Lets, see, im sorry, but this whar you did here, is not right, let's leave quality aside,
you know is not what matters anymore,

you are only seeking to steal, to steal or grasp emotions, out of nothing,

you really dont know. Yet you do, that this.... Is useless against real problems other people are fighting to resolve....does it?. When the whole world is burning in flames, yet you only care about yourself, that you know you have two important messages to share, yet you dont care to finish them. Because you are so numb, and emotionless from your job, you no longer,...search for answers, ummm

No...something, about not even caring anymore, about the sense of reality.

As if I am not anymore, who I once I.

That i no longer belong here, and should leave.

Im just looking, for something that keeps me moving.

Since it really feels, like what i do, has no effect, and im just a ghost...not actually affecting reality, but only a fantasy.

Yet i dont feel nothing, anymore.
No worth, value and meaning, no significance, yet...that is not destructive, there is no pain, neither joy, just nothing.
Empty, repetitive, with no clear identity.

I speak for myself, and live alone in a wolrd of my own, and cannot see how to exit.

Waiting...if you are just, waiting, then...just wait.

And then..... You are stuck

Still in silence.

Nothing to come about.

.....and here they come, emotions of embarrassment....finally....something.....

Beautiful dog, and aircraft..

You wanna know something....
i always consider you, your words, so considerate and all,
at the end, you are the person who i have most recently and mosty talked here,
besides all the conversations i always have with everyone through thoughts, mind, and discussions.

you know, because i really dont have much too say about having friends,
even less from here,
not wanting to say none, but i will be terribly wrong,
i have seen people favorite my worst stuff... and im like....
hey, they are more friendly that I thought,
they are more closer to give a symbol of support, that other people i know in real life.

i dont, i just really dont have, no one to talk to, like if it isn't obvious.

i think my life is slowly going down through spiral stairwells......

i feel that i dont even exist....
anyways, sorry to put you through this.....

here have a chicago, .......nope.....

Chicago (2002) Official Trailer - Catherine Zeta Jones, Richard Gere Movie HD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EpaMmF9WVU

dont click this, im just talking to them.
you clearly see the C, and the A , and V ...elma i think.

a.........sorry to put you through this....just ignore.........
me and my upcoming post, which is....once again....just trash.....

sorry... you are kind person, thank you for that.

"worst stuff" is always dependent on the view. I think pretty much everything of yours looks incredible. I'm glad you appreciate my comments.. and am sorry you have nobody to converse with. You aren't doomed to spiral down, it will perk back up. I'd rather not ignore you. Your posts are beautiful. I.. I'd like to try and talk more, I just don't know if I'd be able to give a satisfying response to a lot of what you say, it's a bit hard for me to understand in areas. You have a rather abstract mind, one capable of so much

Thank you, no worries, this is great, thanks,

well talking is talking, sometimes,
it really doesn't matters to come to answers,
is just about having a dialogue or conversation,

explore ideas, at the end, is about the journey,
the inspiration, effort, spread ideas, to talk about subjects.

i don't want to say, "nobody can understand me" but always had the idea.
i could never say and talk the things i wanted with any of my peers.
because when that kind of ideas came to discussion, well...
most people really dont care, barely few, would hear you,
and even less, try to understand you.

sometimes i wonder, if being born were i was born,
maybe was never able to met the right people who could be kind enough,
people who you could trust, that would not try to destroy you,
for trying to understand, for trying to understand what is happening inside,
and not just...try to shut you.....shutting yourself in....
get on with the line, just continue, without...
ever speaking or uttering a single word about the subject.

but, it would be wrong....to think only in that way, to say "i had terrible luck",
i know things could be pretty bad, but thankfully they are not,
yet, no matter, "how good things are", wealth or stability...
loneliness, loneliness, i get the feeling, that it can kill you.....

that's why i'm here, the paintings, sometimes are just an excuse, so i can write something,
because, i don't really want to make something so awful, that really.....
well....disappoints the people that watch me, due to some other artwork i made before that was better.

still is something i don't....
something, i have brought little care to, you know quality.
since the core essence of why I'm here, is because i'm looking to not feel alone.

i really stopped caring about, dreaming, of being commissioned. or any other fantasy of being hired,
then i started to do it for myself only, to kind of try to satisfy my ego, but still feel alone,
in my little world, with no end what so ever,

that is not what matters. i can only think about, how can i really give people something,
they can find useful, and at the same time, find the motivation to continue doing something on my end.
to enjoy my journey, at the same time, feeling a sense of purpose, of an end-goal.

and all i can think of, is that this journey is not about me,
it should really be about other people.

but just....there's is also that idea....of making money, of trying to take from others something,
maybe as a reward...not so sure....

The main problem is, having the motivation, to carry on, to continue,
will i hurt myself? will i get some kind of reward? or will i never get nothing from this?

And so, here, i no longer want to paint, because i feel i do it only for me, and me.....
well.....i think there is no point in that, but.....
see.....
i feel, it doesn't make sense, to do things, alone,
with nobody, to share with, share what you do.

i wished i had, or could find something that could show me, help me, make me understand,

why?
....i been thinking about..... studying unreal engine,
More like, i have been learning Unreal Engine.
because making videogames, is one of my dreams,

and in fact, doing 3D is what i do most of the time.
is actually my job,

yet, painting, is more easy, and fast to do,
and yet, is hard for me to get a reward from it, i dont feel it anymore.
that rush, to impress, to fantasize about being the King of among furry artist,
or digital painters.

yet still, not so sure about, what is the most important thing.
me, studying, and learning new things,
or just...talking

anyway...if you read this far,.. long,
sorry,

don't worry about giving an answer, or to answer back, I...appreciate more than enough, the chance you give me,
to just, write you back...
so i can answer, and on it, have the opportunity, to try to understand,
what is exactly happening.

You know I will probably come back in a few more days,
with some other posts, but, will see.

have a nice week.

........

i still have the idea....that if I make games, or 3D assets.
if I'm able to pull out away to make use of assets,
it could be......not cheaper, but more of a recycling process.

because i had made like what? more than 250 paintings,
and like...well......they are gone......countless of hours....
and is not like you could reuse them for something else.

unlike 3D, were the use of the assets or models, is way more,
like, you can use them, in film, or video games, or render them like an image,

ohhh, but they lack....surely they lack, a lot of that human factor, the human expression,
imperfections........
but anyways.......

.....

the link you shared, the one, the Root-R one, the one with the game called "Dreams"
and i'm like...... well.....theres a lot of that human factor there, and also....the idea.

why do i wanna do games anymore, if everybody does them now.???
but i know that is ridiculous, to compare to learn making games with a game engine like UE4,
or to be making them with "Dreams"

anyways, that kind of has been spinning in my head,
and how could i learn from it....

anyways goodbye.....i think I'm gonna think about this later on....and...
see you around.