Help (Twice)

A Thursday Prompt story
© 2019 by Walter Reimer


Prompt: relief


1.

“OW!”

The otter turned to see the other carpenter on the job, a tall badger, grasping his paw and grimacing in pain. “What happened?” he asked.

“Look!” The badger held up his paw, from which a framing nail protruded. “Damn nail gun went off too soon.”

“Okay, calm down. I’ll fix it,” whereupon the otter smacked the badger on the head with his hammer and took off running, with the badger in hot pursuit.

The otter ended up with a broken nose, but at least the badger was unconcerned about his injured paw for a while.


* * * * * * * * * * * *


2.

The portly weasel came to attention as the cadaverously thin horse wearing a major’s rank on his bib overalls entered the room and sat down. He then stood up to allow the weasel to sit down, then the weasel stood again and remained standing while his superior officer sat. “That’s the problem with a standing army,” the Major muttered. “No money for more chairs. Lieutenant?”

“Yes, sir?”

“That was fast. Were you waiting by the phone for me?” The Major batted his eyelashes at the weasel, who went all coy before the stallion cleared his throat. As the frog slouched away, the Major said, “Lieutenant, I’ve received confidential information from my wetnurse that one of our outposts is overdue to be replaced by fresh troops.”

“You – you mean - ?” the weasel gasped. He fumbled for his inhaler.

“Yes,” the horse said gravely. “They’ve gone stale.” He shook his head, eliciting a strongly worded note of protest from the squirrel in his braincase. “They’ve been asking for relief.”

“For how long, Sir?”

“Forty-seven years.” The Major shook his leg. “It must be hell up there.”

“Well then,” the weasel said brightly, “they need to try all new and improved Recto-Eez!”