yeah this is how i feel
nothing showing outside, like if i was dead and no reaction. but with a hole screaming and bleeding inside. shatterning through my body...

why ? because if its not enough with all that happens lately now there is new stuff adding to it...
friendshit
big word that dont seem to mean anything to most people now.
to me it means a lot. i ll be thre to help by any means at any time of the day....
but seems to some am just a damn social service .
i might as well ask some to leave the money near the bed when they leave since its how they consider me...

i try to help my friends , support them and cheer them up when they in need
result ? i get thrown away like an old relic the moment am asking a bit of support
and even better , even if i supported them during their full emo whining, i get even accused to break their dreams with my constant complaints. or in other cases i just get throw away and cut contact becausethey just not in the mood or not caring....
yeah gotta love "friendsip"at times
some dont understand friendship isnt backstabing but being there,,,,

right now i feel broken , shattered, angry , and kindda dead inside...
why ? because i was even more silly to think very highly of those amtalking and consider them very important to me...
story of my life

anyway sorry for the rant . i ll be feeling better very soon i promise.
if they act like that then they werent the friends i thought they were thats all.
i allways took care of myself anyway.

Agnes "BIG BLUE WALL"
Looking at me
You´de never know I´m fragile
Looking at me
You wouldn´t guess that I might be, yeah
Afraid to crash afraid to burn as freely
As the last time I let go
All the shadows and suspicions that may appear to you as ice
Are not me being cold just thinking twice

I can build a big blue wall
No way in and no way out
But leave it up to you to prove me wrong
I´m afraid that I could crumble
Once the stones begin to move
It happens when you been too blue too long

There´s a breeze
That´s flickering the candles
And I can breath
A little deeper for a change, yeah
There´s a chance outside this isolation
I´ll be free to be held again
But if I am reluctant and if I begin to cry
It´s because I´m unaccustomed to the light

I can build a big blue wall
No way in and no way out
But leave it up to you to prove me wrong
I´m afraid that I could crumble
Once the stones begin to move
It happens when you been too blue too long

You can stand in the street light
But live in the corners and no one knows
You´re not there
You can smile for the camera
And make impression
And no one knows
You don´t care

I can build a big blue wall
No way in and no way out
But leave it up to you to prove me wrong
I´m afraid that I could crumble
Once the stones begin to move
It happens when you been too blue too long


song belong to Agnes album "dance love pop"
art and karmakat belongs to  Karmakat