking ticket and then ran away.”
“Let’s not bicker and argue over who kicked who.”
Suppressing her desire to howl in frustration she began digging through the fabric landscape, tossing the plushies left and right before a deep and all-too familiar “AHEM.” came from the other side of the glass.
"Officer... Felicia Briggs. Fancy meeting you here… on my lunch break"
Sensing impending doom, her ears flattened like she was in an windstorm and she looked up, eyes widening in realization that she was potentially in something deep… and it wasn’t plush.
"Chief Bogo! I uh... can explain."
"Oh wonderful!” he said in a tone dripping with sarcasm. “I can honestly say that I simply CANNOT wait to hear how AND why you got inside of an arcade claw machine to apparently frolic among the plush dolls."
"It was surprisingly easy..."
"Do tell." The chief uttered, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "You're not pulling a Judy on us, are you Officer Briggs?"
“A… a what?”
Bogo smirked and leaned against the panel, speaking in an almost friendly tone.
"On her second day on Parking Duty, Judy Hopps broke with protocol and abandoned her post to chase after a criminal who just stole a batch of… plant bulbs. Since then, ‘Pulling a Judy’ has become an expression in the ZPD to describe when an officer similarly abandons their assignment."
"Oh! Oh I can assure you I am not… pulling a Judy. You see sir. I was TRYING to give a ticket to a rather vocal individual who was double parked. Rather than take it he uh... kicked me in the shin and ran off."
"Oh!" he said in surprise and straightening up. "Well then, that's different. He assaulted you then fled the scene of the crime. You definitely had the right to pursue. I take it this is where the individual is hiding?"
“Yes sir. The little jerk squeezed in here moments before you showed up and I immediately followed. There hasn’t been time for him to escape.”
“You’re positive about this?”
"Ah break wind in your general direction!”
"Call it a hunch sir.” she said with a sigh.
"It's not a very large machine. How is he eluding you?"
“He's an even smaller breed of cat than I am. They’re called munchkin cats.”
"So, he's taking advantage of his reduced size and blending in?" Bogo surprised as he put his glasses on for a closer look.
"You will never take me alive large-man! Now go away or I shall taunt you again."
"It's just a parking ticket, you stubby legged jerk!" Briggs sighed and tossed a few more plushies aside.
"That's easy for you to say." the voice muttered from under the plush. "You ain't the one with a glovebox fulla moving violations."
"Well we can confirm two things about him. His name is Lenny P. Guilder and he's a Monty Python fan."
“Oh yes. We get at least one of THOSE a month, along with a smattering of other fandoms. Get Fangmeyer to tell you about the neck-pinch incident sometime.” Bogo sighed, putting his glasses back into his pocket before banging his fist against the side of the machine. “Attention Mister Guilder! This is Chief Bogo of the Zootopia Police Department. You are surrounded with only one exit. Surrender now before you make things worse for yourself.”
“And what are you gonna do about it, Chief Bongo? Bleed at me?” the unseen offender taunted.
“I have a pocket full of tokens and a certificate that verifies I have completed the required course for the operation of Police Drones. I may be a Ski-Ball enthusiast but I think that means I can handle a claw machine well enough.”
“You’ll have to find me first!”
“You can’t escape.”
“Yes I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes I can.”
“Look. I’m not here for an argument.”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
No I’m… Look. An argument isn't just contradiction.”
“It can be.”
“No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.”
“No it isn't.”
“Yes it is! It's NOT just contradiction.”
“Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position”
“Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.' Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes. And furthermore I… I just fell into a Monty Python routine. Didn’t I?” Bogo groaned.
“Yes you did, Sir.” Briggs answered with a smirk.
Felicia pondered the problem for a moment, examining it from every angle and then grinned as a solution took form in her head. She pulled out her notepad and began to write furiously before pressing it against the glass. Chief Bogo’s lips moved as he read her input before his eyes widened a moment. He seemed hesitant to enact her plan but he gave her a nod indicating to her that he would play along..
“Well, this is a busy establishment. We can’t just wait around here until he needs to eat or use the bathroom, Briggs.”
“I know that sir.”
“And I know you know that. What we need is results.”
“I’m doing the best I can, sir.”
“Your BEST isn’t good enough. You’ve been through all the ZPD training. THINK OF SOMETHING!”
“I… I’m trying sir. But I can’t… I can’t just...”
“What’s wrong, Briggs? Can’t think on your feet?”
“Sure I can! I just wasn’t expecting some kind of… Spanish Inquisition.”
The plush pile exploded as Billy Guilder popped up out of it with a loud declaration.
“NOOOOOOOOOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!”
“We did, you wiggy little beggar.” Briggs growled as she seized and wrestled the other feline against the glass, zip-tying his hands behind his back. “Youuuuuuuu didn’t expect the Zootopia Police Department.”
“No fair! No Fair!” he shouted struggling against her. “Come see the violence inherent in the system!! Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!!”
“While I am not under any obligation to inform you of your Miranda rights unless you are being interrogated, I really insist that you PLEASE observe the right to remain silent.”
The silver claw moved deftly overhead, seizing the offender and carried him to the prize chute dropping him down to the opening where Chief Bogo was able to grab him by the scruff of the neck.
“CURSES!”
“You know, I gotta admit that you’re really good with that thing, Chief. Forget the ski-ball, you could probably really clean up at the claw machines.”
“Well I've always said, There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.” He rumbled before facepalming in self-realization. “Eugh. Those quotes really stick in your head.”
“Always look on the bright side of life, chief.”
Art by the talented Foxenawolf https://www.furaffinity.net/user/foxenawolf/
In the case of Traffic Officer Felicia Briggs’, Wednesday was LIMP-day. An unfortunate result of getting kicked in the shin by a guy who rather than take a parking ticket, decided to make a run for it. Seriously? What made ANYONE think that kicking a duly recognized officer of the law was a better option than getting a ticket that would still exist no matter if they ran all the way to the north pole.
“This is officer Briggs.” she barked into her radio. “I have a runner heading south down Palm Street. I am in pursuit on foot.”
“Felicia, this is Clawhauser.” Her radio crackled “You know you’re not supposed to do that sort of thing, right?”
The kick to her shin was surprisingly painful, causing her to instinctively limp as she ran. It was putting her in a bad mood.
“I am aware of this, but the stubby little jerk kicked me before running off.”
“Oh! Oh, ok. Right. Wait… stubby?”
“Suspect is a slate-gray Munchkin Cat, wearing blue jeans and a red hoodie.”
“OK. But if he’s a Munchkin Cat how is he keeping ahead of you?”
“He… KICKED me in the SHIN! I’m limping as fast as I can, here.”
“Right, Right.” Clawhauser quickly acknowledged. “I’m sending backup but it may take a few minutes. The current mayor diverted a lot of cops to her rally.”
“Oh, of COURSE she did. Just do your best, Clawhauser.” Briggs growled refocusing on the chase at hand. “STOP! In the name of the law!”
"No mere Meter Maid can catch Lenny P. Guilder!"
"I may be a Meter Maid to you but in the eyes of the law I AM STILL A POLICE OFFICER!"
"Lenny P. Guilder will never surrender! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
"Cheese and crackers, for a little guy he can sure move." she growled to herself as he took an abrupt left into a MacGregor’s restaurant forcing her to follow.
The MacGregor’s was busy, as usual. People in lines at the counter, every table had someone eating and a veritable forest of legs moved back and forth in front of her, obscuring her vision. At first it seemed pointless to search the area, Guilder could easily double-back past her and out the door behind her without her noticing. Then she heard a sharp “HEY! Get outta there! I was PLAYING that!” from a child to her left. Her attention now caught, she dashed over to the source and arrived in time to see a small Zebra foal in front of a Claw Machine, and inside the box full of plush the Munchkin Cat in question had reached to top of the prize-chute and did a dramatic swan dive into the plush, disappearing from view. She patted the foal on the shoulder and displayed her badge to him.
“ZPD. It’s ok, kid. I’ll get him out of there for you.”
“Oh, cool! I didn’t know that the police had game-cops!” the foal said as Felicia lifted the flap leading into the machine.
“If you don’t respect the small rules, then they won’t respect the big ones.” She said before glancing back at him. “Could you do me a favor and tell one of the managers what’s going on over here?”
“You can count on me!”
She watched as the excited child saluted and then scurried off to talk to one of the MacGregor’s staff. She then clicked her radio on and spoke clearly.
“Dispatch, this is Felicia Briggs. Suspect is in the MacGregor’s on Palm Street. Let me know when my backup is coming.”
“I read you loud and clear, Briggs.” Clawhauser replied, then after a pause he continued. “While you’re there… can you pick me up a Fishburger supremeo meal with extra tartar?”
“IF you’re good.” she sighed, crawling inside.
The squarish plastic prize chute was slick but not impossible to scale. Once she vaulted into the main area of the machine did she realize just how spacious and deep it was. She immediately sank up to her hips in colourful ‘happy’ dolls and stuffed critters. If she were a kitten again this would have been as close to heaven as imaginable, but seeing as she was a grown up and a cop, she had to ignore the instinct to pounce about at random in the soft mass.
“Mister Guilder! I KNOW you’re in here. Please come along quietly.”
“I don't wanna!” Came the voice from somewhere to her left. “Besides, why are you picking on me, anyways?”
“You kicked me over a parking ticket and then ran away.”
“Let’s not bicker and argue over who kicked who.”
Suppressing her desire to howl in frustration she began digging through the fabric landscape, tossing the plushies left and right before a deep and all-too familiar “AHEM.” came from the other side of the glass.
"Officer... Felicia Briggs. Fancy meeting you here… on my lunch break"
Sensing impending doom, her ears flattened like she was in an windstorm and she looked up, eyes widening in realization that she was potentially in something deep… and it wasn’t plush.
"Chief Bogo! I uh... can explain."
"Oh wonderful!” he said in a tone dripping with sarcasm. “I can honestly say that I simply CANNOT wait to hear how AND why you got inside of an arcade claw machine to apparently frolic among the plush dolls."
"It was surprisingly easy..."
"Do tell." The chief uttered, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "You're not pulling a Judy on us, are you Officer Briggs?"
“A… a what?”
Bogo smirked and leaned against the panel, speaking in an almost friendly tone.
"On her second day on Parking Duty, Judy Hopps broke with protocol and abandoned her post to chase after a criminal who just stole a batch of… plant bulbs. Since then, ‘Pulling a Judy’ has become an expression in the ZPD to describe when an officer similarly abandons their assignment."
"Oh! Oh I can assure you I am not… pulling a Judy. You see sir. I was TRYING to give a ticket to a rather vocal individual who was double parked. Rather than take it he uh... kicked me in the shin and ran off."
"Oh!" he said in surprise and straightening up. "Well then, that's different. He assaulted you then fled the scene of the crime. You definitely had the right to pursue. I take it this is where the individual is hiding?"
“Yes sir. The little jerk squeezed in here moments before you showed up and I immediately followed. There hasn’t been time for him to escape.”
“You’re positive about this?”
"Ah break wind in your general direction!”
"Call it a hunch sir.” she said with a sigh.
"It's not a very large machine. How is he eluding you?"
“He's an even smaller breed of cat than I am. They’re called munchkin cats.”
"So, he's taking advantage of his reduced size and blending in?" Bogo surprised as he put his glasses on for a closer look.
"You will never take me alive large-man! Now go away or I shall taunt you again."
"It's just a parking ticket, you stubby legged jerk!" Briggs sighed and tossed a few more plushies aside.
"That's easy for you to say." the voice muttered from under the plush. "You ain't the one with a glovebox fulla moving violations."
"Well we can confirm two things about him. His name is Lenny P. Guilder and he's a Monty Python fan."
“Oh yes. We get at least one of THOSE a month, along with a smattering of other fandoms. Get Fangmeyer to tell you about the neck-pinch incident sometime.” Bogo sighed, putting his glasses back into his pocket before banging his fist against the side of the machine. “Attention Mister Guilder! This is Chief Bogo of the Zootopia Police Department. You are surrounded with only one exit. Surrender now before you make things worse for yourself.”
“And what are you gonna do about it, Chief Bongo? Bleed at me?” the unseen offender taunted.
“I have a pocket full of tokens and a certificate that verifies I have completed the required course for the operation of Police Drones. I may be a Ski-Ball enthusiast but I think that means I can handle a claw machine well enough.”
“You’ll have to find me first!”
“You can’t escape.”
“Yes I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes I can.”
“Look. I’m not here for an argument.”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
No I’m… Look. An argument isn't just contradiction.”
“It can be.”
“No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.”
“No it isn't.”
“Yes it is! It's NOT just contradiction.”
“Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position”
“Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.' Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes. And furthermore I… I just fell into a Monty Python routine. Didn’t I?” Bogo groaned.
“Yes you did, Sir.” Briggs answered with a smirk.
Felicia pondered the problem for a moment, examining it from every angle and then grinned as a solution took form in her head. She pulled out her notepad and began to write furiously before pressing it against the glass. Chief Bogo’s lips moved as he read her input before his eyes widened a moment. He seemed hesitant to enact her plan but he gave her a nod indicating to her that he would play along..
“Well, this is a busy establishment. We can’t just wait around here until he needs to eat or use the bathroom, Briggs.”
“I know that sir.”
“And I know you know that. What we need is results.”
“I’m doing the best I can, sir.”
“Your BEST isn’t good enough. You’ve been through all the ZPD training. THINK OF SOMETHING!”
“I… I’m trying sir. But I can’t… I can’t just...”
“What’s wrong, Briggs? Can’t think on your feet?”
“Sure I can! I just wasn’t expecting some kind of… Spanish Inquisition.”
The plush pile exploded as Billy Guilder popped up out of it with a loud declaration.
“NOOOOOOOOOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!”
“We did, you wiggy little beggar.” Briggs growled as she seized and wrestled the other feline against the glass, zip-tying his hands behind his back. “Youuuuuuuu didn’t expect the Zootopia Police Department.”
“No fair! No Fair!” he shouted struggling against her. “Come see the violence inherent in the system!! Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!!”
“While I am not under any obligation to inform you of your Miranda rights unless you are being interrogated, I really insist that you PLEASE observe the right to remain silent.”
The silver claw moved deftly overhead, seizing the offender and carried him to the prize chute dropping him down to the opening where Chief Bogo was able to grab him by the scruff of the neck.
“CURSES!”
“You know, I gotta admit that you’re really good with that thing, Chief. Forget the ski-ball, you could probably really clean up at the claw machines.”
“Well I've always said, There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.” He rumbled before facepalming in self-realization. “Eugh. Those quotes really stick in your head.”
“Always look on the bright side of life, chief.”
Art by the talented Foxenawolf https://www.furaffinity.net/user/foxenawolf/
Category Artwork (Digital) / Fanart
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 1280px
File Size 214 kB
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