yeah, it's fucking simple-ass ventart again.

honestly, it's the same shit again. Feeling as if I genuinely have nothing that keeps me appealing to others; letalone anything at all

and while you're around just looking at everyone else within your periphery consistently receive validations and comfort from their problems, you're just there, waiting for someone else to bite, wondering when one'll come to you, if it will. Not like you're not trying to find the energy to reach out to others, but to meet the social demands of others is absolutely exhausting of you in this state, and to even rereach that point of sociabiltiy requires reinvestment you have absolutely no expectation of receiving.

and yet you don't feel comfortable about even letting these feelings out, if anything for the sake of the mental stability of those around you, and if not because of the loaded culture designed to make you feel awful for feeling the way you do; discouraging you from ever being open about it and trying to address it openly.

so you bottle it, feeling like a lifeless husk in the process, just waiting for someone to be there

but when someone finally is there, you feel like shit for the feelings


look it's vent art and I'm finally trying to let these thoughts out why the fuck did you expect coherence. That aside, the sort of feelings I face are a part fucking complex cycle that I'm aware of, with obvious points of occurrence and reaction, but would have trouble articulating on a good day.