Hokay! Another one of those awkward moments of my life, explained by an awesome pic done by  Shadster

So I had this knife, it was rather large, rather pointy, and rather sharp! I used to keep it in one of my bags, next to my laptop, for those rare occasions when somebody would pull a knife on me first. It was quite entertaining to do, since 9 times out of 10, their knife would be pathetic in comparrison. Anyways....I lost it, or so I thought!

I was at Newark airport one day in 2008, on my way to Anthrocon of all places. I had my bag, into which I had shoved various items of general generalness, and a sketchbook. Full of furry pr0n, among other stuff. And I'm just going through the security scanners, before catching my connecting flight, with 20 mins to go....when the nice lady behind the scanner calls for a bag check! So along comes a nice TSA fella, who takes the bag, opens it up....and pulls out my sketchbook. I instantly start hoping he doesn't open it up....but he does...and one eyebrow is raised....then he tilts his head....then he turns the page....and decides enough is enough, he aint looking at any more furry pr0n. he puts the sketchbook down.

The hand goes back in my bag, and I'm figuring "There aint much else in that section" right up until....he pulls out holding a rather large knife, complete with leather sheath. At which point, I shit the proverbial kitten. He seems quite shocked, as do I....and the bunch of random Americans watching the whole thing unfold.

Now between me thinking "So THAT'S where that knife went" and "OH GOD DONT SEND ME TO AMERICAN PRISON! I DONT WANNA BE BUBBA'S BITCH!" I wonder....how did I get through BRISTOL AIRPORT with it, without them noticing it on their scanner? So I think back....and remember the wierd lady in Bristol Airport, who seemed to be quite confused by what my T-shirt of the day said! (It was one of those funny ones from thinkgeek.com). She was clearly more interested in my shirt than in the scan of the bag going past her!

So anyways, back to Newark airport, where I'm begging for mercy. I have 10 mins for the connection! I WANNA GO TO ANTHROCOOOOOOON! Blah blah blah. There's now a whole bunch of TSA guys, and a supervisor, all examining the knife. and I'm shitting full grown cats by this point. At last...the dude says "You'll have to put it in checked luggage"

I checked my watch. 10 mins for connection. Newark airport is....large...I dont have the time. so I'm like "You keep it! I needta run!" and they let me go! So I start running...Gate 10! Must get to gate 10! I'm belting it along, running along the funky floor escalators to get even faster! All people see is a large british guy in Camo belting down Newark airport propelled by anal-dwelling felines! But I get there! Gate 10, with 5 minutes to go!

"Oh, your flight has been delayed 30 mins....and moved to another gate"

The new gate was at the other end of the airport...

At this point, I somehow shat out a tiger, turned around....and legged it the other way. I kinda feel sorry for the guy who had to sit next to me on the connecting flight!