Life's been difficult these past few years.

Unsolicited challenges, unexpected difficulties, the biggest injury I've ever endured thus far, outright emergencies, failures- All of it has really been coming in at a steady rate for the past 3 years, and even as early of last week, where a major piece of news, that'll I'll not go into detail about here, but could mean I have to find a new profession, reared it's head on Wednesday.

But above all these difficulties, the crushing loneliness of what my existence is has been perhaps the most difficult thing to endure of late. I've mentioned before, but I am not a man of many friends, largely a consequence of moving so often, because the Army demands. And making a new set of friends every 12-18 months is exceptionally, hard-

But more than friendship, the void that is most at the forefront, as some may have seen in earlier posts this year, is the void that I've felt in life by not having a companion, a mate, a significant other, whichever term makes the most sense to folks out there. And I've been somewhat taken aback at how for almost a decade it was something that I didn't particularly have a longing for, to something that turned into a massive burden that it is now.

In the piece here, it really depicts the internal struggle that goes on. And there are times, that if I knew how to literally tear such sentiment from my being, to rid myself of the burning longing for another, I'd have done so in a heartbeat, even if it hollowed me out as a being. But I know this to be impossible, and I don't know if it just makes this sentiment better or worse...

But I should add that I am not without hope in this, even at my worse, I know there is one out there, one that needs me just as much as I need her... But- where?

And so, now that I am in a new place, and a new situation, I do resume the search... Hoping in spite the ache that gnaws at my soul that I can find someone who could come to love a beastly man such as I.
And the fool that I am sometimes wonders, have I missed it this whole time? Have she been behind or near me this whole time.

We will see, and hopefully, as I weather the other challenges in my life, I can soon post ideas and news of things that are much happier in nature.

As a side note, thank all of you who've offered me kind words in previous posts where I address this subject, and I am sorry that I've not replied to all, if anything I at times find it difficult to engage this topic at all many days, but I do greatly appreciate both the supportive words, and folks who relate with this and face a similar challenge in their lives (and I do hope for the latter you'll be able to find the one who makes you whole soon as well).

This astounding piece was drawn by  demicoeur who I cannot thank enough for just how well they capture this subject.

V/R,
Cap Mag.