Okay, before I say anything, I just need to put out there that suicide is not a joke, and those who are feeling down, please do your best to seek help, whether it's from a hotline, a friend, or the people around you.

This is just a piece of fiction, and there's nothing wrong with my mental health or anything. This piece is just a little reminder that despite doing my best to keep this guy happy, my Delga has a serious case of PTSD. Being a rape victim and only knowing that everyone for the last five years of your life wanted to abuse and degrade you can do that to a person.

I mainly wanted to put this out there because I uh, needed to look for refs, and there's quite some disturbing content in searching such a subject. I just pray that all the artwork and such I saw was just that, and the people out there are doing their best and such.

I actually got inspired to write this from a scene from the Crooked Man game.
Great game, dealt with some dark topics, and kinda reminded me to do something in regards to the darker parts of Delga's mindset.

Anyway, that out of the way, enjoy the story.

Art is by:  Catkitte

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“Wahh!!! I’m so stupid!”

Fists were thrown at the wall, ones belonging to a dragon, one who had a great deal on his mind.

“He’s been so nice; he’s been so kind, and yet, I treated him like one of those monsters, like he wanted to hurt me!”

Leaning against the wall was a red dragon, his name was Delga, and he and his friend had some sort of a fight a little bit ago, leaving the dragon feeling guilty.

He sighed, hanging his head against the wall in shame.

“Why?” He asked himself. “Why am I unable to trust him? He must hate me now...”

It all started when his friend had asked him to join him and a couple of his friends to a small night out.

Sounded like a good time, right?

Wrong.

Delga had been really calm for the last month since he had arrived in this new world, but he hadn’t gone out much, and didn’t think he was ready to go out in public too much.

When the dragon’s friend had asked, something inside him snapped.

All the memories of being abused had rushed back to him all at once, and he started to panic at the thought of being with three other guys at the same time.

‘What if this is it?’ He thought. ‘What if everything was leading up to this? Where I let my guard down, and they’ll trick me into being a toy. I can’t do that again, I thought I was done. What if…’

He almost had a mental breakdown, and it showed when he refused to join the night out.

What hurt was that his friend really wanted him to go, and tried to convince him otherwise, to which Delga adamantly responded against, losing a bit of himself in the process. Though in the end he stayed home, the sight of the friend being considerably disappointed in him was enough to break his heart.

Delga growled, cursing himself again.

“He’s done so much for me…”

Tears began rolling down his face.

‘You’re nothing, Delga.’

“No…”

The voices in his head, they were the ones that pained him the most, and they were as loud as could be, seeing how he felt the support of his friend slip away.

‘You’re weak, you have no right to call yourself a man!’

‘Aww, is the baby dragon going to cry again?’

‘Suffer, such is the fate of a loser.’

‘No one likes a weakling. Actually wait, everyone loves them here~’

‘So weak, when will you break?’

“AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!”

Delga clenched his head as he screamed, begging whatever gods out there to make the pain go away.

“Help… Me…”

He fell to his knees, the tears refused to stop.

‘I’m surprised you haven’t killed yourself yet. Or maybe this is what you like? Being used by everyone. Ha! I know I would have ended myself then become whatever you are.’

“Ugh…”

Using the wall, Delga managed to stand again, and he did his best to walk, leading himself out of the room and upstairs.

He had a goal, and part of him was trying to stop him, but his body was as if it was running on autopilot.

His destination was the room he and his friend shared; there was something there that he was after.

The voices in his head were still tormenting him, both his, and the ones who he despised.

However, for a minute, they stopped, but it was only because he had opened the closet and picked up what he was after, and this time, it was his friend’s voice that took over his mind.

‘Oh, this gun? Cool, isn’t it~ Yeah, I know I have my own magic guns, but this revolver belonged to my father. No, not my adopted father, my real one! I actually never knew him, I heard that he was trying to get me to safety, and the only thing he left behind was me and this.’

Delga looked at the revolver in his hand; it looked like the one he had, the one in his old world that he always kept.

In case he ever wanted to off himself.

He was always too weak the pull the trigger though.

Of course, this time might be different…

If the pain of being abused wasn’t enough, it was the pain of hurting the one who was helping him heal.

“Aladar…”

The dragon collapsed onto the bed they shared.

It had only been a couple months, but Delga had fallen in love with his friend.

Still clasping the gun, he was constantly questioning if he really wanted to go through with this.

“Does it really matter?” He asked himself. “I hurt him. I owe him my life, and I couldn’t even go with him to be with more people who were probably like him.”

Delga really didn’t like being around others, but he really wanted to trust his friend.

It was too late now though.

Another sigh left his lips.

The dragon couldn’t move, and the hours passed as he sat on the bed, his mind constantly fighting between the dark thoughts of the last five years of his life, and the light what was his last two months after being rescued. Of course the darkness in him severely overweighed the good. Not only did he suffer for five years, but he had also lost his memories of his original world, so he had only known pain for most of his life.

He hurt, and he wanted nothing more than anything to be done.

No one would care if he had just disappeared.

…

Well…

Almost…

“Delga?”

As if his energy had returned in a split second, the dragon had jumped off of the bed at the sound of his name being called.

“Are you asleep?”

The door to the room opened slowly, and he began to tremble, his grip on the gun tightening.

He looked to the floor, not wanting his friend to see the pain he was in.

“Delga?”

His friend’s footsteps had gotten closer.

“Please… Stay back…”

The footsteps stopped, and the dragon had lifted his head.

His friend was there, a Zangoose, who clearly had a look of concern on his face, one that quickly shifted to terrified when Delga placed the gun to his head.

“Delga! What are you doing?!” The smaller male asked.

Surprisingly, the dragon smiled, and a chuckle left his lips, along with tears in his eyes.

“Aladar…” He managed to say. “I… I’m really glad I got to meet you. I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Delga! Don’t do this!” Aladar almost shouted.

He shook his head in response.

“Please don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault that I can’t heal.” He replied. “I just can’t take it anymore. I wish I could just forget about everything bad. I’m a crooked man; I can’t get happy, I don’t deserve to be. I’m so weak.”

“Delga! Please!”

The words of the Zangoose hit the dragon hard, and Aladar was already leaking tears just as he was.

“Don’t do this. I know you’re hurting, and I know that your pain runs deep, but you’re going to be okay. Please…”

“Aladar…”

Another sigh.

“Would you really miss me when I’m gone?” The dragon asked, a pained smile on his face.

“Of course I would!” Aladar almost instantly responded. “Delga, I am so happy that you’re here with me now! You may not feel it, but you are getting stronger. You killed that minotaur after all. Whether it was impulse or not, you have strength in you.”

Yeah, he had killed Minotaur…

“Delga, I-I don’t want th-this… Huh?”

The dragon didn’t like seeing his friend like this, but it was to be expected.

“D-Delga!”

Though Aladar was still breaking down, something in his friend had just changed.

“Y-you have to fight it!” He almost shouted. “You can’t let it take you!”

‘What?’

Aladar’s words had made him confused, but he had loosened the grip of the gun in his hand.

“Delga, you have the will to live…” The smaller male continued. “It has a grip on you. Your pains and demons; the blackness…”

Though they may have been words of inspiration, Delga had a strange feeling rising in his stomach, as if those words weren’t just being directed at him.

“It has a hold on you, but I can see how weak it is here.”

Aladar wiped his eyes.

“Delga, you’ve been fighting it this whole time, and I’m so proud of you; you’ve been winning!”

Delga was still confused, but as if something was holding him back, he felt himself breathing a little heavier, as if something had just been removed that was preventing him from doing so.

He didn’t know what was happening, but he was starting to feel a little dizzy.

“Y-you’re… Proud?” The larger male finally managed to speak, his tears starting to run faster than they already were.

“I knew since you got here that you were hurting, and that something was holding you back.” Aladar gulped a little after he said that, and Delga noticed that his friend was starting to blush. “Delga, I know you can beat it. I... I love you…”

It was as if invisible chains around him had just shattered to pieces. The dragon’s body had just… lightened. His arm fell from his head, as well as the gun onto the floor below him.

Aladar took no time snatching up the gun, and threw it out the window.

Not that Delga was focusing, he was still processing what had just happened.

He fell to his knees, and Aladar followed him, the Zangoose embracing him, and now sobbing into his shoulder.

“I… I love you too…” The dragon whispered, soon embracing the Zangoose back. “I-I I r-really love you. You mean so much to me. W-what was I thinking? I-I could h-have…”

Delga’s speech was soon drowned out by his crying. He was so angry at himself for even considering killing himself, especially right in front of the one person he cared for most. He was so ashamed.

“I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry.”

“Please, stop.” Aladar replied, looking up at him for a second. “I’m happy. You didn’t do it, and that’s all that matters to me. You’re still here.”

After that, there was silence.

The two of them sat there for a while, just holding each other and slowly calming down.

To say the dragon had a lot on his mind would be an understatement, but he was tired.

‘In through the nose. Out through the mouth…’

He could tell Aladar was thinking the same thing.

He was tired; they both were.

Delga was still shaking, but he managed to pick himself and the Zangoose up off the floor, and basically fell onto the bed. Normally he would change out of his clothes before going to sleep, but it was the least of his concerns at the moment.

Aladar didn’t let go of him, and had his face buried into the dragon’s chest.

“Tomorrow is another day…” He muttered.

“A better one as well.” The younger male muttered back.

The two of them drifted to sleep.