How I used to feel about my father. He tried, in his own way, I never realized how many times I let things bother me I should not have until he was taken from me unexpectedly. Before hand I would have sworn no great loss to me, I was wrong. Probably not what you want to hear, but it's best to try to come to terms sooner than later, as later, may never come. It didn't for me, and the last we ever spoke was not on the best of terms, it haunts me, daily, and probably will for the rest of my life as it was....just not a important thing to quibble over, even if I swore it was at the time. If you need a shoulder, I'm easy to find.

I've never really even known her, she gave me up to my abusive father when they divorced at the age of 3.
Only saw her through court-required times and even then it was just waiting around her house in the hot heat of california with no air conditioning while they were at work and when she and her new husband (who wouldn't even let me call him dad) would just shout at me if i asked to... do stuff. His kids alienated me while i was there too so art was really all i had.

I told her about my fathers abuse, how he was actively trying to hurt me physically and mentally enough to get me to kill myself (He admitted it to another family member in a fit of rage) and she just didn't care.
'it will get better' 'but you can never live with me'

I was lucky my grandma took me in otherwise i would have died in the streets of texas 10 years ago.

I understand, but I've never met anyone in my life that did not regret coming to good terms with their biological parents once that option was no longer there. And once that happens it's something you never shake, it's guilt and regret you live with for the rest of your life. I'm certainly not implying you have to be best of buds and close, but just clearing animosity and being on good terms is advisable. You never want to have things hanging over your head for your entire life, life can be hard enough to weather without that as is.

That is something i will never have with my father. He is the cause of my PTSD and is a vile creature who doesn't deserve to be called a human.

But I will be attempting to talk to my mother at some point i just... need to have all my questions together first. If she wants to talk this bad then I need to make sure that i have control of the situation, that I don't get crippled by my fears and such. But i also struggle with figuring out how to ask my questions, the questions i've had for the last 18 years of my life, without sounding like a huge asshole.
I saw her at a funeral a few months ago and she was.... unpleasant to say the least.

I can understand how this can be hard for you. My father was also abusive but in a different way. But unless you are prepared to have such a thing haunt you for the rest of your life, seek absolution, of both of them as soon as you can muster the will power. As i said, don't gotta be friends, but you need that release. My father used me my whole life, trapped me in more or less slave labor through mental abuse. And I regret not doing this, I think about it almost daily.

Just remember you're not seeking a relationship, just absolution, a release from the past and a release from the grudge and weight you are holding now before the chance slips past and becomes a house instead of a car on your back. And it can slip by tomorrow, right now. It did for me, not once, but twice and now i have to live with the monster that has become, don't be like me, live a better life for yourself than that.

My father admitted to another family member in a fit of rage that he was actively trying to get me to commit suicide. He was mad that I survived. There is nothing to solve that.
I understand where you are coming from and i'm sorry for your loss but i am already haunted like that because my first boyfriend died to cancer just after we had a fight.
I can carry the burden of not coming to terms with either of them just fine i've already done it once.

I can definitely relate to this one. :/ I haven't had any relationship with my mother for... well, roughly half of my life by now. It sucks, and much like this post, I'm sure one day I'll have to up and tell her how I really feel about it. Barely talking once or twice a year doesn't make anyone a parent. But the point is, sometimes parents just kinda suck. It's good to find love in the others around you in their place. :3

Sorry if that's a tad personal for a comment, but 100% related to this today.

Both my biological parents suck. My father for being a severely abusive fuk n my mother for not caring one ounce for me
rly sucks

but I do have the support of my grandma and my friends so i'll be okay i just... gotta do this someday

Living life with a biological mother who shows you no love is always hard. I know the struggle. It doesn't matter how many times they say they love you, you can't believe them. But it's okay. You have others in your life and just because they gave life to you doesn't mean they deserve anything from you. You do not owe them anything.

Mother's Day is incredibly difficult and it's okay to be upset about it. Chances are, you will never get those questions answered... Or even acknowledgement that any wrong was ever done... But it's okay. Try not to let it eat you up inside and instead lead a life you want to. Family is what you make, not always blood. You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to and try not to feel bad if she guilts you. You don't owe her anything.

People say 'but she gave you life' But then again... you didn't ask for that. That's just an excuse to keep you with someone who may be toxic or abusive and you do not have to do that.

I'm sorry Mother's Day sucks... Just know that you are not at fault and you can do wonders

Yeah you make some good points. Its moreso that shes just... never batted a eye my direction.
It's painfully obvious that she didn't want a kid I imagine her extremely religious parents made sure that she didn't get a abortion. (They are kinda fuked up too honestly so maybe she got it from them who knows.)
but now that i refuse to talk to her shes getting ... loud about how she doesn't deserve this silence and such.

She only wants you now that you don't want anything to do with her. She only wants you when it suits her. You are not at fault for that and still owe her nothing. If you want nothing to do with her, you're allowed that, absolutely. It's okay to hurt and you should allow yourself to do that so you can heal from it and be able to live with it better. It's really hard but you deserve the ability to move on.

For what it's worth you always have so the love and support of everyone here
You are an inspirational shining beacon of all that is good and cute and lovely and caring and nice and respected by so many of us here. I know I don't personally speak to you much if st all and that's my bad but I wanted to say that I adore you too <3
stay strong lovely <3

Thank you, truly, I don't think i could manage as much as i do without everyone's support.
It means a lot, I will try my best <3

<3<3 thats all anyone here can ask for <3

I haven't spoken to my biological mother in nearly 10 years. I can say it is for simular reasons. Only time will tell if and when I'll speak to her again. I hope though that you find resolution with yours.

thank you, i hope so too but i know better than to get my hopes up

Well sadly I have no advice to give because honestly I do not know your circumstances. All you can really do is focus more on those who love you.

Damn.. Everyone here loves you though meep!
You yourself are amazing and everything you do just as much!

Thank you it means a lot <3

Reminds me of my father. He keeps trying to tell me he loves me, and fails to see all the ways he's shown me he doesn't.I haven't replied to him in 2 years. Sometimes the best message you can give them is none at all.

Yeah its true. Feels like the only reason she's harping on me not speaking to her right now is because Shes starting to realize that shes never been a mother.

Sometimes it feels like it's less that they actually want to reconnect, and more that they feel ashamed at having a child shun them. It's just for their own vanity really.

(I don't really know what to say because I've never been in this situation before, but I care about you and so does your friends and your grandmother. Even though I don't know you well, you seem like a fantastic person, and from judging all of the friends you have... it proves you are an amazing person and you are very loved and cared for. Don't ever forget that!

As someone who is also estranged from my mother, I can say with 100% certainty, this hit me hard. Especially when I've been going to therapy and seeing with distance and an expert's help to see just how fucked up she was and how she really is, a drug-riddled, cheating, lying, drinking nobody. It wasn't until last week, that her "fiance" (boyfriend, he's been calling himself fiance since 2015) called me up and said that she is in the hospital with some nasty stomach pains. My siblings and I (much to my mental dismay) found out that she may or may not have stomach cancer. My mental state has my insanely conflicted. My mother has not once been a mother ever since we were forcefully moved away from our home state and speaking to us was basically a court requirement. I am both enraged over the nerve of this development, but I'm also petrified over the outcome of what can happen.

Regardless, I know how this feels. Been estranged for years and she didn't even see me graduate boot camp or A school, or see me get deployed or anything! Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, I feel hostile. And yes...I'm also insanely conflicted.

You're never obligated to keep someone toxic or hurtful in your life, even if they're family. I've recently had to come to terms with something like this with my dad. I've brought up his past abuse not only to me but my mother and siblings and his only response was "I dont remember that"... Not "I'm sorry if I did", just that he "doesn't remember". That's when I realized, even though it hurts to see him act like a father to some new kid whose mother isn't remotely interested, that his choices will never have any bearing on who I am or who I'm becoming as a person. I hope you find a way to work things out with your mother if that's what you want, but know that whatever choice you make will be your own, and whatever she makes will be hers. regardless of any guilt-tripping, manipulation, gas-lighting, etc, you putting your mental health first is the best possible thing you can do. Best wishes and good vibes/prayers <3

I know this feeling, I'm so sorry you have to deal with parents that aren't there for you. You're strong though and when the time comes you'll be able to do what you have to.