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-b]ART BY:[/b]
lucca
Original Art - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35328536/
To all whom I wronged through my actions over the years, I offer my most sincerest apologies. There is no denying I, and I alone, allowed hurtful activity to take root through the poor choices in judgment I have made again-and-again.
There has been a lot of hurtful activity in some of my recent posts and journals. So I've deleted them. This place is not meant to be a battlefield. If anyone notices any submissions with derogatory comments, or insensitive statements by myself, please let me know so I can purge them.
The error 'I' made is continually doing and allowing history to repeat itself. I thought, despite numerous negative outcomes, that I could make a win through determination, dedication, and believing in there being a place of employment that would be 'different'. This was naïve of me and I want to acknowledge all those who tried to warn me against reentering the workforce, trusting modern day business practices, and thinking HR could ever represent the employee over the company's best interests.
There has also been a lot of times 'I' failed to rise to solve a problem. Most of this happened because I do not look through everyone's comments on my posts. All I've done, largely since 2016, is respond to what is directed to me and me alone. This practice allowed some very unpleasant exchanges over the past two months.
Adding to this is how 'I' believed I was capable of moderating the situation. This situation could not be moderated because 'I' did not fully understand all in which was behind it. I sought a 'quick fix' and this needed a 'serious fix'. Each passing day only serving to make things worse as feelings were hurt due to 'my' misbelief of believing 'I' could make peace while remaining ignorant to the core problem.
I have spent so much of my life being 'overly optimistic'. There is nothing wrong with positivity EXCEPT when it is directed in the wrong direction. I naively believed that continuing to try the same thing over-and-over again with proactive safeguards would win me the day. It did not and it has not. By mid-2007, 'I' should have known my marriage was doomed. I blamed myself for the problems, granted my ex control, and she ran with it. I, and I alone, allowed her to shame me for my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals. I am the one who pushed for a marriage she never wanted. It was I who felt giving her freedom to 'play around' that she'd always want to come back to 'me'. She did not manipulate me. I manipulated myself.
I am pacifistic to a fault. I have allowed so many people to have power over me for how I feared the consequences given my physical limitations. My 'neutral stance' was not neutral as much as making my own 'self fulfilling prophecy' of being oppressed over-and-over again while failing to stand up for myself and others when it really mattered.
***
I am going to be a bit less active here for awhile as I recover from all 'I' have either done, or not done. In time, I shall gradually emerge less of a 'door mat' while not letting those around me feel like they cannot count on me in a time of need.
There is no pity to be given. There is no apologies for anyone to share with me. Just take heart that my Mind's Eye has opened wide and now seeks to mend, learn, and prevent any further harm to my friends, family, and myself.
Your Pal:
---Yosh E. O'Ducky ;)
luccaOriginal Art - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35328536/
To all whom I wronged through my actions over the years, I offer my most sincerest apologies. There is no denying I, and I alone, allowed hurtful activity to take root through the poor choices in judgment I have made again-and-again.
There has been a lot of hurtful activity in some of my recent posts and journals. So I've deleted them. This place is not meant to be a battlefield. If anyone notices any submissions with derogatory comments, or insensitive statements by myself, please let me know so I can purge them.
The error 'I' made is continually doing and allowing history to repeat itself. I thought, despite numerous negative outcomes, that I could make a win through determination, dedication, and believing in there being a place of employment that would be 'different'. This was naïve of me and I want to acknowledge all those who tried to warn me against reentering the workforce, trusting modern day business practices, and thinking HR could ever represent the employee over the company's best interests.
There has also been a lot of times 'I' failed to rise to solve a problem. Most of this happened because I do not look through everyone's comments on my posts. All I've done, largely since 2016, is respond to what is directed to me and me alone. This practice allowed some very unpleasant exchanges over the past two months.
Adding to this is how 'I' believed I was capable of moderating the situation. This situation could not be moderated because 'I' did not fully understand all in which was behind it. I sought a 'quick fix' and this needed a 'serious fix'. Each passing day only serving to make things worse as feelings were hurt due to 'my' misbelief of believing 'I' could make peace while remaining ignorant to the core problem.
I have spent so much of my life being 'overly optimistic'. There is nothing wrong with positivity EXCEPT when it is directed in the wrong direction. I naively believed that continuing to try the same thing over-and-over again with proactive safeguards would win me the day. It did not and it has not. By mid-2007, 'I' should have known my marriage was doomed. I blamed myself for the problems, granted my ex control, and she ran with it. I, and I alone, allowed her to shame me for my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals. I am the one who pushed for a marriage she never wanted. It was I who felt giving her freedom to 'play around' that she'd always want to come back to 'me'. She did not manipulate me. I manipulated myself.
I am pacifistic to a fault. I have allowed so many people to have power over me for how I feared the consequences given my physical limitations. My 'neutral stance' was not neutral as much as making my own 'self fulfilling prophecy' of being oppressed over-and-over again while failing to stand up for myself and others when it really mattered.
***
I am going to be a bit less active here for awhile as I recover from all 'I' have either done, or not done. In time, I shall gradually emerge less of a 'door mat' while not letting those around me feel like they cannot count on me in a time of need.
There is no pity to be given. There is no apologies for anyone to share with me. Just take heart that my Mind's Eye has opened wide and now seeks to mend, learn, and prevent any further harm to my friends, family, and myself.
Your Pal:
---Yosh E. O'Ducky ;)
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1054 x 1280px
File Size 209.4 kB
Listed in Folders
*Hugs back* Sometimes life lessons come far later than we would like them to. However, as one of my best pals helped me realize, "It is better to have learned at some point than to have never learned at all.".
At least, now, I know I have really figured out a lot of my 'mistakes' and have a chance to make better when similar situations arise. :)
At least, now, I know I have really figured out a lot of my 'mistakes' and have a chance to make better when similar situations arise. :)
I'm genuinely working on not doing that. :)
To be honest, given how my father was and how I was verbally attacked by employers in the past, I developed a "Blame Myself First" approach. However I believed it to be a "Taking Personal Accountability" technique that, now, I have come to realize was only serving to make things worse over better.
The amazing thing in life is all the times you have a 'Eureka!' moment and can act on it. This is but another of those and, well, now to move on to develop better methods of facing the world through my eternal night. :)
To be honest, given how my father was and how I was verbally attacked by employers in the past, I developed a "Blame Myself First" approach. However I believed it to be a "Taking Personal Accountability" technique that, now, I have come to realize was only serving to make things worse over better.
The amazing thing in life is all the times you have a 'Eureka!' moment and can act on it. This is but another of those and, well, now to move on to develop better methods of facing the world through my eternal night. :)
Life, from my experience, throws you many moments of difficulty. It is what you learn and take from it that matters.
Personally, most of my 'hard lessons' started in 2003 when, thanks to bad advice, I felt being forced into my Masters Degree would cause me to fail. Then came the surgical follies and traumas of 2007, etc., etc., etc.
Each life moment leaving behind a 'scar' that I try to see as a reminder of what I've learned and how I must always remain open to knowing 'hurt' is a part of life. However 'hurt' can be made into something positive if learned from as you progress towards whatever tomorrow will bring. :)
Personally, most of my 'hard lessons' started in 2003 when, thanks to bad advice, I felt being forced into my Masters Degree would cause me to fail. Then came the surgical follies and traumas of 2007, etc., etc., etc.
Each life moment leaving behind a 'scar' that I try to see as a reminder of what I've learned and how I must always remain open to knowing 'hurt' is a part of life. However 'hurt' can be made into something positive if learned from as you progress towards whatever tomorrow will bring. :)
I continue to cuddle with my stuffed Spike. One of my favorite places to rub has been his tail spade. I enjoy petting him, though I don’t know if the real Spike would want anyone but certain loved ones to show such affection.
As a grownup, Spike has a broad body with big muscles, and he has a big chin. He is about as tall as Celestia or grown-up Twilight. His wings are also big. Grownup Spike isn’t cute so much as rugged and handsome. He now looks like a masculine ideal.
Even so, he is still the same sweet little dragon inside. Even his voice sounds the same, as I recall. I might enjoy being able to sit in his lap.
As a grownup, Spike has a broad body with big muscles, and he has a big chin. He is about as tall as Celestia or grown-up Twilight. His wings are also big. Grownup Spike isn’t cute so much as rugged and handsome. He now looks like a masculine ideal.
Even so, he is still the same sweet little dragon inside. Even his voice sounds the same, as I recall. I might enjoy being able to sit in his lap.
Having someone, or something, to cuddle really does make a difference. Nobody can tell me having a plush pal is bad as, when you feel all alone, scared, unhappy, or any other unhappy thing, your plush pal is always there to give you lots of love.
I may even go cuddle with my Yoshi after this quick trip online. I need a hug and, well, I am still coming down from a lot of stuff.
You and Spike stay close and cuddly. He's there to be 'your' #1 Assistant and friend and, through hugs, you can share your feelings as he helps to ease any hurt, sadness, etc. you may be feeling. :)
I may even go cuddle with my Yoshi after this quick trip online. I need a hug and, well, I am still coming down from a lot of stuff.
You and Spike stay close and cuddly. He's there to be 'your' #1 Assistant and friend and, through hugs, you can share your feelings as he helps to ease any hurt, sadness, etc. you may be feeling. :)
It is hard to know how long you have been making a terrible mistake without ever realizing you had been making it for so long.
However, as is a common theme in children's cartoons, even those who make lifelong mistakes can still redeem themselves by learning, growing, and remaining open-minded.
Thanks for your time and support. As long as I am here, I will always do my absolute best to be worthy of the kindness and friendship you, and so many others, provide even in the most depressing of times.
However, as is a common theme in children's cartoons, even those who make lifelong mistakes can still redeem themselves by learning, growing, and remaining open-minded.
Thanks for your time and support. As long as I am here, I will always do my absolute best to be worthy of the kindness and friendship you, and so many others, provide even in the most depressing of times.
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