
Alright, I should be able to start posting the rest of the first book^^
Very sorry it took so long but some chapters really gave me a hard time. And it's so annoying how the longer the space between two uploads, the stronger the fear to upload.>< Anyway, I hope the result will be meeting the expectancies coming with the wait :)
« Have you discovered who she is? » Adam asked in place of any greeting.
Jozie was knelt next to the unconscious lady when he came back to the cave, the female dragon on his track. By his face, she could instantly tell he had seen something that disturbed him. He already was a pain to handle with his grudge coming out of nowhere, he wouldn’t be any easier to bear with a morose mood.
She could get used to anything in life. She had even quickly come to consider the dragon behind her as part of the background. This male had been surprisingly silent, and a few glances convinced her that he was simply captivated by her way to take care of her imposed patient. Like a five years old toddler, amazed by the simplest thing. She had to admit it rose a surprising sensation of gratification. Yet, Jozie didn’t feel like she was doing much… There wasn’t much to be done anyway, besides surveying she kept hydrated.
“Nope. No paper, no wallet, not even a label on her clothes with her name on it. And yet I searched her…”
“You… searched her?” he repeated, blocking on it.
“What? Don’t you remember I happened to be a security guard during a summer job? I know how to search someone. And between ladies, it’s totally correct.”
For a brief moment, while he looked at her, she thought she saw a little smile. If he had anything left from the Adam she knew, then he was boiling to tease her. To tell her that she wasn’t a woman, that she rather was a bro with boobs. Like he used to say right before she’d throw a punch in his shoulder. That was their usual dynamic.
Instead, he just turned the head toward the unconscious lady, blowing air from his nose as to exorcise the little laughter he refused.
“I guess it doesn’t really matter who she is then… I think we’re safe for tonight but… they could still attack tomorrow. Now at least I know what they are…”
“Care to share?” Jozie asked, not playing this game of mysteries.
“Exactly what I expected, the new and ‘improved’ humanity.” He replied, making quote signs in the air with his fingers, to highlight the concept of improvement there. “They made the sixth mass extinction an efficient reality, and here they are. Technological level of the middle age, probably very basic thinking, with individual powers coming straight out of the mind of a deranged comics scenarist….”
“Like what? Dark magic?”
“A major part of them can rewind time, others can see clearly into the near future, and the rest might be totally random… Rejoicing, isn’t it? All I need now is to come up with a plan.”
“A plan? Here’s one. Evacuate.” Jozie spoke the evidence. But he probably already thought of the option because he rose a hand to show the emptiness of the air.
“To go where? I just learnt that there are a hundred thousand of these fanatics… They are probably everywhere. This island doesn’t look that big… And this place looks like the safest we can find.”
“Fanatics?” Jozie picked up the word in his ramble.
Adam was the kind of guy to use bigger words than needed. Something hurt his personal values; that was his way of expressing his indignation. Like a tendency to demonize in words what he disliked. Yet, with him, it was never to be taken literally. She always thought he tried to be ironical, but that his outraged, emotional tone made it go unnoticed to untrained ears. Jozie used to say that if she was a bro with boobs, he was an emotional little sister with balls.
When he began to use extreme words, it generally was a call to anyone around to get offended, and prove him he was wrong. He wanted to hear someone smoothing the dark picture. To expose evidence that what he qualified them of, wasn’t true. That the world wasn’t as dark as it appeared to him right now.
It was a twisted logic, but Jozie believed he never got aware of this himself. Maybe it explained why he acted under such familiar codes. Fanatics… She had to know the right balance between ‘guy who think differently’ and actual fanatics. To argue with him, one better had to make sure the overall picture was understood.
He also happened to have the condescending tendency to take those who didn’t follow his flow, as slow-minded. A perfect example of the nasty sides of his ego that she’d rather avoid.
“How would you call a culture that continuously existed over a million year and still kills sentient beings out of traditions?” He replied, like to hear her pronouncing the exact same word that bugged her.
“Quite cruel indeed, but it doesn’t mean this is fanatism.”
“They had one million year to stop this tradition, and they have been doing it all this time. I can’t find any other reason than a twisted belief to justify their behaviour… Because it means they never questioned their acts.”
“Where has gone the Adam that would have seen the most obvious alternative? This is just cruelty.”
He looked at her, like he was burning on the inside to throw a violent comeback. The kind that burnt hard. But he held it back. Something held him back. It pained him, it was clearly readable in his eyes, but he swallowed it back. He breathed. Then he talked calmly.
“Sorry but cruelty isn’t a justification for me anymore. I don’t deny there’s always been psychopaths in this world, but an entire nation... I just can’t believe that every single one of the humans of this island just enjoys killing… Unfortunately, I don’t exactly have the time to study them properly,.”
This made Jozie rise a brow. Was he serious? No later than yesterday from her perspective, he qualified a crying baby in the bus as ‘reincarnated dictator who imposes its needs on the others’. It was believable than some years would have taught some measure to his young, extreme comparisons. But such a drastic change was a lot to take.
Never before she had heard him speak about someone else in good, except on the drunken nights where he let it all out. Refusing to assume the natural human cruelty in an opponent… it truly wasn’t like him.
“Whatever their motivations are, it doesn’t matter for now.” Jozie spoke in a sigh, not wanting to venture on this slippery ground. It was a specialty of his, to digress… “They are coming as an army and this, you know it isn’t a matter of tradition.”
Adam frowned, and he threw a look at the male dragon that remained silent all along. Jozie couldn’t tell if the silence was due to fascination or intimidation. But when he met the severe stare, the big reptile fidgeted a bit nervously.
“S-She… asked questions…” he said sheepishly, like he understood that this was a detail Adam would have preferred to know earlier.
It was odd to see a so dangerous-looking creature being intimidated by Adam. It hadn’t occurred to her before, but was he exerting some kind of tyranny on them? According to what she learnt, she was opened to the most dramatic options…
“No, you did good there.” Adam finally sighed, then looked at her again. “So he told you everything, I guess? That what started this mess was me stupidly stepping in, to stop one of them from killing a reptile? He told you about Killian and how this out-of-control situation kept on worsening because of me, until it led to the death of one of them?”
Jozie was frozen in astonishment. It felt like a ton of brick had fallen on her head. No, this… wasn’t exactly the version she had been told. What an unbearable feeling, to learn crucial details in the worst moments… She threw a look at the dragon, who seemingly also understood that he was the cause of the confusion, and decided to take a few steps backs this time.
“He told me it started because you stepped in their way, I didn’t know it was to save one of them…” She admitted, feeling stupid. It was even more frustrating when it wasn’t her fault. This damn scaly head could have been more explicit! “And… he told me you killed, you tried to train the dragons, and that when one of them was killed, you showed compassion… Who’s Killian?”
She saw him realize that he had said a bit more than he would have wanted. Adam… his words and actions may have changed, but his non-verbal language hadn’t so much. He may seem mysterious to most, but to her, he was an open book. Maybe was it why she was one of his only friends. Because she knew how to deal with the nasty sides and appreciate the good, controllable ones.
She saw an opening and didn’t hesitate to dig in. He said too much, and it was her best angle to obtain more answers.
“It was unfair, and I simply could do something about it.” Adam began to talk. On the good side, he could be a fair loser. “So I stopped this guy from killing. I swear I hoped to just submit him, make him leave or solve it by talking, but… Killian showed up, there is a blank in my memory from there. When I woke up, he had pierced through the skull of this man with his own sword, broken his nose and arm. Killian is… another me. It had happened before, the same scenario. I didn’t know it even gave itself a name until recently. It’s a murderous butcher. If he ever shows up, do not approach him. Under no circumstances.”
Oh no, she knew what it was. He may fool everyone else, but not her!
“Are you forgetting who you’re talking to? You’ve served me this fantasy for years. ‘I have a dark alter ego’ or ‘I’m not alone in my head’, do you know how many times I heard these? Please tell me you don’t believe in what you said, because if you’re truly older, it would sound like schizophrenia.”
“More like my own perverted case of dissociative disorder...” He dropped in a low tone. “You weren’t here to witness it but I tried, I really tried to do efforts. To improve. To act more… social and normal. I’m aware you probably heard me joking about this recently from your perspective, but this time I tell you to take it seriously. I passed out, two times, I remember nothing and when I come back… I have blood on my hands. There are corpses around me. Everyone looks at me like I am their darkest nightmare in flesh. I am sick, Jozie. Mentally sick. And like our guest here, I have to deal with it, and face the consequences. Don’t be part of the consequences, that’s all I ask.”
She looked at the unconscious lady as he pointed at her. Did he really compare his state to hers? Curiously, Jozie felt like it wasn’t his tendency to exaggeration this time.
Adam had always felt like something was wrong with his brain. It didn’t help when doctors told him he had some unique disorder. He had received it like an established fact, that no one could tell how to cure his overthinking, or even tell the risks for his mind. His younger self used to talk cryptically but there was a recurrent theme. His biggest fear had always been to turn crazy, to end in a mental hospital for some psychosis.
He never seemed to fear physical illness that much, like the one this poor lady suffered. But watching a film with him involving a deranged character in the scenario, whatever the tone, was the equivalent of a horror movie night. It rose anxieties in him. He feared it could happen to him. If what he said was true then… his worst nightmare had become real.
Not only she wanted to know how that could have possibly happened for real, but she also decoded a clue in his speech.
“What do you mean by ‘you weren’t there’? Have I truly let that happen?”
“You know what I mean… You come from a time you haven’t seen me change yet.”
“Don’t play smart, because you seem so sure of the time I come from… You meant that I, or the future me, won’t be by your side in your descent. Am I wrong?”
He looked awkward, which meant she aimed right. Adam… Giving more than he wanted definitely was imprinted in his oversensitive personality. He wasn’t good with keeping secret about his frustrations and pains. In a way, he was generous in clues, to whomever knew how to read them.
So now it was a certitude. Her future self wouldn’t be here to support him, and that made a good reason why he’d be so distant with her. At least an understandable one. But it didn’t take away that she wasn’t the Jozie he was mad against, just like he wasn’t the Adam she knew. If it was the reason, she would give him a piece of her mind.
“Look, Jozie, I don’t want to talk about this… You see this vest?” he asked, pointing at the black clothe they turned into a fortune pillow for the sick lady. “I remember that I lent it to you because you felt cold on this Friday night, while I was so proud to handle the freshness. And… I never had it back. You wouldn’t be speaking to me like you do if you were any older than the day that came after. Because you haven’t spoken to me in ten years, Jozie. It was my fault, I know. I destroyed our friendship. But that’s how I know when you come from.”
“Bullshit!” She couldn’t contain it anymore. “You’ve been a dick many times, and I never let you down! You’re going to have to do better than that to tell me why you’re like this!”
“Because I’m ashamed, can you understand that?” He reacted, keeping a calm face despite a slightly shaking voice. “When I see you, I remember all the terrible thoughts I had about you in the last ten years. I feel guilty for that, because I know that you can’t possibly remember what you still haven’t lived.
You’re about to put quite some distance between us. You found the dick of your dreams with the nice guy that comes around it. Happily married, with three children. All because you finally dropped that dead weight I was for you. The Jozie I have in front of me isn’t the Jozie I know, you haven’t lived the moment where everything broke apart. You want a proof of it? Tell us the date of the day you were taken from.”
Jozie took a step back when Adam pulled his sword out. But he casually turned his back at her, began to scratch on the ground with the blade, not paying attention to her reaction. It left the woman confused a few seconds, but she felt up to the challenge.
The date? What an annoying question still. She was horrible with remembering which day it was! Her mark was the last time she trained, because she wrote a note with the date in title.
“Let’s see, Tuesday the tenth, so… It was the thirteenth, I think. Friday, may the thirteenth of twenty-one sixty-three.”
It was like she had spoken the worst answer ever. And she knew it, not by Adam’s reaction, but because someone else seemed to find it odd. The female dragon behind him, which Jozie hadn’t even noticed all along, had a little reaction of surprise. And Adam stepped aside with a dark face, pointing at the ground where this exact same date was written in scratches.
“This is not a guess, Jozie. I know when you come from. I know what you’re about to do to me. Or rather what I’m about to do to you.” Adam answered a bit sadly. “Look… I don’t want this. I’ll probably be dead soon, and I don’t want to go with the feeling that I was a dick one more time with an old friend. Despite the appearances, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for all the bad I did to you. I’m mad at myself for having cursed your happiness in the past, because I’ve sincerely tried to be happy for you all along. So please, if you truly still care about me… don’t ask, ever again. It’s too painful for me. And as you can see, I’m already a wreck.”
The red line was almost crossed, and that was where Jozie found preferable to stop digging. She had no idea what this story was, she didn’t know what he refused to tell. Several times he had pushed her to her limits, and never she had been harsh on him. Not unreasonably. But the topic obviously scared him. On the defensive, he was never productive.
She would find out later, once the main problem would be fixed. Maybe also because there were things she was afraid to learn.
“Okay… So how does the wreck beat the fanatics?” She summarized to take things back to a more even field. “We need a plan, if they are coming…”
Adam looked around him, looking miffed. He rose the arms a little, then let them fall flat against his side. He had no idea…
“I would advise to start gathering rocks to at least have some projectiles, but… even if you hit someone, one of their comrades will probably cancel it with a time rewind… The best would be for them to not learn about your existence. Or hers…”
Jozie glanced at the unconscious lady, wondering what kind of terrible fate a vulnerable person like her would suffer if they got their hands on her. They had to keep her out of troubles. As for Jozie… She didn’t exactly agree on her role.
“You really think I’m going to stay here if you’re about to fight them?” She asked like a provocation. “If I can’t persuade you to run, you can be sure I’ll be by your side.”
“Jozie, whether I ever admitted it or not, you’re a woman.” He spoke dreadfully. “I don’t exactly trust primitive killers to be up to date on gender equality, especially if they are the kind to enjoy killing cruelly. This is not a game. I don’t think I have to make a picture of what I fear they could do to you. You are a good fighter, but they are an army.”
“Doesn’t stop you from planning on going.”
“Because at least I have a chance to be heard. It’s unfair, you may not like it, but you know it’s true. If you or any of these reptiles go, they’ll attack instantly. But they are scared of me. They fear me because I shook their murderous utopia, and resisted. I am something they probably don’t get to deal with around here. And that gives me a chance to talk. Don’t you think it would be wiser to not provoke them even more in our position?”
When he was younger, he used to have fantasies on how a warrior had to protect at the cost of his own life, sometimes involving mythology like envisioning a place for him in the Nordic afterlife. But this was new. This wasn’t purely about sacrificing himself. This actually sounded like a good strategic argument. One that proved he was aware on the effects he had on others.
That was what took Jozie by surprise. He had actually tried to understand how his opponents’ thoughts and to exploit an opening. An obvious one, but the younger version wouldn’t even have been able to take it into account. Adam always was the oaf who charged brutally instead of using subtlety. Keeping his mind together was a challenge, so including others to compile… it had always been his limit.
In all this mess, she was glad to see some positive evolution. It almost made her miss the most important.
“And if talking isn’t enough?”
“I have a sword. And I’ll take down as much as I can before succumbing to the number.”
“Really? That’s the best you can do?” Jozie asked coldly. “You expect me to hide like a frightened little girl so they won’t come to harm me, while you go sacrificing yourself? I don’t know what the future me has said to you, but has it occurred to you that I, the current me, don’t want to see you to die?”
His gaze turned grave. It first was because of surprise, like he really didn’t think of it. But quickly, it turned into a winter coldness. This was one of these moments Jozie knew that he had something in mind that he kept for him.
“No, it hasn’t occurred to me… Of course it did, stupid. That’s also why I don’t want you to see any of this.” He replied in a little voice, like his main forces were focused on containing a monster inside. “We can’t run, they’ll catch us anyway. We can’t hide, we have no protection and no walls. We can’t even fight equally because we have neither tech nor advanced weapon. And they are coming specifically for me anyway. Those who get involved will be killed, and that’s why I forbid anyone else to come with me, you, or these reptiles.
People… I’ve seen them doing the worst when they are blinded with desires of revenge and hate. I know this will go far, far beyond me if I don’t defuse it one way or another. I have the possibility to talk, negotiate, I fully rely on that. If all that fails, then the only thing that would solve it will be my death. The eradication of their problem. They will celebrate, then they will go back to their regular killing rhythm.
Be sure this is my last option. I won’t fall without an honorable fight, but eventually this is the only backup plan I can trust to work when all the rest failed. so we can minimize the number of victims. The only way to make sure they won’t come to torture and kill more lives… such as you, Helios, Nimera, our poor guest, and every reptile in this place.
If I face them, I give you a chance to plan your survival, and even a way to get back to your home. If I don’t, I condemn you all. And that’s indeed the best I can come up with in such short amount of time. Now I’m all ears to your suggestions.”
There was a time when such speech would have amazed her. Here, it pained her horribly. Because it was real, and she didn’t doubt his seriousness on the matter.
“I hate when you hide behind cold logic… You sincerely don’t care about dying?”
“I’m not the Adam you know, Jozie. I’ve lived, outlived many deaths… The more I struggle to fix my mistakes, the more I hurt everyone around. The only thing I can do, is hold onto what I believe is right, and face the consequences of my acts. Of course I’d prefer to live, to keep trying to get better. But I have no right to run away this time. Two hundred and forty-six innocent souls are too much for my conscience. Please understand that.”
“I do but… there has to be another way…”
“And we have a night to think of it.” He replied with a sad smile. He obviously tried to make it sound like a hope, to give her a bone to gnaw at. But it was clear he didn’t believe in it himself. “For now, I’d propose we all try to get some sleep. I’ll have to be at my best tomorrow. And if they don’t stop with me, you’ll have to be at your best to improvise as well. If you get an idea overnight, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
Jozie felt so annoyed and at the same time, couldn’t find anything to say. For now. She hoped the night would be of good advice.
Adam turned and walked away, going to a corner of the room to settle. He inspired her some strange pity as she watched him lay down against the rocks. Alone, like an exiled… She definitely hadn’t been there in his last years. Because never he would have become like this, cold and distant.
What horrible things had been said between them? It was even more horrible to know that she still hadn’t done anything herself. To her, he was still her old pal, who obviously went through a lot. But to him, she was… the one who abandoned him. One of them would have to revise their view of the other to make a step, because none of these visions were true. And it wasn’t healthy.
This date carved on the floor looked like the perfect reflection of how imprinted it remained in his heart, eventually leading him to this mess… What the hell had happened that day…
Very sorry it took so long but some chapters really gave me a hard time. And it's so annoying how the longer the space between two uploads, the stronger the fear to upload.>< Anyway, I hope the result will be meeting the expectancies coming with the wait :)
« Have you discovered who she is? » Adam asked in place of any greeting.
Jozie was knelt next to the unconscious lady when he came back to the cave, the female dragon on his track. By his face, she could instantly tell he had seen something that disturbed him. He already was a pain to handle with his grudge coming out of nowhere, he wouldn’t be any easier to bear with a morose mood.
She could get used to anything in life. She had even quickly come to consider the dragon behind her as part of the background. This male had been surprisingly silent, and a few glances convinced her that he was simply captivated by her way to take care of her imposed patient. Like a five years old toddler, amazed by the simplest thing. She had to admit it rose a surprising sensation of gratification. Yet, Jozie didn’t feel like she was doing much… There wasn’t much to be done anyway, besides surveying she kept hydrated.
“Nope. No paper, no wallet, not even a label on her clothes with her name on it. And yet I searched her…”
“You… searched her?” he repeated, blocking on it.
“What? Don’t you remember I happened to be a security guard during a summer job? I know how to search someone. And between ladies, it’s totally correct.”
For a brief moment, while he looked at her, she thought she saw a little smile. If he had anything left from the Adam she knew, then he was boiling to tease her. To tell her that she wasn’t a woman, that she rather was a bro with boobs. Like he used to say right before she’d throw a punch in his shoulder. That was their usual dynamic.
Instead, he just turned the head toward the unconscious lady, blowing air from his nose as to exorcise the little laughter he refused.
“I guess it doesn’t really matter who she is then… I think we’re safe for tonight but… they could still attack tomorrow. Now at least I know what they are…”
“Care to share?” Jozie asked, not playing this game of mysteries.
“Exactly what I expected, the new and ‘improved’ humanity.” He replied, making quote signs in the air with his fingers, to highlight the concept of improvement there. “They made the sixth mass extinction an efficient reality, and here they are. Technological level of the middle age, probably very basic thinking, with individual powers coming straight out of the mind of a deranged comics scenarist….”
“Like what? Dark magic?”
“A major part of them can rewind time, others can see clearly into the near future, and the rest might be totally random… Rejoicing, isn’t it? All I need now is to come up with a plan.”
“A plan? Here’s one. Evacuate.” Jozie spoke the evidence. But he probably already thought of the option because he rose a hand to show the emptiness of the air.
“To go where? I just learnt that there are a hundred thousand of these fanatics… They are probably everywhere. This island doesn’t look that big… And this place looks like the safest we can find.”
“Fanatics?” Jozie picked up the word in his ramble.
Adam was the kind of guy to use bigger words than needed. Something hurt his personal values; that was his way of expressing his indignation. Like a tendency to demonize in words what he disliked. Yet, with him, it was never to be taken literally. She always thought he tried to be ironical, but that his outraged, emotional tone made it go unnoticed to untrained ears. Jozie used to say that if she was a bro with boobs, he was an emotional little sister with balls.
When he began to use extreme words, it generally was a call to anyone around to get offended, and prove him he was wrong. He wanted to hear someone smoothing the dark picture. To expose evidence that what he qualified them of, wasn’t true. That the world wasn’t as dark as it appeared to him right now.
It was a twisted logic, but Jozie believed he never got aware of this himself. Maybe it explained why he acted under such familiar codes. Fanatics… She had to know the right balance between ‘guy who think differently’ and actual fanatics. To argue with him, one better had to make sure the overall picture was understood.
He also happened to have the condescending tendency to take those who didn’t follow his flow, as slow-minded. A perfect example of the nasty sides of his ego that she’d rather avoid.
“How would you call a culture that continuously existed over a million year and still kills sentient beings out of traditions?” He replied, like to hear her pronouncing the exact same word that bugged her.
“Quite cruel indeed, but it doesn’t mean this is fanatism.”
“They had one million year to stop this tradition, and they have been doing it all this time. I can’t find any other reason than a twisted belief to justify their behaviour… Because it means they never questioned their acts.”
“Where has gone the Adam that would have seen the most obvious alternative? This is just cruelty.”
He looked at her, like he was burning on the inside to throw a violent comeback. The kind that burnt hard. But he held it back. Something held him back. It pained him, it was clearly readable in his eyes, but he swallowed it back. He breathed. Then he talked calmly.
“Sorry but cruelty isn’t a justification for me anymore. I don’t deny there’s always been psychopaths in this world, but an entire nation... I just can’t believe that every single one of the humans of this island just enjoys killing… Unfortunately, I don’t exactly have the time to study them properly,.”
This made Jozie rise a brow. Was he serious? No later than yesterday from her perspective, he qualified a crying baby in the bus as ‘reincarnated dictator who imposes its needs on the others’. It was believable than some years would have taught some measure to his young, extreme comparisons. But such a drastic change was a lot to take.
Never before she had heard him speak about someone else in good, except on the drunken nights where he let it all out. Refusing to assume the natural human cruelty in an opponent… it truly wasn’t like him.
“Whatever their motivations are, it doesn’t matter for now.” Jozie spoke in a sigh, not wanting to venture on this slippery ground. It was a specialty of his, to digress… “They are coming as an army and this, you know it isn’t a matter of tradition.”
Adam frowned, and he threw a look at the male dragon that remained silent all along. Jozie couldn’t tell if the silence was due to fascination or intimidation. But when he met the severe stare, the big reptile fidgeted a bit nervously.
“S-She… asked questions…” he said sheepishly, like he understood that this was a detail Adam would have preferred to know earlier.
It was odd to see a so dangerous-looking creature being intimidated by Adam. It hadn’t occurred to her before, but was he exerting some kind of tyranny on them? According to what she learnt, she was opened to the most dramatic options…
“No, you did good there.” Adam finally sighed, then looked at her again. “So he told you everything, I guess? That what started this mess was me stupidly stepping in, to stop one of them from killing a reptile? He told you about Killian and how this out-of-control situation kept on worsening because of me, until it led to the death of one of them?”
Jozie was frozen in astonishment. It felt like a ton of brick had fallen on her head. No, this… wasn’t exactly the version she had been told. What an unbearable feeling, to learn crucial details in the worst moments… She threw a look at the dragon, who seemingly also understood that he was the cause of the confusion, and decided to take a few steps backs this time.
“He told me it started because you stepped in their way, I didn’t know it was to save one of them…” She admitted, feeling stupid. It was even more frustrating when it wasn’t her fault. This damn scaly head could have been more explicit! “And… he told me you killed, you tried to train the dragons, and that when one of them was killed, you showed compassion… Who’s Killian?”
She saw him realize that he had said a bit more than he would have wanted. Adam… his words and actions may have changed, but his non-verbal language hadn’t so much. He may seem mysterious to most, but to her, he was an open book. Maybe was it why she was one of his only friends. Because she knew how to deal with the nasty sides and appreciate the good, controllable ones.
She saw an opening and didn’t hesitate to dig in. He said too much, and it was her best angle to obtain more answers.
“It was unfair, and I simply could do something about it.” Adam began to talk. On the good side, he could be a fair loser. “So I stopped this guy from killing. I swear I hoped to just submit him, make him leave or solve it by talking, but… Killian showed up, there is a blank in my memory from there. When I woke up, he had pierced through the skull of this man with his own sword, broken his nose and arm. Killian is… another me. It had happened before, the same scenario. I didn’t know it even gave itself a name until recently. It’s a murderous butcher. If he ever shows up, do not approach him. Under no circumstances.”
Oh no, she knew what it was. He may fool everyone else, but not her!
“Are you forgetting who you’re talking to? You’ve served me this fantasy for years. ‘I have a dark alter ego’ or ‘I’m not alone in my head’, do you know how many times I heard these? Please tell me you don’t believe in what you said, because if you’re truly older, it would sound like schizophrenia.”
“More like my own perverted case of dissociative disorder...” He dropped in a low tone. “You weren’t here to witness it but I tried, I really tried to do efforts. To improve. To act more… social and normal. I’m aware you probably heard me joking about this recently from your perspective, but this time I tell you to take it seriously. I passed out, two times, I remember nothing and when I come back… I have blood on my hands. There are corpses around me. Everyone looks at me like I am their darkest nightmare in flesh. I am sick, Jozie. Mentally sick. And like our guest here, I have to deal with it, and face the consequences. Don’t be part of the consequences, that’s all I ask.”
She looked at the unconscious lady as he pointed at her. Did he really compare his state to hers? Curiously, Jozie felt like it wasn’t his tendency to exaggeration this time.
Adam had always felt like something was wrong with his brain. It didn’t help when doctors told him he had some unique disorder. He had received it like an established fact, that no one could tell how to cure his overthinking, or even tell the risks for his mind. His younger self used to talk cryptically but there was a recurrent theme. His biggest fear had always been to turn crazy, to end in a mental hospital for some psychosis.
He never seemed to fear physical illness that much, like the one this poor lady suffered. But watching a film with him involving a deranged character in the scenario, whatever the tone, was the equivalent of a horror movie night. It rose anxieties in him. He feared it could happen to him. If what he said was true then… his worst nightmare had become real.
Not only she wanted to know how that could have possibly happened for real, but she also decoded a clue in his speech.
“What do you mean by ‘you weren’t there’? Have I truly let that happen?”
“You know what I mean… You come from a time you haven’t seen me change yet.”
“Don’t play smart, because you seem so sure of the time I come from… You meant that I, or the future me, won’t be by your side in your descent. Am I wrong?”
He looked awkward, which meant she aimed right. Adam… Giving more than he wanted definitely was imprinted in his oversensitive personality. He wasn’t good with keeping secret about his frustrations and pains. In a way, he was generous in clues, to whomever knew how to read them.
So now it was a certitude. Her future self wouldn’t be here to support him, and that made a good reason why he’d be so distant with her. At least an understandable one. But it didn’t take away that she wasn’t the Jozie he was mad against, just like he wasn’t the Adam she knew. If it was the reason, she would give him a piece of her mind.
“Look, Jozie, I don’t want to talk about this… You see this vest?” he asked, pointing at the black clothe they turned into a fortune pillow for the sick lady. “I remember that I lent it to you because you felt cold on this Friday night, while I was so proud to handle the freshness. And… I never had it back. You wouldn’t be speaking to me like you do if you were any older than the day that came after. Because you haven’t spoken to me in ten years, Jozie. It was my fault, I know. I destroyed our friendship. But that’s how I know when you come from.”
“Bullshit!” She couldn’t contain it anymore. “You’ve been a dick many times, and I never let you down! You’re going to have to do better than that to tell me why you’re like this!”
“Because I’m ashamed, can you understand that?” He reacted, keeping a calm face despite a slightly shaking voice. “When I see you, I remember all the terrible thoughts I had about you in the last ten years. I feel guilty for that, because I know that you can’t possibly remember what you still haven’t lived.
You’re about to put quite some distance between us. You found the dick of your dreams with the nice guy that comes around it. Happily married, with three children. All because you finally dropped that dead weight I was for you. The Jozie I have in front of me isn’t the Jozie I know, you haven’t lived the moment where everything broke apart. You want a proof of it? Tell us the date of the day you were taken from.”
Jozie took a step back when Adam pulled his sword out. But he casually turned his back at her, began to scratch on the ground with the blade, not paying attention to her reaction. It left the woman confused a few seconds, but she felt up to the challenge.
The date? What an annoying question still. She was horrible with remembering which day it was! Her mark was the last time she trained, because she wrote a note with the date in title.
“Let’s see, Tuesday the tenth, so… It was the thirteenth, I think. Friday, may the thirteenth of twenty-one sixty-three.”
It was like she had spoken the worst answer ever. And she knew it, not by Adam’s reaction, but because someone else seemed to find it odd. The female dragon behind him, which Jozie hadn’t even noticed all along, had a little reaction of surprise. And Adam stepped aside with a dark face, pointing at the ground where this exact same date was written in scratches.
“This is not a guess, Jozie. I know when you come from. I know what you’re about to do to me. Or rather what I’m about to do to you.” Adam answered a bit sadly. “Look… I don’t want this. I’ll probably be dead soon, and I don’t want to go with the feeling that I was a dick one more time with an old friend. Despite the appearances, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for all the bad I did to you. I’m mad at myself for having cursed your happiness in the past, because I’ve sincerely tried to be happy for you all along. So please, if you truly still care about me… don’t ask, ever again. It’s too painful for me. And as you can see, I’m already a wreck.”
The red line was almost crossed, and that was where Jozie found preferable to stop digging. She had no idea what this story was, she didn’t know what he refused to tell. Several times he had pushed her to her limits, and never she had been harsh on him. Not unreasonably. But the topic obviously scared him. On the defensive, he was never productive.
She would find out later, once the main problem would be fixed. Maybe also because there were things she was afraid to learn.
“Okay… So how does the wreck beat the fanatics?” She summarized to take things back to a more even field. “We need a plan, if they are coming…”
Adam looked around him, looking miffed. He rose the arms a little, then let them fall flat against his side. He had no idea…
“I would advise to start gathering rocks to at least have some projectiles, but… even if you hit someone, one of their comrades will probably cancel it with a time rewind… The best would be for them to not learn about your existence. Or hers…”
Jozie glanced at the unconscious lady, wondering what kind of terrible fate a vulnerable person like her would suffer if they got their hands on her. They had to keep her out of troubles. As for Jozie… She didn’t exactly agree on her role.
“You really think I’m going to stay here if you’re about to fight them?” She asked like a provocation. “If I can’t persuade you to run, you can be sure I’ll be by your side.”
“Jozie, whether I ever admitted it or not, you’re a woman.” He spoke dreadfully. “I don’t exactly trust primitive killers to be up to date on gender equality, especially if they are the kind to enjoy killing cruelly. This is not a game. I don’t think I have to make a picture of what I fear they could do to you. You are a good fighter, but they are an army.”
“Doesn’t stop you from planning on going.”
“Because at least I have a chance to be heard. It’s unfair, you may not like it, but you know it’s true. If you or any of these reptiles go, they’ll attack instantly. But they are scared of me. They fear me because I shook their murderous utopia, and resisted. I am something they probably don’t get to deal with around here. And that gives me a chance to talk. Don’t you think it would be wiser to not provoke them even more in our position?”
When he was younger, he used to have fantasies on how a warrior had to protect at the cost of his own life, sometimes involving mythology like envisioning a place for him in the Nordic afterlife. But this was new. This wasn’t purely about sacrificing himself. This actually sounded like a good strategic argument. One that proved he was aware on the effects he had on others.
That was what took Jozie by surprise. He had actually tried to understand how his opponents’ thoughts and to exploit an opening. An obvious one, but the younger version wouldn’t even have been able to take it into account. Adam always was the oaf who charged brutally instead of using subtlety. Keeping his mind together was a challenge, so including others to compile… it had always been his limit.
In all this mess, she was glad to see some positive evolution. It almost made her miss the most important.
“And if talking isn’t enough?”
“I have a sword. And I’ll take down as much as I can before succumbing to the number.”
“Really? That’s the best you can do?” Jozie asked coldly. “You expect me to hide like a frightened little girl so they won’t come to harm me, while you go sacrificing yourself? I don’t know what the future me has said to you, but has it occurred to you that I, the current me, don’t want to see you to die?”
His gaze turned grave. It first was because of surprise, like he really didn’t think of it. But quickly, it turned into a winter coldness. This was one of these moments Jozie knew that he had something in mind that he kept for him.
“No, it hasn’t occurred to me… Of course it did, stupid. That’s also why I don’t want you to see any of this.” He replied in a little voice, like his main forces were focused on containing a monster inside. “We can’t run, they’ll catch us anyway. We can’t hide, we have no protection and no walls. We can’t even fight equally because we have neither tech nor advanced weapon. And they are coming specifically for me anyway. Those who get involved will be killed, and that’s why I forbid anyone else to come with me, you, or these reptiles.
People… I’ve seen them doing the worst when they are blinded with desires of revenge and hate. I know this will go far, far beyond me if I don’t defuse it one way or another. I have the possibility to talk, negotiate, I fully rely on that. If all that fails, then the only thing that would solve it will be my death. The eradication of their problem. They will celebrate, then they will go back to their regular killing rhythm.
Be sure this is my last option. I won’t fall without an honorable fight, but eventually this is the only backup plan I can trust to work when all the rest failed. so we can minimize the number of victims. The only way to make sure they won’t come to torture and kill more lives… such as you, Helios, Nimera, our poor guest, and every reptile in this place.
If I face them, I give you a chance to plan your survival, and even a way to get back to your home. If I don’t, I condemn you all. And that’s indeed the best I can come up with in such short amount of time. Now I’m all ears to your suggestions.”
There was a time when such speech would have amazed her. Here, it pained her horribly. Because it was real, and she didn’t doubt his seriousness on the matter.
“I hate when you hide behind cold logic… You sincerely don’t care about dying?”
“I’m not the Adam you know, Jozie. I’ve lived, outlived many deaths… The more I struggle to fix my mistakes, the more I hurt everyone around. The only thing I can do, is hold onto what I believe is right, and face the consequences of my acts. Of course I’d prefer to live, to keep trying to get better. But I have no right to run away this time. Two hundred and forty-six innocent souls are too much for my conscience. Please understand that.”
“I do but… there has to be another way…”
“And we have a night to think of it.” He replied with a sad smile. He obviously tried to make it sound like a hope, to give her a bone to gnaw at. But it was clear he didn’t believe in it himself. “For now, I’d propose we all try to get some sleep. I’ll have to be at my best tomorrow. And if they don’t stop with me, you’ll have to be at your best to improvise as well. If you get an idea overnight, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
Jozie felt so annoyed and at the same time, couldn’t find anything to say. For now. She hoped the night would be of good advice.
Adam turned and walked away, going to a corner of the room to settle. He inspired her some strange pity as she watched him lay down against the rocks. Alone, like an exiled… She definitely hadn’t been there in his last years. Because never he would have become like this, cold and distant.
What horrible things had been said between them? It was even more horrible to know that she still hadn’t done anything herself. To her, he was still her old pal, who obviously went through a lot. But to him, she was… the one who abandoned him. One of them would have to revise their view of the other to make a step, because none of these visions were true. And it wasn’t healthy.
This date carved on the floor looked like the perfect reflection of how imprinted it remained in his heart, eventually leading him to this mess… What the hell had happened that day…
Category Story / Fantasy
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Ah, you're back ! I have been thinking about sending you a DM for a few days. I was worrying with you planning on release it "soon" and disapearing... I'm glad you are allright. I know this fear, it only get worse the longer you wait... I'm glad you did not wait so long it become too strong a thing. I can't read the chapters right now, but I can't wait to do so ^^.
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