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Once upon a time, there was a man named Kall. Now Kall was someone that you would call a pariah. This was mainly due to his size. Kall is about the size of a one-year-old, and yes I mean one year old. He has a rare disease called Falxacopia. Flaxacopia causes the infected to slowly start de-aging to the body size of a one-year-old starting once the infected hits the age of 30. Now as you have probably figured out, Kall did get married way before his infection and as a result, he had one very pretty daughter who may or may not also be infected with Flaxacopia. Now with all of that out of the way, it's time to tell a story of love, humiliation and a story of one man can be out through so much and still not come out on top. This is Kall The Regressed.
It all started on a day like any other, the sun was shining the birds were chirping and one man was again late for work.
“Beep.”
“Beep.”
“Beep.”
“Smash!” Kall’s hand flew from his bed to turn off that ridiculous beeping, I mean how many times could one person be late? Then with a turn of his head, he read his alarm clock. The time read 7:10 am, and to help clarify it to the readers he was scheduled to be at work at 7:30. “Shit it's already that late? Ohh the boss is going to shoot me this time for sure.” As Kall went through his normal routine he noticed that his pants seemed to be a little loose. But he just passed over it without a second thought. I mean how harmful could a little weight loss be.
Now I could tell you the exciting tale of how Kall got to work that morning, running almost every red light that he came across or how he literally almost ran over a flower shop but I think it's not too important. Anyway, Kall made it to work that morning with one minute to spare. Right on time. As Kall began his normal routine, helping people with their taxes he began to notice that he was getting shorter not too much shorter but at least a little right? Oh well, he would have the doctor look at it in the morning I mean what's the harm of calling in sick? That night he came home gave his wife a kiss and headed to bed.
As Kall woke up the next morning the first thing that he noticed was that his bed seemed very wet, so wet in fact that it covered his entire body. Now it could be that Kall has reverted back to bed wetting every now and again but this seemed different somehow. When Kall went to lift the sheets off of him they seemed very, very heavy. After a little bit of struggling Kall finally managed to get the sheets off of him but instead of seeing his 4’9ft brown eyes and blond hair staring back at him from the body length mirror attached to the side of his dresser. A one-year-old stared back.
Now at this point, most people would have screamed, cried or some other normal reaction. But instead of any of that, Kall just sat there. With his mouth wide open trying to trick himself into believing that it was all a dream and that if he went back to sleep he would wake up late for his job just like normal. But instead of any of that Kall just decided to roll with it and call his wife.
“Ring”
“Ring”
“Click ... Hello”
Now at this point, Kall could still abort this phone call and tell her he but dialed her or never talk to her again but that all flew out the window the moment his wife said the magic words. “Honey are you all right or is something wrong?” That's when he broke he began to speak in his new high pitched voice telling her all about how he woke up the size of an infant and how the sheets were covered in only what he could guess is pee. Now most wives would have called the police or just assumed that this was a prank call. But as for Kall’s wife she believed it or at the very least hoped it was true.
As Kall lay there waiting for his wife to rescue him from this predicament he began to wonder what this might mean for his everyday life. What would he do about his job? Would he be forced to relive the nightmare called school? What would happen to him? Then right in the middle of his self-reflection, the door slammed open and his wife stood there out of breath holding a couple of Walmart bags in her hands.
“Oh my god, honey are you alright?” She asked rushing over to me and examining my predicament.
“Yes honey I'm just peachy, you know this body has a lot of perks!” I said with more sarcasm than I had ever used in my life before.
“Hey, no reason to get snippy with me. The first thing that we need to do is get you into some protection and then to a doctors office.” She said with more of a voice meant for little kids and not her husband.
“Fine, fine let's get to a doctor, wait did you say protection?” As Kall said this his already super high pitched voice went even higher. But his wife didn't even respond instead she reached into her Walmart sack and pulled out a pack of pampers size two. Now I would tell you the story about how Kall screamed bloody murder trying to escape his impending doom but then again I think you can pretty much imagine how that one went down.
Now after Kall was properly diapered his wife continued the humiliation by pulling out a onesie that read “Prince of Stinkers”. Now if the diapers already weren’t bad enough, he was being forced to wear this ridiculous onesie and he had yet to even poop himself yet. But after that was all over Kall’s wife drove him to the doctor and all was peachy they gave him some magic shot and poof he turned back into a 30-year-old man. Or at least that's how that would have gone down if there was a magic shot, to begin with. Instead, the doctors pretty much told him that he would be reliving his childhood.
Now you can understand how distraught Kall was after hearing this news. I mean this was essentially a death sentence. His life was now and forever would be changed. Now his wife, on the other hand, was having a blast with Kall’s predicament. As you probably already guessed Kall’s relationship with his wife had been growing stagnant. So stagnant that his wife had even considered cheating on Kall just to spruce things up a little. But before she ever had the chance this happened.
Now instead of cheating on him, she was taking Kall to the nearest baby clothing store. When she walked in with Kall acting the way you would expect after hearing the news. One of the store workers came up to her and started talking about all the options and help that they could give for her “new baby.” And while this was all helpful it still didn't wake Kall up from his unawareness. It wasn’t until Kall’s wife had him on a changing table putting him in a black and blue onesie with white frills covering it.
“Umm, what the hell are you doing?” Kall asked the moment his unawareness went away.
“What does it look like? I’m getting you a more appropriate wardrobe for someone your age.” The major problem with Kall wasn’t what she said, it was how she said it. Most wives would have been crying for trying to figure things out with their husbands. But his wife? Nope, she was dressing him up in baby girl clothes.
“No, I get what you're doing I’m more worried about how you’re going to pay for this, how you plan to have us live a normal life now that we have very little income.” Now if anyone was near him to hear this you would have heard a very high-pitched statement with way too much confidence.
“Oh, honey didn't you hear? The doctor said the insurance company would pay for all the expenses of raising you like any other child. We are set on money for a long time.” This was the last straw for Kall, but instead of yelling in anger or trying to deny what was going on. All Kall could do was cry. Cry like no there was tomorrow.
That night Kall fell asleep in his wife's arms, but not before he had thoroughly tired himself out with all his crying. As soon as he fell asleep his wife put him down and began to initiate all the changes. First came the moving of all the guest furniture from the guest bedroom to the garage, after that began the renovation. Now for most this would take days and not hours but for Kall’s wife, it was just a matter of contacting the right people.
Now before you try to imagine the scene, let me paint you a picture. First off there is a baby sleeping on the couch swaddled up so that he can't move and then a squat team of people runs into the house. But unlike a swat team, they make little to no sound. They run upstairs and began to tear everything apart whilst not making a sound. As soon as all the trash had been thrown out the window, the painting began. They set up fans and got to work, they moved at a speed that can only be explained with inhuman. It was as if there were after images coming from each and every one of them, filling the room until it looked like the whole room was filled with them.
After all this, then came getting all of the new furniture into the newly painted room. Again without a sound, they started to bring it all in. But considering how they brought everything in the last time, this time they had to outdo it. So this time every object had to be thrown in through the window. One by one they grabbed the furniture and threw it up to the men standing, waiting. After all, this was said and done they began to put everything together. But unlike everyone else, they went at super speed. When I say super speed I mean super speed, they got the entire nursery set up in 15:21. A world record in normal cases, and just like that they left without a sound. As if they had never been there in the first place.
That's when Kall’s wife went downstairs, picked up Kall and began carrying him upstairs. As soon as she reached the new nursery she placed him down in his new crib, kissed him on his head and said, “Glad you aren't smart enough to realize what truly happened to you, good night my ex-husband.”
As Kall opened his eyes the next day, he began to think back to what had happened to him. “How could this happen to me? I mean what are the chances? None of this makes sense.” But sadly for Kall, before he could truly get into his thoughts about what had happened to him his nursery door swung open and his wife walked in.
“How's my little man today?” She asked with a voice as sweet as honey. But when Kall went to respond she just shushed him.
“Listen, here’s the thing, you are now the size of an infant; and well most infants don't make full coherent sentences. So from now on, I am going to expect you to speak like an infant. ” She said all this without her voice showing any wavering at all.
“And before you begin to protest I have a few more rules to lay down. First off, you are now an infant and I expect you to act like one. That means you cry for everything you need. If you feel hungry you cry, are wet you cry. Next, you are no longer an adult and that means you don’t have the vocabulary of an adult anymore. I expect you to speak like an infant. Finally, anyone older than the age of five can tell you what to do and you must listen to them. So to cut this short act like an infant or else you will be punished, and you don’t want to know what I will punish you with.” As she said all this not once was there a hint of remorse. At points, it seemed as if she had already had this entire speech prepared but at others, it seemed like this was all getting pulled from out of her ass. But whatever the case was it did its job.
Kall was now on the verge of tears, not only from what his wife had said but also because during her speech he grew conscious of a growing warmth coming from down in his crotch area, and that could mean only one thing. He had lost all control of his bladder, and just like that Kall lost it, he began to scream and cry just like you would expect an infant to do when they get upset.
As Kall sat there and cried he began to think that he couldn't fall any further, that for the first time in his life he had truly hit rock bottom. And as you would expect the moment those thoughts had entered his mind the universe had to prove him wrong. And to do that there came a knock from the front door. But sadly for Kall, he didn't hear it, but his on the other hand did. So she got up, leaving Kall on the floor to cry and answered the door.
“Oh hey honey, how was school?” You could hear from a distance, it kinda gave off that echo like sound but still had a sweetness to it.
“Oh, it was fine. Hows dad?” This time the sound came from a voice that seemed much younger and higher pitched than his wife. But nowhere near as high as Kall’s.
“Well, honey as you saw last night he's still stuck in his predicament. But as of the moment he’s having a hard time accepting the new rules that I put in place.” Kall’s wife said this as if none of it was out of the ordinary. But these words made Kall come back to reality and stop crying. And that's when it hit him, his daughter had come home from school, he had completely forgotten that he even had a daughter since this whole thing started. He wanted to stop his daughter from seeing him like this, he wanted to stop the inevitable. But just like how the wind blows and how the seasons' change, so did the fact that his daughter rounded the corner from the entrance and laid eyes right on Kall.
“Oh, dad you’re so cute!” She exclaimed with a high pitched scream, and just like that, it was over. She ran over to Kall, dropping her light blue cat backpack on the couch. When she got over to Kall she scooped him into her arms. This was officially Kall’s rock bottom. Nothing could be worse than his current situation.
“Hey, mom can I take Kall with me on a stroll?” She asked turning away from Kall and into Kall’s wife's eyes.