(originally uploaded December 12, 2018)
The "animated" PMV of this is up now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr-rG9IVbDs

I don't really know what to say about this..
Been feeling absolutely terrible the past weeks. I can't recall ever feeling this miserable and heartbroken.. I either can't sleep or do nothing but sleep all day because I just can't stand being awake with all this pain. I know it sounds exaggerated but sometimes it hurts so much I feel like I'm dying.. I can't eat because I'm worried sick and I've been violently sobbing and crying 3-4 times every day..
I'm currently in contact with my doctor and trying to get to talk to a therapist because I fear that if this goes on for much longer I might actually lose my mind. I'm trying to do something about this - I *want* to do something about this.. But what the hell are you supposed to do, when the person causing you all this pain isn't even really aware of it? And they might not even be able to do anything about it?..
I just don't know what I'd do if I lost this person.. I really just don't know what to do..

Edit: The thing is I know I'm probably just being paranoid. And that they have a lot going on in their own life right now, and I'm not expecting them to prioritize me before everything else. I'm just so terrified that we aren't as close as we used to.. that maybe they don't need me anymore as much as they used to, but I still need them - maybe now more than ever. And I'm ashamed I'm even feeling this way and scared that I'll just end up pushing them away.

(Lyrics from "Count Bassy" by Dance Gavin Dance: https:https://youtu.be/jJULfw3xVas)