Very vivid detailing and draws a good picture for the reader. I love how the first few sentences really pull me in.

I have just a few little nit picks and hope you can use them to your advantage.

Alot of details are lumped together in massive paragraphs. Alittle seperation between individual detail would make it easier on the reader.

Also try to minimize thoughts and descriptions. Example

the huge man had a large sword. Enlongated.

The hulking man held sabers. Short sweet but descriptive.

Just try to describe the most using the least amount of words. A thesaurus is extemely helpful!

I hope this advise will guide you to a better story! 

oops! i failposted again!

yes i will :)

never got much feedback beond what the teacher went through with me... though that was a little over a year and a half ago...

wowza. the deatail in this is amazing. this really pulled me in and left me wanting more. i really enjoyed this. very well done!

you'll nget smacked in ch 3 at the end probly... havent had a complaint yet, but be aware...

[size=24]YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED![/size]

huh? are you talking about how many pages it has? if so thats not a problem. i recently read a story on hear that was 256 pages long.

no... the first 5 chapters are epilogue chapters... the ending is rather abrupt in my opinion...

like a brick wall... ish... with pillows...

ohwo. nice to know in advance. i try not to end my writings in such a fasion.

toothpick hasnt said anything, so i think yr safe

good im glad.

damn ... it dont take size...

How can a person mount a hawk...

stuff it and place it on a plaque... just like a hunter does with his kill's heads.

Hey