Dream log 2-2-2020: Worthless

The Dream started with myself as Mercurium and another. I feel like I knew him. We were attempting to capture a villain or criminal who had inflicted many with an experimental drug that was killing them. Including 2 little girls. The mad had the audacity to say he would give them the curative if he was permitted to continue his experiments on them.

SO the other guy and I were dispatched to capture the man and take the curative into custody. We managed to corner him and in his last effort he injected himself with something that killed him within minutes. To our horror he had injected himself with one of the two curitives, Leaving only one left. We had no Idea if he had made more or even where he had made them. Or even if they worked.

Rushing the curative back to the hospital we gave the drug to the doctor to examine. The Curative was very complicated and manufactured to reverse the effects of the chemical within a given window of time, they did not have the time to replicate the curative before more died. While we were away everyone but the two little girls had died. We had to choose one over the other. The doc mentioned they could split the curative but it was very likely it wouldn't be enough and would end up killing both of them. Or we could save it for a future problem and let both of them expire. Something that both I and my partner readily refused to let happen.

We argued the best way to choose: Age, potential, Status, race, luck, potential abilities. In the end I wanted it to be fair. It would be a lottery draw.

The girl who won the draw was part of a wealthy family, whose parents were overjoyed at the fact their child was recovering. But the other one was of middle class. Her Father was labeled deceased and her mother was called multiple times with response.

Against all reason and demands to stop I stormed into the sick girls room. Not even trying to hide what I was. But the little girl looked at me in hope.

She smiled as she said "An angel has come to take me somewhere better." I Choked on what I was going to say as my eyes grew hot and wet.

I never let people believe me to be an angel, but against my better judgement I just couldn't take that hope from the child. I knelt beside her bad and took her hand in mine. "I'm going to try and make you better. Alright?" I told her.

"That would be nice." She responded

I tried every healing technique and ritual I knew. Including my forbidden one, to which was the most cruel to her because she had lived through the painful process, but I was only able to delay the inevitable. In the end all I managed to do was make her suffer more. I collapsed beside her bed sobbing unable to help one little girl. She then reached out to touch my face.

"Puppy angel? I'm Scared, will you stay with me?"

I leaned into her touch letting her scratch the side of my face, before taking her hand in mine.
"Of course, I'll stay with you until you as long as you want me to."

I l sat next to her bed with her hand in mine for a while longer, listening to the EKG beeps get slower and quieter. I tried to radiate warmth with my power, and make her numb to the pain she was feeling.

The EKG produced a long painful tone that changed into my alarm. I awoke to my face wet with tears. I almost called off work I felt so horrible. Even in my seat of power I was unable to save one life. So worthless.

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I started this the week that I had the dream. I've struggled non stop to find the motivation to finish. There is so much of this piece that i still don't like. But I really want to move on from it. Maybe I'll come back to it an do some touch ups when no one is looking. But for now I'm calling it done. First time I think Painting a full background though.

It's so strange to feel responsible for someone that didn't even exist in this world. But working on the piece brought a lot of painful emotions that experiencing the dream forced me to endure, for better or for worse.

Watching the animation and modeling process on Beastars gave me a bit of motivation to finish the piece.