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Well, I started this off a random urge while I was listening to Owl City's Fireflies song. I normally wouldn't show my work while it's in the early stages, and not really thought out, but this read like some of my best work and I had to ask.
This is a simple question: Should I continue this line? Comments on improvement and story alteration for quality are welcome, and if I do get enough positive comments, I'll be happy to update. Peace and I hope you like it.
EDIT:: note, it's general audience so far, but eventually it will be either mature or adult. Just thought I'd throw that out there for consideration.
This is a simple question: Should I continue this line? Comments on improvement and story alteration for quality are welcome, and if I do get enough positive comments, I'll be happy to update. Peace and I hope you like it.
EDIT:: note, it's general audience so far, but eventually it will be either mature or adult. Just thought I'd throw that out there for consideration.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 7.3 kB
Well you got quite a bit of working to develop out as a story, but as you said this is in an early stage of development. Your descriptions and details are very good. The end also carries a lot of worth. Yes you should continue this line., twould be a waste if you didn't. The characterization is weak right now with Jack. This is mostly because of the beginning , if you organize it out and create purpose of attention grabbing for the beginning it would help out more introducing Jack better. Still their is plenty of time to develop characterization out over newer parts. You have some interesting ideas. Best of luck with the rest.
Side note: FRICKING POWER CRYSTALS !WORD!
Side note: FRICKING POWER CRYSTALS !WORD!
Yo, dawg, missed ya while I was away.
Moving on...yeah, I know Jack's a little weak at the moment, but that's because this is more of a future deal. This, in a sense, is both the begining to capture the reader's attention and the...well, the ending. It's like showing the end of a movie before you begin it; seems pointless, but impossible to turn away from. Saw that trick once and only now am I working with it. Anyway, thanks for the input.
Because I've known ya, and because you're epic, I'm gonna go ahead and continue this. Peace, dawg, and thanks again
Moving on...yeah, I know Jack's a little weak at the moment, but that's because this is more of a future deal. This, in a sense, is both the begining to capture the reader's attention and the...well, the ending. It's like showing the end of a movie before you begin it; seems pointless, but impossible to turn away from. Saw that trick once and only now am I working with it. Anyway, thanks for the input.
Because I've known ya, and because you're epic, I'm gonna go ahead and continue this. Peace, dawg, and thanks again
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