I heard a vehicle drive up to the factory. I remember muttering to myself: "It better not be the cops. It better not be the cops..." It was actually Mr. Peanut's faithful crew from the NUTmobile - aptly called the Peanutters - who just barely avoided being crushed by the collapse of the adjecent factory wall.

This was it. Mr. Peanut's retinue caught me in the act. Mr. Peanut himself had become a creaking time bomb. The hose was still lodged tightly in his mouth thanks to the power of sticky molasses. This was the pea-nultimate CRUNCHTIME moment. I needed to come up with the grand finale, and I needed to do it fast. In a bold move, I called in my faithful friend who helped me get into showbiz and taught me the magic of magic...and inadvertently made T H E U L T I M A T E C R O S S O V E R happen.

I brought in...

...The S'morcerer.

The small, puffy-bearded Merlin wannabe came gently floating over to my face as I whispered to him that I planned to plan a strategic plan - I was to have him fix Mr. Peanut's cracks and get the hose out of his mouth smoothly and safely. Then I was to have him shrink the Mr. Peanut to an adorable-yet-vorable size, so that I could confiscate him in my ample and comfortable stomach, guising it all as a magic trick from The S'morcerer, to distract the Peanutters. The Smorcerer then proceeded to perform the spell. Mr. Peanut put the credits for Curb Your Enthusiasm back into his hammerspace and watched in delighted surprise as his shell returned to its normal, golden, uncracked state. He let out an inaudible sigh of relief, which lasted until he noticed his entirety shrinking rapidly. Don't break out the tissues yet, he still retained his g l o b y ness - he was just becoming a tiny peanut in all. "Good on ya, S'morcy.", said I to the Smorcerer. '

I then gallantly scooped up my precious puny peanut prince, looked deeply into his eyes, and in my real voice, I told him tenderly...

"This is how the people on my planet show their love for each other..."

...and proceded to open my mouth like a hippopotamus visiting a dentist. Just then arrived the Peanutters. "Mr. Peanut, what has this little fuzzy monster done to you?", said the petit blonde lady who drove the vehicle. I froze in place. I didn't know what to do next...

...and then he demonstrated to me how peanuts show their love.

~To be continued~