Liner Notes:
I don't really have an explanation for this. I was cleaning house and a song hit me square between the eyes - a Doo-Wop quartet, singing an ode to pants! No, not to the girl wearing the pants, to the pants themselves. (FAWM's challenge for week 2 was Inanimate Objects.)

I debuted this at Waukegan's Greentown Tavern Open Mic Thursday this week. I hijacked a couple of the regulars to give me the doo-wop trio for backup, and Teh Lulz were shared aplenty.



Lyrics:

I sung
II spoken

I
Pants!
Pants is a wonderful thing
Pants ain't a necklace or a ring.

II
Pants just pants baby, They ain't lying to ya
They ain't gonna hook you with a sparkle - unless you want 'em to.

Oh, Pants!
Pants is a leg-holder of love!
Look at 'em from below or above!
Lemme look at 'em, watch 'em shine.
You got those purple shiny pants, from the front or behind.

Pants set the dance floor on fire,
You can wear them lower or higher.
And I like your pants. I like you IN your pants.
I like the way you move in your pants. Your purple shiny pants.

Pants!
You can wear 'em baggy or tight,
or get them custom fitted just right.
And then you gotta wear them in, that's right,
a good pair of pants will last ya. Now lemme break it down for you.

THESE PANTS ARE THE GREATEST! YOU DO NOT WEAR THESE PANTS! THESE PANTS WEAR YOU! THESE PANTS ARE COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT OF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE! IF YOU WANT A CHANCE AT WHAT THESE PANTS HAVE TO OFFER YOU, THEN YOU JUST NEED TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND LISTEN TO THIS WONDERFUL SONG! THESE PANTS... THESE PANTS... IN THESE PANTS YOU COULD UPPERCUT A THREE YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL IN FRONT OF HER MOTHER AND SHE WOULD APOLOGISE TO YOU FOR THE INCONVENIENCE! Or, you know, you could just relax and be chill about it. No pressure.

Oh, Pants!
You wear 'em every day,
You play with Play-doh or the clay.
And you do clean up afterwards,
Because you do not want to get those little sticky crumbs of Play-doh on these lovely, lovely purple shiny pants.