now for those who have been keeping up with what i been doing/ up to you know i have been trying to take care of myself and other things in my life, but lets just say that while i was gone things were going really...really bad so bad that i felt that a lot of my own family and my parents (mostly my own mother because my father and step father isn't in the picture anymore.... because they left years ago) but what really started to make me feel a lot of unease and was afraid for those that are around me was.... these thoughts.... genocidal thoughts, i have been dealing with these ever since i was a kid and just trying to keep them at bay, but as the years gone by it was only harder to keep them under control and i don't want to fall to bad, dark or even murderous temptations and it was mostly due to feeling like someone that was very special and meant everything to me, hell i even loved was disrespected and just that drove me off the edge.

i had to self isolate myself i had to clear my head and fend of these feelings and thoughts because if i don't then i would fear for those around me, but after being alone for about a week, talking to my therapist and resolving the problem in the same day, yes everything did come out better then expected but i still have a lot more work to be done, i am trying to figure out what i should do next or anything at that matter, so can let go of my pain from my past but not completely because i don't what to forget, that pain, wrath, will and resilience kept me going so i can find out more about who i am and where i want to go as i can continue on this difficult path that i walk.