Huh, was just going to say this was cute, but...

Your will is important. Your instincts and your subconscious may be obsessed, but if you don't want to keep thinking about him, then that's what matters.

Yea I can agree it's some kind of an obsession. Sadly, it doesn't feel very cute .w. so yeah, I hope I can overcome this

Just to clarify. The art, on it's own merits, is in a cute style. My first impression anyway.
But then I read what you wrote about it.

I believe it's possible to feel one thing, but want another, and that what you really want can eventually "win". But I won't say more than that. I don't have a similar life experience to draw upon, so I'll leave offering advice and suggestions to the people who do.

Ahhh ;o; it didn't occur to me (prolly cuz it's a vent art ), but thank you <3

Idk I don't really want him back .w. what I want rn, is trully what I want and need. So it's not like I feel one and want another. But either way, thank you for your words of encouragement ;-;

I know I don't know you, nor you me. I have struggled with something very similar.
About 6 years ago my ex broke up with me over something very stupid that I did. Something I never fully forgave myself for. Its not important to know what exactly it was, just know that I made a stupid mistake and kept lying about it out of fear. I figured if he couldn't see my mistakes, he wouldn't leave me. Which was a young, dumb, stupid and naive thing to think.

The break up was rough and I did more crazy shit to keep his attention. Eventually it passed and I 'returned to normal' and he remained my friend through it all... which I couldn't understand. Anyway, all in all I think it took me 4 years to get to the point of not seeing him in everything, not dreaming about him of his new boyfriend and not getting jealous or upset or missing him a lot. I guess what didn't help was that I didn't have anyone I could vent to as well as him. Most friends would pity me and I hated that. My ex was the only one to listen, sort of stay indifferent and tell me in a logical way how it was and tell me I was okay. Sadly I often mixed in feelings that I didn't quite understand, which often resulted into harping on about good memories from the past. I grew a lot. Matured some and I kept wanting him to see how much better I had become. I guess in a certain way I couldn't validate my own progress without him saying it.

All in all, these feelings started to wane. Sometimes met with some reasonable anger, sometimes with rather cold logic, I started to get discouraged from telling him how I felt because it seemed like he couldn't see the progress I made. However it was more so that I was seeking validation that NO ONE could give me. No one but myself. And since I kept holding on to hate towards myself for what I did, that part of me simply wasn't moving forward. My best tip is to learn to let go. I eventually realized that my life was okay before my ex. Sure I learned a lot since him and from him, but when he wasn't there I was still a person. I also realized that after him, I never got to see him due to the distance between The Netherlands and America, but I was doing okay without him. With my struggles and downfalls and setbacks, but I resolved those things on my own. I didn't need him for that. He had forgiven me long ago, I couldn't however. Still in a sense I finally believed after about 5 years that even without him, I was an okay person. That I don't need his validation or love. I didn't have it before and I managed to solve my problems without ever since the break up. The memories are nice, Ill never want to forget them, but time moves on and so should I.

So I guess what I wanted to say with all this is that. It took me a long time. Longer than I want to admit. It'll pass. Over time I got desensitized to everything to do with this. Doesn't mean I don't miss the good times every once in a while. Try to see that without your ex, you can still do things. Do something new without him. Dare to. Look at whatever struggle that came on your path that you solved recently and see how you did it, without him. That, for me, took the edge off things. Not everything works the same for everyone, but I hope this little wall of text might help you some.

Oh this actually reminds me of my other relationship, where my ex gf broke up with me and then we stayed 'friends' for a while because I couldn't just let her go, even though she acted like she wanted to push me away. Took her rly a while to make me give up on the friendship with her.

Aw man 4 years... A month of waiting for the next visit with my psychologist seemed like it's gonna be forever, but now I think it will pass rather quickly if it means I have much more time to move on from this... XD

But damn I can also relate to that. Indeed, I do feel like I would want to prove to him that I'm a better person now if I only could. But I have yet to learn that his opinions shouldn't matter to me. Really sorry to hear tho you had no one to validate you, nor had friends that could help .3.

And well... I would like to forgive my ex for what he has done to me, and I wish he could forgive me back. And I had my friend contact him, asking about the forgiveness and if I could talk to him, but he never replied. So easy to assume he wants nothing to do with me anymore. And I really wish I could think of the old memories with him as of good times, but each time I think of them, I feel hurt.

Ye, I was doing this actually, doing stuff without him, but thinking that "I can do all this stuff without him" is still a problem, because it still involves "him", that I want to prove "him". And I should do it for myself, not anyone else. But I just cannot get rid of this way of thinking.

But yeah, thank you so much for sharing your story with me ;; you helped me to realize two things. 1. I won't get rid of it right away, it's gonna take time, and It's okay. 2. "It'll pass." I actually often tell myself that all the bad things eventually pass and it was always helpful. Idk how could I forgot about it now, but thank you for reminding me. I have to stop counting days and months, and assure myself that It'll be over soon .w.

Thank u again *hugs*

Heh, Im glad my experience helped a little.

I never really had a relationship apart from my ex. Not one that counts at least. I did have friends and such but they were always... A bit 'too' understanding. Sometimes I need someone to tell me bluntly that Im being a dumb-ass and that I should stop over-analyzing everything. Something I know but often evades me. Something most of my friends are like: maybe you feel like this cuz x. Its a bit like... having too many psychologists... These are also the same friends, family and psychologists whom cant take away what I did and whom weren't there start to finish when I was getting in a twist about whatever fight I had with my ex. Most of them only know me from after the fact. So its hard to really share it as they dont know how bad it was and cant believe me when I tell them examples of the stupid shit I did. I know the main thing I deal with, whether its about my ex or other things is an undying guilt. But thats a whole different story I wont get into.

Important to keep in mind is that you have to prove yourself. Its something I also tend to forget. Its not that you need to prove your ex that you're better and can do without him... Show yourself. Prove to you that you are getting better. Because if you dont start believing that you're getting better than what you were or that the situation is improving, then no one will. You need to see it. I think you are a similar type of person in what I read from you... Sometimes you should probably stop caring about other's opinions and tell yourself that you dont care. For example, and this is easier said than done (trust me I know), but if he doesnt want anything to do with you anymore, then what's the deal? Yeah it hurts and it sucks but on the other hand, you tried to make it right still... If he doesnt want to hear it, then you tried, right? I did this too much though. I reached out to my ex way too many times and overburdened him with apologies and being afraid I scarred him too much to the point that it annoyed him. Which I started to apologize for too. What I should have reminded myself of is that it doesnt matter anymore. Its in the past. Why care? He doesnt, so I shouldnt either. Maybe that tip doesnt quite ring true for you. No 2 situations are the same in this. But I thought that maybe you could gain something out of that.

Re-shaping your way of thinking is hard. Truly I been at it for a long time. For more than just my 1 relationship that ended... Not to my liking. Needed to change a lot and I still have setbacks, which is only natural. But much like you said. It takes time... and it will pass... One of my favourite quotes I remember from a song: "The hard times pass, like the good ones do." Some people tend to say only the latter. All good things come to an end. But on the other hand, so do the bad. After rain comes sunshine. I tend to look at it like the 'weather of life'. Sometimes it rains, sometimes its sunny. Best we can do is just enjoy what we can and not look too much at what yesterday's weather was like.
Thanks for listening to my short story of... well... Silly teen angst xD Im glad you got something out of it. And Ill make an exception and hug a stranger today xD *hugs*

Sometimes we need a little help, whether that's just reassurance from a friend, or help from a professional. Seems like you've figured out the majority of it on your own/with the hlp of your friend. Hopefully the shrink will make some sense and help you figure out how to best cope with this issue in a way that works for you.

Both of those things are rly important ;o; and idk if I figured it out yet... But thanks man!

It all comes in time. Good luck to you in getting over this. It can be hard, but you've got the strength in you to do it. :D